Blessednloved15,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am going through something very similar. I will share a little so you can know where I am coming from. My husband, also military, did the same type of thing to me. It started with messaging another woman whom he said was just a friend. Then I discovered pictures he sent her of himself and pictures she sent of herself and more messages. He had an affair with her for a year before I found out. I forgave him and stayed. I tried to work on our marriage, we have 3 kids together and I didn't want them to loose their dad. About 18 months later, after I discovered more cheating, I asked him to leave. It has been 7 months now since he moved out. We are still married, however I am going to file for divorce.
His job makes it easy for him to hide a double life, just like your husband can.
I gave my husband the benefit of the doubt, and I now know of at least 3 women he slept with before we separated and at least 2 afterward. It's easy for your husband to deny having sex because he knows how hard it is for you to prove that anything happened. Unfortunately, chances are that he has had sex with several other women.
He has lost your trust. Trust is important in every marriage, however it is even more important in a military marriage. We trust our husbands to remain true through deployments while we stay at home and keep the family together. We are in essence single parents while they are away. They drink and have a good time while gone and justify it by saying they are socializing or that's just how they unwind after all they have to go through each day. Well, I raised our three children by myself away from any family or friends and held down a full time teaching job and I didn't go bar hopping to cope with my daily stresses. If your husband is like mine, he thinks that he can do as he pleases and you will put up with it because you put up with so much already as a military wife. He will deny everything until you have proof of the infidelity. Then, he will only admit to what he knows you know about.
Like my husband, it sounds like your husband expects you to stay at home and raise his family while he runs around and does whatever he wants. He leads a double life. He has a loving family at home to make him appear like a good husband and father, while at the same time having his bachelor life on the side.
I know first hand how easy it is for them to make excuses for being out of town. We trust that what they tell us is true. That they have training or something important.
You can forgive your husband. I have forgiven mine. However, forgiveness and allowing him to continue his ungodly ways while married to you are two completely different things. You can get a separation or divorce and still forgive your husband. I encourage you to pray, pray, and pray some more. I prayed that God would let me know if I was making the right decision. I prayed that if I was supposed to leave instead of stay that God would show me that his infidelity had continued. God showed me just that. I asked God for help and each time he answered. The answers were more heart break but, they were the truth.
Each time that I swayed and thought about taking my husband back, God has given me more evidence or put something in my path to remind me of why I shouldn't. I was in a terrible head on collision last night with my daughter. We are both okay, thanks to God for protecting us. It made me even more worried about my financial situation and I was considering allowing my husband to move back in as a sort of roommate to ease our financial strain. Yet, this morning I awoke early and I had an incredible need to get on this site. One of the first things I saw after logging in was your post. Me seeing your post, was God reminding me of what I have gone through and telling me to be strong and not allow him to come back, that I was doing the right thing.
I hope I have helped you in some way. My ear is always open. Feel free to private message me if you wish. I believe that people need to stick together and support each other. Please contact me if you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry upon. I am praying for you and your situation. God Bless you! May God keep you safe and secure in his loving arms.
