So confused

[Leelee78]

Hi all, I'm new here and this is my first post.

I'm a 36 yr old single mum. I have recently started attending church again after many years away.

Right now I don't consider myself a Christian and i am so confused about where I am in life and what I'm sposed to be doing here.

I was never brought up in a Christian family but since I was 5 I attended Sunday school. I stayed at that church all through childhood and eventually lived with a couple from the church when I was a teenager.

I eventually moved out and fell in with the wrong crowd. I didn't have the strength to stay away. I felt like the church had judged me but my new friends were so welcoming and didn't judge.

After I had a baby outside of marriage I think that's when my church gave up on me and when my second baby died, that's when I eventually turned my back on God. I could never understand why He would give me something so precious only to take her away again a few days later.

Anyway, fast forward to the present. I had kept in touch with people from the church and decided to go back. This was 2 years ago. Nothing had changed. I would sit through Sunday service crying to myself wishing that someone would notice my pain but they never did because they never cared.

These past few months I've joined a new church. It's so different to my old church but I still don't have friends.

I'm trying to find my way back to what is good but I can't do it on my own. I'm lost and I'm lonely and I'm tired of having to do everything by myself.

Am I seriously that much of an awful person that no one wants to be friends with me?? Is this life my punishment for turning my back on God??

I really just don't know what to do any more

 

[tourist]

There a plenty of peeps on this site to become friends with. It sounds as if you have had a very hard life. You don't seem like an awful person to me but you do sound tired and possibly frustrated. Relax, and make yourself at home. I pray that this site becomes a place of rest and healing for you. God Bless You. Welcome to CC.

 

[blue_ladybug]

LeeLee, everyone strays away from God at one time or another in their lives. You are not an awful person, and you're going to make alot of friends here who truly care about you. And no, your life is NOT a punishment from God for turning away from him. Turn back towards him, and ask him to draw near to you and help you make friends. Invite him back into your life..

 

[Leelee78]

I'm not sure I even know how to make friends any more.

I talk to people at church but nobody has ever asked to socialise away from church. I don't get invited round for coffee or anything.

My old friends (not my old church friends but friends away from church) don't really bother. If I go visit them then they're ok and they're friendly but they never come visit me and don't really bother with me because they just want someone that will go out drinking and partying all the time and don't understand that my kids are my number 1 priority so I don't want to go out drinking.

I seem to just be stuck in some kind of middle ground. Unchristian enough that the people at church don't want to know me but too Christian for the non believers to want to know me.

Do I even make sense??

 

[blue_ladybug]

I'm not sure I even know how to make friends any more.

I talk to people at church but nobody has ever asked to socialise away from church. I don't get invited round for coffee or anything.

My old friends (not my old church friends but friends away from church) don't really bother. If I go visit them then they're ok and they're friendly but they never come visit me and don't really bother with me because they just want someone that will go out drinking and partying all the time and don't understand that my kids are my number 1 priority so I don't want to go out drinking.

I seem to just be stuck in some kind of middle ground. Unchristian enough that the people at church don't want to know me but too Christian for the non believers to want to know me.

Do I even make sense??

You make perfect sense. Come on over to the "speak your mind" thread in the bible discussion forum. We are all friends there. No judging or debating or arguing are allowed on that thread, unlike the rest of the BDF. The SYM thread is by far the coolest thread in any of the forums.

 

[Leelee78]

Thank you, I will do that

 

[Angela53510]

Welcome to CC! I think part of the problem these days is that social media has taken over people's lives. They stick to the people they know, and sometimes don't allow new people to join their clique. They are busy texting, instead of seeing real people needing help right in front of them.

I would suggest you try some other churches if you are able. We just moved and looked for a new church. The first church had 3000 people, music that was like a rock concert and very little Bible preached. After the service, everyone just walked straight out, without ever talking or even smiling at another person. I honestly don't know why anyone would go there.

The second church served coffee and treats before and after the service. (Tea, too!) Everyone wore name tags, and each week people would walk up to us and introduce themselves. Within a few weeks, we had name tags too! Then there are monthly scheduled fellowships after church and picnics and barbecues. I got into a worship band in only a few months, in some churches, that door is never opened. The pastor is amazing - really preaches the Word of God. And anyone that subs for him, seems to be a retired pastor or missionary. The standard of both good doctrine and love is high, and we love it.

So don't give up. Find out what the church does for fellowship. You will never meet anyone just sitting in a sanctuary. And don't give up on God. Read the Bible - from cover to cover! It is all God's Word. You may not understand it all, but the Holy Spirit will show you the things you need to learn and to hear.

Please feel free to friend me. I would like to encourage and help you. God is calling you, don't be discouraged!

 

[pwrnJC]

People, in general, have this 'idea" that CHURCH is supposed to be this utopian perfect place where all needs, friendships, awesome memories and supportive congregations gather....WRONG! Church is a hospital for the sick, a haven of similar minded folks who wander through life like everybody else. Each member has their own issues, their own worries, their own needs, etc. A pastor and other leaders oversee the 'flock" (my dad is a pastor and I am a licensed minister). No pastor can manage GOD's house alone. It needs holy spirit filled people who use their spiritual gifts (I Corinthians, chapt. 12), take a step back and ask GOD "What can I do for others here?" God does have a place where you can best serve, grow spiritually and reach out to others. Yes, you are where you are because of your personal choices. You can also be where you want to be with a relationship with JESUS CHRIST, serving HIM and others to find your real joy...again..YOUR personal choice. You will NOT find a perfect church...they do NOT exist. You have to 'brighten the corner" where you are. You have a testimony, you have life's experiences that can help others..but first and foremost, you have to surrender all your past, present and future over to JESUS CHRIST so that HE can wipe out CONFUSION...confusion only comes from one source...and it certainly isn't from GOD! Once you choose to allow the Holy Spirit to comfort, guide and direct you....we will NOT see you post another SAD
I don't consider myself a CHRISTIAN" comment. Start with speaking to JESUS, just you and HE before you decide to broadcast to the world, via cyber space about your relationship with HIM. He needs to know this, He needs to hear YOU. He is there waiting with OPEN ARMS...not the local church body, or the internet....Top priority is accepting JESUS as your Savior...then, allow HIM to lead. Start seeking a bible believing and acting church where you can best serve others. It works much better that trying to walk into a congregation of people seeking for them to serve you as you think they should.

 

[jogoldie]

Sometimes in our walk we hit some painful stops......and all this is ....is God rearranging things....moving things around
in our life to make things right......He wants you to find the best church for you....keep searching my sister...things will
soon fall into place... if you keep the faith....hard times gives us spiritual mucsles....it proves our faith to Him.....showing
Him our unconditional love ......in the mean time....we are all here for you.....to be your friends and family in Christ.....if you reach out
to one or more of us......I can promise you we will reach back......to help you....to be there in these times.....and the good times too....
find peace and the joy will follow......jo

 

[Dan58]

I would sit through Sunday service crying to myself wishing that someone would notice my pain but they never did because they never cared.

Others aren't the answer to your pain. Your presuming that others don't care or notice? Perhaps there are others there with more pain than you? Have you noticed? Try taking the initiative and interact with others, and don't make the conversation about yourself or your perceived problems.

And remember that the purpose of Church isn't to get noticed or unload your burdens onto others, but to learn and grow closer to the Lord. Consider the source of your pain; "I had a baby outside of marriage.. I eventually turned my back on God".. Putting God first goes a long way to alleviate loneliness. jmo

 

[atwhatcost]

I'm not sure I even know how to make friends any more.

I talk to people at church but nobody has ever asked to socialise away from church. I don't get invited round for coffee or anything.

My old friends (not my old church friends but friends away from church) don't really bother. If I go visit them then they're ok and they're friendly but they never come visit me and don't really bother with me because they just want someone that will go out drinking and partying all the time and don't understand that my kids are my number 1 priority so I don't want to go out drinking.

I seem to just be stuck in some kind of middle ground. Unchristian enough that the people at church don't want to know me but too Christian for the non believers to want to know me.

Do I even make sense??

I think you do know how to make friends, since you know what you want others to do to be your friend. (Go out for coffee after church and go visiting.) So you're already talking to people after church. Why not ask one or more of them if they'd like to have a cup of coffee with you? (Step One.)

And, got to say, most church goers aren't into fellowshiping after service, so the person may say No. Then ask the next question, "So who are the people around here that go out after service?" (Step Two.)

There's usually a group. The people/person you asked probably knows who they are, then you just walk over to them next and ask them if they were planning on going for coffee/eating bunch. (Step Three.)

(Step Four.) One of two things will happen. You might have hit them on a week when they can't do it, so will say no. In which case, you make sure they know you'd love to join them the next time. Or they say yes, and you go out for coffee/brunch. And, just so you know, most the time, everybody pays their own check, so make sure you have enough for whatever you order and a tip.

(Step Five) So you're out with the group having coffee/brunch. Next thing you want to be prepared for is what was the sermon about? This is a good conversation starter, except you don't want to say, "Boy, good sermon today." You want to say, "What do you think about...?" And then ask a question, if you have a question, or tell what you had problems getting. (I usually get the idea, but can't figure out how to put it in practice.) Or, tell why it hit home with you. This helps you gauge who these people are and how interested they really are about God. It also brings up topics that can be talked about without getting into the usual small talk, and it doesn't lead in with all the stuff that scares people off. (Hey, experience talking here. lol And, yeah, learned by blurting out my life story often enough to know that scares people off.)

(Step Six.) When everyone is leaving, mention you had a good time, (unless you didn't, in which case, why would you want to repeat it? lol) And make sure they know you'd like to join next time too. This doesn't make you friends. Two or three more times will get you there, if you want the friendship.

But, don't be embarrassed by your life story. It happened. Either people must learn to deal with it, (including you, and the only way you get there is through Christ, who can save you already knowing who you are), or they don't. If everyone was perfect, then Jesus need never come. The more open we are about who we are, the quicker we are to find out who will and won't be good friends. The only thing I'm suggesting is not to start a conversation with the life story. That won't take long to get there, because eventually potential friends will ask.

And, BTW, no. You're not the worse person in the world. Some folks really won't deal with you, because they have this Pollyanna view of life that you don't fit. The ones who will become your friend are the people who like you, warts and all. Probably because they have enough warts of their own to see past warts. lol