Is it really that difficult for a man to be the head of his household?

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sc81

Senior Member
Dec 17, 2013
152
0
0
#21
it's better if some women stay single, that way they can focus solely on God without having to deal with a husband
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
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#22
You brought up a very good point and it is very true. However, a good woman will know the difference between a person being disabled and not wanting to do anything. What I mean by that is there are a lot of people that can't work due to medical reasons, but there are many people that use that as an excuse not to do anything and would rather have things handed to them on a silver platter.
I will give you an example. My dad's cousin was in a car accident when he was nineteen due to excessive speed and drove his car through a deep ditch. The paramedics had to use the jaws of life to remove him from the vehicle. As a result he is paralyzed from the waist down and cannot use his hands like he should, so he can't work, but he does drive. He actually has the brake and accelerator as a button on his vehicles. This man is so full of life, he is always doing something whether it is working on his Corvette or running around town. Very seldom is he watching TV, he would much rather be active and visit his sister in Las Vegas and go out with his friends. He could have let his disability get the better of him, but he is living his life to the very fullest he can. I think this is what people would rather see in a potential husband if he can't work or drive it is not stopping him from getting out and doing things for the community or even for himself.
I agree. It's one thing to not let any disabilities get in the way of you. It's another to self pity in them. For me I use a bike everywhere. Even though at night is where I really can't see at all, I still bike home after CR on Monday nights even though I really shouldn't be out at all. I have friends that would offer rides, thankfully, if they're there. But yeah Jesus calls out to all do things to serve Him in different ways. There may be stuff we're limited in, but that shouldn't stop us from serving what He wants to be done altogether.
 

proverbs35

Senior Member
Nov 10, 2012
825
239
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#23
PoetMary said: Since we have seen so many threads grinding on about women being submissive in a marriage, I thought I'd try starting a discussion about men being the head of the household. What does that even mean?
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ep 5:23
But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Cor 11:3

The Bible clearly states that the husband is head of the wife. That's a description and not an instruction. It describes the relationship between husband and wife. A husband's position or status as "head" is not a mandate or commandment, but it's an immutable state of being. It is immutable as it relates to the covenant relationship of marriage. The only thing that can sever a husband's headship over his wife is divorce or death.

Someone in the thread mentioned husbands with disabilities. A husband is the head of his wife even if he is in a coma. His position and/or status as head of his wife is not nullified.

If your relative (mother, father, sibling, cousin, etc) goes into a coma or ICU, do they stop being your relative? Does that coma sever your family ties? No. The same immutability applies to the relationship between husband (head) and wife.

Is it possible that a man can be the head of his household and send his wife off to her job while he stays home to care for the house and nurture the children?
Absolutely because a husband's headship is an immutable state of being rather than a mandate or commandment.

Would people consider this man a leader?
The key word here is leader. Although a husband's headship over his wife is immutable, headship does not determine the kind of leader a particular husband (head) will be. Men (and women) are not born capable leaders. Capable leadership is cultivated and practiced. Capable leadership is intentional. There is nothing haphazard about it.

Another point:
I often her people use the phrase "the husband is head (kephale, Strong's 2776) of the household." Where is that phrase in the Bible? I know I'm being anal retentive here, but I believe it's necessary. The Bible does not state that a husband is the head (kephale) of the household. The Bible specifically says that "the husband is head of the wife." Why is that important? Because it speaks to the unique relationship between a husband and wife. It helps differentiate the husband and wife relationship from other relationships.

The Bible does not say that the husband is head (kephale) of the daughter, son or children. The Bible does not say that the husband is head (kephale) of his servants. The Bible clearly and intentionally states that the husband is head (kephale) of the wife. The relationship between a husband and wife is unique and set apart. It is not a father-child relationship, and it is not a master-slave relationship. There is no headship (kephale) in those relationships.

Note: I'm specifically talking about (kephale, Strong's 2776) the Greek word used in Ep 5:23 and 1 Cor 11:3 translated as "head."
 

Shannon50

Senior Member
May 9, 2015
184
2
18
#24
haha-- this just reminds me of the line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding-- 'The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases.' --but seriously, I like the idea of being immutable state as it pertains to a marriage relationship--- (do I like being the neck... hummmmm) :D
 

Billyd

Senior Member
May 8, 2014
5,036
1,473
113
#25
haha-- this just reminds me of the line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding-- 'The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases.' --but seriously, I like the idea of being immutable state as it pertains to a marriage relationship--- (do I like being the neck... hummmmm) :D
I believe that God made the relationship a little more serious. I believe that he made the woman the heart of the relationship. Without a heart the head is useless, and without a head the heart is useless. In both cases the relationship is dead.
 
E

Eva1218

Guest
#26
I think what many miss is that this is speaking of Godly husbands not just mere men. Godly husbands hear directions and confirmation from GOD. This does not mean that the wife does not. What is states is that when GOD has given the husband direction she is to back him and not go against it this is submission. Yes the Bible says a man don't work don't eat, what many miss is what work is being spoken of. A husband must work for GOD, his family, his home this is not always physical work but directing the family, giving spiritual guidelines, teaching, setting boundaries for the home and having Spiritual awareness to protect the family. There is no excuse for a husband not to be just that a husband. Not what the worlds says a husband is but what GOD says a husband is.

Blessings!!!!!!!
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
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#27
I'm SO happy you brought this up. So much of what we call "manly leadership" has much more to due with the trappings of being a man than actual biblical manhood.

My answer to you is a very firm "absolutely not!" (And I've known women married to men with a variety of disabilities who would agree with me). None of this makes you any less of a man, nor does it preclude you from being the head of your future household!
Well that is very nice of you to say. I personally battled this leading up to my regeneration, but losing the use of my right arm made me feel like I wasn't a man to the point I would tell my wife she should go find a "whole man" to take care of her because I was broken. All I wanted was to die on top of that, which made me feel even less capable of fulfilling my “man role”. Oh man it was tough, but what I needed to be filled with truth. I now fill more like a man than I ever did before, and all because of Him that lives inside me, and made me a better person from the inside out. I agree 100%, and it is a lot easier to tell someone that then to live it, they tried to before, but my pride wouldn’t let me hear it.


 
E

ember

Guest
#28
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Ep 5:23
But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Cor 11:3

The Bible clearly states that the husband is head of the wife. That's a description and not an instruction. It describes the relationship between husband and wife. A husband's position or status as "head" is not a mandate or commandment, but it's an immutable state of being. It is immutable as it relates to the covenant relationship of marriage. The only thing that can sever a husband's headship over his wife is divorce or death.

Someone in the thread mentioned husbands with disabilities. A husband is the head of his wife even if he is in a coma. His position and/or status as head of his wife is not nullified.

If your relative (mother, father, sibling, cousin, etc) goes into a coma or ICU, do they stop being your relative? Does that coma sever your family ties? No. The same immutability applies to the relationship between husband (head) and wife.


Absolutely because a husband's headship is an immutable state of being rather than a mandate or commandment.

The key word here is leader. Although a husband's headship over his wife is immutable, headship does not determine the kind of leader a particular husband (head) will be. Men (and women) are not born capable leaders. Capable leadership is cultivated and practiced. Capable leadership is intentional. There is nothing haphazard about it.

Another point:
I often her people use the phrase "the husband is head (kephale, Strong's 2776) of the household." Where is that phrase in the Bible? I know I'm being anal retentive here, but I believe it's necessary. The Bible does not state that a husband is the head (kephale) of the household. The Bible specifically says that "the husband is head of the wife." Why is that important? Because it speaks to the unique relationship between a husband and wife. It helps differentiate the husband and wife relationship from other relationships.

The Bible does not say that the husband is head (kephale) of the daughter, son or children. The Bible does not say that the husband is head (kephale) of his servants. The Bible clearly and intentionally states that the husband is head (kephale) of the wife. The relationship between a husband and wife is unique and set apart. It is not a father-child relationship, and it is not a master-slave relationship. There is no headship (kephale) in those relationships.

Note: I'm specifically talking about (kephale, Strong's 2776) the Greek word used in Ep 5:23 and 1 Cor 11:3 translated as "head."

well actually looking at, diseminating and studying scripture is not at the top of the agenda often enough, IMO, other than in a cursory 'oh the Bible says...and then you end up with the good ole man vs woman with the woman being told to submit

guessing that when people use the phrase 'husband is the head of.....' they automatically extend it to include, the kids, pets and grandma if she lives with em...

so who would the husband being the head of the wife look like to you if he is the head in a particular relationship...ie marriage?

I'd be interested in that discussion

I will be honest here...I am getting somewhat irritated at some of the manly man comments such as "I want a traditional wife"


well hey...do you want a traditional wife or do you want a godly wife? Cause me? I'm thinking they are not necessairly the same

I am not traditional...first off, I never was a Suzie homemaker type...when I was kid, my grandparents gave my cousin and I doll carriages...for our dolls...I put my stuffed animals in the carriage...what dolls? I may have disturbed some folks when they took a gander in the carriage and a lifesize chimp toy stared back at them...surrounded by various other 4 legged creatures

I question question question...some might call me rebellious...but is questionning rebellious? My comeback is usually 'well, you know, even God lets you ask questions..' which strangely enough, usually puts a damper on further discussion

I calm down about things real quick if people are willing to discuss and I get riled up if people do not want to discuss...I think everyone should have input and try to listen...listening means you don't get to talk

Christians will say they go by the Bible...but do they? or are they just going by what they think it says or what they have been taught is says?

For me, a man who lets you be yourself and gives you room for expression is a good choice. Has my husband always been that man? No because his parents painted the woman submit picture as in...'do as I say'...no cruelty or abuse...but not much wiggle room. I sure didn't have that growing up, so in my marriage, both of us have been somewhat stretched and done some stretching...but isn't that two people growing and fitting together?

somebody?
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,694
818
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#29
Well that is very nice of you to say. I personally battled this leading up to my regeneration, but losing the use of my right arm made me feel like I wasn't a man to the point I would tell my wife she should go find a "whole man" to take care of her because I was broken. All I wanted was to die on top of that, which made me feel even less capable of fulfilling my “man role”. Oh man it was tough, but what I needed to be filled with truth. I now fill more like a man than I ever did before, and all because of Him that lives inside me, and made me a better person from the inside out. I agree 100%, and it is a lot easier to tell someone that then to live it, they tried to before, but my pride wouldn’t let me hear it.


Feel, not fill*
 
E

ember

Guest
#30
Well that is very nice of you to say. I personally battled this leading up to my regeneration, but losing the use of my right arm made me feel like I wasn't a man to the point I would tell my wife she should go find a "whole man" to take care of her because I was broken. All I wanted was to die on top of that, which made me feel even less capable of fulfilling my “man role”. Oh man it was tough, but what I needed to be filled with truth. I now fill more like a man than I ever did before, and all because of Him that lives inside me, and made me a better person from the inside out. I agree 100%, and it is a lot easier to tell someone that then to live it, they tried to before, but my pride wouldn’t let me hear it.


I like this Jim...you must have a great wife! I like that you listened and changed! hugs!
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,261
2,386
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#31
As far as I understand, being the "head of the household" means you mow the lawn and take out the garbage.

I'd be happy to relinquish some of my authority.
 
E

ember

Guest
#32
As far as I understand, being the "head of the household" means you mow the lawn and take out the garbage.

I'd be happy to relinquish some of my authority.
well I like mowing the lawn and I take out the garbage if I have to...

my husband will vacuum if I am occupied with something else and go grocery shopping if I have a work deadline

so, yuh know?
 
B

BettyAnn

Guest
#33
I'm SO happy you brought this up. So much of what we call "manly leadership" has much more to due with the trappings of being a man than actual biblical manhood.

My answer to you is a very firm "absolutely not!" (And I've known women married to men with a variety of disabilities who would agree with me). None of this makes you any less of a man, nor does it preclude you from being the head of your future household!
Here as well. My husband developed a heart condition as well as psoriatic arthritis. A few years ago his vertebrae started fusing then earlier this year he had open heart surgery. He's been through a great deal from before we married and since, none of it has kept him from holding his place as head of home. Now if it has led me to love or respect him less than any other man would be loved and respected.

We both have an odd history on our walk. I was adopted in to an old order Amish family who then became swartzentruber amish. My birth family started raising me at 14 and they are mostly Jews. When I loved again with my adoptive family i decided against baptism and the only church I could find a Biblical basis for at the time was baptist brethren.....so on and so on. Then we have the church going as a couple to different denominations before God led us where we are.

Point is, through all of that I was able to see in to people's lives and marriage more than average people do. Really, outside of God's rules on how to treat a spouse there's much variation. I am convicted that if God is head of the man, by which that man is keeping God in his heart and dealings and faith, then his house will be a Godly house and how it's run is that man's business. If God is truly submitted to then the household will prosper in Godly means. It might not be what we ourselves prefer or want but God puts people in to His plan, not that we must fit Him in to ours.
 
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BettyAnn

Guest
#34
it's better if some women stay single, that way they can focus solely on God without having to deal with a husband
Agreed. I think some people are set aside for singleness just as some are set aside for preaching, missionaries,husbands,wives or any other countless ways God decides.

I hate seeing people pushed in to relationships or awkward situations because other people think they know better than that person's heart or God's plan.
 

proverbs35

Senior Member
Nov 10, 2012
825
239
43
#35
well I like mowing the lawn and I take out the garbage if I have to...

my husband will vacuum if I am occupied with something else and go grocery shopping if I have a work deadline

so, yuh know?
Sounds like a decent guy. Very cooperative, and that's important in a healthy relationship.
 
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ember

Guest
#36
Sounds like a decent guy. Very cooperative, and that's important in a healthy relationship.
yes...I don't think their is an ideal that fits everyone

I don't like lumping everyone together. I think people want to be seen and loved for themselves...in other words, you want someone having your back...even if you are wrong, at least they are still there for you

That's easier said then done in human relationships...but I think understanding, believing and then acting on how God sees us, accepts us in His Son and tells us to forgive, is a big step towards staying together in any relationship and obviously very important in marriage
 
Dec 1, 2014
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#37
Actually, I have no issue with a man stepping up to the plate and being a leader, period..Rare these days..I like the idea of a man taking responsibility in the home while the wife works...MY wife has the insurances, hospitalization, and benefits that I, as a husband, don't. Who am I to judge or have issues?
 

Jimbone

Senior Member
Aug 22, 2014
2,694
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#38
I like this Jim...you must have a great wife! I like that you listened and changed! hugs!
I absolutely do, and I thank God every day for her and our boys. We met and got together in high school and have now been together, at 35 & 33 years old, for longer of our lives then we were not together, and in todays "fast food, on to the next thing as soon as anything gets hard or we get board" society, if that’s not a testament to His power I don't know what is. Thank you very much for the kind words, and it sounds like you and your husband are lucky to have each other too. All glory to God for our relationships.
 
Nov 25, 2014
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#39
Actually, I have no issue with a man stepping up to the plate and being a leader, period..Rare these days..I like the idea of a man taking responsibility in the home while the wife works...MY wife has the insurances, hospitalization, and benefits that I, as a husband, don't. Who am I to judge or have issues?
I'm so happy to see you say this (along with some of the other things that men have shared here).

My take on it is that a lot of those "traditional" ideas are really just externalized trappings. Just because a man "brings home the bacon" doesn't mean he's really a leader in the home. Just because a wife determines a lot of the issues in the home regarding day-to-day living doesn't mean she's not "submissive" to her husband.

I've always thought that these sorts of things were negotiated between couples (and that they should be). The idea that we can invent some kind of formula and presume that it should be applied to all couples in all times and all places has always seemed a bit...well controlling to me.
 
E

ember

Guest
#40
I absolutely do, and I thank God every day for her and our boys. We met and got together in high school and have now been together, at 35 & 33 years old, for longer of our lives then we were not together, and in todays "fast food, on to the next thing as soon as anything gets hard or we get board" society, if that’s not a testament to His power I don't know what is. Thank you very much for the kind words, and it sounds like you and your husband are lucky to have each other too. All glory to God for our relationships.
Thank you!