HELP ME! Number 3. Do I go for it?

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Thenewme

Guest
#21
#21
I have stopped having sex and will not pursue any relationship at all. I pray every day about 3 times a day on this subject alone. I'm just scared and do not want to lose a child at all. It's hard on me to even think that. I will not have sex until marriage. The mother of this new child knows that. She wants me to work on myself and come out when I'm ready if I decide to do so. She really doesn't want to do this alone and wants me there to help her cause she is scared as well.
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#22
Aug 8, 2015
629
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#22
Thenewme said:
Braedon has a step dad but his mothers and Chris's relationship is unstable..
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Okay, well, regardless, you'll need to stay in his life with nightly phone calls, or whatever you can do. Talk to your Christian friends and see what they say about the situation! God bless you, truly, and keep your eyes on Him! Even if you gotta wear sunglasses to do it like this guy lol--> :cool:
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#23
#23
BarlyGurl said:
YES... I VERY CAREFULLY REREAD THE POST... I DO see that he made all 3 babies before getting saved... my error.

However, I still am not getting how the OP still does not seem to have any knowledge regarding fornication or NO NON-CHRISTIAN unions. He is in CANADA not some third world jungle.
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How much did you know about God 2-3 weeks after you were born again? I remember being quite shocked to learn there was a Book of Jude in the Bible. I really, really didn't know squat to start with, outside of everything I learned as a Catholic. I mean, really? Who reads the Bible before they're born again? And, once you do start, how long before you got everything memorized? (If I'm supposed to have everything memorized by now, I'm really bad at this. I can't even remember the exact wording of John 3:16. lol)
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#24
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
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#24

You come off to me as a very impulsive person who does things without much thought of the consequences. Knocking-up 3 different women by not using any protection is irresponsible, even for a non-Christian. If this 3rd girl wants a family, then have her move to where you are and marry her, you'll need to keep your job to support them. I personally think you should stay put and work on pulling your own act together. Don't try to start a family without a wife, your doing things backwards and that's why nothing is working out. jmo
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#25
#25
atwhatcost said:
How much did you know about God 2-3 weeks after you were born again? I remember being quite shocked to learn there was a Book of Jude in the Bible. I really, really didn't know squat to start with, outside of everything I learned as a Catholic. I mean, really? Who reads the Bible before they're born again? And, once you do start, how long before you got everything memorized? (If I'm supposed to have everything memorized by now, I'm really bad at this. I can't even remember the exact wording of John 3:16. lol)
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Well atwhatcost, the OP did say he was keeping company with Christians... so that kinda indicates to me SOMEBODY should be helping him regarding the obvious "STUFF". I wasn't alluding that he should have a perfectly formulated theology... and as it turns out... he is CLEAR about fornication and that is GOOD!
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#26
#26
Thenewme said:
I need some help from good grounded Christians. I'm very confused and need some help..

In 2007 I dated a woman for two weeks. She cheated and ended up pregant. In 2008 she gave birth to a beautiful boy named braedon. I had a paternity test done and the child was mine. But she didn't want to be together so I just see my son every second weekend. In 2009 I dated another woman. She turned out to be a very selfish person and only cared about one thing. And that's how much money I made. We ended up breaking up and a month later she called to tell me she was pregnant. Even though she was with another man she told me it was mine but she never wanted me to see the child. I fought in court and tried to see him despite what court said she doesn't allow me to see the child..

All I've ever wanted was a family and to be a father .. A few years went by now it's 2015. I just became a born again Christian and started following God. Learning about him and reading the bible on a daily basis.. Everything has been going extremely well for me. Meeting new people and new Christians and surounding myself with positivity. Considering last month I was contiplating suicide... A girlfriend and I dated in June and July and she ended up wanting to move closer to family to a different province. So sadly we broke up. That's when I turned to God. Just sick of the journey on my own I wanted gods help and for Jesus to live in me and for me to be a better person. Well 2 days ago my girlfriend that moved away called me and told me she is pregant with my child and wants to make a family. She is not a Christian but believes in a higher power.
My question is. Do I try to make this family work and move to where she's living to make this family work and see less of my first born son, who I've grown very close with.. Or do I stay with the Christians that brought me into their home and stay around my first born son and have my 3rd child be born in a different province and not see much of him/her and have yet another broken family..
Do I go for a chance at a family or do I stay where I am and have my third child and barely see them? Please help. If there are any question or if you're confused by my story. Please message me. I'll explain better. But I'm looking for what's my best choice as a Christian.
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First, I got news for you. You already have a family. Your son. You may have more family, it's just that you don't get to find out or see him/her for now. So it's really not like you lack family yet. You simply don't have a traditional family setting. The aim here isn't to get as much family as you want, it's to find out what God says in this case.

So, you're in a home of two good Christians and you're brand new to God, right? AND your third child won't be born until next year, right? This decision doesn't have to be made immediately, and you have exactly what you need to make it. God + lovely couple who took you in to help you. Spend this time wisely. Learn, while you have the time to learn!

Two ways you can learn now.
1. That couple. My hubby had to divorce his wife, and had to give up his kids too. (Not by court order, but because it was the best thing to do for those kids at that time.) He needed a place to live, so our pastor worked it out that he got to live with the sweetest Christian couple I've ever met. They taught him things about being a good man and spouse simply by watching them. (We called them our second Mom and Dad, since he lived there while we were dating.) It's not an accident you are where you are. This is God's plan for you. Take advantage of it and learn from this couple. Learn how to be a good man and husband. Whether that husband thing comes quickly or not doesn't matter. You need to do it well, and they're the people God placed you with so you can learn.

2. They're also there to help you learn about God. Pick their brains. Ask questions. Ask them to show you how to study the Bible. Ask them to teach you to pray. Ask them to teach you how to seek God when you've got questions. And you have some very good questions already. You already asked them. Your answers ARE in that Bible. That couple knows where to find them, and if they don't know exact book and verse, they probably know the next best thing -- how to find the books and verses. They probably know about e_sword. (An app with Bible versions and Bible aids.) They know where to find the info on how to be a good man and husband AND father. They also know where to find that stuff everyone seems to think you should know now. That thingy about not being unequally yoked. (It's a thing. I promise. It's also got to do with your answer about that third girl recently pregnant. AND, despite our knee-jerk reaction to tell you not to marry her, there is also grounds that you maybe should. MAYBE. You were saved a couple of weeks ago. Were you planning on that happening? No? So why assume she's planning on it happening, if it so happens this pregnancy brings her to the reality she needs God too?)

Lots of stuff you need to know before making this decision. AND you have the time, if you work hard at it. (You don't, if you go the lazy route.) God gave you that too. Use it.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#27
#27
Thenewme said:
I have stopped having sex and will not pursue any relationship at all. I pray every day about 3 times a day on this subject alone. I'm just scared and do not want to lose a child at all. It's hard on me to even think that. I will not have sex until marriage. The mother of this new child knows that. She wants me to work on myself and come out when I'm ready if I decide to do so. She really doesn't want to do this alone and wants me there to help her cause she is scared as well.
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I do think it is sweet that you have concerns for others... and I admire that you HAVE made a firm conviction about sex and how you plan to conduct yourself about that.... THAT IS AWESOME. Another important thing to know is that you are a "baby" in the lord right now and God has been gracious to provide you with the good counselors where you are staying. I can see from your subsequent posts you have understanding of how big a mess there is... you must work on increasing yourself in spiritual knowledge and grow your faith... and make that your focus right now.

All the problems and concerns you have are not a surprise to God... he can handle your problems but it will take time... please make the most of the good Christian "parents" you have now and do not rush ahead to try to solve these problems yourself... you will make a bigger mess... grow in Christ and leave the rest to him.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#28
#28
Thenewme said:
they think i should pray and ask god for my path to be dusted off so i can see my next step but they feel should stay here in calgary and focus on myself and god.. but the thought of having a third child and not trying to be a family and eventually having another man raise my child hurts my heart.
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You're going under the assumption they mean you should stay where you are for years. Might want to ask them about how long they think you need to dust off? You're being pressed hard quickly in God, so I suspect the timing works out perfectly, no matter the answer.

I agree you need time with them too, but I'm not thinking years, even if God tells you not to move or marry her. (I have no idea what God will tell you, although I have big personal opinions of what I'd tell you. What I'd tell you doesn't matter. It's what God tells you that does.)
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#30
#30
Thenewme said:
I have stopped having sex and will not pursue any relationship at all. I pray every day about 3 times a day on this subject alone. I'm just scared and do not want to lose a child at all. It's hard on me to even think that. I will not have sex until marriage. The mother of this new child knows that. She wants me to work on myself and come out when I'm ready if I decide to do so. She really doesn't want to do this alone and wants me there to help her cause she is scared as well.
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You've got a job. Nothing wrong with sending her money regular to prepare for the baby. That doesn't have to mean you're coming eventually, but it does mean you're committed to your third child.

Also, she's not alone. She's with her family.
 
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NewWine

Guest
#31
#31
First off, Yayyyyyyyy You came to God!! Now God has forgiven you, it's time to forgive yourself. I thank God you have a family who cares for you enough to take you in at your darkest time. This is NOT a coincidence!

The Bible says in Isaiah "they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not be weary; they will walk and not faint"
Be patient while you serve God, and watch God work in and for you!!

It says in Psalm "Be still and know that I am God."
Be quiet for a while and let God lead you.

You're in such a hurry to start your new life, that you're not being still to let God lead you through it. This is understandable as God gives our hearts new exciting desires when we choose to follow Him.
However Life is difficult, whether one is a "Christian" or not, so take the time to make sure your steps are clear. Whether or not you move to Kelowna to be with this girl, we can't tell you. That is a choice you have to prayerfully make for yourself. Perhaps there is a chance she could come to where you live, if not right now then in the future. Tomorrow isn't even here yet, so no sense stressing it, since God is already there preparing it for you.
Proverbs 3 says "5Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight" Trust God to lead you. And trust yourself to follow.
By the way...congrats on the new baby.
I will pray for you in this.
Peace!!
 
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Eva1218

Guest
#32
#32
As I read and this is just my opinion. Since this family you are with have offered you this new life change. It would be best to stay there continue to be Strengthen in the LORD. While there Pray for your sobriety, children, their mother and Godly Wisdom for the future. Ask GOD to speak to the mothers as well to drawl them closer to HIM. Bring Peace to a messy situation.

Yes, Repentance must take place. Forgive yourself and others. Trust GOD in working it all out.

Blessings!!!!!!
 
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mokie22yrold

Guest
#33
#33
I agree with staying with the couple who took you in. God led you there. they are your elders and I've learned its good to listen to your elders. I would want to stay where I am if I had a good paying job. sounds like you have a stable environment. you have a bond with Brandon but you want to break that bond and move to be with the mother of 3 child that isn't born yet. what about brandon? he's your family and now you want to up and leave him? perhaps pay child support to #3 mom with visiting rights? ( I'm just putting thought out there. ). pray and seek God's guidance. let the Holy Spirit lead you.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#34
#34
Seems like you've got your feet on solid ground and you are getting yourself established spiritually and suddenly this non-Christian (believing in a higher power is irrelevant) is trying to drag you away to form a family. I would suggest not going. Your spiritual growth needs to be a priority, not going back into your past life. I'm not suggesting ignoring your new child. But i would not move to form this false sense of a relationship. You and your ex are broke up for a reason. Adding a child and a forced marriage into the mix will not make the two of you to get along any better. It's more likely a divorce waiting to happen.
And if she's not a Christian and part of your old life then she will be nothing more than a temptation for you to fall away. Don't let your personal desires cloud your judgment. If you step back and look it the situation objectively, without the bias of your own wants, it's all one giant red flag.
 
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Hisdaughter1974

Guest
#35
#35
If you put God first in all that you do, He will lead you in the right direction. This girl is not a Christian and without God as the center of your relationship, it will not be successful. You may have a wonderful relationship with your children without being in a relationship just for them. Your relationship with Christ is the one that will flourish. He will lead you in the right direction and with prayer, He will provide for you and your childrens' relationship. I know that we do not always receive the answers that we want to hear but sometimes the right answers are not. We have to trust in the Lord and know that He is our provider, if we give it all up to Him we cannot go wrong. I have been on many of the receiving end of answers that were not what I wanted to hear. God bless you and I will pray for your family.
 
Mo0448

Mo0448

Senior Member
#36
Jun 10, 2013
1,209
15
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#36
You know everyone...with all due respect...to the ones beating him down with your bibles that's not right..we just all NEED Jesus not just the OP or non Christians...we all NEED him...I'm kinda disappointed at the amount of judging and finger pointing being directed at this new Christian...as Christians we should be showing those new in the faith the life in Jesus...not beating them down for their past mistakes...we all make mistakes we all fall short and we all SIN...that includes me the OP and everyone else in between...let us as Christians show a little more grace and a little less finger pointing what do yall think?
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#37
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#37
Mo0448 said:
You know everyone...with all due respect...to the ones beating him down with your bibles that's not right..we just all NEED Jesus not just the OP or non Christians...we all NEED him...I'm kinda disappointed at the amount of judging and finger pointing being directed at this new Christian...as Christians we should be showing those new in the faith the life in Jesus...not beating them down for their past mistakes...we all make mistakes we all fall short and we all SIN...that includes me the OP and everyone else in between...let us as Christians show a little more grace and a little less finger pointing what do yall think?
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Mo0448, I have been wondering that since I came to this site. I am always shocked at how people react, and I find myself wondering if that's how they talk to people in "real life," face-to-face conversations. Personally, I think you "catch more flies with honey than vinegar," and before someone points out the obvious "We are NOT dealing with FLIES!" I want to say that I think the fairly anonymous shield that a forum provides allows people to speak in ways that they would not dare to do if they were standing right there in front of the person. I apologize for the rambly paragraph, but I had a long weekend crashed on my best-friend's couch for two nights and I'm going to blame it on being tired lol. Anyway, just wanted to say I agree. :)
 
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PartyOf3

Guest
#38
#38
Ugly said:
Seems like you've got your feet on solid ground and you are getting yourself established spiritually and suddenly this non-Christian (believing in a higher power is irrelevant) is trying to drag you away to form a family. I would suggest not going. Your spiritual growth needs to be a priority, not going back into your past life. I'm not suggesting ignoring your new child. But i would not move to form this false sense of a relationship. You and your ex are broke up for a reason. Adding a child and a forced marriage into the mix will not make the two of you to get along any better. It's more likely a divorce waiting to happen.
And if she's not a Christian and part of your old life then she will be nothing more than a temptation for you to fall away. Don't let your personal desires cloud your judgment. If you step back and look it the situation objectively, without the bias of your own wants, it's all one giant red flag.
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the devil unfortunately knows of your wants and desires, he knows you want a family, and what better way to drag you back down than to use your desires and wants against you. Stay, grow, pray. Pray for this baby momma #3 that heart would come under conviction, just like yours did. Remember the evil one doesn't just want to cause you problems, he is out to destroy you!!!! Stay strong. And I hope you are attending a church where you can learn from the elders and I hope that church has s new converts study...
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#39
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#39
I do agree that you should not move. This woman is not a Christian, and the Bible tells us to NOT be unequally yoked with unbelievers.

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" 2 Cor. 6:14

I am also very suspicious of people who talk about a "higher power." That could mean anything from the New Age movement to their big toe! (That is what AA says)

Further, you have strong ties to Calgary, and if you can visit your new son in Kelowna, Skype often you can get to know the mother of this 3rd child, and win her to Christ. It's only a 6 1/2 hour trip, depending on construction on the Trans-Canada! If she does become a Christian, then you will really have to seek God as to the direction he will have you go.

Of course, there is the fact that Kelowna is the promised land in western Canada, and Calgary is.... well, cowtown. But spiritual has to override the physical.

Stay with this Christian couple. Start reading the Bible in John, in the New Testament. Then read, Matthew, Mark, Luke, Acts and the epistles. I would skip Revelation till you have read the Old Testament. And always remember to pray - the Holy Spirit will lead and guide you.

Pray especially about this move, and talk to lots of people who are older and mature Christians about the situation. And always remember that God is in control, and he loves you and forgives your sin!
 
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Omni

Banned
#40
Aug 12, 2015
539
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#40
BarlyGurl said:
Your best choice as Christian would have been to obey GOD and not "date" non Christian woman and definitely NOT FORNICATE!!!! now you have 3 children resulting from fornication, 2 before you allegedly got "saved" and one "after".

How is it you claim to be saved, can obviously read, been "involved" with Christianity and still UTTERLY disregard what the scripture says about sex and relationships???? I can hardly believe NO ONE ever brought this to your attention... but if that is the case... it is dreadful... but still does not EXCUSE YOU from not discovering it for yourself in the bible.

You have a MUCH bigger problem than the one you are focusing on... the problem is with your heart and WHO is Lord of your life...you have religion... you need JESUS.

You have some repenting to do... I would suggest you start there.
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We all have perfect 20-20 hindsight. I'm sure you've never made any mistakes, eh?
 
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