Need family advice

[lilbittie]

Good day everyone,

I am not sure if I did wrong in this situation so I need your insight.

In March I let my pregnant niece and her boyfriend move in with me. We were in agreement that they would pay $400 a month for rent including utilities.

They moved in the second week in March and she told me she would pay me $300 for that month. We'll she didn't pay me she bought a futon bed instead. I let it go because that's what I do. So in April they were having a hard time paying rent so I agreed to let them pay $300 instead. By this time because I rely on renters to pay rent I fell a little behind on bills and on top of that they were getting eaten up by fleas. I called in and exterminator to do a heat treatment because I didn't want her to suffer from chemicals because of her pregnancy and he has asthma. So this month instead of paying rent he bought them two new phones and cases which he told me was $400. They only gave me $200 for rent. When I asked where the rest of the rent was coming from my niece said she would work on it and he said he couldn't afford to pay for two people and I left it at that.

Today I sat and had a talk with them about how their not pay rent resulted in me having to shut off cable and no longer using the AC. I asked them both to come up with a plan on how they can come up with the rest of the rent. I told them that what they were doing was taking advantage of me and living off me when I am a single mother of two children who cannot support them in addition to my own kids. I simply cannot afford it. He started yelling at me telling me that he didn't need this bs and that he was doing his part and some other colorful words that I would not share. He was done talking to me and he walked away. My niece just sat there saying nothing. I told her about a few programs in the area where they could help her come with with rent money especially since she's pregnant, not working and about to give birth. I told my niece I would never kick her out because she was in need but if he was going to be disrespectfull to me like that in my home then he could leave. They are moving their stuff out as I write this message. I feel so horrible and feel like I did something wrong.

 

[MarcR]

You did nothing wrong! They both did very wrong not to honor their commitment. The rent you suggested was very reasonable. You could probably ask for more and get it from a responsible stranger.

 

[Joidevivre]

Above all, please don't feel guilty. You did what you did, and showed immeasurable grace when needed. Yet, you had the discernment to stop what was becoming a "take advantage of you" situation.

I probably would have stopped at letting my niece move in with a guy who wasn't her husband (pregnancy or no pregnancy). I would have invited her to stay, but not him. If she decided to go with him, there is nothing you can do at this point. Keep the doors open for her return with the baby if you want, but don't expect any rent.

Now go get your renters and begin living your life again with your own children. Continue to offer what help you can to your niece - I keep wondering about her own parents or siblings. And I pray for the father of this little baby to find help spiritually, emotionally and financially. May this coming baby be wrapped in love, and greatly blessed by our Lord.

 

[lilbittie]

This is one of the few times I have stood up to people taking advantage of me. I just never want to hurt anyone and try to help people any way I can but I always get taken advantage of. I just don't know why people today do not know boundaries and aren't thankful for others.

To answer your question, her mother is severely bipolar and by the grace of God and me asking for DSS medical assistance for her is on meds and doing fine. However, they don't get along. It's a long hard story filled with lots of grief. They are working on their relationship. Her sibling is younger and lives with his girlfriends parents. Do you see the pattern here? They haven't lived a stable life which is what I wanted to provide for her even though she is unmarried and pregnant. She told me where her boyfriend goes she goes.

He has two other children who he does not care for nor see for that matter. I'm so afraid for her and her baby. I told her my door was open for her and the baby always no matter the sitution. I will help her get back on her feet but she has to be willing to try. I have tried to talk to her about the type of person he is but ultimately he is the father of her child and she wants to be with him and have the child in his life and the him in the child's life.

I am going to call the university of Maryland and place an ad for students and/or residents to rent my room. Usually their parents pay for the housing and some even pay for the whole year. I would rather have an honest individual than someone who is going to sponge off of me.

 

[Eva1218]

You opened your home and they took advantage do not feel bad allow them to move and learn from their situation.

 

[Angela53510]

I don't understand what you are feeling guilty about. Clearly, these two were using you. And you let them.

Stopping this sort of abuse (both the money and the language!) is the appropriate thing to do. Jesus did not let people sin and go their merry way. Stealing from you (not paying the rent) is never the right way to go.

I would ask for the phones, since they bought and paid for them with your rent money.

As for helping your niece, she has to make her own decisions to live the right way. I think it is a bit late to be trying to mother them, and make up for a difficult life she had when her mother was unmedicated.

I would keep praying for your niece and for this baby. She is going to need a lot of prayer, especially when this boyfriend walks out on her, like he did with the mother(s) of his other children.

 

[iveseenworse]

lilbit, i noticed people get more abrasive/calloused with age. you seem generous,loving, kind, gentle, faithful, patient, joyful, most of the signs of the spirit. please dont change that part. this season will pass. i think your pleasing our lord, just try keeping your losses down maybe.

 

[Jesus4ever]

Dear sister, I´m sorry to see you´re suffering with this. You did nothing wrong, they simply ignored your kindness and prefer to ignore your advises. They also ignored your problems and concerns. I´m very sorry for that. I´ll pray for you.


God bless!

 

[DiscipleDave]

Good day everyone,

I am not sure if I did wrong in this situation so I need your insight.

In March I let my pregnant niece and her boyfriend move in with me. We were in agreement that they would pay $400 a month for rent including utilities.

They moved in the second week in March and she told me she would pay me $300 for that month. We'll she didn't pay me she bought a futon bed instead. I let it go because that's what I do. So in April they were having a hard time paying rent so I agreed to let them pay $300 instead. By this time because I rely on renters to pay rent I fell a little behind on bills and on top of that they were getting eaten up by fleas. I called in and exterminator to do a heat treatment because I didn't want her to suffer from chemicals because of her pregnancy and he has asthma. So this month instead of paying rent he bought them two new phones and cases which he told me was $400. They only gave me $200 for rent. When I asked where the rest of the rent was coming from my niece said she would work on it and he said he couldn't afford to pay for two people and I left it at that.

Today I sat and had a talk with them about how their not pay rent resulted in me having to shut off cable and no longer using the AC. I asked them both to come up with a plan on how they can come up with the rest of the rent. I told them that what they were doing was taking advantage of me and living off me when I am a single mother of two children who cannot support them in addition to my own kids. I simply cannot afford it. He started yelling at me telling me that he didn't need this bs and that he was doing his part and some other colorful words that I would not share. He was done talking to me and he walked away. My niece just sat there saying nothing. I told her about a few programs in the area where they could help her come with with rent money especially since she's pregnant, not working and about to give birth. I told my niece I would never kick her out because she was in need but if he was going to be disrespectfull to me like that in my home then he could leave. They are moving their stuff out as I write this message. I feel so horrible and feel like I did something wrong.

Jesus is pleased with how you handled the situation, your heart was right in the sight of God. You wanted to help, and you tried. That is more than most do in the generation that is present today. But when something starts to effect your own family, it is time to step up and say something, which you did. If you can't take care of your own, you will not be able to help others. First take care of your own, so that you may be better able to help others. You tried to help those two, and that pleased Jesus, and when they did not pay, you yourself took the brunt of it, and moved on. Then when they did it another month, your own bills were not getting paid, what would have been next if it were to have continued, the electric, the heat? Now your talking about the welfare of your own children. So you said something, which to me, seems like was done in a Loving way. Rest easy Sister, you have done no wrong. Who knows maybe because of how it went down, they will hit rock bottom. i say that because of a Truth. Most people do not turn to, or seek God until they are at rock bottom, and have nobody else they can turn to to help them, then they call out to God to help them. So maybe God has put your neice on a path that leads to Rock Bottom, so that she will call out to Him and change her life forever. Who knows.

But rest assured, you have done no wrong by what you have revealed above. Tuff Love is hard. The Mama bird will force out a baby bird in order to make it fly, else the baby bird would stay in the nest forever. You have tried to help them, that is all that is required of us Christians. You have a good heart Sister, i myself am Blessed because of you. Knowing that there are still people out there in this wicked world that still has a True Heart, a True desire to help those in need, Blesses my heart.

You said somewhere that you are always taken advantage of. Count this a joy Sister. It is only when a persons heart grows cold that they are no longer taken advantage of. Because they no longer do things for people as to prevent them from being taken advantage of. Which is better? A person who has a good heart and tries to help people but those very people take advantage of them and use them. Or a person who helps no one at all, because they fear people will take advantage of them? People take advantage of me all the time, i don't mind though, because God Blesses me abundantly in return for doing so. i do unto others as i would have them do unto me, regardless how they return it to me, i do that which pleases Jesus Christ my Savior and Lord, if people take advantage of me because of my Good Heart, well all the more my Lord will Bless me for doing so. my point is, don't stop being nice, don't stop trying to help people, Do that which pleases God.

We live in a wicked corrupt world, full of people who are selfish, and love pleasures instead of giving up those pleasures to please God, continue to do that which is right, despite what they do in return, and your Blessing from the Father in Heaven will shower upon you, and His Son will smile upon you. Do not harden your heart like so many people do because they are tired of being taken advantage of, do that which pleases God, expect nothing from people.

For example i give to the bums on the intersections, i give to the bums at walmart. Are they taking advantage of me? Are they richer than i am? Is this where they WORK every day begging? Tell me, Do you think God is displeased that i give? i give because the Bible instructs Christians to help those in need, to give to the poor. Am i that bums judge? Do i judge that bum as false, fake, scam artist. Do you KNOW that is who he is? Maybe Bums are Angels from God to stand out there to see who will judge them as false, fake, or scam artist, from those who merely give to someone asking? i give because it pleases God that i am generous, that i am giving. Tell me, which is better in the eyes of God. a person sees a bum at the intersection and does not give him a dollar, because that bum MIGHT be rich, MIGHT have a nicer house, or does not give to that bum because he looks healthy enough to get a job. OR a person that merely gives the bum a dollar because they believe it pleases Jesus that they give to the needy? i will tell you the Truth, the person who did not give because they judged the bum as unworthy to receive a dollar from them, has their reward from God, they got to keep their dollar. And the person who did give to please God and not the bum, will receive a Blessing from God, maybe that Blessing will be 10 years of Health. So which Blessing do you think i want, to keep my dollar or 10 years of Health because i gave to the needy? Simple choice for me.

my point is "Do that which is Right in the eyes of God" and do not expect anything back from people.

Praise God that people are still taking advantage of you. it is when people stop taking advantage of you is when you stop being nice and helping people. But as long as you are nice, as long as you help people, you WILL be taken advantage of. Do not despair, Keep on doing that which is Right, no matter what you get in return from people. i would be concerned if people were not taking advantage of you, Because if you are out there in this world helping people, you WILL most certainly be taken advantage of. And if your not being taken advantage of, that reveals one Truth, you are NOT out there helping people.

^i^ Responding to OP