Dangerous Ex, heard of a Protection Order?

[ChristianUk13]

Christians or anyone else do not have to suffer in silence when being physically abused.

In the USA, in the UK, in all free countries actually the legal systems provide domestic remedies for families/ individuals to protect themselves against dangerous persons. In the USA specifically, states' laws provide a means in which victims of domestic abuse/ assault can apply to their local court and request a protection order. A protection order would be used where a family/ individual wants to stop all contact with the offender. It's not a criminal law remedy it's a civil remedy although the matters may be criminal in nature too.

Here is a relevant website which tells you how to go about it.How to Get a Protective Order In the United States: 8 Steps

There are two ways to get a protection order, the first is via for paying for a lawyer or through legal aid systems. The other, if you feel you can and will have some support at court from a family member or friend, is to make a motion to the judge and request a hearing for a protection order. You however will require some evidence perhaps from the crime itself such as documentation from the police station, in the form of medical statement from doctors or photographs of bruising/ other harm. The court will take into account witness statements too.


Do not suffer in silence, you guys live in free countries with legal systems which will support you.


Tom, just a friend/ a helper (not a qualified lawyer...but has legal knowledge through formal legal studies).

 

[atwhatcost]

Most protection orders don't protect. If an abuser doesn't listen to the spouse, why would he/she listen to a judge?

 

[blue_ladybug]

Speaking as a person who has had to put a restraining order on an (ex) abusive boyfriend, I agree with atwhatcost. They DO NOT work. My ex came to my apt. and cut the screen on my front window, to get back in the house after I locked him out. I had to call the police to come and take him away. Restraining orders are useless, IMO..

 

[atwhatcost]

Speaking as a person who has had to put a restraining order on an (ex) abusive boyfriend, I agree with atwhatcost. They DO NOT work. My ex came to my apt. and cut the screen on my front window, to get back in the house after I locked him out. I had to call the police to come and take him away. Restraining orders are useless, IMO..

I think they're a bit worse than useless. They're dangerous. The person abused notifies the abuser that she/he is afraid. I believe whole heartily in RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK when it comes to being in an abusive relation. The best exit strategy entails the abuser never knowing you're exiting until you're far enough away that she/he can never find you again.

 

[JeniBean]

Speaking as a person who has had to put a restraining order on an (ex) abusive boyfriend, I agree with atwhatcost. They DO NOT work. My ex came to my apt. and cut the screen on my front window, to get back in the house after I locked him out. I had to call the police to come and take him away. Restraining orders are useless, IMO..

Certainly DO NOT WORK!!! If an abuser or stalker wants you,,,they will do anything in their power to have you. I learned my lesson the hard way! However I came out the other end with a black belt, weapons training and a Concealed Weapons permit! Guess what??? That training works!!!!!

 

[Bushido8000]

Um it's not that protection orders don't work, you guys just aren't using your protection orders correctly. You gotta push the button on the side before it will work, duh.

 

[ServantStrike]

Most protection orders don't protect. If an abuser doesn't listen to the spouse, why would he/she listen to a judge?

Because the penalties for breaking them up the stakes when they get arrested. As long as the abuse victim doesn't get murdered, the protection order does increase the severity of punishment (eventually).

I think they're a bit worse than useless. They're dangerous. The person abused notifies the abuser that she/he is afraid. I believe whole heartily in RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK when it comes to being in an abusive relation. The best exit strategy entails the abuser never knowing you're exiting until you're far enough away that she/he can never find you again.

You shouldn't have to sacrifice your life for an abuser... that includes moving.

Look up your local municipal and state laws, as well as federal laws in your area. In many areas of the US, you are allowed to protect yourself if you are in fear for your life and in your own home. Methods vary.

And honestly... if you lived somewhere else, I think the police are going to have a hard time locking you up for bludgeoning an abuser with a table lamp if they break into your house.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Most times the cops say there's nothing they can do unless or until the abuser actually DOES something. By the time he bashes her head in, what good is the "protection" order gonna do her when she's laying dead with a gaping hole in her head? By "she" I mean ANY woman.

 

[ServantStrike]

Most times the cops say there's nothing they can do unless or until the abuser actually DOES something. By the time he bashes her head in, what good is the "protection" order gonna do her when she's laying dead with a gaping hole in her head? By "she" I mean ANY woman.

Which is why you get a protection order and then you beef up security at home.

The order itself doesn't do a whole lot, but it does ensure that the woman is going to have a very sympathetic audience should she have to protect herself. And there are ways for even the smallest and frailest of women to protect themselves from the largest and meanest of men.

Common household objects can be used to protect yourself. Ever end up with an eye full of oven cleaner or wasp spray? It's usually very effective, sometimes permanently so. You can get sued for using it, but you'll be alive. There are of course, other options, but those may not be constitutionally protected forever (sadly).

 

[ChristianUk13]

Most protection orders don't protect. If an abuser doesn't listen to the spouse, why would he/she listen to a judge?

On the contrary a protection order is not a restraining order but a protection order breach means that when the police are called it is an automatic breach of order which likely will have the person in jail. Make no mistake protection orders are not soft!!!

The restraining order is a judicial power where a judge can hold persons in contempt, ie via a breach of a court order or other contemptuous behaviour. A protection order owing to its 'protection' term/ wording indicates that is it the more effective and appropriate remedy wherein persons lives are at threat, especially children's, vulnerable mother, any other female in a dangerous situation.

 

[ChristianUk13]

Speaking as a person who has had to put a restraining order on an (ex) abusive boyfriend, I agree with atwhatcost. They DO NOT work. My ex came to my apt. and cut the screen on my front window, to get back in the house after I locked him out. I had to call the police to come and take him away. Restraining orders are useless, IMO..

I made clear in my last response to Atwhatcost that a protection order is not a restraining order. I know this because i was involved in complex case involving a protection order against a Minnesota mother and an Iowa hearing. A protection order could be used to permit no telephone contact with mother, father, brother, children etc...if there is a violation ..ie the offender telephones the aforesaid persons...the police will come and arrest that person and most probably will give them at least 7 days' jail time.

 

[ChristianUk13]

Certainly DO NOT WORK!!! If an abuser or stalker wants you,,,they will do anything in their power to have you. I learned my lesson the hard way! However I came out the other end with a black belt, weapons training and a Concealed Weapons permit! Guess what??? That training works!!!!!

Protection orders are available in free countries to protect victims usually women and children, and usually in domestic situations, ie where there is some sort of relationship between male and females. Protection orders are available in the USA, Australia, and other English speaking countries where the laws are similar (ie common law countries). My point the modern countries nowadays understand the risk posed to victims and protection orders have actually been available since the 1980s in some countries and more recently in other countries. Restraining orders essentially relate to judicial powers which require court hearings for their remedies, ie motioning judge for hearings. However, once a protection order is issued, the police have to come out and make an arrest for breach and that person will likely serve jail time especially where there is good evidence of previous crimes and poses an immediate threat.

 

[ChristianUk13]

I think they're a bit worse than useless. They're dangerous. The person abused notifies the abuser that she/he is afraid. I believe whole heartily in RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK when it comes to being in an abusive relation. The best exit strategy entails the abuser never knowing you're exiting until you're far enough away that she/he can never find you again.

A protection order can be made in a different state, let's say for instance that a Californian mother (or other blood relative/ guardian) flies to New York with her children to escape from a dangerous husband/ other dangerous partner living in California. Common law (judge made law through the higher courts, ie precedents) between states' law (ie. interstate laws) in California allows a protection order to protect who is now a resident in New York. The relevant precedent cases are Doe (2007), and Bartsch (2001). This is where the law gets complex and we do not need to have a discussion on jurisdiction and inter state laws. However, my point is that protection orders are very effective!!!

 

[ChristianUk13]

I didn't put the website information about US protection orders below for its sake, or because I wanted to patronise Americans. The website below covers just the steps required to bring a protection order. I put the information there because I know they are best remedy for dangerous people out there. We have similar protections in the UK for that matter.

Christians or anyone else do not have to suffer in silence when being physically abused.

In the USA, in the UK, in all free countries actually the legal systems provide domestic remedies for families/ individuals to protect themselves against dangerous persons. In the USA specifically, states' laws provide a means in which victims of domestic abuse/ assault can apply to their local court and request a protection order. A protection order would be used where a family/ individual wants to stop all contact with the offender. It's not a criminal law remedy it's a civil remedy although the matters may be criminal in nature too.

Here is a relevant website which tells you how to go about it.How to Get a Protective Order In the United States: 8 Steps

There are two ways to get a protection order, the first is via for paying for a lawyer or through legal aid systems. The other, if you feel you can and will have some support at court from a family member or friend, is to make a motion to the judge and request a hearing for a protection order. You however will require some evidence perhaps from the crime itself such as documentation from the police station, in the form of medical statement from doctors or photographs of bruising/ other harm. The court will take into account witness statements too.


Do not suffer in silence, you guys live in free countries with legal systems which will support you.


Tom, just a friend/ a helper (not a qualified lawyer...but has legal knowledge through formal legal studies).

 

[ChristianUk13]

Certainly DO NOT WORK!!! If an abuser or stalker wants you,,,they will do anything in their power to have you. I learned my lesson the hard way! However I came out the other end with a black belt, weapons training and a Concealed Weapons permit! Guess what??? That training works!!!!!

Read a good book on psychology and you will know people before you even meet them, so to speak. I was discussing in the eventuality that you are in a threatening relationship having not studied people (ie psychology), ie their dangerous personalities. In the alternative, protection orders are legal remedies which are effective even insofar as jumping state, as i had written about in a post somewhere below.

 

[atwhatcost]

I made clear in my last response to Atwhatcost that a protection order is not a restraining order. I know this because i was involved in complex case involving a protection order against a Minnesota mother and an Iowa hearing. A protection order could be used to permit no telephone contact with mother, father, brother, children etc...if there is a violation ..ie the offender telephones the aforesaid persons...the police will come and arrest that person and most probably will give them at least 7 days' jail time.

Seven days, huh? And then what? One abuser with seven days to stew over it.

 

[JeniBean]

Christian- I wholeheartedly appreciate the information you have given for others. And perhaps in small states or towns and cities the protection and/or a restraining order works. I PERSONALLY have found neither work. YES they are a great start and if the individual who the order was placed on has half a brain left, they will follow it. However that other half of their brain...the part that wants the person whom put the order on tends to supersede the part that may still function and they don't care...as they want that person at all costs. If you actually get an officer of the law to come and or truly listen to you, it tends to be to late. I'd gladly show you my scars where the knife sliced me as proof...however that may be a little to much. So YES sometimes it works and the word there is SOMETIMES. My friend whom still lives in California last year lost a job, had to move six time, was constantly followed, screamed and threatened and there was a protection and restraining order. The judge after 5 hearings simply said there is really nothing wee can do until physical harm comes to you. Our jails are to full to take every person in. And advised my friend to move to a new city. Now here is the kicker...are you ready????? The protection and restraining order were on a female and my friend a male. A 6' 5" male who could certainly handled it easy himself, however he tried to handle it through the system and ended up leaving the city he was born and raised in. So again, we are not being rude and we appreciate what you have shared, however I am thinking the woman here on this thread are living (thankfully) proof that the protection and restraining order do not work.

 

[NewWine]

Christiankid.....(sorry I couldn't resist that)

In theory, yes protection orders are a good idea. They were developed to protect abused spouses in bad marriages. However, in reality, they just don't work usually (here in the states). Here's how it USUALLY goes: Man abuses woman (or vice versa I know women who've abused their husbands as well), woman gets a protection order and leaves/makes spouse leave; spouse gets angry over being offended, called out on their behavior publicly, being embarrassed or whatever other emotion goes along with this; spouse obeys the order for a short time, all the while they are getting angrier and angrier; then it all hits the fan and spouse then goes to the house and beats, maims or murders, and before the police can even make it to the house....is gone and a "manhunt" is on. OR In even worse situations: Man beats woman, woman has protection order in place, man hits woman again and is arrested, man gets out of prison on a furlough (sometimes as short as an 8 hour furlough and sometimes a weekend pass type thing), man goes to woman's house while on furlough and beats her to death. Google Lisa Bianco for a prime example of this type of thing going bad.
It's a great idea, but very idealistic of one to think they are true protection. Theory and reality rarely merge, even if the one using the order is following it to the letter of the 'law".
Peace dude!

 

[atwhatcost]

Christian- I wholeheartedly appreciate the information you have given for others. And perhaps in small states or towns and cities the protection and/or a restraining order works. I PERSONALLY have found neither work. YES they are a great start and if the individual who the order was placed on has half a brain left, they will follow it. However that other half of their brain...the part that wants the person whom put the order on tends to supersede the part that may still function and they don't care...as they want that person at all costs. If you actually get an officer of the law to come and or truly listen to you, it tends to be to late. I'd gladly show you my scars where the knife sliced me as proof...however that may be a little to much. So YES sometimes it works and the word there is SOMETIMES. My friend whom still lives in California last year lost a job, had to move six time, was constantly followed, screamed and threatened and there was a protection and restraining order. The judge after 5 hearings simply said there is really nothing wee can do until physical harm comes to you. Our jails are to full to take every person in. And advised my friend to move to a new city. Now here is the kicker...are you ready????? The protection and restraining order were on a female and my friend a male. A 6' 5" male who could certainly handled it easy himself, however he tried to handle it through the system and ended up leaving the city he was born and raised in. So again, we are not being rude and we appreciate what you have shared, however I am thinking the woman here on this thread are living (thankfully) proof that the protection and restraining order do not work.

Thank you for that. My husband was the target. He was 6' 2" and 240 pounds. She was 5' 3". anorexic, and holding a knife or razor. She was also his wife and mother to their two kids, so beefing up security, using household objects, or even getting a protection order was't going to help.

He woke up one morning to see her watching him with an innocent little girl look, playing with a new necklace she bought. It was a single edge razor blade cast in gold. She asked him, "Isn't it nice to wake up alive?"

When she had her committed, (which at least you could do back in those days), as the attendance were taking her away in a wheelchair, he told them to watch out because she was either going to kill them or kill herself.

They saw a helpless petite woman in a wheelchair and laughed at him, so he snatched her hand and forced it open. She had two dozen percocets. Then he pulled that necklace out from under her shirt. It was the first time someone got the jolt he had that morning.

He could always stop her from killing him when she charged him with a knife. Size does matter there, but it doesn't mean squat if you're sleeping.

Abuse isn't always a helpless woman. Often the woman isn't even helpless. Nor is the target always a woman.

So thank you for that. Too often people think it's an easy fix. It's really not.

And even leaving doesn't mean safety. The majority of times the target is killed eventually by the abuser anyway. (They go home again too often or the abuser is willing to go the distance.) The only difference is the stats for being killed if the target stays increases incredibly.

This isn't something pen and paper fixes.

 

[ChristianUk13]

Seven days, huh? And then what? One abuser with seven days to stew over it.

It depends on the serious nature, the material matter in the case i was involved was seven days jail just for phoning the parent albeit the parent was not being protected by the protection order but the children were. It seems reasonable to assume the more serious the crime the more serious time (in jail). These protection orders being that they are civil in nature do not stand against criminal sanctions/ charges etc. They rather protect individuals/ families besides the punitive systems of criminal law so they in fact run parallel with criminal law. The police have to make an automatic arrest once the protection order is breached, and if the violator continues to go to jail but to have no affect on him, the jail time will increase several-fold until he/ she is affected. Remember a court order grants a protection order and the court notwithstanding the police have several powers against a continuing breach of a protection wherein it will move from civilian remedy (protection order) to a criminal remedy (criminal sentencing).