Seeking advice

[zoii]

@ violet n babygurl - I really like you both. You both have kind hearts n I like that you have focussed on helping in this thread. Hugs to u both
Zoii

 

[VioletReigns]

@ violet n babygurl - I really like you both. You both have kind hearts n I like that you have focussed on helping in this thread. Hugs to u both
Zoii

Thank you my dear. I have been involved with domestic violence crisis centers (for men & women both) for almost 30 years. The court advocates, the police department and judges always advise victims to flee for safety immediately. Especially when children are involved because they need someone to protect them. It is a documented fact that domestic violence escalates the more you tolerate it. Anyone who would suggest to someone not to run in fear is putting lives in jeopardy.

 

[atwhatcost]

Well good grief Atwhatcost.... the OP is not a born again believer... so maybe you think I should have dumped a whole bunch of scripture quotes on her and blessed her on her way? EXACTLY what kind of "counseling" do you think she is going to get when she finally gets plugged into the YMCA or Shelter or Whatever program.... are they going to feed her scripture and force her to get baptized before they help... or are they going to use the sort of distinctive verbiage I introduced in my previous post???

Counseling from a real counselor? That's a problem often on here. Everyone thinks they are counselors.

I want her safe. I want her kids safe. I'm sure God will settle the issue on her salvation and sanctification. (She's praying. He answers.) We're the defeated. God's the victor. No need to promote stuff that simply isn't true in the mean time.

 

[atwhatcost]

Thank you my dear. I have been involved with domestic violence crisis centers (for men & women both) for almost 30 years. The court advocates, the police department and judges always advise victims to flee for safety immediately. Especially when children are involved because they need someone to protect them. It is a documented fact that domestic violence escalates the more you tolerate it. Anyone who would suggest to someone not to run in fear is putting lives in jeopardy.

I was an untrained counselor twice in my life -- first at a rehab center, and then at a runaway shelter. I quit the day a girl walked out on me and there was no way of knowing if she would kill herself. It was four very long months before I found out I didn't drive her that far.

Seriously bad when we try to help but hurt worse. Too many on here are falling into what I did, not knowing the cost of that decision. It frightens me.

I know you have much more experience than I do.

The best advice is RUN! Run to help.

 

[zoii]

To the OP. I really wish you could talk to my mum. Even though I have had my own experiences, she actually works with women and adolescents who have had the most terrible domestic lives - I dont want this to be your story too. She would tell you about how doemstic violence overwhelmingly deteriorates and rarely does it improve. She would tell you about options in dealing with it including preparing to go. She would tell you about the common dangers in the immediate period after you leave and what you and your kids need to be aware of in order to move forward. The thing is you CANT talk to my mum - but you can talk to a centre that has expertise in this. The fantastic women here have suggested some US ones. Please I beg of you to listen to them and talk to a caring counsellor that has this expertise TODAY!

 

[atwhatcost]

I understand what you are saying but discretion(caution) is the better part of valor. When seconds count, the police are only minuets away. Better a live coward than a dead lion, I think in this case.

I can't imagine anyone who runs is a coward. It takes big chutzpah to pack your bag, grab your kids and leave the only life you know. Courage, but not a coward.

 

[atwhatcost]

I have been praying all day that her silence means she left.

 

[shotgunner]

I can't imagine anyone who runs is a coward. It takes big chutzpah to pack your bag, grab your kids and leave the only life you know. Courage, but not a coward.

My comment was more tongue in cheek coward, than actually meaning she would be a coward to run. It also wasn't directed at the dear OP. It was directed to the suggestion that she stay and get police help.

 

[kodiak]

While I absolutely do not mean this situation is not URGENT. There seems to be a sort of "digression" into another time in history when a woman's only avenue of escape was to RUN and HIDE. There is a plethora of education, counsel, programs, LAWS and people to help this OP get into a safe and healthy environment. It seems to me the emphasis is on "be scared and run" when I think a more productive and empowering message would be "be smart and take action"... I encourage her to take sound counsel... but be certain... the Lord is near... so do not FEAR.

The best idea is to get out.....I have taken seminars and studied this topic.....there may be a lot of laws, but they are not very effective at stopping this. Right now the best bet is to get away from him without him knowing where she or the kids are.