Seeking guidance on relationship and divorce

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Hisdaughter1974

Guest
#1
I know what the Word says and I know what is in my heart but I am struggling everyday with my current situation and just need some words of hope and encouragement. I am in the process of a divorce of my husband of 15 years after many years of infidelity on his part and a lack of willingness to fix our marriage. I signed us up for many counseling sessions as well as retreats through the church and although we went together, I was the only participant. Two years ago I walked away and I have no regrets. Our divorce has been a lengthy process and I recently left the Catholic church and have relocated to a Community Church where I feel loved and very much at home. My dilemma is that I have one week until my final papers are filed and at least 4 months if not more til the divorce is considered final. During the last couple months I have been close friends with a gentleman from church that I have known for a long time. We have both leaned on each other through some difficult times and have now found ourselves in a situation where we have strong feelings toward each other. We both want to honor God and have chosen to place some distance between us. The dilemma I have is that the Lord brought him into my life to bring me to this church and placed him there when I needed a friend who is strong in their faith. This distance we created is causing damage to our friendship because we have placed so many rules and boundaries to honor God because I am not officially divorced. I am just concerned about losing the friendship that I cherish very deeply. Our God is a loving God and does not bring us pain but joy, so why do I feel as I do.
 

Jenizona

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#2
I know what the Word says and I know what is in my heart but I am struggling everyday with my current situation and just need some words of hope and encouragement. I am in the process of a divorce of my husband of 15 years after many years of infidelity on his part and a lack of willingness to fix our marriage. I signed us up for many counseling sessions as well as retreats through the church and although we went together, I was the only participant. Two years ago I walked away and I have no regrets. Our divorce has been a lengthy process and I recently left the Catholic church and have relocated to a Community Church where I feel loved and very much at home. My dilemma is that I have one week until my final papers are filed and at least 4 months if not more til the divorce is considered final. During the last couple months I have been close friends with a gentleman from church that I have known for a long time. We have both leaned on each other through some difficult times and have now found ourselves in a situation where we have strong feelings toward each other. We both want to honor God and have chosen to place some distance between us. The dilemma I have is that the Lord brought him into my life to bring me to this church and placed him there when I needed a friend who is strong in their faith. This distance we created is causing damage to our friendship because we have placed so many rules and boundaries to honor God because I am not officially divorced. I am just concerned about losing the friendship that I cherish very deeply. Our God is a loving God and does not bring us pain but joy, so why do I feel as I do.
If you can "lose" this friendship, then it wasn't a very good one to begin with, right? Don't give yourself anything to regret, then you can look back and you won't have to say, "I wish I'd done it differently...."
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,940
113
#3
Why not tell him that you are uncomfortable dating or getting close until your divorce is final in 4 months. Tell him you still want to be friends, but only in church or in a group.

He should respect your desire to obey God and to not get involved. If he does not, then he obviously is not the right one, right?
 
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mokie22yrold

Guest
#4
I would keep seeing your New friend. you marriage is over sounds like so get the divorce final. I'm going through divorce now. not my choice. I was forced into it. I'll be glad to have all the legal paperwork over with.
 
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
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#5
May I be frank? Just from what you've said alone, this kinda "looks" like this "nice guy" should know better than get close to someone who's not divorced yet. You're on the rebound from a bad relationship, you need time to heal, get your head on straight, & draw closer to God.

Please don't be angry, but so far this "looks" like he invited you to church just to have a relationship with you. "If" this is true, break off with him immediately, for such a relationship is selfish on his part, with him wanting you more than God. I really hope I'm wrong..... really.

A mature christian would give you all the space you need, being concerned with your spiritual needs. He would be putting this relationship in God's hands, especially to get God's approval, & wouldn't be so concerned about it.

"If" God is in this, He has a way of making it work. "If" God's not in this, another destructive relationship is just around the corner. Pleeeeze be careful.
 
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Hisdaughter1974

Guest
#6
Maybe I needed to be more clear. We are in this together. He is in no way getting in the way of my relationship with Christ nor I in the way of his. We have been very honest and open with each other about what is going on. We have mutually agreed that we would stop hanging out all the time because of our feelings. We talk on the phone but we had agreed not to hang out since it puts us both in a situation that may be tempting. However, there are times where we could be hanging out doing something in a group setting or just to be there for each other as we have both had some difficult times lately but because of the boundaries that we set, it is almost as though we are not able to nourish our friendship. We do not need to see each other but there are times that we should be there for each other but it gets in the way of those boundaries. We truly care about each other. As far as grieving for my marriage or healing from it, I have had that time in the two years that I have been separated. Is it wrong for us to know that we want to be together and what if we choose not to wait until the "waiting period" is over.
 

Jenizona

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#7
. . .it is almost as though we are not able to nourish our friendship. . ..
Okay, just my two cents here... how exactly are you wanting to "nourish" your friendship? I don't think anyone questions that you will be able to date after your divorce is final, and yes, he can actually be a supportive friend to you in the meantime! What is keeping him from doing that? Anything that -should- wait until after the divorce would be of a romantic nature. I definitely think you should wait on that.

It's also hard to ask Christians to be supportive of you "not waiting," whether they're Christians on a forum or Christians at church. I'm usually someone who tries to be encouraging and supportive, but I'm afraid you've kind of put us in an awkward position, sorry lol! :D
 

GOP

Senior Member
Jul 12, 2015
1,668
91
48
#8
Peace be with you in JESUS Name.
You have said it all, "Our God is a loving God and does not bring us pain but joy."
So the devil is responsible for the feeling to make you sad and to make you think that you will lose your friend. My dear, don't focus on your feelings but focus on what the word of GOD says. The LORD have said that HE will never fail nor forsake you. Again, HE has said that those who wait for his help shall never be disappointment. Again, it is written, "Those who wait for me shall not be put to shame (Isaiah 49:23)." So may dear, focus on these word of GOD. It never fails and it will never fail. GOD ALMIGHTY is watching over HIS Word to perform it.

Also surrender the situation to GOD in prayers and leave it all for HIM. Don't stop thanking HIM for HE will never fail nor forsake you. You know how lovely HE is.