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As a Christian I have been praying for help and peace In my heart.
I will just lay it out for you, a quick preview..
Basically me and my sister was brought up in care from the age of 2, we stayed with a lot of Foster families. When I was 5 we was put in a children's home, in the kids home my birth mum made contact with us and came to see us once or twice a year. She would often say I will see u next week and would not turn up. My birth mum had another child which she kept with her, (my birth mum has learning difficulties and needed support from her family, in order for social services to allow us to stay with her- her family refused to help as we are mixed raced).
It hurts that for the last 27 years she would phone or text me once every one or two years. I thank God I was not raised with her as I would not be the person I am today, praise God.
We we're both fostered when I was 11 by a fantastic women, me and my sister never got on and she moved into a children's home when i was 13. I stayed at my Foster mothers House until I was 16 (not including the 6 months I went into another children's home, before returning to Foster mums house). I decided to move in with a friend and I remember thinking I will not contact my Foster mother and wait and see if she would contact me, she didn't. I phoned her a year later.
During this time my birth dad (who I met when I was 14, again would not show up when he said he would. When I was 17 my birth dad went to prison, I remember using the little bit off money I had from social services to travel with his girlfriend to visit him once a week, once there he would speak to me for a bout 10minuets and then act like I was not there and talk to his girlfriend. in four years I received one letter from my dad whilst his girlfriend received letters and telephone calls everyday. My birth family on his side we're lovely, very welcoming. We would visit them at every opportunity and got on really well with them, I felt a little bit like part of there family.
When I was 17 social services moved me into my own flat, at this time I met my half brother on my birth dads side: introduced by my sister who had found him. I began to feel like part of his family also.
When I was 21 I got married and at 25 I got baptized. For the last 2 years on and off I would feel like an outcasts from everyone in the families. Last year my aunty on my birth dads side stop talking to me for no reason, 4 months later i found out it was because her daughters boyfriend had been accusing me and my husband of whispering and talking about them. We we're both gutted as we could not understand what we had done, once we found out it upset us even more that she would believe a random guy over her niece (didn't even ask me). Recently me, my sister and husband have found out that 1 of our cusins have invited the whole family (on my birth dad's side) to her wedding a part from us, that's 2 cousins who have done that.
On and off for the last 2 years i have felt As though no one cares.
I seemed to be the only one who would contact members out of each family to see if they we're OK. Recently I had to use a replacement phone and decided not to contact anyone as the phone was annoying and I wanted to see if anyone in the 4 families could be bothered to see if I was alive. I did not hear a word from anyone apart from my sister and a few friends within that month, I am sick of feeling like this every so often and don't know what to do, I keep asking God to remove this hurt and fill me with peace I have forgiven all but i sometimes feel as though I don't belong anywhere.
I know God knows my pain and sees all things but I don't know how to over come this, does anyone have any advice? Please.
I will just lay it out for you, a quick preview..
Basically me and my sister was brought up in care from the age of 2, we stayed with a lot of Foster families. When I was 5 we was put in a children's home, in the kids home my birth mum made contact with us and came to see us once or twice a year. She would often say I will see u next week and would not turn up. My birth mum had another child which she kept with her, (my birth mum has learning difficulties and needed support from her family, in order for social services to allow us to stay with her- her family refused to help as we are mixed raced).
It hurts that for the last 27 years she would phone or text me once every one or two years. I thank God I was not raised with her as I would not be the person I am today, praise God.
We we're both fostered when I was 11 by a fantastic women, me and my sister never got on and she moved into a children's home when i was 13. I stayed at my Foster mothers House until I was 16 (not including the 6 months I went into another children's home, before returning to Foster mums house). I decided to move in with a friend and I remember thinking I will not contact my Foster mother and wait and see if she would contact me, she didn't. I phoned her a year later.
During this time my birth dad (who I met when I was 14, again would not show up when he said he would. When I was 17 my birth dad went to prison, I remember using the little bit off money I had from social services to travel with his girlfriend to visit him once a week, once there he would speak to me for a bout 10minuets and then act like I was not there and talk to his girlfriend. in four years I received one letter from my dad whilst his girlfriend received letters and telephone calls everyday. My birth family on his side we're lovely, very welcoming. We would visit them at every opportunity and got on really well with them, I felt a little bit like part of there family.
When I was 17 social services moved me into my own flat, at this time I met my half brother on my birth dads side: introduced by my sister who had found him. I began to feel like part of his family also.
When I was 21 I got married and at 25 I got baptized. For the last 2 years on and off I would feel like an outcasts from everyone in the families. Last year my aunty on my birth dads side stop talking to me for no reason, 4 months later i found out it was because her daughters boyfriend had been accusing me and my husband of whispering and talking about them. We we're both gutted as we could not understand what we had done, once we found out it upset us even more that she would believe a random guy over her niece (didn't even ask me). Recently me, my sister and husband have found out that 1 of our cusins have invited the whole family (on my birth dad's side) to her wedding a part from us, that's 2 cousins who have done that.
On and off for the last 2 years i have felt As though no one cares.
I seemed to be the only one who would contact members out of each family to see if they we're OK. Recently I had to use a replacement phone and decided not to contact anyone as the phone was annoying and I wanted to see if anyone in the 4 families could be bothered to see if I was alive. I did not hear a word from anyone apart from my sister and a few friends within that month, I am sick of feeling like this every so often and don't know what to do, I keep asking God to remove this hurt and fill me with peace I have forgiven all but i sometimes feel as though I don't belong anywhere.
I know God knows my pain and sees all things but I don't know how to over come this, does anyone have any advice? Please.
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Wishing u many blessings x
