Girls weekend away

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hw78

Guest
#1
#1
I have never had a girls weekend away from my family/husband. I really want to spend time with my girlfriends on the ocean but my husband doesn't want me to. He thinks I will unfaithful and be tempted. Can I get your thoughts on how to tell him what I want without him getting upset.
We did a family vacation to Florida and he had a so-so time but I want to hang loose with my gfs and have a good time without having to worry about him not having a good time.
 
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MadParrotWoman

Guest
#2
#2
I'll be honest with you here I'm not a fan of "girls' night's out/breaks away". If I were your husband I would not rest easy either. It's one thing going away with one friend but a group...I don't know, I've seen and heard too many stories.
 
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hw78

Guest
#3
#3
You are correct. I am so tired of being controlled and just need a little slack. We have been married for 16yrs and I have went to Florida with my sister several years ago. But I miss my friends and want to be adventureous and he is not willing to go to the ocean/on a boat to see new and exciting things.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#4
#4
hw78 said:
I have never had a girls weekend away from my family/husband. I really want to spend time with my girlfriends on the ocean but my husband doesn't want me to. He thinks I will unfaithful and be tempted. Can I get your thoughts on how to tell him what I want without him getting upset.
We did a family vacation to Florida and he had a so-so time but I want to hang loose with my gfs and have a good time without having to worry about him not having a good time.
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If he's told you his answer, apparently you already asked the question and gave the details so he could give you an answer. That makes this question a little suspect. Are you asking us how to approach him just right so you get your way, even when he already told you he doesn't like your way? Sorry, I'm still guileless. I never was sneaky.

So your gf lives "on the ocean?" How far away is that to you? Is it a day trip? Is it even shorter than that? Then spend an afternoon with her. If you miss them, set up a group activity including hubbies. Men could watch sports in the family room while the gals play pinochle in the kitchen. Have a beach party. Men do the cooking together, while the wives gab while sun bathing. Have a book club with the ladies while the men get together to... whatever the hubbies like to do as a group. They can make a car from the ground up, if that's what they're into. lol

There are other options than a long weekend, including nighttime, when your gal pals and you can go back to old habits, which, yes, might well include picking up stray guys some where.

The best way I proved to hubby that I wasn't going to cheat on him was to do stuff where he knew I had no chance to cheat. (It took decades to prove I wasn't going to cheat on him, since first wife did -- TWICE!)

And honestly? Sometimes you give up stuff to be married. I gave up dancing and bowling. I got hubby. Seems like a good trade, especially now that I can't dance or bowl anymore. lol

Marriage -- two people vowed to be together for better or worse for life. You've been married to him for 16 years now? Exactly why do you want to go back on your word this much later? Wasn't the gfs versus giving-my-old-life-to-this-man question resolved 17 years ago? Why revisit now?
 
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hw78

Guest
#5
#5
I have asked him in the past and he denied me to go. My gf lives 10hrs away and she invited me to meet in Florida to take a cruise with her bf and another gf. Even if I wanted to drive 10hrs to my gf's house to spend a long week with her, he would deny me and get mad at me. He doesn't have friends and is an introvert. I need friends around, I am an extravert and feel rejuvenated when around other people. He won't go dancing with me, which he says he will but never have we gone. He won't do anything fun that I want to do. I have asked to go out on group bike rides (which he likes to do bike rides) and he won't do that either. I did play volleyball for awhile until I hurt my back again.
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#6
#6
Im sorry, im not attacking in any way, but im not sure why you want to go so badly has something happened in the past that he's that untrusting. I hate to leave my husband, ugh. If he doesnt want you to go, is there more time with him. Sounds like you two need time.
 
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hw78

Guest
#7
#7
You see my friend that I want to go on this trip with has been a dear friend of mine. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and he threw a fit to drive 10hrs with me to visit her last year when she was doing chemo. And he doesn't like the ocean so I would get to do what I wanted and he could have the same amount of money to do what he wanted
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#8
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#8
Have you ever given him cause to not trust you?

One of the nicest things my wife does is to occasionally stay with her mom and give me a 'night off'. Familiarity breads contempt while absence makes the heart grow fonder... Being sat on by an overbearing spouse breads contempt too. Sounds like a trust issue - his lack of it for you is breading contempt.

BUT keep in mind a girls time out does NOT include the other girl's boyfriend.

The real question is, is anything any of us say to you going to change his mind? I doubt it.

Find someone he does trust to discuss with him his lack of trust in you.
 
M

Mitspa

Guest
#9
#9
Just go and when you do decide if you really want to be married....
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#10
#10
hw78 said:
You see my friend that I want to go on this trip with has been a dear friend of mine. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and he threw a fit to drive 10hrs with me to visit her last year when she was doing chemo. And he doesn't like the ocean so I would get to do what I wanted and he could have the same amount of money to do what he wanted
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I still dont understand the desire. Its not about being fair. Itsabout him not wanting you to go, and you having this great need to go. Which in my opinion is way stronger than it should be. I believe you should talk to him about trust issues.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#11
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#11
I don't know why you're asking us for advice on this. You sound like you've already made your decision, regardless of what we say, or what hubby says.. I'm with the majority here who say you should NOT go on a trip with your gf's.. You need to talk to hubby about this, and find some sort of compromise you BOTH can agree on..
 
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BettyAnn

Guest
#12
#12
If you feel controlled and are this much in need of time apart then seeking out time to talk with each other is the first solution after prayer. It's not worth losing his trust and respect for a few frivolous hours of fun. Perhaps he is acting out of place in his role of head? Totally possible, being a human and all. But injustice isn't solved by injustice.

Better to err on the side of right and talk to him, explain to him. If he still says no them listen. Find a way to take time for yourself that honors your marriage and God. Don't welcome strife and expect it to work out.
 
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Practice-English

Guest
#13
#13
hw78 said:
I have never had a girls weekend away from my family/husband. I really want to spend time with my girlfriends on the ocean but my husband doesn't want me to. He thinks I will unfaithful and be tempted. Can I get your thoughts on how to tell him what I want without him getting upset.
We did a family vacation to Florida and he had a so-so time but I want to hang loose with my gfs and have a good time without having to worry about him not having a good time.
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It's not a good sign
if your husband wants
to control all the time...

There's something to discover about it!​
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#14
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#14
GirlFriends? :confused:

In the same context, as boyfriends?

I´m puzzled!
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#15
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#15
blue_ladybug said:
I don't know why you're asking us for advice on this. You sound like you've already made your decision, regardless of what we say, or what hubby says.. I'm with the majority here who say you should NOT go on a trip with your gf's.. You need to talk to hubby about this, and find some sort of compromise you BOTH can agree on..
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I´m also gueesing she is an adult.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#17
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#17
Mitspa said:
Just go and when you do decide if you really want to be married....
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Yeah that's certainly a part in this. I would add that this applies to both parties, hubby needs to contemplate this during the time she's gone. Because obviously he's not providing right for his family. So yeah, you go off with the girls and decide if you want to come back, meantime hubby you be by yourself and wonder why she might not want to.

blue_ladybug said:
I don't know why you're asking us for advice on this. You sound like you've already made your decision, regardless of what we say, or what hubby says.. I'm with the majority here who say you should NOT go on a trip with your gf's.. You need to talk to hubby about this, and find some sort of compromise you BOTH can agree on..
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Yes, she's looking for backup, and I don't blame her. One of her repeated complaints is that hubby won't talk about this. This is really not so much about the girls time away as why is hubby being an unresponsive dictator. That is the unknown factor. Does he have reason to not trust her, or is he being just a typical human male butthead?

As one who champions women's rights (but hates feminism), as a male who has seen far too many men be the buttheads they are to women just because, from what she presents it sounds like he needs a rude awakening. Attempting another "talk" ain't going to get her any farther than the first 1,000 times she did, I'm sure.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#18
#18
hw78 said:
I have asked him in the past and he denied me to go. My gf lives 10hrs away and she invited me to meet in Florida to take a cruise with her bf and another gf. Even if I wanted to drive 10hrs to my gf's house to spend a long week with her, he would deny me and get mad at me. He doesn't have friends and is an introvert. I need friends around, I am an extravert and feel rejuvenated when around other people. He won't go dancing with me, which he says he will but never have we gone. He won't do anything fun that I want to do. I have asked to go out on group bike rides (which he likes to do bike rides) and he won't do that either. I did play volleyball for awhile until I hurt my back again.
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I trust my hubby more than any other person I've ever known, and yet there is absolutely no way I'd want him to go on a cruise with an old guy friend plus two ladies, nor is there anyway I'd want him going on a vacation with others for a week. I'd miss him too much, and it's just creepy. I feel that way, and I do utterly trust him. I can't tell you exactly why other than, "What's wrong with me that you don't want to be around me for that long? "What do they give you that I can't? Don't you like me anymore? What's drastically wrong with our marriage that this is your answer? What happened? What did I do wrong?"

All that has absolutely nothing to do with thinking he'd have an affair. It's just creepy.

I had good friends/roommates in college. We've gotten together a few times after college, but we all moved on with our lives. I haven't seen them since my early to mid 30's. We all had new friendships, marriages, they had kids, jobs, and life moved on. (Holy cow! It just dawned on me. They probably have grandkids by now. How did that cute toddler in the shopping cart become a dad in such a short period of time? lol)

Why don't you have friends where you live? Friends come and go, but you're in your mid 30's still clutching on to an old-life friendship. Hubby did have close-by friends and guy's nights. (Woo hoo! Sports. BORING! lol) I'm the introvert. He always came home to me, and I got my quiet time while he was having fun with his friends. No grudge there. Couples don't have to go out together, one or the other can go off to do their thing, but not far away for days or weeks. You like bike groups? Join one. I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind if you take off for a few hours once or twice a week. When we introverts get cabin fever, (which rarely happens with me lol), we'll go out and do something with the spouse. Truthfully, our once a week grocery shopping trip is our big day out now. Doesn't sound exciting, but we're both disabled, so nice to see other people, even if we don't know them.

Sorry, still siding with your hubby, and I'm not all that sure he really thinks you would cheat. It just feels creepy, and I don't trust other-gender acquaintances to not try to flirt with him. Not because I fear he'll flirt back, but because he's not gentle at explaining reality. And then he'd spend the rest of the week uncomfortable about Miss Flirty.
 
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Elysian

Guest
#19
#19
RickyZ said:
Yeah that's certainly a part in this. I would add that this applies to both parties, hubby needs to contemplate this during the time she's gone. Because obviously he's not providing right for his family. So yeah, you go off with the girls and decide if you want to come back, meantime hubby you be by yourself and wonder why she might not want to.



Yes, she's looking for backup, and I don't blame her. One of her repeated complaints is that hubby won't talk about this. This is really not so much about the girls time away as why is hubby being an unresponsive dictator. That is the unknown factor. Does he have reason to not trust her, or is he being just a typical human male butthead?

As one who champions women's rights (but hates feminism), as a male who has seen far too many men be the buttheads they are to women just because, from what she presents it sounds like he needs a rude awakening. Attempting another "talk" ain't going to get her any farther than the first 1,000 times she did, I'm sure.
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What do you mean by...''you go of with the girls and decide if you want to come back''?are you advocating this lady should leave her husband?,aren't you jumping the gun a little?.
From what I have gathered there is a strong prospect the husband is suffering from social anxiety and if that is the case there needs to be understanding.
Personally I do not believe a wife or husband should go off gallivanting especially if the spouse is uncomfortable with it.

In marriage comes great responsibilities and having said this it is also up to the husband to try and accommodate his wife even if it is going to put him out a little.I am sure they can find a way where they both can participate and he feels comfortable.
 
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Elysian

Guest
#20
#20
It depends on what angle you look at this from.If you look at it from a Godly perspective then no your place is with your family, but if you look at it from a secular point of view then you have every right to indulge youself.
 
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