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I haven't read all the replies. My firstborn was a wonderful blessing, so I had another. postpartum depression and onset of serious symptoms led to clinical depression and I wasn't able to enjoy my 2nd child. Today we're closer. That said, it would have been of great help to have Help. The best adoption scenarios involve the possibility of the biological mother being able to see the child. My advice is to look for that scenario. You're young. You need to experience real life for yourself before you will be a good mother. If, in a couple years, you regret letting her go, nothing can turn it back. On the other hand, a partnership in raising her gives you both what you need and what she deserves. Just my thoughts...
T
And you call yourself a Christian ??????
God may have controle over things but you did this this took 2 people to make and your 1 of them how dare you say something like this I resent her every time I look at her and only wish someone can take her away and call yourself a Christian ?
You have this baby now be its mother make sure what happened to you does not happen to this baby.
You very much should repent of this how you act to this baby that did nothing to you but only looks up to you with love.
To be frankly honest reading your post makes me SICK.
I want to do so much with my life, travel, work in a different country explore life and then settle down later?? so this baby is only something holding you back and would rather this baby would have never been born??
you sound VERY VERY selfish and not at all like a loving Christian mother as God calls you to be!
people talk about porn talking down to younger kids BUT talk about killing a baby or treating a baby as nothing more than a burden MAKES ME VERY VERY upset and SICK
For the sake of this child be the mother you have to be.
My child died at age six.....at the time I had a baby girl who was just 2 years old....
and along with God ......she saved my life....instead of worrying about
my troubles ....I focused everything on God and her.....when things were hard...
when time got tough .....just holding her hand brought me comfort....children
dont tie us down....they help us soar.....your only thinking of things you cannot do....
how bout being the mom you wanted your own mother to be.....partying and going out
gets old fast.....but snuggling up on the couch with someone who will love you no matter
how stupid you get....no matter what.... love you for you....with a bowl of popcorn and a disney movie...
is the best fun I ever had going out.......my daughter is my best friend...she was at 2 and still is thirty years
later....i was never alone....she cured me of lonliness and selfishness......she helped make me the woman
I am today.......we went everywhere together.....my dear sister.... look to God and then look again....find the
joys and fun of being a mom.....peace...jo
and along with God ......she saved my life....instead of worrying about
my troubles ....I focused everything on God and her.....when things were hard...
when time got tough .....just holding her hand brought me comfort....children
dont tie us down....they help us soar.....your only thinking of things you cannot do....
how bout being the mom you wanted your own mother to be.....partying and going out
gets old fast.....but snuggling up on the couch with someone who will love you no matter
how stupid you get....no matter what.... love you for you....with a bowl of popcorn and a disney movie...
is the best fun I ever had going out.......my daughter is my best friend...she was at 2 and still is thirty years
later....i was never alone....she cured me of lonliness and selfishness......she helped make me the woman
I am today.......we went everywhere together.....my dear sister.... look to God and then look again....find the
joys and fun of being a mom.....peace...jo
I'm 15 so I don't have experience but I can see you got answers that were sometimes unkind. I just want to say that given some of the answers you got your best advice would come from a qualified professional who will go fully into your past and present and plan a way forward with you. The advice you get here I can see might be more easily interpreted by you as a judge and jury.
W
Seek help-
NOW
NOT in an online forum but from professionals. None of us can help, and you know that.
The following are the percentages of children who experienced maltreatment in 2005 (USDHHS, 2007): [TABLE]
[TR]
[TD]Neglect
[/TD]
[TD]62.8%[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
as you see, most of the kids who are maltreated are neglected. There doesn't have to be physical abuse for it to damage a child (and the parent). Approximate nr of children who awhere abused or neglected 2005: 899,000
In 2005, an estimated 1,460 children died as a result of abuse or neglect (USDHHS, 2007). The majority almost 76.6 percent of these children were 3 years of age or younger. Most child fatalities (76.6 percent) happened at the hands of parents (USDHHS, 2007). Not all fatalities were the result of the physical trauma of abuse. Neglect accounted for almost half (32.2 percent) of all fatality cases.
Don't turn your child into part of those statistics- Please
Postpartum depression | BabyCenter
NOW
NOT in an online forum but from professionals. None of us can help, and you know that.
The following are the percentages of children who experienced maltreatment in 2005 (USDHHS, 2007): [TABLE]
[TR]
[TD]Neglect
[/TD]
[TD]62.8%[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
as you see, most of the kids who are maltreated are neglected. There doesn't have to be physical abuse for it to damage a child (and the parent). Approximate nr of children who awhere abused or neglected 2005: 899,000
In 2005, an estimated 1,460 children died as a result of abuse or neglect (USDHHS, 2007). The majority almost 76.6 percent of these children were 3 years of age or younger. Most child fatalities (76.6 percent) happened at the hands of parents (USDHHS, 2007). Not all fatalities were the result of the physical trauma of abuse. Neglect accounted for almost half (32.2 percent) of all fatality cases.
Don't turn your child into part of those statistics- Please
Postpartum depression | BabyCenter
G
It's hard to read your post. It angers me. That's the truth. I make no apologies. Neither will I candy coat the truth.
First, God Loves you.
But you don't know God, if you did, you would not only love your daughter, but you love your mom, and you would love yourself.
You are selfish. You are. Reread your post. My anger is not that you don't love your daughter, but you don't express any care or concern that you don't love her.
Answer this: Do you want to love your daughter? If you do, you will benefit or learn more from the responses here at CC. If you don't WANT to love your daughter...you're many steps behind with your post.
Some folks have brought up postpartum. I don't think so.
Your life is all about you. Your parents did you wrong. God has done you wrong. Your daughter is wrong. Your dad's daughter is wrong.
If you really want help, be honest. Accept the truth. You are selfish. Ungrateful. And not open to the truth.
One of which is GOD LOVES YOU.
Tell you what. Go travel. Put it all on credit. Go and live your life. Take a few months. Live it up. Why not? Grandma will take care of baby. So go have your fun. As you do, take note. Take note of your feelings. Take note of what you see.
I'm sure you'll come across a lot of hurting people. Some will be cold, lonely, hungry. Others will seem to have it all, but they'll pay no attention to your thoughts. Others will be struggling just to move and get about. Look at the people who are in wheelchairs. Some with no legs. Some blind. Some deaf.
You are more blessed than you know.
Better yet, go to a children's hospital. Volunteer there for those little ones suffering with cancer and other diseases. Listen to their parents. Listen to the children there. They are HAPPY. THEY ARE HUMBLE. Oh, go to a homeless shelter and assist the outcasts. How about visiting shut ins.
Then at the end of the day you read chapters in Matthew and John. You pray. You seek to know God. You take your daughter and hold her. You hug her. You cry holding her and tell her you are going to be the best mommy ever.
I'm done.
First, God Loves you.
But you don't know God, if you did, you would not only love your daughter, but you love your mom, and you would love yourself.
You are selfish. You are. Reread your post. My anger is not that you don't love your daughter, but you don't express any care or concern that you don't love her.
Answer this: Do you want to love your daughter? If you do, you will benefit or learn more from the responses here at CC. If you don't WANT to love your daughter...you're many steps behind with your post.
Some folks have brought up postpartum. I don't think so.
Your life is all about you. Your parents did you wrong. God has done you wrong. Your daughter is wrong. Your dad's daughter is wrong.
If you really want help, be honest. Accept the truth. You are selfish. Ungrateful. And not open to the truth.
One of which is GOD LOVES YOU.
Tell you what. Go travel. Put it all on credit. Go and live your life. Take a few months. Live it up. Why not? Grandma will take care of baby. So go have your fun. As you do, take note. Take note of your feelings. Take note of what you see.
I'm sure you'll come across a lot of hurting people. Some will be cold, lonely, hungry. Others will seem to have it all, but they'll pay no attention to your thoughts. Others will be struggling just to move and get about. Look at the people who are in wheelchairs. Some with no legs. Some blind. Some deaf.
You are more blessed than you know.
Better yet, go to a children's hospital. Volunteer there for those little ones suffering with cancer and other diseases. Listen to their parents. Listen to the children there. They are HAPPY. THEY ARE HUMBLE. Oh, go to a homeless shelter and assist the outcasts. How about visiting shut ins.
Then at the end of the day you read chapters in Matthew and John. You pray. You seek to know God. You take your daughter and hold her. You hug her. You cry holding her and tell her you are going to be the best mommy ever.
I'm done.
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Navaeh,
I have been praying that maybe I can say something of comfort to you. I admire you for being so brave. Many people are going through feelings that are scary to admit but it doesn't make those feelings any less real.
I am adopted from another country. I was found in a cardboard box in front of a theater and was eventually taken to an orphanage. God gave me wonderful adoptive parents whom I could not love any more if they had been my own birth parents. But of course, at times I wonder about my birth parents and what caused them to give me up.
Perhaps my birth mother felt the very same way as you do. I can't judge her for that. I don't know what she went through, and even if I did, we are all different. I have often wondered if my birth mother may have even considered not having me at all. I often wondered if maybe she was a young, scared, lonely girl who didn't know what else to do and was overwhelmed by life and the enormous choices she had to face.
If I could go back to the moment she made her decision and somehow convey a message to her, I would tell her: "It's ok, Mama. You do what you feel you need to do, and God will look after me, so don't you worry about me. And, I still love you." Sometimes I have sad thoughts, sometimes I have angry thoughts. But the bottom line is, I don't know what she went through or why she decided some of the things that she did.
I very much understand your thoughts. There were times in my life I very much wanted children and other times when I was scared, because I was afraid of feeling the very things you're describing right now. When I was married, I very much wanted a child but none of that worked out and I try to believe God led my life in a direction that still has meaning and purpose.
Dear one, you are not the only one who has had these feelings. We are all different and struggle with different things. I've had problems with depression all my life and I often wonder if it's been partially because maybe my birth mother had the same kind of feelings and struggles and I felt them while she was pregnant with me, or perhaps they were biologically passed on to me.
I have read accounts of mothers being unable to bond with their children, as well as stories of mothers who adopt a child and... their honest feelings are that they really don't like the child they've adopted and wish they could send him or her back to the orphanage. And they don't know who to turn to because mother/child bonding is always seen as "natural"... and there is a lack of acceptance that for some women, the experience may be very different. I often wonder how much, or if at all, my own mother bonded with me before... putting me in a box and leaving me.
These feelings aren't easy to admit or face, but I admire you for having the courage to do so. As others have advise, I would highly encourage you to talk to a pastor and counselor. Spend some time on the internet looking up support groups for other women who are feeling the same way as you do. If cost is a concern, there might even be volunteer hotlines out there with someone you can talk to. Also look for centers that specialize in helping young women through their pregnancies and the choices they face--I'm sure they have most likely worked with women who have had the same feelings as you and can lead you to helpful resources.
Although I am not qualified to be able to help you, I know there are others out there who can. God bless you and I hope you find the comfort and support you need.
P.S. You never know what God can do. Your baby might grow up to be your best friend... and maybe someday the two of you might travel together. I know it seems so far away and it hurts to put our dreams on hold due to responsibilities, but of course, we all know this is part of life.
I went through a very rough stage during adolescence and young adulthood. But the past several years, my parents have become my best friends and favorite traveling companions, even if it's just on a road trip to a doctor's appointment an hour away.
I have been praying that maybe I can say something of comfort to you. I admire you for being so brave. Many people are going through feelings that are scary to admit but it doesn't make those feelings any less real.
I am adopted from another country. I was found in a cardboard box in front of a theater and was eventually taken to an orphanage. God gave me wonderful adoptive parents whom I could not love any more if they had been my own birth parents. But of course, at times I wonder about my birth parents and what caused them to give me up.
Perhaps my birth mother felt the very same way as you do. I can't judge her for that. I don't know what she went through, and even if I did, we are all different. I have often wondered if my birth mother may have even considered not having me at all. I often wondered if maybe she was a young, scared, lonely girl who didn't know what else to do and was overwhelmed by life and the enormous choices she had to face.
If I could go back to the moment she made her decision and somehow convey a message to her, I would tell her: "It's ok, Mama. You do what you feel you need to do, and God will look after me, so don't you worry about me. And, I still love you." Sometimes I have sad thoughts, sometimes I have angry thoughts. But the bottom line is, I don't know what she went through or why she decided some of the things that she did.
I very much understand your thoughts. There were times in my life I very much wanted children and other times when I was scared, because I was afraid of feeling the very things you're describing right now. When I was married, I very much wanted a child but none of that worked out and I try to believe God led my life in a direction that still has meaning and purpose.
Dear one, you are not the only one who has had these feelings. We are all different and struggle with different things. I've had problems with depression all my life and I often wonder if it's been partially because maybe my birth mother had the same kind of feelings and struggles and I felt them while she was pregnant with me, or perhaps they were biologically passed on to me.
I have read accounts of mothers being unable to bond with their children, as well as stories of mothers who adopt a child and... their honest feelings are that they really don't like the child they've adopted and wish they could send him or her back to the orphanage. And they don't know who to turn to because mother/child bonding is always seen as "natural"... and there is a lack of acceptance that for some women, the experience may be very different. I often wonder how much, or if at all, my own mother bonded with me before... putting me in a box and leaving me.
These feelings aren't easy to admit or face, but I admire you for having the courage to do so. As others have advise, I would highly encourage you to talk to a pastor and counselor. Spend some time on the internet looking up support groups for other women who are feeling the same way as you do. If cost is a concern, there might even be volunteer hotlines out there with someone you can talk to. Also look for centers that specialize in helping young women through their pregnancies and the choices they face--I'm sure they have most likely worked with women who have had the same feelings as you and can lead you to helpful resources.
Although I am not qualified to be able to help you, I know there are others out there who can. God bless you and I hope you find the comfort and support you need.
P.S. You never know what God can do. Your baby might grow up to be your best friend... and maybe someday the two of you might travel together. I know it seems so far away and it hurts to put our dreams on hold due to responsibilities, but of course, we all know this is part of life.
I went through a very rough stage during adolescence and young adulthood. But the past several years, my parents have become my best friends and favorite traveling companions, even if it's just on a road trip to a doctor's appointment an hour away.
H
I wish more people really understood how crippling depression can be at certain stages. It goes beyond feeling sad, or being upset, and because it's not something you can just see physically on someone, it's easy to make comments like 'just get over it, you're being selfish, don't you see that [insert name here] cares about you' etc etc. I used to be just as ignorant, if not more than most. I didn't get it.
I had a personal episode that snuck up on me out of nowhere a few months ago. I don't share much about it - it's not the most glamorous topic to talk about, and i don't really want to dwell on it or be pitied or anything, but being on the other side of it right now, is like putting on a brand new pair of prescription glasses for the first time, and realizing just how bad your eyesight really was.
When we see posts like this where someone is expressing feelings that are out of the norm, and they're not 'trolling' or posting from a place of malice, maybe try challenging yourself to consider what brought them to the point they're at and look for a productive response, rather than just reacting.
I dont know if im making much sense at this point, i've been up almost all night, so i'll just quit while i'm ahead.
I had a personal episode that snuck up on me out of nowhere a few months ago. I don't share much about it - it's not the most glamorous topic to talk about, and i don't really want to dwell on it or be pitied or anything, but being on the other side of it right now, is like putting on a brand new pair of prescription glasses for the first time, and realizing just how bad your eyesight really was.
When we see posts like this where someone is expressing feelings that are out of the norm, and they're not 'trolling' or posting from a place of malice, maybe try challenging yourself to consider what brought them to the point they're at and look for a productive response, rather than just reacting.
I dont know if im making much sense at this point, i've been up almost all night, so i'll just quit while i'm ahead.
TheBlackDove,
May I please just say one thing about your post?
I read your thread in which you were considering leaving CC and were having a very difficult time. Many members here reached out to you and showed you a lot of kindness.
Please, when you post to someone else, remember that unconditional grace and compassion--and pass it along to others when you post.
I felt sad when I read what you wrote, because when I read the original post here, I was thinking, "What if my birth mother felt the same way as she feels?"
And then I read your post and really, really hoped that no one had said anything like that to my own mother, because we can't judge someone if we've not walked in their shoes. The thought of someone speaking so harshly and coldly to her really broke my heart.
May I please just say one thing about your post?
I read your thread in which you were considering leaving CC and were having a very difficult time. Many members here reached out to you and showed you a lot of kindness.
Please, when you post to someone else, remember that unconditional grace and compassion--and pass it along to others when you post.
I felt sad when I read what you wrote, because when I read the original post here, I was thinking, "What if my birth mother felt the same way as she feels?"
And then I read your post and really, really hoped that no one had said anything like that to my own mother, because we can't judge someone if we've not walked in their shoes. The thought of someone speaking so harshly and coldly to her really broke my heart.
I am terribly sorry you feel this way. My 1st instinct is to condemn you and ask you to please send her to my wife and I, but I've learned through the Lord that you cannot wish away peoples feelings. My son (16) went through a heartbreaking breakup (5 months ago) and I kept telling him to stop being angry and move on. At our mens Bible study some of the other fathers said they had similar experiences with their children, and they learned that you cannot and will not and SHOULD NOT change how people feel. That is the Lord's job, BUT you can advise them on how to behave having these feelings. In my son's case he was sending bitter, angry texts to the Ex-girlfriend. I told him he CANNOT do that, feel how you feel BUT behave appropriately!
So I would offer you the same. You feel how you feel, and I pray in Jesus name He would change your heart, BUT you need to still care for your daughter in as best a loving way as possible til that change comes over you and you find out you really do love her to pieces!
So I would offer you the same. You feel how you feel, and I pray in Jesus name He would change your heart, BUT you need to still care for your daughter in as best a loving way as possible til that change comes over you and you find out you really do love her to pieces!
T
to be honest her post makes me sick sister and is showing God's love is not in her heart when you talking about a baby and how she cares about it its going to get me like this honestly do you think this mother is in the right for doing this to a baby?
sister you don't seem to understand how I get when a baby is talked about I was very foolish in another thread on a post and let my flesh come out but this woman thinks she is ok feeling like this to this child and doing this having this anger for this child could send her to hell.
sister you don't seem to understand how I get when a baby is talked about I was very foolish in another thread on a post and let my flesh come out but this woman thinks she is ok feeling like this to this child and doing this having this anger for this child could send her to hell.
I understand your feelings even though my opinion is a little different because of my background. I am always a bit "in between". On one hand, I had a birth mother who did not, or did not want to, keep me. Remember that I am writing from the perspective of once being a baby whom a mother did not want, either.
On the other hand, I have wonderful adoptive parents who basically did say, "If you don't want her, please send her to us--we would love to have her."
So I feel a lot of compassion for both sides. In your thread, you were having a moment. Perhaps this thread is the OP having a moment as well. People have all kinds of moments, and in varying degrees, and about various different issues.
I think it's important for all of us as Christians to also realize that if we are strongly condemning someone without even taking the chance to really get to know them, pray for them, or help in some way other than cold words, we are putting ourselves right into the midst of the dangers of going to hell, just as much, or even more so than the person we are judging.
On the other hand, I have wonderful adoptive parents who basically did say, "If you don't want her, please send her to us--we would love to have her."
So I feel a lot of compassion for both sides. In your thread, you were having a moment. Perhaps this thread is the OP having a moment as well. People have all kinds of moments, and in varying degrees, and about various different issues.
I think it's important for all of us as Christians to also realize that if we are strongly condemning someone without even taking the chance to really get to know them, pray for them, or help in some way other than cold words, we are putting ourselves right into the midst of the dangers of going to hell, just as much, or even more so than the person we are judging.
B
Grace is not UNCONDITIONAL nor is the same as MERCY.
The basic message of salvation is CONDITIONAL... and in meeting those conditions REPENT, BELIEVE, DO.... then we receive receive the GRACE to press on in faith.
Failing to repent (renew the mind in Christ) is a rejection of the Lord, it causes "us" to poke holes in the armor of Salvation God has provided for us.
We are warned over and over via the scripture that this is not only dangerous but can lead to being cast away by the Lord.
Blackdove, I appreciate that you are impassioned by this post (me too) but being impassioned means we also MUST point to the solution... which is Salvation... so speak it and pray and showing mercy... otherwise it is not life giving.
The basic message of salvation is CONDITIONAL... and in meeting those conditions REPENT, BELIEVE, DO.... then we receive receive the GRACE to press on in faith.
Failing to repent (renew the mind in Christ) is a rejection of the Lord, it causes "us" to poke holes in the armor of Salvation God has provided for us.
We are warned over and over via the scripture that this is not only dangerous but can lead to being cast away by the Lord.
Blackdove, I appreciate that you are impassioned by this post (me too) but being impassioned means we also MUST point to the solution... which is Salvation... so speak it and pray and showing mercy... otherwise it is not life giving.
T
why should she hurt this young one with how she treats it?
she has said she wants to do smany things but she can't becase of this baby aka in her mind a burden.
SHE CALLES HERSELF A CHRISTIAN????? how she is acting show anything but a Christ like image she did not even say she is trying to love the baby or change or treat it better she should be rebuked for this she think she ok being this way she is not and will end up hurting this baby 1 way or another.
If someone doe snot rebuke her for this she will continue to do this and will hurt this baby and make this baby come to resint its mother .
If harsh rebukes without having been in the situation yourself is what you feel God is calling you to do, Dove, then God bless you.
If, in your thread, people would have told you that you were just looking for attention and feeling sorry for yourself and that if you were going to leave, you needed to just make the call and leave, then told you they were rebuking you in Godly love, how would you have received that? I think one key thing we have to remember is how we ourselves take harsh rebukes, and even if we do, God does calls us to edify and uplift each other.
Jesus didn't tell the Samaritan woman at the well that it made Him sick to know she'd been with 5 men and had now moved on to #6.
As for me, in my own heart, I feel led differently in this thread, and so I agree to disagree with different approaches, but hopefully it will result in something positive for the original poster.
Best wishes to you.
If, in your thread, people would have told you that you were just looking for attention and feeling sorry for yourself and that if you were going to leave, you needed to just make the call and leave, then told you they were rebuking you in Godly love, how would you have received that? I think one key thing we have to remember is how we ourselves take harsh rebukes, and even if we do, God does calls us to edify and uplift each other.
Jesus didn't tell the Samaritan woman at the well that it made Him sick to know she'd been with 5 men and had now moved on to #6.
As for me, in my own heart, I feel led differently in this thread, and so I agree to disagree with different approaches, but hopefully it will result in something positive for the original poster.
Best wishes to you.
P.S. Again, I understand your thoughts and of course, NONE of us want to see any hurt or harm come to this baby. But we also must keep in mind that we are also to tend to the hurts and needs of the mother as well.
As I keep saying, one of my points is that I have been writing from the perspective that at the beginning of my life, I was very much like the baby in this situation, and so I am writing as someone who was once in a possibly similar circumstance, as the child in the story, not the mother, but am now an adult myself and looking back on the situation.
One of the reasons I said anything at all is because we also have to remember that sometimes God works things out in much different ways than we expect or understand.
And, surely this mother will feel much more energized and motivated to move forward and ask God to help her do her best if she receives caring, compassionate feedback rather than Godly slaps in the face. I surely hope people were not like this to my own birth mother, but that is just my own opinion. And perhaps their comments were why she gave me up in the first place.
As I keep saying, one of my points is that I have been writing from the perspective that at the beginning of my life, I was very much like the baby in this situation, and so I am writing as someone who was once in a possibly similar circumstance, as the child in the story, not the mother, but am now an adult myself and looking back on the situation.
One of the reasons I said anything at all is because we also have to remember that sometimes God works things out in much different ways than we expect or understand.
And, surely this mother will feel much more energized and motivated to move forward and ask God to help her do her best if she receives caring, compassionate feedback rather than Godly slaps in the face. I surely hope people were not like this to my own birth mother, but that is just my own opinion. And perhaps their comments were why she gave me up in the first place.
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