Should we be advocating divorce?

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atwhatcost

Guest
#21
#21
Olerica said:
Even if it's biblically justified?


The question pains me. In no way do I think we should shame those having gone through a divorce.
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No, we should be advocating for God's will in this matter. Each matter is different. God's will goes in one of two directions -- yes or no.

The problem I see too often on this particular forum is the concept of "we don't get along" as a good reason to get a divorce. It's not. Get along! Honestly, doable in Christ. Even doable to love the spouse again. (With God, all good things are doable.)

The other problem seems to be if the marriage isn't going smoothly, too often the "my spouse isn't a Christian" card gets played. Yeah? So? First, are you? Second, were you unaware of this at the time you got married, or is this a huge surprise that just came to you lately? It really doesn't matter. Any which way you slice it, (except in the case when you've recently become regenerated), it wasn't like you didn't know this before hand, so you signed up for that. Adapt. The only way you get out of that marriage with that card is if the spouse wants to. Preferred is don't get hoity-toity and drive the spouse away, but act like a Christian so the spouse doesn't want to leave. Meanwhile pray, (not nag, pray), the spouse also becomes born again.

My denomination spells out the one and only reason for divorce -- desertion. That doesn't always mean having an affair. Sometimes they desert mentally or physically. Then it's still up to the spouse on what God says about the matter. After all, he really did have Hosea marry a prostitute with the idea that she would remain one. (It was to show his people what it felt like to be God.) Sometimes God puts us in bad places to show us something. Often we get ourselves in bad places because we forget the two commandments. Both commandments are essential for a good marriage.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#24
#24
Rosesrock said:
Were when??
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America's colonial days. Guys were usually on their own by 14, often with enough money to marry by the time they were 15. This "got to be old thing" is very recent. My hubby's generation was usually married by the time they were 20. I felt like an old maid at 23, but didn't mind because I never wanted to get married.

Oops. And then he came into my life. lol
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#25
#25
atwhatcost said:
America's colonial days. Guys were usually on their own by 14, often with enough money to marry by the time they were 15. This "got to be old thing" is very recent. My hubby's generation was usually married by the time they were 20. I felt like an old maid at 23, but didn't mind because I never wanted to get married.

Oops. And then he came into my life. lol
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Lol, and there was no extras the kids are faced with. Time matters. Society tends to keep us discontent and now and days kids are pairing up at 14, but for what? It's not to marry. It's to pass each other around until there's so much drama someone has to move (ok over exaggration, but you get the point) back then, men were raised hard workers, to be ready to provide. Not to beat whomever in Call of Duty, or World of Warcraft. Ladies were excited about raising children, not bottled up afraid if who they choose might decide to up and leave one day. Trust issues and discontentment have robbed our younger generations of the peace and excitement of what true Godly relationships are.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#26
#26
Rosesrock said:
Lol, and there was no extras the kids are faced with. Time matters. Society tends to keep us discontent and now and days kids are pairing up at 14, but for what? It's not to marry. It's to pass each other around until there's so much drama someone has to move (ok over exaggration, but you get the point) back then, men were raised hard workers, to be ready to provide. Not to beat whomever in Call of Duty, or World of Warcraft. Ladies were excited about raising children, not bottled up afraid if who they choose might decide to up and leave one day. Trust issues and discontentment have robbed our younger generations of the peace and excitement of what true Godly relationships are.
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Was going to respond, but not my thread and not the topic. (I'm trying. Really, really trying. lol)
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#27
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#27
I think the problem with what we see in this forum, and people suggesting divorce as an option, is people are posting who have been through terrible marriages, and this is their last attempt to figure out what to do.

Rarely do we get threads with people talking about how good their marriages are, or how to smooth over a small wrinkle in their relationship. Instead, we get those who have been lied to, cheated on, and generally abused in many ways over many years.

I do not advocate divorce, except for the Biblical reasons of adultery and abuse. Yet, sadly, I find that over and over, I am suggesting divorce here, because that is the reasons the posters are giving and wondering if they should end their marriages.
 
Jesus4ever

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
#28
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#28
Well, in my opinion, I believe one should do whatever we can to maintain the marriage. One should forgive, even knowing the reason Jesus gives as valid for divorce (Matthew 5:32). However, every case is unique and in spite of being able to forgive, the spouse that was hurt (cheated in this case) may not have the right conditions to stay married. This is not an easy situation, but I do believe we should do whatever one can to continue married, as with God´s help everything can be accomplished, as nothing is impossible for Him.

Now, one should not forget that if someone divorces (even with the reasons that allow that - Matthew 5:32 -), there´s only one thing that allows to remarry again (Romans 7:1-3), so apart from that, remarriage is not allowed, as if any of them (or both) do that, both will be considered as adulterers if they decide to remarry. So, I believe this may also be a reason to really think before divorcing someone. God hates divorce...


God bless!
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#29
#29
Angela53510 said:
I think the problem with what we see in this forum, and people suggesting divorce as an option, is people are posting who have been through terrible marriages, and this is their last attempt to figure out what to do.

Rarely do we get threads with people talking about how good their marriages are, or how to smooth over a small wrinkle in their relationship. Instead, we get those who have been lied to, cheated on, and generally abused in many ways over many years.

I do not advocate divorce, except for the Biblical reasons of adultery and abuse. Yet, sadly, I find that over and over, I am suggesting divorce here, because that is the reasons the posters are giving and wondering if they should end their marriages.
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Then again, how do you respond to "my marriage is wonderful" threads anyway? It makes for a short topic. (I know. I tried. lol)

I rarely advocate for divorce. After all, we're only hearing from one side. When divorce is obvious (the spouse is dangerous or cheats constantly), I'm into telling the person to get out, but even there we're only hearing half the story.

Hubby's ex painted such a terrible story against him to their kids. She was both dangerous and adulterous. Heaven help us all, if she were the one posting the sad story on here. You wouldn't recognize reality, and she'd feel proper for divorcing him, because so many would tell her to.
 
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twotwo

Guest
#30
#30
Olerica said:
Even if it's biblically justified?


The question pains me. In no way do I think we should shame those having gone through a divorce.
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We should not advocate divorce for sure ! However, we are living in a merciless world!

Hence, in the name of the Lord, we have no choice but to do it out of compassion for those who suffer!
 
proverbs35

proverbs35

Senior Member
#31
Nov 10, 2012
825
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#31
Tintin said:
Thanks. Well, there's some truth to it, isn't there. If the option of divorce isn't even an available option, then you're more likely to fight tooth and nail for your marriage.
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Ummm... If divorce wasn't an option, you wouldn't have to fight tooth and nail for the marriage. The parties involved would not have to fight for the marriage because the marriage would exist anyway. The marriage would exist without effort - without work.


Note: I'm talking about unhealthy marriages here - adultery and/or abuse.

Couples in healthy, loving marriages would obviously be working on their marriage consistently because healthy marriages are a work in progress.
 
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pwrnJC

Banned
#32
Dec 1, 2014
1,430
27
0
#32
Date? my daughter and son informed me that that nobody calls it DATING anymore. THEY HANG. "MAKE OUT" is what I used to call KIssy Pooh, except that hands go to other places now instead of holding together. IT is expected that when a boy and girl go over to each other's house, that it's instantly understood that their bedroom is the only room in the house meant for them to be in. Nobody has anything to look forward to on their wedding night...it's already been done. My children laughed at my wife and I when we told them we were virgins on our wedding day. A pastor friend of mine took a personal vow to not perform nuptuals if he knew that the couple were already sleeping together. Needless to say, he has not performed a wedding in 10 years now. First comes baby, marriage is optional and what's love got to do with it?
 
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Tintin

Guest
#33
#33
proverbs35 said:
Ummm... If divorce wasn't an option, you wouldn't have to fight tooth and nail for the marriage. The parties involved would not have to fight for the marriage because the marriage would exist anyway. The marriage would exist without effort - without work.


Note: I'm talking about unhealthy marriages here - adultery and/or abuse.

Couples in healthy, loving marriages would obviously be working on their marriage consistently because healthy marriages are a work in progress.
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No worries. I'm single and I've never been married. I know nothing. Thanks for correcting me. :)
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#34
#34
Tintin said:
No worries. I'm single and I've never been married. I know nothing. Thanks for correcting me. :)
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Ahhhh a man who can admit he's wrong....nice
 
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Jeff_56

Banned
#36
Dec 26, 2014
3,757
19
0
#36
"WHAT A MESS

Our world is a mess because our marriages are a mess. The Juvenile prisons are full of violent felons because they either grew up in homes without fathers, or had multiple abusive step fathers and step mothers. But broken homes are nothing new to our earth village. However what is new is the steep statistical growth in broken homes. At the beginning of the 20th century 10 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce. By the end of the century it had grown to an alarming 60 out of every 100.

The number of people living together without marriage, and consequently the number of illegitimate children is pandemic.

Disturbingly the statistics for divorces among Christians are no different than from the general population.

I believe part of the fault lies in Christians no longer knowing Yah's teaching on Divorce.
  • "Where there is no vision the people perish" ( Proverbs 22.18 )
  • "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge" ( Hosea 4.6 )

The Church leaders since the 20th Century have not given a consistent, clear teaching on marriage. At the beginning of the Century the message from every pulpit was "Marriage is between one man and one woman. Until death do us part."

But by the 21st Century many of the clergy were divorced. It is not uncommon to find them with their second mate, and some are with their sixth, or seventh spouse. As for the mess of marriage the preachers throw up their hands and say: "Can you unscramble an egg?" 99 out of 100 now accept divorce and remarriage as an unfortunate, but normal way of life.

SO WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?" >>>

The Marriage Bed is Upside Down
 
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Tintin

Guest
#39
#39
Ugly said:
Seems man bashing on this site has started to go up lately.
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I hope not! That bull was so last year.
Also, judging by what I've seen of Rose around the forums, I don't get that vibe from her post.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#40
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
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#40
We have many awesome, wonderful, Godly men here. I'm honored to be a part of this community.
 
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