This time last year.

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
L

Loveme

Guest
#1
Around this time last year, I was upset because my husband had stopped having sex with me. For five years, I couldn't understand what was wrong but I continued to be faithful and be a good wife and mother. I desperatley tried my best to work things out but nothing seemed to work. I found out later that my husband had been having affairs with prostitutes. He admitted to sleeping with 14 different women and some of them multiple times. I was heartbroken and I tried to kick him out of the house but he wouldn't leave and I learned that legally he didnt have to. You can't kick someone out of their house because of infidelity. So he stayed. Fast forward a little bit and we ended up having sex and I got pregnant on the first time. I thought with me being pregnant things would change and our marriage would work out but my suspicions arouse again. He would look for reasons to leave the house and come home with the car smelling like febreeze or perfume. Even our five year old daughter smelled perfume on him once. Also, his monthly bank transactions stopped comming in the mail. I would question him but he would deny things every time. I was hurt again pregnant and vulnerable. Then there's this guy. He's an older man, very attractive, intelligent, nice and overall a very beautiful person. The first time I saw him I was attracted to him and even though I was married and pregnant, I flirted with him a little bit. I knew it was wrong but it was fun. I'm what you call painfully shy and I usually don't do things like that so I was totally out of my element. He caught on and ever since then there has kind of been this tension between us. I don't think either of us would act on it but just the thought alone excites me. I feel so bad for feeling like this but I guess I just need someone to love me.
 
R

Rosesrock

Guest
#2
God loves you.
And i completely get you. Since theres no question i wont say anything but God will supply all your needs.
This i have to remind myself contiually.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
113
#3
wow, 14 women? Honey if you haven't already, get yourself tested for STD's!! I can almost guarantee he has one or more, being with prostitutes who have been with hundreds of men. That being said, you're married and attracted to another man. Whether you might mean to or not, things COULD happen between you. Tell him goodbye before you get burned..
 
L

Loveme

Guest
#4
I've been tested. I'm STD free.
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
24,555
13,320
113
#5
Hi Loveme,
Thanks for sharing; I respect your courage. I'll offer a few thoughts, though as a male of the species I'm inclined to defer to the Christian females on this thread. That said, you have clear grounds for divorce, both legally and spiritually. I understand that you may not want a divorce; the only reason I accepted my ex's demand for one (in progress presently) is that she made it clear that she wasn't interested in making things work. It sounds like your husband is of a similar stripe. I would suggest you get yourself a lawyer who specializes in family law, and "sue" for divorce, with adequate support to take care of yourself and your children.
If you choose not to divorce, I would recommend moving out anyway, to reinforce your seriousness and protect yourself. Give him a set of clear expectations, including confession, repentance, and getting tested. And then continue praying. God will give you clear direction. You might consider fasting as well, under a doctor's direction given your pregnancy.
Either way, trust in Jesus and ask Him to fill you with the right attitude(s) and with His peace. Despite what your husband is doing, he will answer to Jesus for it eventually. Hopefully sooner than later.
For now, put aside the other man. Although he might seem nice, etc., in a way he is taking advantage of your vulnerability. Frankly, and I offer this with good intention, you're in no condition to start another relationship. You need Christ right now, not another man, no matter how nice. Though it is hard sometimes, Jesus has carried me through two years of increasingly-distant separation without another woman involved, and He continues to do so. He can do similar for you. :)

Blessings,
Dino
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,940
113
#6
Please do not get involved with this other man. Your husband is a fool, but there is nothing you can do about that. Instead, you can keep yourself pure, and work on your relationship with God, who said he would be a defender of the widow. (Psalm 68:5) (You are a kind of widow, having been abandoned by your husband!)

Please talk to your pastor, and maybe get a mentor who is an older woman from your church who can help you through this. You may feel pregnant and vulnerable, but you need to protect yourself. If you start sleeping around, you are no better than your husband. Plus, this is called "rebounding" and it will not last, or it will have nothing but problems. You need space to work things out, not another romantic entanglement.

Praying for you to get through this difficult time without sleeping with another man.
 
K

KJB

Guest
#7
I think I agree with previous posters. First, you need to separate from your husband, I do not think he is the type to try to fix things. Second, do not engage with this other man. I think you should study the Songs of Solomon, you want to read that with the eyes and mind that when you find someone it is not only about the fancy part, and how much they want you or you are attracted to them. It is about so much more and the first question is Who leads them? Does Jesus and God lead them? Will they go on their way with you with God in front leading the way? You certainly need to know that you are loved by God, you are loved by Jesus who sacrificed himself. Talk to them, pray, because you need to know you are loved. Your daughter loves you unconditionally as well, think about her and then remember she loves you. Feel the love from her, you may not need a male to do it. Not right away anyways. Just give it a lot of thought and reflection.


God Bless you.

-Kim