Another thread about my boyfriends dad PLEASE HELP!!!!!

[wwjd_kilden]

I had ADD and it didn't stop me from studying hard throughout school. If he gets the help he needs the ADD in itself shouldn't be a problem.

Is there a particular reason he is not on meds? I know they are perhaps sometimes used when not needed, but I also know they helped me, because they kept my streams of endless thoughts in check enough for me to notice I was drifting and then able to get back to what I was supposed to be doing.

 

[JFSurvivor]

I had ADD and it didn't stop me from studying hard throughout school. If he gets the help he needs the ADD in itself shouldn't be a problem.

Is there a particular reason he is not on meds? I know they are perhaps sometimes used when not needed, but I also know they helped me, because they kept my streams of endless thoughts in check enough for me to notice I was drifting and then able to get back to what I was supposed to be doing.

But ADD IS a problem when you're not on proper medication. It can really impact how well you can focus. I don't know the whole reason he's not on meds though.

 

[JFSurvivor]

My wife studied Psychology in College, and she would come home ever once in awhile and throw her Psychology book across the room against yelling "I am not studying that Psychology garbage anymore, it contradicts my Christian beliefs." I would encourage her to keep at, to get her degree. She said, "I will NOT lie by putting those lies on a test, which I do not believe." I told her, "You do not have to lie by saying you believe what those Psychologist teach; you can say the Book says this that and the other. That way you get a passing grade, and NEVER SAID you believed any of it." One of the BIGGEST LIES to come out of non-Christian Psychology, is that our current problems are not our fault, as it can be blamed on bad parents. THAT IS A PSYCHOLOGY LIE, that has been peddled by non-Christian Public School teachers for decades now.

WE HUMAN BEINGS ARE COMMANDED BY GOD TO MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES. We reap what WE HAVE SOWN, good or bad. BAD CHOICES PRODUCE BAD RESULTS, and it is NEVER someone else's fault. IF we are genuine Christians we NEED to admit our sins and bad choices are our own fault.

Galatians 6:7-10 (HCSB)
[SUP]7 [/SUP] Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows he will also reap,
[SUP]8 [/SUP] because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.
[SUP]9 [/SUP] So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.
[SUP]10 [/SUP] Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.

Joshua 24:15 (HCSB)
[SUP]15 [/SUP] But if it doesn’t please you to worship Yahweh, choose for yourselves today the one you will worship: the gods your fathers worshiped beyond the Euphrates River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. As for me and my family, we will worship Yahweh.”


Your boy friend's focus is NOT ON Jesus Christ, it is on his disappointment in his father. If your boy friend is not a real CHRISTIAN, that is one having confessed to GOD that HE IS A SINNER responsible for his own BAD DEEDS, and then willingly received Jesus Christ as LORD meaning MASTER; then THAT is where you need to start.


Hebrews 12:2-3 (NIV)
[SUP]2 [/SUP] Let us fix_{superglue} our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
[SUP]3 [/SUP] Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Luke 6:22-23 (HCSB)
[SUP]22 [/SUP] You are blessed when people hate you, when they exclude you, insult you, and slander your name as evil because of the Son of Man.
[SUP]23 [/SUP] “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy! Take note—your reward is great in heaven, for this is the way their ancestors used to treat the prophets.


From what you have told us, his father appears to be a non-Christian, because he is bearing bad fruit. Why would you even expect him to treat his son with Christian LOVE when he is not even a real Christian yet?


1 John 4:7-8 (HCSB)
[SUP]7 [/SUP] Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
[SUP]8 [/SUP] The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Galatians 6:4-5 (GW)
[SUP]4 [/SUP] Each of you must examine your own actions. Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourself to others.
[SUP]5 [/SUP] Assume your own responsibility.


The military has an expression like that: "Pull yourself up by your boot straps". That means to accept responsibility for your own mistakes, and LEARN from them becoming responsible.

GOD teaches us to be responsible for our own sins, by confessing them to HIM; instead of being like world who eagerly blame others for their sins, instead of taking personal responsibility for them.


1 John 1:8-10 (NIV)
[SUP]8 [/SUP] If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
[SUP]9 [/SUP] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
[SUP]10 [/SUP] If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.


The Public School teachers are teaching lies, when they teach that it is NOT your fault that you have problems, it is your parent's fault. WRONG, we make our own choices, and blaming others is a cop-out to avoid taking personal responsibility for your own BAD CHOICES and sins.


Proverbs 3:7-8 (RSV)
[SUP]7 [/SUP] Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
[SUP]8 [/SUP] It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Romans 12:17 (NKJV)
[SUP]17 [/SUP] Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.


When we are genuinely born again, is it not much more important to receive Praise for how we are living our lives from our Heavenly Father than from our earthly biological father?


John 5:44 (NIV)
[SUP]44 [/SUP] How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?

1 Corinthians 4:5 (NKJV)
[SUP]5 [/SUP] Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one's praise will come from God.

Well then I hope she never became a therapist. Ok so yes everyone is responsible for their actions. For example: a father abuses his son. His son can then choose to get help or he can choose to not get help and abuse his own children. Make sense?

 

[VCO]

Well then I hope she never became a therapist. Ok so yes everyone is responsible for their actions. For example: a father abuses his son. His son can then choose to get help or he can choose to not get help and abuse his own children. Make sense?

He can choose to NOT be like his father, AND he can choose to be like CHRIST.

Christian Counselors will counsel from the BIBLE and NOT so much from the worldly Psychology Books that teach lies like you can blame your parents for the wrong doings that you commit. I repeat, "IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT I SIN, IT IS MY PARENTS FAULT."; is a worldly lie that is not biblical.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)
[SUP]2 [/SUP] Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

1 Peter 1:13-16 (HCSB)
[SUP]13 [/SUP] Therefore, with your minds ready for action, be serious and set your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
[SUP]14 [/SUP] As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance.
[SUP]15 [/SUP] But as the One who called you is holy, you also are to be holy in all your conduct;
[SUP]16 [/SUP] for it is written, Be holy, because I am holy.

My opinion most of those meds, make you dependent on Psychotherapy, which leaves you NOT believing and trusting in what the Word of GOD says, and NOT trusting in JESUS and the Holy Spirit to enable you to WALK in a manor that is Pleasing to GOD.

I NEVER took meds to help me with my ADD, I trusted in JESUS, and HE was faithful. I know in Edgar's and everyone else's case, that is a Medical Doctor's CALL. What I am saying is please try to find a CHRISTIAN Medical Doctor. Most Psychotherapists are NOT CHRISTIANS. My wife for a long period of time was severely addicted to prescription meds, and I saw her delivered from that addiction in answer to PRAYER, with NO WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS. I tried to explain that to her pill pushing Medical Doctor, and he YELLED AT ME, "I know how many pills she was taking, if you believe that, you are either a fool or a liar!" I figured out real quick that He was not a Christian.

He ordered her to go to a non-Christian Inpatient Rehab Facility. That was before she went back to College to get a Social Worker Degree. She complained that they were making fun of her religious beliefs on a daily basis, and when they called me in for a group session, they viciously attacked our Christian Beliefs. Suddenly the VOICE OF GOD BOOMED IN MY HEAD, and HE said only ONE WORD, "WALK!" I came out of that chair like it had been electrified. Standing straight up, I looked to the right, and my wife was standing too. I asked, "Are you ready?"; and she said, "YES!" We went to her room and threw everything of her's hurriedly into her suitcase. AND out the door we went. Sure enough my jeep had a flat tire, and I set a record time changing it. As I tightened the last two lugs, I looked up at her and asked, "Did you hear anything in that room just before we left. She said, "Just one word, WALK!" I said "That's it, we are out of here.

We left, never to trust in the so-called wisdom of men again, called Psychology. That was about two years into our Marriage, and now come July 7th we will have been married 36 years, totally trusting in the LORD.

 

[JFSurvivor]

He can choose to NOT be like his father, AND he can choose to be like CHRIST.

Christian Counselors will counsel from the BIBLE and NOT so much from the worldly Psychology Books that teach lies like you can blame your parents for the wrong doings that you commit. I repeat, "IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT I SIN, IT IS MY PARENTS FAULT."; is a worldly lie that is not biblical.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)
[SUP]2 [/SUP] Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

1 Peter 1:13-16 (HCSB)
[SUP]13 [/SUP] Therefore, with your minds ready for action, be serious and set your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
[SUP]14 [/SUP] As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance.
[SUP]15 [/SUP] But as the One who called you is holy, you also are to be holy in all your conduct;
[SUP]16 [/SUP] for it is written, Be holy, because I am holy.

My opinion most of those meds, make you dependent on Psychotherapy, which leaves you NOT believing and trusting in what the Word of GOD says, and NOT trusting in JESUS and the Holy Spirit to enable you to WALK in a manor that is Pleasing to GOD.

I NEVER took meds to help me with my ADD, I trusted in JESUS, and HE was faithful. I know in Edgar's and everyone else's case, that is a Medical Doctor's CALL. What I am saying is please try to find a CHRISTIAN Medical Doctor. Most Psychotherapists are NOT CHRISTIANS. My wife for a long period of time was severely addicted to prescription meds, and I saw her delivered from that addiction in answer to PRAYER, with NO WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS. I tried to explain that to her pill pushing Medical Doctor, and he YELLED AT ME, "I know how many pills she was taking, if you believe that, you are either a fool or a liar!" I figured out real quick that He was not a Christian.

He ordered her to go to a non-Christian Inpatient Rehab Facility. That was before she went back to College to get a Social Worker Degree. She complained that they were making fun of her religious beliefs on a daily basis, and when they called me in for a group session, they viciously attacked our Christian Beliefs. Suddenly the VOICE OF GOD BOOMED IN MY HEAD, and HE said only ONE WORD, "WALK!" I came out of that chair like it had been electrified. Standing straight up, I looked to the right, and my wife was standing too. I asked, "Are you ready?"; and she said, "YES!" We went to her room and threw everything of her's hurriedly into her suitcase. AND out the door we went. Sure enough my jeep had a flat tire, and I set a record time changing it. As I tightened the last two lugs, I looked up at her and asked, "Did you hear anything in that room just before we left. She said, "Just one word, WALK!" I said "That's it, we are out of here.

We left, never to trust in the so-called wisdom of men again, called Psychology. That was about two years into our Marriage, and now come July 7th we will have been married 36 years, totally trusting in the LORD.

It's people like you who make it EXTREMLY difficult for people like me, my friend and my boyfriend to get proper help. Just because we rely on therapy doesn't make us any less of Christians. If you're sick what do you do? You go to the doctor. If you're born missing a limb you get a fake one. Getting a fake limb doesn't make a person lazy. Who are YOU to say what is truth and what isn't? Who are you to decide who is a good christan and who isn't? Who made you God? Who made you the judge? There are instances where an individual has to live with the consequences of anothers actions. That can lead to a lot of things. God doesn't always heal the sick. There have been many times where there's a sick person who has people praying over them and God chooses not to heal them. Are they lazy too?

 

[MarcR]

I often intentionally misspell Freud as Fraud and note that it is intentional.

There are many areas of Psychology that are not Freudian and are helpful or potentially so; especially when implemented from a Christian perspective.

 

[JFSurvivor]

I often intentionally misspell Freud as Fraud and note that it is intentional.

There are many areas of Psychology that are not Freudian and are helpful or potentially so; especially when implemented from a Christian perspective.

THANK YOU!!

 

[MarcR]

THANK YOU!!

I really do care. That's why I'm trying to help

 

[VCO]

It's people like you who make it EXTREMLY difficult for people like me, my friend and my boyfriend to get proper help. Just because we rely on therapy doesn't make us any less of Christians. If you're sick what do you do? You go to the doctor. If you're born missing a limb you get a fake one. Getting a fake limb doesn't make a person lazy. Who are YOU to say what is truth and what isn't? Who are you to decide who is a good christan and who isn't? Who made you God? Who made you the judge? There are instances where an individual has to live with the consequences of anothers actions. That can lead to a lot of things. God doesn't always heal the sick. There have been many times where there's a sick person who has people praying over them and God chooses not to heal them. Are they lazy too?

Have you ever heard Joni Eareckson Tada's Testimony, if not check it out.

[video=youtube;VVXJ8GyLgt0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVXJ8GyLgt0[/video]

 

[VCO]

How about David Ring's Testimony, have you heard it?

[video=youtube;oUYErPtTzS0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUYErPtTzS0[/video]

 

[VCO]

Elevate Christian Disability Trust Drop-in Center:

[video=youtube;XeU_pi2jU3I]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeU_pi2jU3I[/video]

 

[atwhatcost]

He can choose to NOT be like his father, AND he can choose to be like CHRIST.

Christian Counselors will counsel from the BIBLE and NOT so much from the worldly Psychology Books that teach lies like you can blame your parents for the wrong doings that you commit. I repeat, "IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT I SIN, IT IS MY PARENTS FAULT."; is a worldly lie that is not biblical.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)
[SUP]2 [/SUP] Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

1 Peter 1:13-16 (HCSB)
[SUP]13 [/SUP] Therefore, with your minds ready for action, be serious and set your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
[SUP]14 [/SUP] As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance.
[SUP]15 [/SUP] But as the One who called you is holy, you also are to be holy in all your conduct;
[SUP]16 [/SUP] for it is written, Be holy, because I am holy.

My opinion most of those meds, make you dependent on Psychotherapy, which leaves you NOT believing and trusting in what the Word of GOD says, and NOT trusting in JESUS and the Holy Spirit to enable you to WALK in a manor that is Pleasing to GOD.

I NEVER took meds to help me with my ADD, I trusted in JESUS, and HE was faithful. I know in Edgar's and everyone else's case, that is a Medical Doctor's CALL. What I am saying is please try to find a CHRISTIAN Medical Doctor. Most Psychotherapists are NOT CHRISTIANS. My wife for a long period of time was severely addicted to prescription meds, and I saw her delivered from that addiction in answer to PRAYER, with NO WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS. I tried to explain that to her pill pushing Medical Doctor, and he YELLED AT ME, "I know how many pills she was taking, if you believe that, you are either a fool or a liar!" I figured out real quick that He was not a Christian.

He ordered her to go to a non-Christian Inpatient Rehab Facility. That was before she went back to College to get a Social Worker Degree. She complained that they were making fun of her religious beliefs on a daily basis, and when they called me in for a group session, they viciously attacked our Christian Beliefs. Suddenly the VOICE OF GOD BOOMED IN MY HEAD, and HE said only ONE WORD, "WALK!" I came out of that chair like it had been electrified. Standing straight up, I looked to the right, and my wife was standing too. I asked, "Are you ready?"; and she said, "YES!" We went to her room and threw everything of her's hurriedly into her suitcase. AND out the door we went. Sure enough my jeep had a flat tire, and I set a record time changing it. As I tightened the last two lugs, I looked up at her and asked, "Did you hear anything in that room just before we left. She said, "Just one word, WALK!" I said "That's it, we are out of here.

We left, never to trust in the so-called wisdom of men again, called Psychology. That was about two years into our Marriage, and now come July 7th we will have been married 36 years, totally trusting in the LORD.

My older brother had asthma as a child. He grew out of it. You had ADD. You grew out of it. In both cases, that is God at work, and yet in most cases people don't improve from stuff they're born with. If God cured everyone, it stops being a miracle. It becomes physics. It's cool God kelped you physically. Now stop assuming he helps everyone else.

Some of us are honored by God with a lifelong or permanent disability. Get used to us. If God is truly in this, we'll be stuck with each other for eternity. Then we're all cured of everything wrong with us, including attitudes.

 

[atwhatcost]

Have you ever heard Joni Eareckson Tada's Testimony, if not check it out.

[video=youtube;VVXJ8GyLgt0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVXJ8GyLgt0[/video]

Have you ever read her book, When God Weeps? It answers the big question for disabled folks, "Why me, God?"

 

[atwhatcost]

How about David Ring's Testimony, have you heard it?

[video=youtube;oUYErPtTzS0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUYErPtTzS0[/video]

Have you read this testimony?
http://christianchat.com/testimonies/108167-my-testimony-part-1-a.html
http://christianchat.com/testimonies/108171-my-testimony-part-2-a.html
http://christianchat.com/testimonies/108174-my-testimony-part-3-a.html

 

[VCO]

My older brother had asthma as a child. He grew out of it. You had ADD. You grew out of it. In both cases, that is God at work, and yet in most cases people don't improve from stuff they're born with. If God cured everyone, it stops being a miracle. It becomes physics. It's cool God kelped you physically. Now stop assuming he helps everyone else.

Some of us are honored by God with a lifelong or permanent disability. Get used to us. If God is truly in this, we'll be stuck with each other for eternity. Then we're all cured of everything wrong with us, including attitudes.

No, I never outgrew ADD. I wasn't even born again until I was 29. I didn't even know it was ADD until I was in my late 40s. I knew I was much slower thinking, reading, and had a great deal more difficulty concentrating than most. My Grandmother also told me that if I knew I did my best, GOD was pleased with my efforts, and IT DID NOT MATTER IF NO ONE ELSE WAS PLEASED WITH MY EFFORTS. NO ONE ever mentioned the term ADD when I was growing up.

I learned to persevere despite the handicap that I did not even know existed. I still have great difficulty reading and remembering what I read. These posts take me at least three times as much time to prepare than others. I still find it impossible to remember what I read or lose my train of thought in preparing a post, if someone interrupts me. I still am very easily distracted, when I am trying trying to concentrate. However, I still have the determination to succeed or finish what I started, despite my handicap. I still believe in trying my best, never quitting, and take pride in personal accomplishments, no matter what other people think. The only difference is I now, I have a label for my problem, where when I was growing up, no label existed.

 

[thecreationtutor]

I know I have posted about this before but I am at a complete loss. My bfs dad continues to hurt my bf again and again and again and it is so hard to watch. How on earth am I supposed to respect him? He makes my boyfriend feel worthless! My boyfriend is not worthless. He showed me insane love when no one else did. He believed me when no one else did and he was there for me when no one else was. Now his dad is making him feel awful and I'm supposed to respect him?

What does respect even look like?






What boundaries should I put up?

How can I best help my boyfriend?

Please I really need some answers. I am completely lost and frustrated. Thanks.

Didn't you say your boyfriend was not Christian? I don't know how you can set up biblical boundaries in that

 

[twamps21]

his dad tells him that he's not a good son and never praises him and always guilts him. He tells him stuff like he's lazy and he's really not. Basically a lot of unconstructive criticism. He also tells his son that he's going to hell and that he's not a good Christian. :-(

This reminds me a lot of my dad. He's a drunk and tries to tell me all the time I'm a heathen, and ungrateful. I moved out for a little while and ended up moving back in (for my mom not him). I can tell you from experience that running away from it will not make it better. He's not going to feel free from this unless he actually confronts his dad, and talks through this. My dad and I once had a talk with me and said that he loves me amd sometimes just takes his frustrations out on me from his stressful day. It still hurts when he says those things but it's a lot easier not to take it personally, knowing the reason.

 

[atwhatcost]

No, I never outgrew ADD. I wasn't even born again until I was 29. I didn't even know it was ADD until I was in my late 40s. I knew I was much slower thinking, reading, and had a great deal more difficulty concentrating than most. My Grandmother also told me that if I knew I did my best, GOD was pleased with my efforts, and IT DID NOT MATTER IF NO ONE ELSE WAS PLEASED WITH MY EFFORTS. NO ONE ever mentioned the term ADD when I was growing up.

I learned to persevere despite the handicap that I did not even know existed. I still have great difficulty reading and remembering what I read. These posts take me at least three times as much time to prepare than others. I still find it impossible to remember what I read or lose my train of thought in preparing a post, if someone interrupts me. I still am very easily distracted, when I am trying trying to concentrate. However, I still have the determination to succeed or finish what I started, despite my handicap. I still believe in trying my best, never quitting, and take pride in personal accomplishments, no matter what other people think. The only difference is I now, I have a label for my problem, where when I was growing up, no label existed.

My bad. Entirely my fault. Please forgive me. I'm lousy at remembering names, and squished you in with someone else responding on this thread. (As in I thought you were also the other person, so I blended your story in with the other person's story.)

And, yes. I did get learning about learning disorders later in life is tough, since my brother knew something was wrong throughout school, but wasn't diagnosed with two different learning disorders until he was in his 50s. (He's 60 now.) They just didn't think there was any such things as learning disabilities in the olden days when we were kids.

 

[atwhatcost]

Didn't you say your boyfriend was not Christian? I don't know how you can set up biblical boundaries in that

Not only is he a Christian, he actually visited on this site the other day with her. Kind of cool to meet the person-behind-the-worries occasionally.

(I think this relationship is very serious. Just sayin', but let's not let JF know I'm thinking this. She'll never know, right? lol)

 

[VCO]

My bad. Entirely my fault. Please forgive me. I'm lousy at remembering names, and squished you in with someone else responding on this thread. (As in I thought you were also the other person, so I blended your story in with the other person's story.)

And, yes. I did get learning about learning disorders later in life is tough, since my brother knew something was wrong throughout school, but wasn't diagnosed with two different learning disorders until he was in his 50s. (He's 60 now.) They just didn't think there was any such things as learning disabilities in the olden days when we were kids.

Don't you just hate that part of getting older? My wife sent me to the grocery store a couple days ago for three items, and I forgot my cell phone. We live 8 blocks from the store, and by the time I got there, I could only remember one of the three items.

And yes they just labeled us slow or lazy back then.