The blame game

  • Thread starter TwilightSparkle
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TwilightSparkle

Guest
#1
#1
So I have a gf of whom I've been with for a year. Now I also have adhd. So whenever my parents give me chores sometimes I forget to do one thing or another. Why is it whenever I do something my parents disagree or don't like. They instantly think it's my girlfriends fault. How can I tell them that they're completely wrong and to stop blaming her for my actions
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
I think you just figured it out yourself. Tell your parents what you just told us. There is no magic method. Just tell them directly, calmly and respectfully.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#3
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
2,947
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#3
You are an adult. Why are you even letting your parents push you around? Plus, I had 2 kids with ADHD and they always did their chores. I think you are using it as an excuse. Make a list, do your jobs if you are still living with your parents. But don't let them put you down.
 
MultilingualMessenger

MultilingualMessenger

Senior Member
#4
Jan 27, 2015
2,690
367
83
#4
TwilightSparkle said:
So I have a gf of whom I've been with for a year. Now I also have adhd. So whenever my parents give me chores sometimes I forget to do one thing or another. Why is it whenever I do something my parents disagree or don't like. They instantly think it's my girlfriends fault. How can I tell them that they're completely wrong and to stop blaming her for my actions
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Sounds like you have the wording mostly down, though maybe you could soften the blow a little by saying they're "mistaken" rather than "completely wrong". Before you had a girlfriend, did they blame your ADHD when you did things they didn't like (e.g. how you attributed your habitual forgetting of chores to ADHD)? Because if so, maybe they're just not used to blaming you. *shrug* Blame yourself for them by making it clear to them that those actions were your own decisions (or mistakes).
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#5
#5
TwilightSparkle said:
So I have a gf of whom I've been with for a year. Now I also have adhd. So whenever my parents give me chores sometimes I forget to do one thing or another. Why is it whenever I do something my parents disagree or don't like. They instantly think it's my girlfriends fault. How can I tell them that they're completely wrong and to stop blaming her for my actions
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I don't have ADHD. Once, when I was your age, Dad went fishing for a week leaving me and little brother (then 10) at home. The house and little brother were my responsibilities.

Dad used to be a neat freak. When I cleaned my room, he'd inspect. Inspect including running his fingers along the top of the door frame and checking out all the spots no one really sees without moving furniture. So, when I cleaned I really really cleaned, so he would have nothing to fault me on.

It never worked. I always missed something. I don't have ADHD.

So when he was in Canada I thought I'd surprise him and clean the entire house. I ean Dad-clean the entire house. I even stripped the wax off the kitchen floor, re-cleaned it (three times to make sure it was really clean) and rewaxed it. I cleaned window sills, baseboards, moved sofas, and big beds... everything!

When he returned, know what he noticed? The one windowsill I forgot. How was I supposed to know he put an avocado on there to ripen while he was gone? I hate avocados. Had I noticed, it would have gone in the trash. I do not have ADHD.

Lesson learned: I cleaned the house because it was a good, loving thing to do. My dad's opinion of that job was on him. I cannot please my father no matter what I do, but I do still love him. I do not live my life for Dad anymore.

You cannot change others. You can only change how you react to them. I figured since I learned that lesson at your age, you might learn it now too. :D
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#6
#6
Have you actually told them it's not her - that you simply forgot?
 
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