Fighting Temptation!

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B

Brody

Guest
#1
#1
Man I've never been here before, my wife and I have been through an incredibly rough time it seems since we've gotten married. We kinda rushed into marriage both wanting to do right before God. Its been tougher than we thought and are currently heavily considering separation.
Now I have never ever gone out on my wife or any woman ever, not saying that arrogantly however I never but have always been accused, talked about by my wife like I'm a horrible guy and its finally somewhat catching up to me. I've always despised cheating and said I never would.
However.......I'm finding myself falling from this standard I've set for my own self. I gave in recently and have been talking to a woman i met at work recently. Haven't been sexual but her not being a believer wants to be sexual and man my flesh is definitely wanting to but am somewhat fighting not to. But even besides that, I've been happier, a little more at peace I just kinda feel good, no one talking bad about me or being so negative, or pulling away every time I reach in for a hug. Now I'm no victim don't get me wrong, I'm just tired. I don't want to hurt her in anyway. I love my wife man and it hurts me to think I could hurt her in such a way.
I know adultery is wrong so I'm trying to avoid fornication and I'm obviously playing with fire, idk will someone please pray for me man I got to step up now more than ever and please God by overcoming this its just harder than its ever been for me.
 
B

Brody

Guest
#2
#2
I'm sorry if this post offends anyone I really don't mean to. Please don't respond if you want to attack me or naturally see a jerk just step back and pray for me.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Can pray all you want but if you're making a choice to continue with this other woman then you are not even trying to do rthat that. Not sure what praying will do if you are already going against God, your conscience and your wife.
 
B

Brody

Guest
#4
#4
Ugly said:
Can pray all you want but if you're making a choice to continue with this other woman then you are not even trying to do rthat that. Not sure what praying will do if you are already going against God, your conscience and your wife.
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Well I guess I need God to fix my heart. That's why I pray ma'am. However I hear you
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#5
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#5
Brody, you need to not talk to this woman. I know it's tough, but that way be dragons. Have you and your wife gone to a christian marriage counselor?

Marriage is HARD. It's two very independent people coming together, and each have ideas of how it SHOULD be. You two are not unique in struggling. It's pretty normal. But sit down and find the COMMON ground and pray together. I believe God blesses submission to him. We're not promised happy marriages or ease... but the two of you need to learn to listen to each other and talk to each other. And sometimes neither of you is going to be 'right', but keep choosing each other.

If you do separate, plan on it being a short time so you can court her again, so that you two can learn to love each other in this marriage. Talk to each other and work it out... and pray.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
Brody said:
Well I guess I need God to fix my heart. That's why I pray ma'am. However I hear you
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I believe you mean sir. :rolleyes:
Blue names are male, pink are female.
 
gypsygirl

gypsygirl

Senior Member
#8
Sep 19, 2012
1,394
60
48
#8
first, i want to commend you for being willing to share your heart so openly. one of the things that touched me about your post was the manner in which you poured your heart out.

second, i have prayed for you and your wife, and will do so later on again. i pray that you find the resolve and courage to do what you need to do. i disagree that prayer can avail much, and i understand that you are mightily tempted.

please remember the fact you're feeling better is because someone is validating you, which is a closeness you shouldn't have with someone apart from your wife. i agree with olerica. please don't give up on your marriage. i have seen God do miracles in marriage when people were willing to work together, and, bit by bit, submit to God and work together on issues.

you are playing with fire with this woman. you're not going to be able to see things clearly as long as this distraction is present. get rid of her number, change your phone, or do whatever it takes to separate from her--she is a temptation, and know that she is part of satan's effort to distract you from a godly life and peace with Him.

you need to take all steps necessary to avoid being around this woman/co-worker and avoiding the temptation, including whatever changes necessary to your work schedule or environment. don't think you can remedy this with anything less than full commitment and an unwavering attitude towards her.

then set yourself upon the path to rebuilding. please do look at the counselling resources--start with your church pastors, and be prepared to humble yourself and set the example for your wife as the spiritual headship/servant leader in your marriage. you need to do whatever it takes to re-engage the connection you have with your wife. be the first to show her tenderness and affection even if she isn't doing that for you. do your best to meet her needs even if it's something that doesn't feel natural or as appreciated as it should be at this time.

remember that the illustration of Christ and the church is the same model for the deep and abiding love, as well as the commitment husbands are to have for their wives. in my experience, God tends to show us favor and help us when we're submitting to Him and doing our best to be obedient, not just in deed but in spirit as well.

one more suggestion. i would HIGHLY encourage you to seek out another, older married couple who might be willing to come along side you and your wife, and perhaps willing to share from their experiences and encourage you, keep you accountable, and help you resolve some of the difficulties through confidential and personal sharing from their own relationship experiences.
 
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notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#9
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#9
Fighting or inviting? If you allow yourself into the situation it is only a matter of time before you submit yourself to sin. Flee while you may.

Proverbs speaks of the young man who was taken by the harlot through her fair speech. She was impudent and he went in unto her which was the path to death. Proverbs 7

James said we think about sin long before we yield to it.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#10
#10
#1 posting you know this relationship at work isnt the best.
#2 commit it to prayer
#3 distance yourself from this woman
#4 satan is at work
#5 pray with your wife

James 4:6-7
Resist and he will flee!!!!!
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#11
#11
Brody said:
I'm sorry if this post offends anyone I really don't mean to. Please don't respond if you want to attack me or naturally see a jerk just step back and pray for me.
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No way, we ALL have potential to commit horrble sin, but ill say this. This women making you feel important and distant from your wife, is satan's work. Quote scripture, change habits, work on your marriage. Do not isolate yourself from her (wife).
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#12
#12
Brody said:
Man I've never been here before, my wife and I have been through an incredibly rough time it seems since we've gotten married. We kinda rushed into marriage both wanting to do right before God. Its been tougher than we thought and are currently heavily considering separation.
Now I have never ever gone out on my wife or any woman ever, not saying that arrogantly however I never but have always been accused, talked about by my wife like I'm a horrible guy and its finally somewhat catching up to me. I've always despised cheating and said I never would.
However.......I'm finding myself falling from this standard I've set for my own self. I gave in recently and have been talking to a woman i met at work recently. Haven't been sexual but her not being a believer wants to be sexual and man my flesh is definitely wanting to but am somewhat fighting not to. But even besides that, I've been happier, a little more at peace I just kinda feel good, no one talking bad about me or being so negative, or pulling away every time I reach in for a hug. Now I'm no victim don't get me wrong, I'm just tired. I don't want to hurt her in anyway. I love my wife man and it hurts me to think I could hurt her in such a way.
I know adultery is wrong so I'm trying to avoid fornication and I'm obviously playing with fire, idk will someone please pray for me man I got to step up now more than ever and please God by overcoming this its just harder than its ever been for me.
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My mind drifted toward a coworker once. I can tell you what I did:
1. Got embarrassed. (I bet you already did that one. lol)
2. Prayed.
3. Remembered all the good things about hubby.
4. Realized all the bad things about the coworker.
5. Spent time with hubby to remember why I married him.

It was nipped in the bud within half a day.

One thing you can do that I didn't have to do. (The coworker never even found out my mind went there, so no need to involve him.) Tell your coworker you're married and you're a Christian. That ought to pour ice water on her and force you to stand for the truth.

If you're not willing to do just that much, no amount of prayer will fix this, unless God out-and-out has her die just to save you.
 
J

jb

Senior Member
#13
Feb 27, 2010
4,940
588
113
#13
Brody said:
Man I've never been here before, my wife and I have been through an incredibly rough time it seems since we've gotten married. We kinda rushed into marriage both wanting to do right before God. Its been tougher than we thought and are currently heavily considering separation.
Now I have never ever gone out on my wife or any woman ever, not saying that arrogantly however I never but have always been accused, talked about by my wife like I'm a horrible guy and its finally somewhat catching up to me. I've always despised cheating and said I never would.
However.......I'm finding myself falling from this standard I've set for my own self. I gave in recently and have been talking to a woman i met at work recently. Haven't been sexual but her not being a believer wants to be sexual and man my flesh is definitely wanting to but am somewhat fighting not to. But even besides that, I've been happier, a little more at peace I just kinda feel good, no one talking bad about me or being so negative, or pulling away every time I reach in for a hug. Now I'm no victim don't get me wrong, I'm just tired. I don't want to hurt her in anyway. I love my wife man and it hurts me to think I could hurt her in such a way.
I know adultery is wrong so I'm trying to avoid fornication and I'm obviously playing with fire, idk will someone please pray for me man I got to step up now more than ever and please God by overcoming this its just harder than its ever been for me.
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When you see temptation ahead of you, you STOP, turn around and RUN in the OPPOSITE direction!

Couple of studies Here and Here that you should find helpful...

Yahweh Shalom
 
Jesus4ever

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
#14
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#14
Brother,

I can assure you something: it is during the time you feel weaker and more vulnerable that the enemy works even more. I know that, believe me. I did so many mistakes, I sinned so much in the past that I felt ashamed when I came to the Lord. Our flesh is weak and all the weaknesses/faults we have are explored and "boosted" by the enemy.

Remember your wife, but remember God, first. When you sin, you´re dishonoring Him and you are serving the enemy. We all have carnal wishes, we are all tempted by our flesh. But the Lord purifies our soul and heart. Pray, brother and do what you must do to save your marriage. The best way to do it is to seek God and get closer to Him. Pray with your wife, attend church, get help with counseling if you need, but do not give yourself to the enemy.

Read Ephesians and James.


God bless you and your marriage, brother!
 
B

Brody

Guest
#15
#15
Yeah! Just to clear something up when I said "I met her at work" she isn't actually a coworker she was actually a customer. A little flirtatious and I kinda just went with it. Childish of me I know and shameful, so I'm not forced to see her at all. She knows I'm married which means nothing to a lot of people. Shes tried convincing me that no one will find out but as elementary as it sounds I can't help but think God sees everything! Anyways thanks all I'm taking in everything.
 
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Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#16
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#16
Why would you want to get involved with a woman who knows your already married? What does that say about her character? If you think marriage is tougher than you thought, its probably because you weren't ready to commit. The question is; Do you love your wife more than you love yourself? People stay true when they love their spouse more than their own desires and needs.

If you don't want to hurt your wife, be honest with her and divorce her prior to having an affair. Its good that you don't have any kids yet. Being married isn't always a cake walk, after the initial lovey dovey part wears-off, its easy to stray, but those impulses must be controlled. jmo
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#17
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#17
The one thing about playing with fire is eventually at some point you are going to get BURNED.....it just happens when you play with it....

Reverse the situation.... It is your wife who is talking about another man that she is chatting with at work and he makes her feel wanted and is paying her compliments....

You know about this.....Now how do you feel? She is the one playing with fire and it is hurting your feelings because you can see her doing this.

Best case is remember why you loved your wife in the first place, how excited you were to be with her and spend time with her. Why did you get married? You don't have to answer that just think about it because you know the answer maybe you have just forgotten.

Real life is not fantasy and love is not a feeling it is a commitment and a good marriage is worked at it is not a 50/50 relationship but both partners all in at 100/100.

Try romancing your wife like you did when you were dating and I bet you will see a change in her.... Bring her flowers, say honey lets go out to eat tonight and would you like to see a movie or take a walk and just spend some quality time together....

Your wife still loves you I am sure....laundry, house cleaning, working, kids, responsibilities get in the way and sometimes you are tired and she is tired and harsh words are spoken.....But you loved each other enough at one point to say I DO....

Think about it, pray about it you are husband and wife.

Quit spending time with this other woman unless you just like to get burned or want to burn your wife.... I don't think that is what you really want though is it?
 
E

ember

Guest
#18
#18
Please don't give in and commit adultery. You will regret it the rest of your life.

Listen to the good folks here giving great advice. You just have to turn your back on that mess.

I'm not condemning you. I pray you have the strength to do what is right.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#19
#19
Brody said:
Yeah! Just to clear something up when I said "I met her at work" she isn't actually a coworker she was actually a customer. A little flirtatious and I kinda just went with it. Childish of me I know and shameful, so I'm not forced to see her at all. She knows I'm married which means nothing to a lot of people. Shes tried convincing me that no one will find out but as elementary as it sounds I can't help but think God sees everything! Anyways thanks all I'm taking in everything.
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The no one will find out thing??=satan, run. Resist!!!! The mouth of strange women is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the LORD shall fall therein. Proverbs 22:14

This woman is buttering you up for trouble. She's inconsiderate of your position in your marriage. She's flirty which makes her crafty, schemeing. She's wrong,trouble and sin.
 
Jesus4ever

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
#20
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#20
ember said:
Please don't give in and commit adultery. You will regret it the rest of your life.
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This, brother!

"... Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7


God bless!
 
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