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Hi. I'm new to the chat, not sure what I'm searching for by sharing, but feel the need to.
My husband and I met on an online Christian dating site. We dated for a little less than a year, and then married. This is a second marriage for each of us, and each had a cheating spouse ( he left his, mine left me while pregnant) in our first marriage. My profile was very clear, I wanted a man with integrity, someone who was honest, loving, and faithful.
He was a wonderful boyfriend, my family and I grew to love him quickly. He was great with my then 3 yr old son, and a true gentleman around me.
Early in our relationship and marriage he was very attracted to me. But within the first year of our marriage, most of which I was pregnant with our daughter, he began to grow impatient with me, dissatisfied. I couldn't do anything right. The house was too messy, I didn't give him enough attention, I couldn't do anything that measured up to the standards he set.
Shortly after our first anniversary, I discovered that he had been in relationships with multiple women the whole time. I found online emails, messenger sex chats, photos, texts on phone and credit card receipts for hotels. I found it all sort of slowly, over the course of a couple weeks. When I found the first fb messages, he said that's all there was. Then I found more and more. Each time he lied and said there was nothing else, but there always was. I initially wanted a divorce, but we had the kids - my son from my first marriage, his daughter from his first, and our daughter together. He agreed to go to counseling, said he wouldn't do it again, initially blamed me, then finally admitted what he did was wrong and there was no justification for the sin.
Fast forward 5 years. I have caught him cheating several more times. I believe he has an addiction.Always huge amounts of online stuff - ashleymadison affair site memberships, emails, photos, etc. he admits to meeting up with them, but denies sex all but once. Tons of texts, hidden tract phones I never found, but had evidence of and he admitted to after.
. I don't believe there wasn't more sex, but don't have proof. And each time he initially blames me, then says he was wrong, sayshe loves me, better for kids to stay together, that things will change. We did counseling again, gave passwords to phone (work provides his cell so no records come home), cc info, etc. he denies anything is going on the entire time he is doing stuff.
Every time I want to leave, have even taken the kids (there is now a one year old too, I rarely denied him sexually, and protection didn't work - lil one is a blessing tho!) and gone to my parents for a few days. Then I think to myself that I could never not see my kids every day. I wouldn't want those women in their lives. At one point I left and was done, and felt God calling me back to our marriage. I don't know why. I fought it, but the Lord was insistent, and I obeyed. My youngest son was con I ever shortly after, perhaps he is the reason why.
When I was pregnant with our son, my husband called me to tell me he had chlamydia. He said it was through oral sex given to him by some women he had seen after I left the house the previous summer for a few days (and called his mom and ex wife to tell them he had cheated - not smart, but I was hurt and furious) cheating. He could have killed our son by giving it to me (I tested positive). And I think he was lying about when got it, as my tests (routinely done during pregnancy) came back negative in the fall.
This last time I discovered more of the same (2/15 this year) he put a located app on his phone, downloaded covenant eyes on all tech. Said he would make God more a part of lives, would talk to pastor, etc. but the God stuff isn't happening. Our pastors son is very ill, so he is unavailable, and husband won't find anyone else to talk to.
I read this over and it sounds so ridiculous to me. Like you all will wonder why I haven't left. I wonder it too. But I love my kids, and I don't want a torn family for them. My youngest daughter has been in treatment for leukemia the past two yrs with a half yr of treatment left to go, and as a stay at home mom, I've been able to care for her and my others.
I guess I always seem to have this hope that he will get over this addiction to online dating, and lying, and always I end up finding this hasn't happened. I know feel pretty dead toward our marriage and him. I still care for him, love is a choice and I made the promise to love when I said my vows, but there hasn't been trust this whole time, and I am no longer attracted to him.
My husband and I met on an online Christian dating site. We dated for a little less than a year, and then married. This is a second marriage for each of us, and each had a cheating spouse ( he left his, mine left me while pregnant) in our first marriage. My profile was very clear, I wanted a man with integrity, someone who was honest, loving, and faithful.
He was a wonderful boyfriend, my family and I grew to love him quickly. He was great with my then 3 yr old son, and a true gentleman around me.
Early in our relationship and marriage he was very attracted to me. But within the first year of our marriage, most of which I was pregnant with our daughter, he began to grow impatient with me, dissatisfied. I couldn't do anything right. The house was too messy, I didn't give him enough attention, I couldn't do anything that measured up to the standards he set.
Shortly after our first anniversary, I discovered that he had been in relationships with multiple women the whole time. I found online emails, messenger sex chats, photos, texts on phone and credit card receipts for hotels. I found it all sort of slowly, over the course of a couple weeks. When I found the first fb messages, he said that's all there was. Then I found more and more. Each time he lied and said there was nothing else, but there always was. I initially wanted a divorce, but we had the kids - my son from my first marriage, his daughter from his first, and our daughter together. He agreed to go to counseling, said he wouldn't do it again, initially blamed me, then finally admitted what he did was wrong and there was no justification for the sin.
Fast forward 5 years. I have caught him cheating several more times. I believe he has an addiction.Always huge amounts of online stuff - ashleymadison affair site memberships, emails, photos, etc. he admits to meeting up with them, but denies sex all but once. Tons of texts, hidden tract phones I never found, but had evidence of and he admitted to after.
. I don't believe there wasn't more sex, but don't have proof. And each time he initially blames me, then says he was wrong, sayshe loves me, better for kids to stay together, that things will change. We did counseling again, gave passwords to phone (work provides his cell so no records come home), cc info, etc. he denies anything is going on the entire time he is doing stuff.
Every time I want to leave, have even taken the kids (there is now a one year old too, I rarely denied him sexually, and protection didn't work - lil one is a blessing tho!) and gone to my parents for a few days. Then I think to myself that I could never not see my kids every day. I wouldn't want those women in their lives. At one point I left and was done, and felt God calling me back to our marriage. I don't know why. I fought it, but the Lord was insistent, and I obeyed. My youngest son was con I ever shortly after, perhaps he is the reason why.
When I was pregnant with our son, my husband called me to tell me he had chlamydia. He said it was through oral sex given to him by some women he had seen after I left the house the previous summer for a few days (and called his mom and ex wife to tell them he had cheated - not smart, but I was hurt and furious) cheating. He could have killed our son by giving it to me (I tested positive). And I think he was lying about when got it, as my tests (routinely done during pregnancy) came back negative in the fall.
This last time I discovered more of the same (2/15 this year) he put a located app on his phone, downloaded covenant eyes on all tech. Said he would make God more a part of lives, would talk to pastor, etc. but the God stuff isn't happening. Our pastors son is very ill, so he is unavailable, and husband won't find anyone else to talk to.
I read this over and it sounds so ridiculous to me. Like you all will wonder why I haven't left. I wonder it too. But I love my kids, and I don't want a torn family for them. My youngest daughter has been in treatment for leukemia the past two yrs with a half yr of treatment left to go, and as a stay at home mom, I've been able to care for her and my others.
I guess I always seem to have this hope that he will get over this addiction to online dating, and lying, and always I end up finding this hasn't happened. I know feel pretty dead toward our marriage and him. I still care for him, love is a choice and I made the promise to love when I said my vows, but there hasn't been trust this whole time, and I am no longer attracted to him.
