Biggest regret of my life is having a child

[Hellooo]

blackdove, i dont think you're seeing past your emotions. no one disagrees with the concern over the baby's well being. the original poster indicates that she doesn't feel maternal love, implying she perhaps knows that it SHOULD be there. are there situtions where rebuke is necessary? ABSOLUTELY, but im not sure how useful it is in this instance to just sit back and say 'you ought to be ashamed' or 'christians don't act this way'.

Matthew 18:12
"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?

Maybe it would help you put it into perspective if you think about the analogy of the lost sheep, or how it's the sick that need healing. I don't know about you, but it feels as if we need Christ the most when we are at our ugliest and you do a great disservice by simply shunning and rebuking people who need help without offering anything else in response.

You've expressed concern a few times in chat and in the forums where you weren't taken seriously because of your age and lack of experience - you ever babysit a toddler who really wants to go outside, but doesn't care how tired you are? they don't understand that you could possibly have any feelings and don't know any better, they only know that they want to go outside RIGHT NOW. this is how you come across when you are purely reactive.

How powerful a testimony will this be if this young mother is able to find some healing for her and her little one? God values both of their lives, both will be in my prayers, and hopefully also in yours?

 

[TheBlackDove]

P.S. Again, I understand your thoughts and of course, NONE of us want to see any hurt or harm come to this baby. But we also must keep in mind that we are also to tend to the hurts and needs of the mother as well.

As I keep saying, one of my points is that I have been writing from the perspective that at the beginning of my life, I was very much like the baby in this situation, and so I am writing as someone who was once in a possibly similar circumstance, as the child in the story, not the mother, but am now an adult myself and looking back on the situation.

One of the reasons I said anything at all is because we also have to remember that sometimes God works things out in much different ways than we expect or understand.

And, surely this mother will feel much more energized and motivated to move forward and ask God to help her do her best if she receives caring, compassionate feedback rather than Godly slaps in the face. I surely hope people were not like this to my own birth mother, but that is just my own opinion. And perhaps their comments were why she gave me up in the first place.

how would I have reseaved a rebuke I would have and P.S I kinda did you don't know some of the pms I got

point is I don't have to be her the bible says what we should do for EVERY CASE no matter who you are you know what to do and atmit you know what she is doing is wrong.

I am done with this thread I did what I did and said what I said but I need to talk to you about dizny moves though in pm later

 

[MarvelousLight]

Hi Neveah,

What you have to acknowledge is the path you have chosen for your life. You are the one who made the mistakes, but the child is no mistake. Your child is now part of God’s plan for your life right now, and you should make her a part of your life too.

Most parents try to do what is best for their children. They have the authoritative right to watch that you do not err in your ways, and you should honor and obey them. Seeing that you are an only child, your mother may be more protective of you. Moreover, adding to the fact that you were having premarital sex, and meeting up with a man who has never committed to being married to you, I believe your mother was trying to prevent that relationship from happening, but you may have not listened to her and did whatever you wanted. The results of the decisions you made in your life has led to a beautiful baby girl. Yet, this child is not a mistake, but you made the mistake to have it earlier than planned. The child was bound to come, sooner or later in your life, but you chose the first. Again, your mother seeing that you want to rid yourself of responsibility as a mother of a child, I can see why your mother would still be worried about you, because you are still making the wrong choices in life.

This is the time to grow up and become a responsible person. Learn how to become a better mother to your child, and start thinking about both of your futures together. What school should you send her to? Who will take care of her when you go to work? How can I make my baby grow up to be happy and healthy? You may also want to pray for your child’s father, that he may be part of her life as well. Right now, you should seek a closer relationship with God if you haven't already, and see Him as your husband and provider for the two of you.

When your child grows up, you will teach her what you did wrong, so she could make better choices in life. That is, to wait for the right man to come along who would take her hand in marriage, and then start a family with her. Though you have made wrong choices in your life, you should hope that your child will not follow in your footsteps. Also, freedom does not come being free to do our own will or plans for our lives. True freedom comes from obeying God's plans for our lives, and right now, God's plan is for you to accept your child in your life, and to love her.

Proverbs 14:12
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

MarvelousLight

 

[TheBlackDove]

Hi Neveah,

What you have to acknowledge is the path you have chosen for your life. You are the one who made the mistakes, but the child is no mistake. Your child is now part of God’s plan for your life right now, and you should make her a part of your life too.

Most parents try to do what is best for their children. They have the authoritative right to watch that you do not err in your ways, and you should honor and obey them. Seeing that you are an only child, your mother may be more protective of you. Moreover, adding to the fact that you were having premarital sex, and meeting up with a man who has never committed to being married to you, I believe your mother was trying to prevent that relationship from happening, but you may have not listened to her and did whatever you wanted. The results of the decisions you made in your life has led to a beautiful baby girl. Yet, this child is not a mistake, but you made the mistake to have it earlier than planned. The child was bound to come, sooner or later in your life, but you chose the first. Again, your mother seeing that you want to rid yourself of responsibility as a mother of a child, I can see why your mother would still be worried about you, because you are still making the wrong choices in life.

This is the time to grow up and become a responsible person. Learn how to become a better mother to your child, and start thinking about both of your futures together. What school should you send her to? Who will take care of her when you go to work? How can I make my baby grow up to be happy and healthy? You may also want to pray for your child’s father, that he may be part of her life as well. Right now, you should seek a closer relationship with God if you haven't already, and see Him as your husband and provider for the two of you.

When your child grows up, you will teach her what you did wrong, so she could make better choices in life. That is, to wait for the right man to come along who would take her hand in marriage, and then start a family with her. Though you have made wrong choices in your life, you should hope that your child will not follow in your footsteps. Also, freedom does not come being free to do our own will or plans for our lives. True freedom comes from obeying God's plans for our lives, and right now, God's plan is for you to accept your child in your life, and to love her.

Proverbs 14:12
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

MarvelousLight

oh dear I seem very foolish now ):

pray I will learn to speak as you have my dear sister

 

[pwrnJC]

If this thread is TRUE..and nevaeh2289 is sincere..then heaven help that child. Heaven give her a home where she is loved by someone who is not carrying old baggage from her past and dumping the residue all over the innocent child. Only the Holy Spirit can penetrate nevaeh's mind and make a permanent change..and that is her choice, not the internet's. Nevaeh want's to travel, explore life and 'settle down later'...with NO mention of caring for the child she now has. That is not the mind of CHRIST speaking or coming from someone who even acknowledges that JESUS CHRIST is there for her. This is just plain old fashioned messed up mentality..where priorities are totally on "SELF". SO sorry..but there are NO pity parties given here. YOU need JESUS..YOU need a spiritual change...we all know that..and sadly, YOU do too...but so far have NOT taken your commitment of your child serious, just like you have not made a personal commitment to JESUS CHRIST..What more advice do you need?

 

[VioletReigns]

I'm an only child and my upbringing with my parents, especially my mum was very strict. She wouldn't allow me to go out after a certain time or do what I wanted because she didn't want me out. I wasn't going out to do anything bad, go out to eat, cinema or bowling, hardly crime of the century. However she's very stuck in her ways and even unto today (me being 26) I still get that attitude towards her, but still do what I like.
I feel because I didn't enjoy my younger years, that now i've graduated, got a job, can drive and have the independence to do what I can, I don't have the freedom to enjoy life. Its like I now can do what I please, but I've got no freedom because I've got the child, who I do not bond with nor have maternal love for. I don't feel like a mum and certainly do not having feelings like one should. I feel like she is the biggest regret of my life and that my life is completely over because of her. everyday i ask God why he punished me in giving me a child, and ruining my life. I resent her every time I look at her and only wish someone can take her away, but my parents won't allow that. Her dad doesn't want custody of her just to visit her when he feels like it.

I want to do so much with my life, travel, work in a different country explore life and then settle down later. I don't know what to do now? Has anyone else felt like this? or has any advice please?

This op breaks my heart to pieces. You speak of your childhood as a terrible thing. Yet your very own child will be experiencing the same emptiness and sadness because you have no love for her.

I advise you to get professional counseling ASAP for that dear child's sake. You need to be taught how to be a devoted, loving mother to your baby. Or you will need to surrender that child to a godly family who will genuinely love her and make her needs a priority.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Nevaeh, almost every post on this thread encourages you to seek counseling, and/ or give up your daughter for adoption. Since you feel no connection with her whatsoever and you resent her and don't love her, then please do the right thing and give her to someone who WILL love and cherish her, and not see her as a curse.. Also please seek counseling, because you are very disturbed and conflicted and need to resolve these issues..

 

[Pres19]

I just read her first post..
This child of hers is a toddler..

Now this really worries me...
If this little girl is a toddler and she still feels this way then I really really think she needs help..
Not a joke. Not to be rude. Just very very concerned for this little girl of hers..

 

[blondieindahouse]

Her post said absolutely nothing about any type of depression. Perhaps you've made an assumption or diagnosis to excuse her cold-heartedness? She said nothing about being depressed, so I'm not reading more into it than what was stated. She wrote that she had a kid that she doesn't love or want, and blames God for ruining her life. My response was limited to what she wrote. Is there something wrong with her? No doubt, but my concern is for her unloved and unwanted daughter.

Perhaps YOU have made an assumption that she is in reality ,cold hearted! My concern is for the well being of her daughter as well ,of course, but I am also concerned for her! Have you ever been so distraught that you said many things you did not mean and blamed God? I have!

Women with postpartum depression do not know they are depressed!

Does it have to be stated to be so? NO! What a stupid comment.If you cant see that something is off I cannot educate you! Go get educated about this illness. I like to show mercy as Christ has called us to do. I like to be part of the solution and not say the things that you did and beat a person when they are down.

Quite frankly, your response to her was quite malicious and very mean.You have about as much sense giving out advice as my infant grandchild! The ones that "liked" your nefarious comment are equally unqualified to feel compassion for BOTH the mom and baby. Some of these vicious and malicious posts are quite repugnant and antichrist. God is NOT happy with every single one that didnt show love and compassion.

1 Corinthians 13:1
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

 

[blue_ladybug]

The OP is fairly young. She may or may not have postpartum depression. Not ALL women experience it. Several of the posters here replied with love AND compassion AND common sense truths for the OP. You may see their replies as repugnant and anti-christ, but the OP asked us for help and advice, SO she needs to consider and think about EVERYTHING that was said here, from getting counseling to giving up her kid, to growing up and getting her priorities straight. EVERY ONE of the posters here has spoken nothing but the truth concerning the OP's post.

Were some of the posts harsher than they should have been? Maybe, BUT that's what you get on an online forum like this. You get a variety of answers and emotions. If an OP can't handle being criticized on their posts, then they shouldn't ask for candid advice.. She asked for advice, that's what she's getting, whether she accepts it or not is up to her..

For the record, I DO disapprove of some of TheBlackDove's posts to the OP. They were definitely harsher than need be..

 

[TheBlackDove]

The OP is fairly young. She may or may not have postpartum depression. Not ALL women experience it. Several of the posters here replied with love AND compassion AND common sense truths for the OP. You may see their replies as repugnant and anti-christ, but the OP asked us for help and advice, SO she needs to consider and think about EVERYTHING that was said here, from getting counseling to giving up her kid, to growing up and getting her priorities straight. EVERY ONE of the posters here has spoken nothing but the truth concerning the OP's post.

Were some of the posts harsher than they should have been? Maybe, BUT that's what you get on an online forum like this. You get a variety of answers and emotions. If an OP can't handle being criticized on their posts, then they shouldn't ask for candid advice.. She asked for advice, that's what she's getting, whether she accepts it or not is up to her..

For the record, I DO disapprove of some of TheBlackDove's posts to the OP. They were definitely harsher than need be..

LOL I thought you where talking about me little did I know you would just say I don't like the way you handle this theblackdove XD

 

[TheBlackDove]

The OP is fairly young. She may or may not have postpartum depression. Not ALL women experience it. Several of the posters here replied with love AND compassion AND common sense truths for the OP. You may see their replies as repugnant and anti-christ, but the OP asked us for help and advice, SO she needs to consider and think about EVERYTHING that was said here, from getting counseling to giving up her kid, to growing up and getting her priorities straight. EVERY ONE of the posters here has spoken nothing but the truth concerning the OP's post.

Were some of the posts harsher than they should have been? Maybe, BUT that's what you get on an online forum like this. You get a variety of answers and emotions. If an OP can't handle being criticized on their posts, then they shouldn't ask for candid advice.. She asked for advice, that's what she's getting, whether she accepts it or not is up to her..

For the record, I DO disapprove of some of TheBlackDove's posts to the OP. They were definitely harsher than need be..

P
.S blue I only had one psot to the OP and th rest where to others talking to me

 

[blue_ladybug]

LOL I thought you where talking about me little did I know you would just say I don't like the way you handle this theblackdove XD

I don't like the way you handle this.. I disapprove.. same thing lol..

 

[blue_ladybug]

P
.S blue I only had one psot to the OP and th rest where to others talking to me

I know.. lol

 

[TheBlackDove]

I know.. lol

lol ok so you disagree will some of ALL of the posts I made to the OP LOLOLOLOLOLOL honestly I get a kick out of this

 

[MyLighthouse]

I'm an only child and my upbringing with my parents, especially my mum was very strict. She wouldn't allow me to go out after a certain time or do what I wanted because she didn't want me out. I wasn't going out to do anything bad, go out to eat, cinema or bowling, hardly crime of the century. However she's very stuck in her ways and even unto today (me being 26) I still get that attitude towards her, but still do what I like.
I feel because I didn't enjoy my younger years, that now i've graduated, got a job, can drive and have the independence to do what I can, I don't have the freedom to enjoy life. Its like I now can do what I please, but I've got no freedom because I've got the child, who I do not bond with nor have maternal love for. I don't feel like a mum and certainly do not having feelings like one should. I feel like she is the biggest regret of my life and that my life is completely over because of her. everyday i ask God why he punished me in giving me a child, and ruining my life. I resent her every time I look at her and only wish someone can take her away, but my parents won't allow that. Her dad doesn't want custody of her just to visit her when he feels like it.

I want to do so much with my life, travel, work in a different country explore life and then settle down later. I don't know what to do now? Has anyone else felt like this? or has any advice please?

This truly saddens me... I'm speaking in behalf of your child.

There's no pain like the pain of your own mother not wanting you. My mother had me as a teen and left me, because she wanted to enjoy her life....Well I hope she is, because she ruined mine. Many times I wondered why she didn't abort me like she was going to, and knowing all this has put a huge cloud on my life. Yes she was young but if she didn't want children she should had closed her legs and stop sleeping with people. She should had made the choice to have her fun and be alone if that's what she truly wanted. I never had the chance to be good enough for her, to be a joy to her because all I am to her is her mistake and regret. So that made me always feel that way about myself. This is the type of messed up kid your producing haha


But seriously, children are a blessing, find out in the Bible and pray for why your not seeing this! Because I really don't want either of you to miss out, yes, miss out on being a blessing to each other.

 

[Dan58]

Women with postpartum depression do not know they are depressed!

Does it have to be stated to be so? NO! What a stupid comment.If you cant see that something is off I cannot educate you! Go get educated about this illness. I like to show mercy as Christ has called us to do. I like to be part of the solution and not say the things that you did and beat a person when they are down.

Quite frankly, your response to her was quite malicious and very mean.You have about as much sense giving out advice as my infant grandchild!

Again, the op said nothing about being depressed, but feel free to run with your diagnosis doc. To the contrary, the op seemed quite anxious and excited to get on with her life and do what she wants, without the burden of that darn kid. And personally, I don't care if she is depressed, the child is still resented and unwanted, so my advise remains the same. Ever hear of Andrea Yates? Do you think its wise to encourage women with post-partum depression to keep the babies they hate? Sometimes showing love is not compassion, but enables a wrong headed person to persist in their ways. And as far as my post being mean-spirited, I don't think I hold a candle to yours. Have a nice day

 

[JuldaMarie]

Re: Biggest regret of my life is having a child- Reply

Having a child is a blessing. Always remember that by God's grace you have your child. There a lot of women in the world who can not conceive a child. There is a purpose for everything my friend. Change the way you think. God will help you. Surrender everything to her. Even you wanted other things apart from having a child, still it will not give you real happiness. Because true happiness is serving the Lord Jesus Christ while we are still alive. Believed me I've felt the same before but when I knew God and accept Him as my Lord and Savior, I was changed 360 degrees. God is my all. He is ever faithful. I will pray for you. God loves you.

 

[kaylagrl]

I noticed the OP has not made a comment even after 3 pages of discussion.I think thats rather telling...

 

[blue_ladybug]

I noticed the OP has not made a comment even after 3 pages of discussion.I think thats rather telling...

It's another "hit and run" thread. Meaning the OP makes an initial post, then never returns to the thread. There are many hit and run thread in these forums.. :/