I Feel like I'm Drowning

[MyLighthouse]

As hard as this is and as ashamed as I am. I know there are a lot of people on here who can help me and that's what I want.

Most people don't realize this about me because I put on my happy mask everyday but I'm extremely depressed and self harm regularly (burning, cutting, bruising, etc. etc.). Along with this is suicide, I think about it all the time, but sometimes it gets really hard to fight. I've failed many times with those feelings and have been put away, sent to the hospital, etc. etc.

I've sleep most all day, today. Would wake up long enough to take a sleeping pill so I could be safe. I feel a little better, but the problem is obviously still there. I don't know what to do? My family doesn't believe in medication and therapy. I'm told I need to pray through, but I don't know how. I'm just so tired of trying to live, trying to have a life. I need some kind of hope except death. I know I'll be happy in heaven with my Savior, this is what I look forward to and unfortunately doesn't seem to be anytime soon. Oh and since my age doesn't show, I'm 20.

I'm safe as of right now, but would love advice and verses from y'all. Sorry for how depressing this is... Thanks guys

 

[StarryEyes]

I cannot read this thread and not respond to you in some way to try to comfort you.... Whether to offer a listening ear, or to pray for you, or just to be a friend. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this hurt, and deep depression . It sounds like it has been going on for quite some time? You are trying to reach out, and that is not easy to do, and I want to thank you for reaching out, because people DO care! God cares, and I care. Feel free to message me anytime, and I would like to help you any way I can hun. *hugs*

Kimber

 

[wwjd_kilden]

well, the truth is, we cannot help you

sure we can pray and try to comfort you, but you and we both know that if you are severely depressed that will not pull you out of it. You need to see someone professional to do that.

Will pray though.

 

[Jesus4ever]

I´m sorry to know that, dear sister!


I´ll pray for you!

God bless!

 

[Pilkington]

My heart goes out to you. Depression is so hard to deal with. You say your family does not believe in medication and therapy, despite this are you on medication for the depression. There are different types of depression which respond to different medications. Depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. For some people a course of antidepressants allows them to deal with the underlying causes. If you were diabetic and needed insulin would your family say pray about it and not use medication. Depression is no different from any other health condition that needs treatment. Yes God is capable of miraculously healing someone of depression or for that matter any other health condition however he uses doctors to help us and miraculous healings are not that common.

Try and focus on how God sees you. You are a dearly loved daughter of the King. I will be praying for you.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

People cope with this in different ways, Lighthouse. Maybe we can help you, maybe we cant, but in any case, my door is also always open should you want to talk (I've wrestled with depression much like you have, for what it's worth).

I hope that the people that care about you don't remain so closed minded to medication or any kind of professional help. Pray, sure. There's nothing wrong with praying about it, but God can answer a prayer for something like this through a doctor or a therapist. He works in so many ways; I really hope they remain open to that notion and that things get better for you soon!

*hugs*

 

[MyLighthouse]

My heart goes out to you. Depression is so hard to deal with. You say your family does not believe in medication and therapy, despite this are you on medication for the depression. There are different types of depression which respond to different medications. Depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. For some people a course of antidepressants allows them to deal with the underlying causes. If you were diabetic and needed insulin would your family say pray about it and not use medication. Depression is no different from any other health condition that needs treatment. Yes God is capable of miraculously healing someone of depression or for that matter any other health condition however he uses doctors to help us and miraculous healings are not that common.

Try and focus on how God sees you. You are a dearly loved daughter of the King. I will be praying for you.

I'm trying to get them to see it that way. I'm praying and trying to do it their way too. It's just difficult and that's what they don't understand.

 

[MyLighthouse]

People cope with this in different ways, Lighthouse. Maybe we can help you, maybe we cant, but in any case, my door is also always open should you want to talk (I've wrestled with depression much like you have, for what it's worth).

I hope that the people that care about you don't remain so closed minded to medication or any kind of professional help. Pray, sure. There's nothing wrong with praying about it, but God can answer a prayer for something like this through a doctor or a therapist. He works in so many ways; I really hope they remain open to that notion and that things get better for you soon!

*hugs*

Thank you and I pray so too. Just the little bit of time I was allowed to go to therapy helped, but I didn't stay because my family made me feel like a lesser Christian for going. I really need them to have understanding. Thanks again *hugs

 

[atwhatcost]

As hard as this is and as ashamed as I am. I know there are a lot of people on here who can help me and that's what I want.

Most people don't realize this about me because I put on my happy mask everyday but I'm extremely depressed and self harm regularly (burning, cutting, bruising, etc. etc.). Along with this is suicide, I think about it all the time, but sometimes it gets really hard to fight. I've failed many times with those feelings and have been put away, sent to the hospital, etc. etc.

I've sleep most all day, today. Would wake up long enough to take a sleeping pill so I could be safe. I feel a little better, but the problem is obviously still there. I don't know what to do? My family doesn't believe in medication and therapy. I'm told I need to pray through, but I don't know how. I'm just so tired of trying to live, trying to have a life. I need some kind of hope except death. I know I'll be happy in heaven with my Savior, this is what I look forward to and unfortunately doesn't seem to be anytime soon. Oh and since my age doesn't show, I'm 20.

I'm safe as of right now, but would love advice and verses from y'all. Sorry for how depressing this is... Thanks guys

Does talking at regular intervals with your pastor, pastor's wife, or member of you church's congregation that has a good Christian background in counseling count as "therapy?" I kind of agree with your parents about "therapy," but only because worldly therapy helps me about 20% as well as someone counseling me with a Christian belief-system in both of our minds.

If counseling isn't therapy, make sure you find someone who is a Christian counselor compared to a counselor that happens to be Christian. You need biblical help, not just merely a nice person.

And, if you're parents won't go that far, remind them of how hopeless they felt when you were hospitalized.

As for hope? I know this sounds cliche, but God is our hope. He's also our help. If you want hope, when I was your age I was a druggie, binge drinking, hitchhiking Christian. (I really was save, even then.) All that was intentional. I heard all the warnings about suicide meaning no heaven, so I hoped others would do the suicide for me. (Sort of like suicide-by-cop, except my approach was suicide-by-careless-risks.) At 21, I hopped into the wrong car and THE reason everyone says not to do that happened to me. It went down hill from there. If you met me today, I look like your run-of-the-mill, matronly older woman. I may well be that, but most of the time I'm content in the Lord. That doesn't mean life is easy, but at least I'm not throwing in my own monkey-wrenches into the machine constantly. God did that. I helped by trusting him more. It wasn't quick, but it happened. You'll know what I mean by the time your 35. Hopefully, sooner than that, since I just gave you the conservative number.

 

[Rosesrock]

I'm going to ask a couple questions first. Have you been abused in any way? Emotionally, physically sexually?? Usually self harm and depression comes from running or covering the hurt.

 

[MyLighthouse]

Does talking at regular intervals with your pastor, pastor's wife, or member of you church's congregation that has a good Christian background in counseling count as "therapy?" I kind of agree with your parents about "therapy," but only because worldly therapy helps me about 20% as well as someone counseling me with a Christian belief-system in both of our minds.

If counseling isn't therapy, make sure you find someone who is a Christian counselor compared to a counselor that happens to be Christian. You need biblical help, not just merely a nice person.

And, if you're parents won't go that far, remind them of how hopeless they felt when you were hospitalized.

As for hope? I know this sounds cliche, but God is our hope. He's also our help. If you want hope, when I was your age I was a druggie, binge drinking, hitchhiking Christian. (I really was save, even then.) All that was intentional. I heard all the warnings about suicide meaning no heaven, so I hoped others would do the suicide for me. (Sort of like suicide-by-cop, except my approach was suicide-by-careless-risks.) At 21, I hopped into the wrong car and THE reason everyone says not to do that happened to me. It went down hill from there. If you met me today, I look like your run-of-the-mill, matronly older woman. I may well be that, but most of the time I'm content in the Lord. That doesn't mean life is easy, but at least I'm not throwing in my own monkey-wrenches into the machine constantly. God did that. I helped by trusting him more. It wasn't quick, but it happened. You'll know what I mean by the time your 35. Hopefully, sooner than that, since I just gave you the conservative number.

We're not member at our church and kind of outcast being that we attend a denomination but don't agree with them. I was thinking about talking with a lady in the church that went through depression but she seems to be a chatterbox and I rather not everyone know. My family lives on benefit pretty much and the cost of a good Christian therapist is too much for us or something my family feels is unnecessary.

God is always our hope and thank you for telling you story it's encouraging. I hope to stay around long enough for me to afford a good Christian counselor some day, so I can not just say God's my hope but believe it.

 

[MyLighthouse]

I'm going to ask a couple questions first. Have you been abused in any way? Emotionally, physically sexually?? Usually self harm and depression comes from running or covering the hurt.

Emotionally for the most part, a little physically, but more emotionally abused

 

[Rosesrock]

Emotionally for the most part, a little physically, but more emotionally abused

First grieve that hurt. It's ok to hurt. Have someone you trust with you and let it out. Hard. To get past. Forgive that personas Christ forgave you. Then find someone that can hold you accountable. Trustworthy and spiritually strong. Then ...... Pray one day at a time. Cast your cares on Him. He cares for you Hun. It will take time. But there is light at the end of this tunnel. Scripture quoting and having them around you will help. Again it takes time.

 

[Viligant_Warrior]

As hard as this is and as ashamed as I am. I know there are a lot of people on here who can help me and that's what I want.

Most people don't realize this about me because I put on my happy mask everyday but I'm extremely depressed and self harm regularly (burning, cutting, bruising, etc. etc.). Along with this is suicide, I think about it all the time, but sometimes it gets really hard to fight. I've failed many times with those feelings and have been put away, sent to the hospital, etc. etc.

I've sleep most all day, today. Would wake up long enough to take a sleeping pill so I could be safe. I feel a little better, but the problem is obviously still there. I don't know what to do? My family doesn't believe in medication and therapy. I'm told I need to pray through, but I don't know how. I'm just so tired of trying to live, trying to have a life. I need some kind of hope except death. I know I'll be happy in heaven with my Savior, this is what I look forward to and unfortunately doesn't seem to be anytime soon. Oh and since my age doesn't show, I'm 20.

I'm safe as of right now, but would love advice and verses from y'all. Sorry for how depressing this is... Thanks guys

Hi M/L. A friend of mine on the forum alerted me to your thread, so please forgive me for just horning in here. I'm a Christian marriage/family and addictions therapist in Western Missouri. I don't have any contacts in Indiana, but I can put out some requests and find someone who is competent to help you, someone with a Christ-centered world view.

I see from your profile you're a fairly new Christian, a bit more than six years. You are a very attractive young woman, from your photo (relax, I'm married and old enough to be your dad -- honestly, maybe your granddad), and can tell you that your feelings of depression and the need to punish yourself through cutting, burning, etc., is not at all uncommon in your age group.

I don't want you to air your difficulties in public if you don't want to, so please accept a friend request I'm sending you and PM me, or allow me to send you a PM. I can't counsel you over the Internet. But I can get some background, if you're willing, and help you find the right kind of help.

You're of age in Indiana. You don't have to get permission from you family to go to counseling. I understand and admire your desire to honor their wishes, but some Christians have an aversion to therapy. A Christ-centered, biblically-based counselor, however, can help you. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. God bless.

In Christ,
Mike (Lee's Summit, Missouri)

 

[Pilkington]

We're not member at our church and kind of outcast being that we attend a denomination but don't agree with them. I was thinking about talking with a lady in the church that went through depression but she seems to be a chatterbox and I rather not everyone know. My family lives on benefit pretty much and the cost of a good Christian therapist is too much for us or something my family feels is unnecessary.

God is always our hope and thank you for telling you story it's encouraging. I hope to stay around long enough for me to afford a good Christian counselor some day, so I can not just say God's my hope but believe it.

I wouldn't talk with someone who you think might talk about what you are sharing. Maybe despite not being member's of the church I would echo at what cost suggests try talking to the pastor of the church, even if he is unable to counsel you he may be able to point you in the right direction of someone who may be able to counsel you. We are blessed we have a women's pastoral team however I doubt many people are aware of it however the pastor would point people in there direction if it was appropriate.

 

[blue_ladybug]

ML, you're not going to find "safety" in a pill. It doesn't work that way. Medication masks the symptoms, maybe even eases it somewhat. But the root cause of your depression is still there. I would like you to click the links in my signature and read those two threads. If you have already read them, then please re-read them. Only God can pull you out of this pit you're in, but YOU need to be pro-active and help him!! Take a walk, read a book, watch a funny movie or video.. pm me if you want to talk more about this..

 

[MyLighthouse]

Hi M/L. A friend of mine on the forum alerted me to your thread, so please forgive me for just horning in here. I'm a Christian marriage/family and addictions therapist in Western Missouri. I don't have any contacts in Indiana, but I can put out some requests and find someone who is competent to help you, someone with a Christ-centered world view.

I see from your profile you're a fairly new Christian, a bit more than six years. You are a very attractive young woman, from your photo (relax, I'm married and old enough to be your dad -- honestly, maybe your granddad), and can tell you that your feelings of depression and the need to punish yourself through cutting, burning, etc., is not at all uncommon in your age group.

I don't want you to air your difficulties in public if you don't want to, so please accept a friend request I'm sending you and PM me, or allow me to send you a PM. I can't counsel you over the Internet. But I can get some background, if you're willing, and help you find the right kind of help.

You're of age in Indiana. You don't have to get permission from you family to go to counseling. I understand and admire your desire to honor their wishes, but some Christians have an aversion to therapy. A Christ-centered, biblically-based counselor, however, can help you. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. God bless.

In Christ,
Mike (Lee's Summit, Missouri)

Awesome! Thanks so much!

 

[Viligant_Warrior]

Awesome! Thanks so much!

You're most welcome. Decide how you want to proceed and just let me know. God bless, and be at peace in Him.

 

[Angela53510]

Please listen to VW. You MUST get help. This will not necessarily go away with prayer. Not that God doesn't answer prayer, but that he has provided us with resources on this earth to use, and that includes mental health problems.

Would you parents stop you from seeking medical health for a physical illness? Well, they should not stop you from seeking help for a mental health issue!

See your doctor to start this process. Your parents might be afraid of stigma, but these days, most people understand that whatever the cause, the brain needs help to recover.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this but glad to hear you are being honest about needing help. Praying for you to seek the help you need.

 

[atwhatcost]

Please listen to VW. You MUST get help. This will not necessarily go away with prayer. Not that God doesn't answer prayer, but that he has provided us with resources on this earth to use, and that includes mental health problems.

Would you parents stop you from seeking medical health for a physical illness? Well, they should not stop you from seeking help for a mental health issue!

See your doctor to start this process. Your parents might be afraid of stigma, but these days, most people understand that whatever the cause, the brain needs help to recover.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this but glad to hear you are being honest about needing help. Praying for you to seek the help you need.

As someone else on governmental assistance, I really get her parent's real qualm -- money! If you're broke, you're broke. Even with insurance and co-pays, I can't afford half the things doctors suggest I try. They seem to think my lowest co-pay -- a mere $20 -- is no big thing! Ha! Is to me, especially when all the specialists cost more than twice that. We're to the point of budgeting even healthcare. $100 a month is our budget. PT cost $33 a session and I was supposed to go to three sessions a week. I'm pretty sure therapy is more than that.

It really does matter when money is so tight I can squeeze a quarter so tight, Washington cries! lol