My marriage

[Mckenzie84]

I have comiited adultery broke my kids were born, I repented then did it again ..repented then met someone who changed me k fell I love with him he was ready to look after my kids take everything on but I was afraid to because I thought of my husband. My kids. Then when he called it quits for good. I felt devastated. Now because this is all happened I feel so ashamed so stupid, I have everything a wife could want , a though my husband isn't Christian he is far more pure than me! I have sinned and I need help. My children mean everything to me and I want to love their dad like I once did. I feel like I have failed so bad. If he were to know he will surely divorce me. I can't hurt him anymore than I already have this past year since the I've been loving on another man I have pushed my husband away, fought with him, hated on him and stop being intamite. How can a woman that beloved in God and for what has God done for me how can I do that?! How heartless am I?! I believe Jesus stopped the other man and convicted him so that God was able to make me feel as low as I am feeling. I cried on my husbands shoulder yesterday and all he says is " baby tell me what's bothering you, look at what we have We are so blessed" how can I have screwed this up so badly my heart is broken I have broken Gods heart. I have failed my duty as a wife and mother. Al j wanna do is cry in bed I'm still in my pjs and it's 1pm I have no enegergy. I am so ashamed so weak so stupid. I need some prayer I need help. Lord help me. Restore my life. Bring coulor back to my world.

 

[BarlyGurl]

When are you going to get serious about God? I don't have the ability to KNOW for certain if you are just sorry for the mess you have made or if you are really REPENTANT before God.... because you surely were not the other times... or the entire time you were "IN LOVE" with the last man that wasn't your husband.

YOU are going to have to confess to your husband.... but I highly recommend you spend some real serious time in your prayer closet before God and GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIS LORDSHIP first.

I am praying your husband has a soft heart to you and that he will forgive you AGAIN... but that is in the Lord's hand.

 

[Jenizona]

McKenzie, that is such a tough situation... my heart goes out to you. The very first thing you need to do is start getting in the Word and praying. I would proceed with caution if you do decide to tell your husband. Blurting everything out is not necessarily the best way to proceed. First you have to take it up with God, pour your heart out before Him, and let your heart regain its tenderness. The way ahead is tough, but you can do this. Maybe confessing to a female friend would be helpful, someone who can be with you and support you as you strive to make things right.

One thing that you must do is stop seeking companionship outside your marriage. As long as you do that, you will be asking for trouble time and time again. Everyone needs friends (and friends of the opposite sex can be particularly tempting) but you must really inspect the ways that you're going about it, and take a totally different path, perhaps Bible Study or church groups. Maybe coming to a Christian Chat site like this is a good start.

Get your life back on track! It's hard but I know you can do it!

 

[Mckenzie84]

@jenozona I am here because I need the help and I thank you for your words in trying to seek help. @barlygurl your right I wasn't serious I thought I was. I don't deserve good in my life but as much as I failed and continue to God loves me so I am holding to that right now it's all I have to help me survive. I have no one but him he knows my heart.

 

[Dan58]

If you love your husband, you really need to come clean and let the chips fall where they may. At the very least, he deserves the truth. Your life is full of deception and repeated adultery, so of course you feel depressed. I can't help but wonder if you would have any conscience if your last fling didn't call it quits? Your living with a lie and its eating at you, sin has a way of doing that. It won't be easy to admit what you've done, but hiding your ongoing infidelity isn't the answer. You also need to do some soul searching and figure out what drives you into the arms of other men. Its very sad for me to even hear about it, so I can't imagine how it must make you feel. Maybe your love of self surpasses your love for your husband and children? You seem to have it all and yet your looking for love in all the wrong places. Why is that? Why aren't you content? Do you have a sexual addiction? Until you can address why your habitually cheating, I fear you'll continue this destructive pattern of behavior. jmo

 

[blue_ladybug]

I suggest you tell your husband EVERYTHING, and you both need to be tested for STD's, if you haven't already. Yes, you have failed miserably, but we ALL do. I also suggest that you put this situation in God's hands and stay in your own yard from now on.

 

[BarlyGurl]

>>>> Stay in your own yard<<<<

Oh gosh, that is GREAT.... practical and BIBLICAL!

... stay outa mine... that is for sure

 

[blue_ladybug]

>>>> Stay in your own yard<<<<

Oh gosh, that is GREAT.... practical and BIBLICAL!

... stay outa mine... that is for sure

Don't worry, Barly.. I won't be hopping into your yard, ever..lol.. And yes, it IS practical advice. If she would practice it, she'd be in alot less turmoil than she is now. And by "stay in your own yard from now on", I meant that she should stop cheating and only be with her husband. So stop acting so offended..

 

[WoundedWarrior]

Don't worry, Barly.. I won't be hopping into your yard, ever..lol.. And yes, it IS practical advice. If she would practice it, she'd be in alot less turmoil than she is now. And by "stay in your own yard from now on", I meant that she should stop cheating and only be with her husband. So stop acting so offended..

Why does Barly appear so angry?!

Furthermore, why does she turn her anger towards so many here?
Is it impossible to disagree with this woman, without venom spewing from her mouth?!

For Pete's sake!

(Who's Pete, anyway -- St. Peter?) Gonna have to google this.....squirrel!

 

[Olerica]

@jenozona I am here because I need the help and I thank you for your words in trying to seek help. @barlygurl your right I wasn't serious I thought I was. I don't deserve good in my life but as much as I failed and continue to God loves me so I am holding to that right now it's all I have to help me survive. I have no one but him he knows my heart.

Oh Sweetheart. Yes, by your own actions and admission, you don't deserve good... of course, none of us do.

1) Run, repentant before God and submit to him. Turn towards him. He is merciful, but you need to allow him to clean out your life.

2) End whatever relationship you have with the man who is not your husband. NEVER see him again, not once. Not ever again. If it means leaving a job? Find a new one.

3) Talk to your husband and ask his forgiveness. Turn over whatever phone, messaging method you talk to the other man with.. to him. No more face book, if you can't handle the responsibility of a phone? No more phone. Your husband absolutely deserves your fidelity. You made a VOW, now, stop playing around and fulfill it.

4) Get yourself into qualified CHRISTIAN counselling. You say you are a repeat adulterer, so there is something in your life you are not dealing with. You deserve freedom from that, and while God's forgiveness is miraculous and instant? There is stuff in your life you are NOT dealing with and that needs attention, care and counseling.

5) Humbly ask your husband to join you in (separate) Christian marriage counseling. This kinda stuff doesn't happen in a vacuum, and your marriage clearly needs some shoring up to make it whole.

Praying that God really finds a contrite heart in you, that you put away this foolish and sinful behavior and allow him to heal your heart and your marriage.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Don't worry, Barly.. I won't be hopping into your yard, ever..lol.. And yes, it IS practical advice. If she would practice it, she'd be in alot less turmoil than she is now. And by "stay in your own yard from now on", I meant that she should stop cheating and only be with her husband. So stop acting so offended..

I did understand what you intended, it was a good phrase! The little angry face was meant to emphasis the "badness" of adultery allegory of the "yard"... I am not in the least bit offended.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Why does Barly appear so angry?!

Furthermore, why does she turn her anger towards so many here?
Is it impossible to disagree with this woman, without venom spewing from her mouth?!

For Pete's sake!

(Who's Pete, anyway -- St. Peter?) Gonna have to google this.....squirrel!

So I am wondering WW, are you gonna follow me around to all threads I comment in and make presumptive and disparaging remarks about me?

 

[kaylagrl]

I have comiited adultery broke my kids were born, I repented then did it again ..repented then met someone who changed me k fell I love with him he was ready to look after my kids take everything on but I was afraid to because I thought of my husband. My kids. Then when he called it quits for good. I felt devastated. Now because this is all happened I feel so ashamed so stupid, I have everything a wife could want , a though my husband isn't Christian he is far more pure than me! I have sinned and I need help. My children mean everything to me and I want to love their dad like I once did. I feel like I have failed so bad. If he were to know he will surely divorce me. I can't hurt him anymore than I already have this past year since the I've been loving on another man I have pushed my husband away, fought with him, hated on him and stop being intamite. How can a woman that beloved in God and for what has God done for me how can I do that?! How heartless am I?! I believe Jesus stopped the other man and convicted him so that God was able to make me feel as low as I am feeling. I cried on my husbands shoulder yesterday and all he says is " baby tell me what's bothering you, look at what we have We are so blessed" how can I have screwed this up so badly my heart is broken I have broken Gods heart. I have failed my duty as a wife and mother. Al j wanna do is cry in bed I'm still in my pjs and it's 1pm I have no enegergy. I am so ashamed so weak so stupid. I need some prayer I need help. Lord help me. Restore my life. Bring coulor back to my world.

I guess my main question would be what or who has wounded you? People that cheat usually have something in their past, abuse,feeling unloved and unworthy.Is that a possibility? You definitely need counseling.I would not reveal this to your husband on your own. You will both need counseling to get though this.Your husband has asked what is wrong,let him know you are going to begin counseling.After you have delved into your issues and what has put you here,why you are making these decisions you will need couples counseling. If you have a pastor go to them and seek spiritual counsel and ask if he knows of a Christian counselor you can go to asap.

Its clear that you are repentant.But a lot of times we repent just to fall back into the same old sin.There may be some harsh,judgmental comments here,ignore them.You need to look after yourself,find help and healing and become closer to God before you can tackle the issues of your marriage.You are broken,and that needs to be fixed before you can become the mother and wife you really want to be.We all want to do right in our heart,but our flesh gets in the way.Go for help,laying in bed will not solve anything.You'll have to go some dark waters and be accountable.Your husband may forgive you,and it sounds like he is the type of man that will. Either way you are too deep to pull yourself out.Id say you've hit rock bottom.Before you are tempted again,go for help.Have I said that enough? Dont worry about being a bad person,about the mess you made,dont look back,you're not going that way.Look to God and start back on the right path. When Jesus spoke to the woman in adultery she knew she was a sinner,He knew she was a sinner,what she didnt know was He was about to change her life.He said "go and sin no more" Thats the best advice anyone can give you,because its Jesus's advice! I hope you find the help and healing you need soon,please let us know that you are ok.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I did understand what you intended, it was a good phrase! The little angry face was meant to emphasis the "badness" of adultery allegory of the "yard"... I am not in the least bit offended.

Barly, clarify, girl! Clarify..lol.. An angry smiley tells me you're mad at me.. but putting "lol" instead of the angry smiley tells me you're joking.. lol.. see how easy that was?

 

[kaylagrl]

When are you going to get serious about God? I don't have the ability to KNOW for certain if you are just sorry for the mess you have made or if you are really REPENTANT before God.... because you surely were not the other times... or the entire time you were "IN LOVE" with the last man that wasn't your husband.

YOU are going to have to confess to your husband.... but I highly recommend you spend some real serious time in your prayer closet before God and GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIS LORDSHIP first.

I am praying your husband has a soft heart to you and that he will forgive you AGAIN... but that is in the Lord's hand.

Im all for straight talk in most situations but I think Mckenzie is distraught and in a very fragile place right now. Being too harsh may send her over the edge to the point of hurting herself.She seems broken hearted and repentant to me,only God knows her heart.We dont. But repenting doesnt mean we stop falling down the same sludge hill sometimes. The good that I want to do I dont... She needs counsel.I would guess this has something to do with her past that she needs to face and deal with.But I think we should all be careful of the harsh talk and point her to counseling and God.

 

[WoundedWarrior]

So I am wondering WW, are you gonna follow me around to all threads I comment in and make presumptive and disparaging remarks about me?

I am not trying to belittle you.
We have obviously misunderstood each other.
Others are more familiar with your personality,
as others are more familiar with mine.

You post (seemingly) offensive towards me in another thread,
and then do not respond when I challenge your sincerity,
then I see you post in other threads,
so I follow.

Others help me understand.

Do they help you understand also?

 

[blue_ladybug]

Im all for straight talk in most situations but I think Mckenzie is distraught and in a very fragile place right now. Being too harsh may send her over the edge to the point of hurting herself.She seems broken hearted and repentant to me,only God knows her heart.We dont. But repenting doesnt mean we stop falling down the same sludge hill sometimes. The good that I want to do I dont... She needs counsel.I would guess this has something to do with her past that she needs to face and deal with.But I think we should all be careful of the harsh talk and point her to counseling and God.

By the same token, we shouldn't pussyfoot around and sugar coat this issue, either. Sometimes we have to be gentle and caring, but other times, being bluntly and blatantly honest and harsh sometimes works just as well. It forces the person to take a good look at what they have done, and why. And hopefully it makes them realize the severity of the consequences of what they did. I do honestly hope that this couple DOES pursue counseling, because they definitely need help.

 

[jonl]

>>>> Stay in your own yard<<<<

Oh gosh, that is GREAT.... practical and BIBLICAL!

... stay outa mine... that is for sure

I thought that was said partly with humor. But being stern about adultery is very important. In this generation, being stern about sexual deviancy is often considered angry and intolerant. However, a close-knit family unit in these times might be hard to come by.

This passage in Proverbs wisely counsels not to “meddle with strife belonging not to him.”

Proverbs 26:17

He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.

At another forum a young woman had told her husband about an affair, and he was devastated. The young woman’s mother has tried to keep the marriage together. I personally don’t know what the right thing to do, except commit it to the Lord in prayer.

 

[Jenizona]

But being stern about adultery is very important.

I honestly think it's more important to be honest and loving, then to be stern! Tone does matter!

 

[blue_ladybug]

I honestly think it's more important to be honest and loving, then to be stern! Tone does matter!

True, but even Jesus, while being loving and honest, was ALSO stern. He made sure whoever he talked to knew that He meant what He said, and wasn't sugar coating it.