Love thy mother

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Jayfromthewest

Guest
#1
I been having issues with my mom lately. I am an adult and I feel like she should respect me but lately she has been blaming me for things which I never did. It bothers me when she gets angry at me for no reason and some times I get angry back. I know getting angry is wrong but can't help please pray for my family and any advise is welcomed. God is great.
 
Apr 15, 2014
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#2
I don't know if getting angry is 'wrong', but how that anger is handled (lashing out, passive aggressive behavior, cruelty) can be wrong. I don't know how old mom is, but perhaps she is going through something physically or mentally that is causing a change in behavior.

That said, I once had to say to my dad - when he was insisting I take his advice that I did not agree with, "Dad, I'm 35 years old. How would you have wanted your parents to advise you when you were my age." Helped us both deal with the perspective.

And of course, I will pray!
 
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Kaycie

Guest
#3
I completely understand, trust me. But Jesus says to love even your enemy. When someone is unkind to you, show them love, and let them see and feel the shameful contrast. Do not let her dictate how you feel or how to react. You are not a puppet, and God is your ONLY judge. When people judge your soul it is completely irrelevant, so be immune to their judgments and only care about what God thinks of you. He would not be pleased if you got sidetracked by the entanglement of trying to please others, and therefore took your focus off of pleasing Him.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#4
I been having issues with my mom lately. I am an adult and I feel like she should respect me but lately she has been blaming me for things which I never did. It bothers me when she gets angry at me for no reason and some times I get angry back. I know getting angry is wrong but can't help please pray for my family and any advise is welcomed. God is great.
Why is she blaming you? I can come up with one of two reasons:
1. You did something she's angry about, so now she's making it way beyond that. In which case, resolve whatever you did wrong.
2. Something else is happening in her life that has nothing to do with you, but she doesn't like it and you're the closest one around to blame. In which case, listen to her, see if she'll let you in on what's really going on, and then maybe you can help.

I'm sure there could be a third choice, but I can't see it. Can you? If you can, deal with it from there. That is love. Just don't add fuel to the fire, even if you're tempted to make it the biggest bonfire ever.
 
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Deliver

Guest
#5
Unless she's going through menopause, sometimes that can make women very emotional, angry, unreasonable. In that case, they need a lot of love and patience given to them.
I would agree with other posts, she either thinks you aren't appreciating her and all she has done for you.. And/ or she's suffering with other things. Try and not lash out when you're angry. Walk away until you can be calm. And give as much patience and love that you can, especially if she is feeling unappreciated.
 
Dec 1, 2014
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#6
WOW! My mom, a devout Christian and pastor's wife, is the most negative insulting person that I have ever known. Yes, I love her, but her legalisitic views and constant negativity is something that nobody needs. She lives in her own make believe world that excludes any gray areas. We can't go out to a restaurant together as she will demand exceptional service and food and pricing which never happens. She walked out of my daughter's wedding because I danced with my daughter and dancing is a huge SIN. She tells my son, who is a medic and an EMT that because he has a little 3 inch cross of CHRIST tatooed between his shoulder blades that he is "Going to HELL". She wonders why nobody in the neighborhood ever takes them out for dinner, yet I've never known her to pick up the phone and ask anyone over. Her antics are legendary and it has hurt dad's pastoral ministry over the decades as those who try to get close to them eventually end up her enemies. The positive thing that I have gotten out of all of this is that I have learned from Her mistakes and have made a better life for myself and I Force myself to compliment and encourage others. There will always be a huge split between her and my children because of her instant judgement calls. I have to leave this burden at the foot of the cross and not carry it anymore. In short, each person is responsible for their own choices and behavior. It is not up to YOU to change your mom's mentality.
 
Apr 9, 2015
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#7
WOW! My mom, a devout Christian and pastor's wife, is the most negative insulting person that I have ever known. Yes, I love her, but her legalisitic views and constant negativity is something that nobody needs. She lives in her own make believe world that excludes any gray areas. We can't go out to a restaurant together as she will demand exceptional service and food and pricing which never happens. She walked out of my daughter's wedding because I danced with my daughter and dancing is a huge SIN. She tells my son, who is a medic and an EMT that because he has a little 3 inch cross of CHRIST tatooed between his shoulder blades that he is "Going to HELL". She wonders why nobody in the neighborhood ever takes them out for dinner, yet I've never known her to pick up the phone and ask anyone over. Her antics are legendary and it has hurt dad's pastoral ministry over the decades as those who try to get close to them eventually end up her enemies. The positive thing that I have gotten out of all of this is that I have learned from Her mistakes and have made a better life for myself and I Force myself to compliment and encourage others. There will always be a huge split between her and my children because of her instant judgement calls. I have to leave this burden at the foot of the cross and not carry it anymore. In short, each person is responsible for their own choices and behavior. It is not up to YOU to change your mom's mentality.

Jesus never came to bring peace but a Sword, He truly did.. When He enters a Family thru Genuine Conversion, there will be trouble, false accusation, etc. He taught, 'a man's foes will be they of his/her own household'.... I have that in my family, some hardened beyond redemption, stuck in their religious ways. We are to love our parents, yes, but just REMEMBER He will bring division to a family. One set against the other. you love them with the Love that came from the tree.. Agape love, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do'...... sounds like your mother has gotten very Pharisitical in nature, next time you see her 'remind' her of the Parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, both went into the temple to pray.. What does Jesus teach about that? Sometimes, the Spoken Word, if they are not too hardened, will , make them turn and see their error, this with God's Help.
 
Apr 9, 2015
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#8
I loved my mother up until the 'end'.. she was hardened so hard , it was impossible for Salvation, hardened and obstinate to the Truth, stuck in her 'religous' ways, almost always in church every Sunday, but set on 'her church' and that denomination as the 'correct ' way to Heaven. When He converted me in 1994, I was sent back to them, they resisted, got in my face, pointed the finger at me, told me I had 'been saved as an infant'. told them no, He found me and saved me in February of 1994.... they still did not believe, even up to the day she died. Family is steeped heavily into witch craft- sorcery , pharmaceutical behavior meds, they attempted to 'fix' my Jesus problem back in 1995 after He converted me, Taking the Miracle of God and turning it into a 'crisis which needed pharmaceutical medication' to fix. She suddenly died about 3 years ago, while playing bingo. The last conversation I had with her was her 'scolding me like a nine year old boy' because I wasnt doing this the right way. I was 46 years old at the time.. 3 weeks later she was dead. He will bring Division to a family if the conversion if Genuine! He will.. one will be set apart from the other... He taught that. But you love them from the Cry of Calvary, FAther , forgive them. for they know not what they do. Most of my family believes she is in Heaven today.. no, un rengerate, and un saved, these do not Inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.
 
Dec 1, 2014
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#9
Her fate was sealed by her own choices..sad as it is. You are NOT responsible for her downfalls. Learn from this, dust yourself off and move on, reflecting the love and JOY of having JESUS in your LIFE. GOD bless you!!!!
 
Apr 9, 2015
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#10
Her fate was sealed by her own choices..sad as it is. You are NOT responsible for her downfalls. Learn from this, dust yourself off and move on, reflecting the love and JOY of having JESUS in your LIFE. GOD bless you!!!!

God was the One who hardened her... I dont feel responsible for her death. noooo.. He saved me and sent me Back into that Family as a witness, there are others today who He is Hardening as I write this, they sealed thier Fate when they Blasphemed the Holy Ghost back then. some fully aware of what they were doing.. some in Ignorance, we will see How God Handles that.... but Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, will never be forgiven! God has blessed me so much since then, learning and being Taught the Mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven, they have Seen His Divine Favour and Grace poured out in my life and it has Angered them and made them jealous! lolz. go figure, and these are supposed Christians, nah.. they are weeds... thats all.. by their fruit ye shall know them.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#11
Her fate was sealed by her own choices..sad as it is. You are NOT responsible for her downfalls. Learn from this, dust yourself off and move on, reflecting the love and JOY of having JESUS in your LIFE. GOD bless you!!!!

Is the love you speak of the same kind you just gave your Mom for others to see?

My dad is not the easiest man to get along with, but I'm still not talking about him negatively behind his back. "Honor your father and mother" has as much to do with what you do behind their back as it has to do with what you do in front of them.

And you want to tell someone else to dust off their mother? WHAT?

I can't fix Dad's downfall. I am most certainly responsible for loving him anyway.

And God is, so fate isn't.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
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#12
Parents are not perfect, although we would like them to be. That means extending grace and honouring them, even if we cannot obey what they demand.

I had a rocky relationship with both my parents, but after I was saved, I tried my best to love and honor them. My father got very sick 3 years ago, and during his final days I was able to lead him to the Lord, and he died knowing Christ as his Saviour. I don't think that would have happened if I had turned my back on them.

My mother is still alive, but very depressed and full of self pity, despite doing and having everything she wanted her whole life. She is unable to accept the aging process and just wants to die. I try to love her, and support her, without encouraging her negativity. But sometimes she just needs to know someone is listening.

Which is to say to the OP, don't let your mom abuse you, but on the other hand, continue to treat her the way God wants her to be treated. Show her your love, and don't respond with her negativity in kind, but rather in love.

I know you will bear fruits in this relationship for putting up with these things you have talked about, and God will bless you in the end.
 
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christianmom1989

Guest
#13
wow. my husband is going through the same thing. His mom is horrible. She is cold. She dismisses my husband's and his sister's feelings. She view things has they are the children she is the parent etc. They got into a disagreement he asked if she trusted him (due to her saying don't open the kid's gifts anymore) instead of reassuring my husband that she trusts him she said if the shoe fits. He hung up on her because he felt like he was going to say something he will regret. I told him its wrong to hang up on people but i understand why. He is asking for the same thing RESPECT. she doesn't give it to him. she is upset we moved to another state but when we was living in the same state she never called or visited so he is wondering why is she complaining. Getting angry is not wrong you deserve to be treated with respect no matter who it is. Yes god says honor thy mother thy father. So my pastor gave this advice to my husband so i will share it with you. she suggest that when you talk to your mom just say hi i am calling to see how you are doing. Don't share any personal details going on in your life. just keep it short and sweet. she suggests call once every two weeks. because you have to realize your mom isn't going to change so you can be respectful to your mom without dealing with her too much. as long as you respectfully call her and check on her to make sure she is ok but as you said your grown. when she starts an arguement, respectful say i have to talk to you later bye and hang up don't engage in the drama just walk away that is how you avoid an argument while still respecting your mother. so you win in god's eyes by not being disrespectful but also you avoid drama. Kill her with kindness.