Troubled

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paprika30

Guest
#1
Troubled

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He has been going through a very difficult time with his health and is in a lot of pain. I try to dfo what I can for him when I'm not running to work and running my three boys. He becomes angry with me A LOT. He takes out his anger on me and one of our children. We have the most difficulty with I am so hurt and angry I pray for him, and try to speak with him but it just turns to anger and yelling with us I am now at a loss and I am lost
 
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Sirk

Guest
#2
My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He has been going through a very difficult time with his health and is in a lot of pain. I try to dfo what I can for him when I'm not running to work and running my three boys. He becomes angry with me A LOT. He takes out his anger on me and one of our children. We have the most difficulty with I am so hurt and angry I pray for him, and try to speak with him but it just turns to anger and yelling with us I am now at a loss and I am lost
You have a boundary and it is...BE NICE TO ME! Set it...make it known. That is a realistic boundary to have.
 

Wornwarrior

Senior Member
May 11, 2015
172
3
18
#3
paprika30, is your husband a Christian?
I know that pain causes us to be angry sometimes because it hurts, and there is nothing we can do about it. And if he is a Christian, I wonder if its possible he might be angry at God for this health issue that he is having. We tend to do that sometimes. If he isn't saved, did you try to talk to him about Jesus or do you know someone that he respects that would be willing to talk to him? The most important thing you can do for him right now though is to continue to show him love, and pray for him. I will join you in prayer.
 
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paprika30

Guest
#4
Yes my husband is a christian. However I do feel that that he is pulling away from the lord because of his pain. I do try to speak with him about it but he doesn't always listen. I just feel myself falling away from him and I really don't want to abandon hi when he needs me most.
 
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soccermom19

Guest
#6
You need to let your husband know what is and what is not acceptable behavior towards you and the children. I agree that you need to set boundaries. Tell him that you understand that he is hurting, but that you also believe that he wouldn't want to see you or your children hurting. Pray with him and for him.
I will pray for your family. God Bless!
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#7
Yes my husband is a christian. However I do feel that that he is pulling away from the lord because of his pain. I do try to speak with him about it but he doesn't always listen. I just feel myself falling away from him and I really don't want to abandon hi when he needs me most.
I had a long bout of hissy-fit when I first had chronic pain. And then an even longer hissy-fit when God dared make my hubby sick and then disabled. I would have denied God if the obvious weren't true -- can't deny him. He's very real.

After three years of the second hissy-fit, I knew I had to find some way to get over it and then get back to God. I found that in a book that started out by telling me not to read it, if I'm angry with God. (Well, what could possibly happen if I did? I really couldn't get angrier. I was at angriest already.) So I read it. I suspect it might help your hubby, because it answers the one question most of us can't figure out on our own -- Why me, God? And it's not the sappy Christianese answer, it's the real answer.

Buy him When God Weeps. He may not even know what he wants from God, but that book will help him learn that pain, illness, and prolonged suffering isn't God being angry with us. It's God getting through to us in a powerful way. (And, you might want to read it first, since hubby isn't the only one with long-term suffering. If our spouse suffers, it's tougher than if we suffer. It was harder for me to go through hubby being so sick and then disabled, then it was me getting disabled, and me getting disabled was horrible, so I get how tough it is on you too.)
 

Wornwarrior

Senior Member
May 11, 2015
172
3
18
#8
I can see how that would happen paprika30, but now is the time that your husband needs you most, I agree. We shouldn't give up on someone just because it is hard at the moment. Praise God He never gave up on us! I know it hurts when our loved ones are angry with us. As long as you are not any danger, and I am assuming you are not since you never mentioned it, go to God for the strength you need to love your husband through this storm. He is the Master of the wind and waves and will calm the storms within us too. I wont even pretend to have all the answers, I don't even have all the answers for my own life but I know who does. Call to Him! I cant stress enough how much we need to spend time on our knees when the storms are raging. He is our hope and we can be sure that He will work all things out, according to His will.
Ill be praying with you sister. God bless you!
 
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iveseenworse

Guest
#9
okay, that's a lot of good stuff. this one wasn't mentioned, tape record some basic conversations. when the offender hears his own voice, tone, words, played back it's often more telling than they think. i know, but worth a try.
 
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tenderhearted

Guest
#10
Paprika keep praying for your husband. This is a time of growth for your husband. When the rubber hits the road we find out what we are really made of. For some people when the trials kick in they lean on God, but for some they get mad at God. There is a struggle right now for the heart of your husband. Pray that God give you compassion for your husband because the enemy will use anything to drive a wedge in your marriage. I know that you and your child are hurting now, but I don't believe that you should take it personal. The bible says that our struggle is not with flesh and blood... but with the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm. Explain that to your child also. Physical pain doesn't always bring out the best in people. I have chronic knee pain and I have to lean on God to help me get through the day. When I first got hit with this 5 years ago I had to go through a grieving process. It wasn't easy, even for my husband. We had to change our life style a bit, but God carried us through and he is still carrying us through. God can give you the supernatural ability to love your husband through this.
 

Shannon50

Senior Member
May 9, 2015
184
2
18
#11
Also, maybe check the side-effects of some of his prescription drugs (if he's taking pain meds) I've heard some cause irritability/aggression-- maybe that is a factor--
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,938
113
#12
Speaking as someone with chronic pain, I do know how easy it is to get angry - at God, at your body and those around you, when they have done nothing wrong. My husband is very aware of my bad pain days, and is very good to ask me why I am mad at him. We talk freely about what I am going through. Sometimes he will massage the bad areas, and sometimes just hold me. And he will take me to the ER or the doctor if things get beyond me.

You don't say why or what the pain is, but it sounds to me like his pain is not well controlled. Has he seen a pain doctor? What about a physiotherapist? Exercise has helped me in amazing ways, although my body finds new ways to hurt!

As for you, I do think you need to pray both for and with your husband. When I have a 10/10 day, I do get angry at God. But fortunately, God always seems to touch my heart, and then I can repent and walk with God again. But certainly, there are days I just want the pain to end, any way possible. I wonder if those days are the ones your husband is more angry? There is a frustration with being a Christian, having a good family and wife, but not being able to enjoy or appreciate it.

People here talk about setting boundaries. Normally I would heartily agree. But when the pain gets bad, those boundaries aren't even remembered, let alone adequate. I think you really do need to look further for some answers to help your husband reduce his pain. Unless you have exhausted every avenue, there are amazing things being done for pain management and you need to help him get access to these things.

As for you, I think you have to cultivate a little bit of detachment and compassion. You may hurt for a few minutes from the stinging anger your husband gave you. But imagine having to live 24/7 in a body that hurts all the time! It's tough being married to someone who is physically hurting, but God is going to be there, and he chose you for this task, which he knew would happen.

Praying you can get some more help for your husband, so that your marriage can be restored, and you can make it through all these bad times, in sickness, as the wedding vows say.
 

Wornwarrior

Senior Member
May 11, 2015
172
3
18
#13
Also, maybe check the side-effects of some of his prescription drugs (if he's taking pain meds) I've heard some cause irritability/aggression-- maybe that is a factor--
So true, meds can change moods drastically!
 
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Eva1218

Guest
#14
Is there any support groups you all can attend together as a family and where he can do also alone. If so that could be of help if not ask for some men at your church to visit him at least once a week to minister to him. Pray together as a family. Ask the elders of your church to Anoint him with oil. Spend quality time with GOD no speaking just be there quiet seeking GOD'S Presence that is where you will find Peace, also Anoint your house and have Christian music play softly throughout the house all day that will bring a calmness to your home.

Blessings!!!!!!!