Another thread about my boyfriends dad PLEASE HELP!!!!!

[Dan58]

his dad tells him that he's not a good son and never praises him and always guilts him. He tells him stuff like he's lazy and he's really not. Basically a lot of unconstructive criticism. He also tells his son that he's going to hell and that he's not a good Christian. :-(

I see, judgmental and condemning, not good traits from a father, or a Christian. Sometimes parents push via negative means, and your right, its not constructive or helpful.. In fact, its hurtful, disrespectful, and demeaning. Saying things that make someone feel bad about themselves is the opposite of being helpful, and it seldom inspires change or progress, but only disappointment and resentment. I don't think you can or should respect that aspect of his Dad's persona. He obviously has issues of his own and may vent his inner frustrations onto his son, but that's not an acceptable excuse. Telling him that he's not a good son, is lazy, and is going to hell, are all just cold-hearted things that a parent should never say.

and I'm supposed to respect him? As his father, yes. His negative characteristics, no.

What does respect even look like? The golden rule; 'Do unto others and treat others as you would have them do to you' (Luke 6:31, Matthew 7:12). Don't confront or engage the father at his level, rise above it, and ask him to show his son the same respect that he gives his dad.

What boundaries should I put up? Some separation if possible, and a kind note to the father about how his comments are hurtful, especially the "Your a bad son and are going to hell" crap. Remind him of the parable of the Prodigal's Son (Luke 15:11-32), and that its wrong to judge others in a condemning fashion (Matthew 7:1-2).

How can I best help my boyfriend? Positive affirmation to counteract or neutralize his dad's insults.

Please I really need some answers. I am completely lost and frustrated? You can't change people, just politely point out his flaws. You know the truth, so don't let ole Dad transfer his anger & frustration onto you or your bf.. Its important to learn to blow-off a blow-hard

his grades were in the toilet and he's on academic suspension.

This comment leads me to think that the Dad's "lazy" comment might have some validation? And if Dad is paying for school, his frustration might be coming from bad grades and academic suspension? His comments might be mean, be consider why he might be venting?

 

[JFSurvivor]

I see, judgmental and condemning, not good traits from a father, or a Christian. Sometimes parents push via negative means, and your right, its not constructive or helpful.. In fact, its hurtful, disrespectful, and demeaning. Saying things that make someone feel bad about themselves is the opposite of being helpful, and it seldom inspires change or progress, but only disappointment and resentment. I don't think you can or should respect that aspect of his Dad's persona. He obviously has issues of his own and may vent his inner frustrations onto his son, but that's not an acceptable excuse. Telling him that he's not a good son, is lazy, and is going to hell, are all just cold-hearted things that a parent should never say.

and I'm supposed to respect him? As his father, yes. His negative characteristics, no.

What does respect even look like? The golden rule; 'Do unto others and treat others as you would have them do to you' (Luke 6:31, Matthew 7:12). Don't confront or engage the father at his level, rise above it, and ask him to show his son the same respect that he gives his dad.

What boundaries should I put up? Some separation if possible, and a kind note to the father about how his comments are hurtful, especially the "Your a bad son and are going to hell" crap. Remind him of the parable of the Prodigal's Son (Luke 15:11-32), and that its wrong to judge others in a condemning fashion (Matthew 7:1-2).

How can I best help my boyfriend? Positive affirmation to counteract or neutralize his dad's insults.

Please I really need some answers. I am completely lost and frustrated? You can't change people, just politely point out his flaws. You know the truth, so don't let ole Dad transfer his anger & frustration onto you or your bf.. Its important to learn to blow-off a blow-hard



This comment leads me to think that the Dad's "lazy" comment might have some validation? And if Dad is paying for school, his frustration might be coming from bad grades and academic suspension? His comments might be mean, be consider why he might be venting?

My bf is paying for his own school.

 

[atwhatcost]

My bf is paying for his own school.

That just answered my questions about whether he knows enough of what he wants out of life to avoid buying the garbage Dad is heaping on him. He does. That battle is won, even if he gets more cuts from the battle.

 

[JFSurvivor]

That just answered my questions about whether he knows enough of what he wants out of life to avoid buying the garbage Dad is heaping on him. He does. That battle is won, even if he gets more cuts from the battle.

It doesn't feel like the battle is won. he has MAJOR self image and self esteem issues.

 

[jsr1221]

It doesn't feel like the battle is won. he has MAJOR self image and self esteem issues.

Honestly, that's something he needs to get through. You supporting him and being there by him certainly makes it easier, but at the end of the day it's him that has to overcome it with said support. It's like someone trying to beat an addiction or lose weight. This is coming from experience, as I still have the verbal and emotional scars from my step dad. To this day he asks almost every day if I quit my job. I ask why in the world would you ask that he would respond "Cause you're lazy retarded." That's not helpful at all but I know that's not true because I know that's not what God thinks of me. I don't know if your boyfriend has ever gone to counseling, but that is a good way to start building his esteem and image. Trying to get by his dad on his own won't succeed anything at all.

 

[atwhatcost]

It doesn't feel like the battle is won. he has MAJOR self image and self esteem issues.

How long before he's done school? Or, if the answer is different, how long until he moves from his parents' home? That's the goal. That's when the battle is over. That's when the emotional wounds stop multiplying, and he'll make it until then, because that's not too many years left, especially compared to 21 years down so far. And they are wounds. Those are the wounds that will heal some, but leave the scars.

He's made it for 21 years. He's pushing himself to do what he is passionate about. He's not as fragile as you think, considering he's blind but is still pulling off school and a job.

Apparently, he has the right stuff to pull this off and the right God working it out. Just keep encouraging. (I know you encourage.) Between you and God pulling for him, while he pushes for himself, well... the battle is won. (The memo just doesn't get out to the other side quickly, but it's obvious who won this one.)

 

[mystikmind]

his dad tells him that he's not a good son and never praises him and always guilts him. He tells him stuff like he's lazy and he's really not. Basically a lot of unconstructive criticism. He also tells his son that he's going to hell and that he's not a good Christian. :-(

This looks very familiar..... if you watch shows like Dr Phill etc etc, and there is some situation with some messed up young person etc etc, then they come to talking to the parents, every time, without fail, as soon as the parents start talking you know immediately why that kid is screwed up! Some parents are just plain unintelligent, and are more interested in pampering their own pride etc etc than the welfare of their children, and even going on national tv is not enough to shake them out of their stupor.

 

[mystikmind]

Here is the definition of the word 'stupor' from Wikipedia...

Stupor is the lack of critical cognitive function and a level of consciousness wherein a sufferer is almost entirely unresponsive and only responds to base stimuli such as pain. A person is also rigid and mute and only appears to be conscious as the eyes are open and follow surrounding objects.[SUP][1][/SUP] The word derives from the Latin stupor, meaning insensible.

I did not at first realize how supremely well suited is that word to describe some parents! I'm not trying to be mean or insulting, it just describes the problem so well!

 

[MarcR]

not really...his grades were in the toilet and he's on academic suspension. So any support he can get from the school...well that's not gonna happen.

If his grades are in the toilet, it may be because he has not applied for the help that he is entitled to; coupled with the verbal abuse he gets at home.

If you really want to help him; start by helping him apply tor the student disability services he is entitled to.

This will include note takers, free tutoring, extra time for testing, and readers to read his assignments, assigned reading, and notes. They may be able to get some of his bad grades expunged and allow him to retake the courses with the proper helps.

 

[VCO]

not really...his grades were in the toilet and he's on academic suspension. So any support he can get from the school...well that's not gonna happen.

It sounds like your boy friend may need to realize that Respect is earned, and letting his grades slip is the opposite of earning respect.

Has he ever held a full time job and done very well at it?

If he is your age, I assume you are talking about College Grades?

I started working when I was in the 7th Grade, mowing lawns and raking leaves occasionally after school and on Saturdays, and in the summer helping to bail hay by stacking hay bales on trailer (hay rack), being pulled behind the bailer. When I started High School (9th grade) I was working every night after school and on Saturdays too. And in the Summers I was working as a Lifeguard and Volunteering to teach Beginner Swimming lessons for the Red Cross. With the money I earned, I paid for all of my own school clothes throughout my entire High School years, and occasionally I brought home some groceries to help out with the family budget, too. I started to work for the Post Office three days after High School. A year and a half after I started to work for the P.O., I found out that I was #2 on the Draft List., so I then enlisted in the U.S. Air Force, for four years, and I applied myself to earning the respect of my supervisors there too. I got out of the U.S. Force with the rank of SSgt., when most only got to the rank of Sgt. in the same amount of time. I then worked for the U.S. Post Office as a career and retired with 38 years of service.

A life that is worthy of respect, is one who earns his own way, owing no man nothing (making payments on time), giving your employers 100% effort. I have no idea where some get the idea that the World owes them a hand out.

I am not telling you all that to toot my own horn. I am telling you that so that you can see what earning respect is all about.

Now are you sure your boy friend has ever really tried to earn Respect? If you are honest with yourself, from what you already told us, the answer probably is "No, he hasn't really tried." Well, if that is the case, I know a group of men that specialize in teaching those characteristics; and they are the Basic Training Instructors of any of our branches of Military Service.

I know you may think I am being too tough on him, but that is TOUGH LOVE, and the absolute TRUTH.

 

[VCO]

You should have seen the look on my face the first time I saw three stand bails.

In my High School years I worked an easy job, carrying out groceries at Hinky Dinky Grocery Store. YEH, there really was a chain of Gorcery Stores by that name in Nebraska in the 60s.

 

[JFSurvivor]

It sounds like your boy friend may need to realize that Respect is earned, and letting his grades slip is the opposite of earning respect.

Has he ever held a full time job and done very well at it?

If he is your age, I assume you are talking about College Grades?

I started working when I was in the 7th Grade, mowing lawns and raking leaves occasionally after school and on Saturdays, and in the summer helping to bail hay by stacking hay bales on trailer (hay rack), being pulled behind the bailer. When I started High School (9th grade) I was working every night after school and on Saturdays too. And in the Summers I was working as a Lifeguard and Volunteering to teach Beginner Swimming lessons for the Red Cross. With the money I earned, I paid for all of my own school clothes throughout my entire High School years, and occasionally I brought home some groceries to help out with the family budget, too. I started to work for the Post Office three days after High School. A year and a half after I started to work for the P.O., I found out that I was #2 on the Draft List., so I then enlisted in the U.S. Air Force, for four years, and I applied myself to earning the respect of my supervisors there too. I got out of the U.S. Force with the rank of SSgt., when most only got to the rank of Sgt. in the same amount of time. I then worked for the U.S. Post Office as a career and retired with 38 years of service.

A life that is worthy of respect, is one who earns his own way, owing no man nothing (making payments on time), giving your employers 100% effort. I have no idea where some get the idea that the World owes them a hand out.

I am not telling you all that to toot my own horn. I am telling you that so that you can see what earning respect is all about.

Now are you sure your boy friend has ever really tried to earn Respect? If you are honest with yourself, from what you already told us, the answer probably is "No, he hasn't really tried." Well, if that is the case, I know a group of men that specialize in teaching those characteristics; and they are the Basic Training Instructors of any of our branches of Military Service.

I know you may think I am being too tough on him, but that is TOUGH LOVE, and the absolute TRUTH.

He also has severe ADHD. It's been a struggle for him. He's doing his best. This world is not built for people with ADHD and he is on no medication so the odds are really stacked against him. I have never seen anyone try so hard and get almost nowhere in the process. :'(

And he is smart his ADHD just gets in the way and it makes things 100 times harder for him.

 

[VCO]

He also has severe ADHD. It's been a struggle for him. He's doing his best. This world is not built for people with ADHD and he is on no medication so the odds are really stacked against him. I have never seen anyone try so hard and get almost nowhere in the process. :'(

And he is smart his ADHD just gets in the way and it makes things 100 times harder for him.

And I have had Attention Deficit Disorder my whole life. It is not an excuse to GIVE UP, I kept trying all the harder. And on top of it, I have Sleep Apnea (I stop breathing during the night numerous times), which leads to insufficient Oxygen to the brain during the sleep cycle, causing me to wake up with my brain in a very slow gear. I can show you report cards from just about all my Teachers, reporting that I was doing good work, but that I am way too slow. I had some teachers that actually got nasty and accused me frequently of deliberately goofing off. I had one in the third grade that when she saw my mind wonder to looking out the window. She would grab my hand and smack it hard with a ruler. I remember the stress and worry every time we had one of those kinds of tests where you had to read several paragraphs, and then answer some questions, and read some more paragraphs and answer some more. I not only NEVER FINISHED all the reading and questions, getting those last questions marked as WRONG; but if the teacher or anyone else interrupted me while I was reading, just to ask how I was doing; I had to start all over, because my entire line of thought would go Bye, Bye; and I could not remember any of what I had read. If they did NOT interrupt me, I could do fairly well.

I do not read many books because it takes me weeks to get through one book. If I had to read a book for a class, I had to go hide somewhere so that I could read with no interruptions. I got almost no positive strokes from teachers or parents. Dad was quick to point out my mistakes, but the things that I was proud of mostly were met with, "You could have done better if you had tried". DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I have always had the greatest respect for my DAD, but I did long for his approval and compliment once in awhile. Later in life, about 10 years before my Dad died, he started showing pride in what I had become.

I discovered that My brain could absorb a LOT MORE, if I listened to teachings on cassette tape, instead of trying to read it in a book. I had at one time, over 500 cassette tapes by mostly by Dr. John MacArthur. It felt like a Bible College Education to me. I was born again in the last week in December, 1977; after three attempts as suicide. So I KNOW VERY WELL how it feels to become depressed and to give up. But a TERROR of KNOWING that I was about to walk into Hades/Hell, stopped me.

After I had been growing spiritually for awhile, the LORD put it on my heart to MOVE WEST to California from Nebraska. My Dad's comment was "So now you are going to dessert the family!" He came around later when he saw how GOD was using me, and told me he was proud of me. Through an amazing round GOD orchestrated events, too numerous to mention here. I ended up being the first Volunteer Protestant Prison Chaplain when the doors of Pelican Bay State Prison first started housing inmates in their Super Max prison. I actually started the Prison Ministry in the 1500 man Security Housing Unit, (the HOLE).

So when did I decide I was going to ignore the false accusations prove to all that I could really make a life for myself, despite my learning disabilities. Actually it was that third grade teacher that used to smack my hand with a ruler. She made me mad enough to become determined to prove her WRONG and everyone else, that I was NOT stupid, too slow, nor deliberately goofing off, so I put extra effort in becoming a productive member of society. I got mostly C's throughout Grade School and High School, but I was proud of them, even if my teachers and no one else were.

Yes, before I was born again, I was susceptible to becoming so depressed that I actually attempted suicide three times the last week in December, 1977. But that was because my first wife of only six months demanded a divorce on Christmas Eve no less; because I could not earn enough money to buy her what she wanted out of life. Actually, I had to get that far down before I was willing to look up, beg for forgiveness, and surrender complete control of my life to JESUS as my LORD meaning MASTER.

P.S. Just so you know, in 1979 GOD blessed me with a godly wife, and in less than two months we will have been married 36 years.

 

[MarcR]

VCO,

Let's remember that her BF is blind as well as having ADD and in college. He may not have been getting the assistance he is entitled to to help him succeed

 

[VCO]

VCO,

Let's remember that her BF is blind as well as having ADD and in college. He may not have been getting the assistance he is entitled to to help him succeed

If that is the case, then yes he is eligible, for financial assistance. My wife used to be a Social Worker Supervisor. She says he should be eligible for all kinds of assistance, and all he should have to do is make an appointment to talk to an Eligibility Case Worker at the County Social Services Office to find out all of the Services he is eligible for. He should take his medical records proving his disabilities with him, or they will just reschedule the appoint for when he does have those medical records.

 

[VCO]

If that is the case, then yes he is eligible, for financial assistance. My wife used to be a Social Worker Supervisor. She says he should be eligible for all kinds of assistance, and all he should have to do is make an appointment to talk to an Eligibility Case Worker at the County Social Services Office to find out all of the Services he is eligible for. He should take his medical records proving his disabilities with him, or they will just reschedule the appoint for when he does have those medical records.

And here is info on assistance from the American Council for the Blind: Other Scholarships and Grants for Students who are Blind or Visually Impaired - American Foundation for the Blind

 

[JFSurvivor]

And I have had Attention Deficit Disorder my whole life. It is not an excuse to GIVE UP, I kept trying all the harder. And on top of it, I have Sleep Apnea (I stop breathing during the night numerous times), which leads to insufficient Oxygen to the brain during the sleep cycle, causing me to wake up with my brain in a very slow gear. I can show you report cards from just about all my Teachers, reporting that I was doing good work, but that I am way too slow. I had some teachers that actually got nasty and accused me frequently of deliberately goofing off. I had one in the third grade that when she saw my mind wonder to looking out the window. She would grab my hand and smack it hard with a ruler. I remember the stress and worry every time we had one of those kinds of tests where you had to read several paragraphs, and then answer some questions, and read some more paragraphs and answer some more. I not only NEVER FINISHED all the reading and questions, getting those last questions marked as WRONG; but if the teacher or anyone else interrupted me while I was reading, just to ask how I was doing; I had to start all over, because my entire line of thought would go Bye, Bye; and I could not remember any of what I had read. If they did NOT interrupt me, I could do fairly well.

I do not read many books because it takes me weeks to get through one book. If I had to read a book for a class, I had to go hide somewhere so that I could read with no interruptions. I got almost no positive strokes from teachers or parents. Dad was quick to point out my mistakes, but the things that I was proud of mostly were met with, "You could have done better if you had tried". DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I have always had the greatest respect for my DAD, but I did long for his approval and compliment once in awhile. Later in life, about 10 years before my Dad died, he started showing pride in what I had become.

I discovered that My brain could absorb a LOT MORE, if I listened to teachings on cassette tape, instead of trying to read it in a book. I had at one time, over 500 cassette tapes by mostly by Dr. John MacArthur. It felt like a Bible College Education to me. I was born again in the last week in December, 1977; after three attempts as suicide. So I KNOW VERY WELL how it feels to become depressed and to give up. But a TERROR of KNOWING that I was about to walk into Hades/Hell, stopped me.

After I had been growing spiritually for awhile, the LORD put it on my heart to MOVE WEST to California from Nebraska. My Dad's comment was "So now you are going to dessert the family!" He came around later when he saw how GOD was using me, and told me he was proud of me. Through an amazing round GOD orchestrated events, too numerous to mention here. I ended up being the first Volunteer Protestant Prison Chaplain when the doors of Pelican Bay State Prison first started housing inmates in their Super Max prison. I actually started the Prison Ministry in the 1500 man Security Housing Unit, (the HOLE).

So when did I decide I was going to ignore the false accusations prove to all that I could really make a life for myself, despite my learning disabilities. Actually it was that third grade teacher that used to smack my hand with a ruler. She made me mad enough to become determined to prove her WRONG and everyone else, that I was NOT stupid, too slow, nor deliberately goofing off, so I put extra effort in becoming a productive member of society. I got mostly C's throughout Grade School and High School, but I was proud of them, even if my teachers and no one else were.

Yes, before I was born again, I was susceptible to becoming so depressed that I actually attempted suicide three times the last week in December, 1977. But that was because my first wife of only six months demanded a divorce on Christmas Eve no less; because I could not earn enough money to buy her what she wanted out of life. Actually, I had to get that far down before I was willing to look up, beg for forgiveness, and surrender complete control of my life to JESUS as my LORD meaning MASTER.

P.S. Just so you know, in 1979 GOD blessed me with a godly wife, and in less than two months we will have been married 36 years.

I don't think you completely understand the situation. What happens when you tell yourself you're going to fail over and over? You fail. My BF has been told that he's a failure over and over and over by his own father. Not to mention that his dad clearly has some issues that he will not confront. Like father like son, Edgar will not confront his own issues with his ADHD. I'm afraid he's going to follow the same path his father is and that's not good. His dad is NOT an admirable man. Edgar has a lot of unresolved hurt due to his dad. His dad has a lot of unresolved hurt due to his dad. It's a pattern and I'm afraid Edgar is going to wind up like his dad.

As for the school part, because he isn't acknowledging that he needs help he is going nowhere very fast. This is not all his fault. The fault in part lies with his father for being a jerk and in part lies with him for not acknowledging he has issues.

He can't get any sort of financial support because his grades are so low.

So there you have it. He's a smart guy with a bright future ahead of him but he needs to get some serious help (especially if he wants me in his future) and I guess I just need advice as to where to go from here.

Today I gave him an ultimatum of either get help or I'm gone and he chose wisely.

What next steps should I take with him? How can I best help him? What are your thoughts on this?

 

[mystikmind]

ADD is a tricky thing because it is very hard to pin down how much of it is caused by nature and how much is caused by nurture?

Personally i have never met anyone with ADD who had very wise parents.... kind of makes me wonder if it is not the parents they should be drugging, instead of the kids??

 

[VCO]

I don't think you completely understand the situation. What happens when you tell yourself you're going to fail over and over? You fail. My BF has been told that he's a failure over and over and over by his own father. Not to mention that his dad clearly has some issues that he will not confront. Like father like son, Edgar will not confront his own issues with his ADHD. I'm afraid he's going to follow the same path his father is and that's not good. His dad is NOT an admirable man. Edgar has a lot of unresolved hurt due to his dad. His dad has a lot of unresolved hurt due to his dad. It's a pattern and I'm afraid Edgar is going to wind up like his dad.

As for the school part, because he isn't acknowledging that he needs help he is going nowhere very fast. This is not all his fault. The fault in part lies with his father for being a jerk and in part lies with him for not acknowledging he has issues.

He can't get any sort of financial support because his grades are so low.

So there you have it. He's a smart guy with a bright future ahead of him but he needs to get some serious help (especially if he wants me in his future) and I guess I just need advice as to where to go from here.

Today I gave him an ultimatum of either get help or I'm gone and he chose wisely.

What next steps should I take with him? How can I best help him? What are your thoughts on this?

My wife studied Psychology in College, and she would come home ever once in awhile and throw her Psychology book across the room against yelling "I am not studying that Psychology garbage anymore, it contradicts my Christian beliefs." I would encourage her to keep at, to get her degree. She said, "I will NOT lie by putting those lies on a test, which I do not believe." I told her, "You do not have to lie by saying you believe what those Psychologist teach; you can say the Book says this that and the other. That way you get a passing grade, and NEVER SAID you believed any of it." One of the BIGGEST LIES to come out of non-Christian Psychology, is that our current problems are not our fault, as it can be blamed on bad parents. THAT IS A PSYCHOLOGY LIE, that has been peddled by non-Christian Public School teachers for decades now.

WE HUMAN BEINGS ARE COMMANDED BY GOD TO MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES. We reap what WE HAVE SOWN, good or bad. BAD CHOICES PRODUCE BAD RESULTS, and it is NEVER someone else's fault. IF we are genuine Christians we NEED to admit our sins and bad choices are our own fault.

Galatians 6:7-10 (HCSB)
[SUP]7 [/SUP] Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows he will also reap,
[SUP]8 [/SUP] because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.
[SUP]9 [/SUP] So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.
[SUP]10 [/SUP] Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.

Joshua 24:15 (HCSB)
[SUP]15 [/SUP] But if it doesn’t please you to worship Yahweh, choose for yourselves today the one you will worship: the gods your fathers worshiped beyond the Euphrates River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. As for me and my family, we will worship Yahweh.”


Your boy friend's focus is NOT ON Jesus Christ, it is on his disappointment in his father. If your boy friend is not a real CHRISTIAN, that is one having confessed to GOD that HE IS A SINNER responsible for his own BAD DEEDS, and then willingly received Jesus Christ as LORD meaning MASTER; then THAT is where you need to start.


Hebrews 12:2-3 (NIV)
[SUP]2 [/SUP] Let us fix_{superglue} our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
[SUP]3 [/SUP] Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Luke 6:22-23 (HCSB)
[SUP]22 [/SUP] You are blessed when people hate you, when they exclude you, insult you, and slander your name as evil because of the Son of Man.
[SUP]23 [/SUP] “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy! Take note—your reward is great in heaven, for this is the way their ancestors used to treat the prophets.


From what you have told us, his father appears to be a non-Christian, because he is bearing bad fruit. Why would you even expect him to treat his son with Christian LOVE when he is not even a real Christian yet?


1 John 4:7-8 (HCSB)
[SUP]7 [/SUP] Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
[SUP]8 [/SUP] The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Galatians 6:4-5 (GW)
[SUP]4 [/SUP] Each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.
[SUP]5 [/SUP] Assume your own responsibility.


The military has an expression like that: "Pull yourself up by your boot straps". That means to accept responsibility for your own mistakes, and LEARN from them becoming responsible.

GOD teaches us to be responsible for our own sins, by confessing them to HIM; instead of being like world who eagerly blame others for their sins, instead of taking personal responsibility for them.


1 John 1:8-10 (NIV)
[SUP]8 [/SUP] If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
[SUP]9 [/SUP] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
[SUP]10 [/SUP] If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.


The Public School teachers are teaching lies, when they teach that it is NOT your fault that you have problems, it is your parent's fault. WRONG, we make our own choices, and blaming others is a cop-out to avoid taking personal responsibility for your own BAD CHOICES and sins.


Proverbs 3:7-8 (RSV)
[SUP]7 [/SUP] Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
[SUP]8 [/SUP] It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Romans 12:17 (NKJV)
[SUP]17 [/SUP] Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.


When we are genuinely born again, is it not much more important to receive Praise for how we are living our lives from our Heavenly Father than from our earthly biological father?


John 5:44 (NIV)
[SUP]44 [/SUP] How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?

1 Corinthians 4:5 (NKJV)
[SUP]5 [/SUP] Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one's praise will come from God.

 

[VCO]

. . .
So there you have it. He's a smart guy with a bright future ahead of him but he needs to get some serious help (especially if he wants me in his future) and I guess I just need advice as to where to go from here.

Today I gave him an ultimatum of either get help or I'm gone and he chose wisely.

. . .

It sounds to me like Edgar has a very wise lady that loves him.