Married

[Peacefulwife]

Could anyone who has been married for Swahili and have overcome obsticles in your marriage thought CHRIST give any insight or what you've experienced?
I fee like I've married someone that not with me for better or for worse. And that's a problem for me because I come from a past of abandonment from people who where close to me.

 

[Joidevivre]

How do you marry for Swahili?

 

[Peacefulwife]

Typo sorry, sometime now is what I meant

 

[VioletReigns]

Could anyone who has been married for Swahili and have overcome obsticles in your marriage thought CHRIST give any insight or what you've experienced?
I fee like I've married someone that not with me for better or for worse. And that's a problem for me because I come from a past of abandonment from people who where close to me.

If I understand you correctly, you are saying that you married someone while you were living in Swahili and now you're living in America and you are having marital problems. My dear, I would seek professional Christian marriage counseling. Ask your pastor or a spiritually mature woman from your church to guide you to someone trustworthy.

I hope you are not being abused or feel you are in danger. If so, you can always contact a women's crisis center in your area.

Help hotlines | womenshealth.gov

 

[Th1gurl23]

I am in the same boat, I married someone who has no compassion, no empathy and has an explosive anger problem.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I am in the same boat, I married someone who has no compassion, no empathy and has an explosive anger problem.

Why did you marry him then? You should REALLY know a person inside-out before marrying them. Know what makes them tick, what makes them happy, makes them angry. Because if someone doesnt know what their spouse is truly like BEFORE marriage, then they are gonna be in for a sour surprise afterward.

 

[Dan58]

I fee like I've married someone that not with me for better or for worse. And that's a problem for me because I come from a past of abandonment from people who where close to me.

I am in the same boat, I married someone who has no compassion, no empathy and has an explosive anger problem.

I'll never understand women who do that... Consider getting to know someone prior to saying "I do".

It seems people are willing to ignore some bad traits because they're in a hurry to get hitched? Or maybe they assume these negative characteristics will disappear after marriage? Perhaps your choice in a mate tells you something about yourself? I don't know, but it just seems like a lot of people are surprised by the person they choose to marry. The saying is "Look before you Leap" not "Leap and then Look" . My sister also got into an unhappy marriage, I honestly think that I give more thought to what I'm having for dinner than she gave to who she would spend the rest of her life with.. She's divorced now, while I still enjoy every dinner.

 

[Th1gurl23]

Before we got married we both re-gave ourselves back to Christ, he was going to individual counseling and our fights where healthy, so I thought it would continue this way

 

[blue_ladybug]

Before we got married we both re-gave ourselves back to Christ, he was going to individual counseling and our fights where healthy, so I thought it would continue this way

People always think that. Just pray for him and let God dissolve his problems. Good luck.

 

[Th1gurl23]

Plus why are people saying: why did you marry him.. blah blah blah... it doesnt matter now.. I am where I am, I cant go back and change the past. I just need some comfort and tools to get through this..

 

[atwhatcost]

Could anyone who has been married for Swahili and have overcome obsticles in your marriage thought CHRIST give any insight or what you've experienced?
I fee like I've married someone that not with me for better or for worse. And that's a problem for me because I come from a past of abandonment from people who where close to me.

Sure. We'll be married for 35 years come this October.

Here are some problems God helped us through:
-- He broke his back at work in New Jersey. (Workman's comp gives you no more than $4000 -- ever -- in NJ, if you break your back.) Not paralyzed, thankfully, but it was broken and I wasn't working when it happened, so it caused serious problems.

-- Many times I had problems finding a job quickly.

-- Because of our finances, ended up we owed the IRS a ton of money back. (We contacted them and worked it out, but it took years.)

-- He talked a county girl (me) into moving into Philadelphia, when his Mom was dying of brain cancer. (She was living with his sister/her daughter, but hubby wanted to be closer in case sis needed help.)

-- My mid-size car became 2/3rds the original size in an instant with me in it. (Accident, but we really needed two cars at that time. Still really glad all I got was a bruise from the seat belt and a contusion on my left hand.)

-- The base where he worked was going to be closed down in five years so he had to study for a new line of work -- computer network specialist. He spent 13 months going straight from work to school 4 nights a week and spent the rest of the time studying for the test.

-- I started a home business.

-- He lost that job the week before I had gall bladder surgery. (Big problems with health insurance, since he was still covered through work, but work literally wasn't there anymore. It moved, so we had to find out where it moved to and who we called to get it straightened out. lol)

-- They pulled me off the operating table wrong, so my back was damaged. I knew something was wrong when I woke up in more pain from a sore back then where they cut me, but they refused to believe me.

-- the bad back ended up becoming a permanent disability (and I had to close my business right after making decent money two months in a row) right about the time when the market for computer techs crashed. It seems the number of computer techs was specifically inflated to resolve the Y2K issue, which stopped being an issue as of 1/1/00. If that wasn't enough, quite a few dotcom companies crashed that year, leaving more computer techs out of jobs, and then three jets crashed into a Trade Center and the Pentagon, stopping air traffic for three days, and killing many product businesses along the way, so the computer field got so flooded, most computer companies changed their policies on hiring. When hubby started to go to school, the average computer tech was making a high 6 figure income. By the time he was done, it was down to $75K. (Can't complain about that. lol) By the time Y2K was over the the dotcommers died out, they were paying $25K-$35K and demanding the techs have a four year college degree. (Can complain about that, and what were those kids supposed to do? Live at home forever? Hubby is no kid and he went to a technical school, not college.)

-- Hubby got tired. Too tired. Lost his job, and then found out he had HVC. What they didn't notice was he also had high blood pressure and diabetes. So the chemo gave him CFS, something like Turret Syndrome and something like palsy, while the diabetes gave him neuropathy. So a disease that would have killed him eventually ended up causing him to become disabled too.

So, yeah, been married a long time and survived/thrived through some tough stuff.

Now? What help do you need?

 

[Angela53510]

Could anyone who has been married for Swahili and have overcome obsticles in your marriage thought CHRIST give any insight or what you've experienced?
I fee like I've married someone that not with me for better or for worse. And that's a problem for me because I come from a past of abandonment from people who where close to me.

Right now, you need to deal first with your own issues. Fear of abandonment can be a sign of borderline personality disorder. It may be that you are very clingy and demanding of your husband. Or not!

So please see a doctor and get yourself help. Next, see a pastor or certified Christian psychologist for marriage counseling. My husband and I had some major issues about 10 years ago and we saw a professional 4 times. That's right - only 4 times. The first thing she made my husband do, was see a psychiatrist for his depression, which was verging on psychosis. Just the meds made about 1000% difference.

She also showed him in several ways he was paranoid about my behaviour. Plus she gave me an excellent book to work on my trigger points, and things to work on to make me more reasonable. It has been an amazing journey, together!

We are doing better than ever, after 35 years. I am chronically ill, but God has given me several ministries which my husband supports. He has become a completely different person. He listens, empathizes, and is kind and caring when my disability means I cannot walk, dress or feed myself. He didn't know how to do that before.

Oh, yes! And pray, pray, pray! Even when your marriage changes, keep praying for him. It is the least God expects we do for our spouse.

 

[presidente]

Could anyone who has been married for Swahili and have overcome obsticles in your marriage thought CHRIST give any insight or what you've experienced?
I fee like I've married someone that not with me for better or for worse. And that's a problem for me because I come from a past of abandonment from people who where close to me.

Why is this a concern? Does your husband threaten divorce, or is it just a fear of yours?