Angry jealous wife fighting in church.

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firstofall

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Default Angry jealous wife fighting in church.
I was an assistant pastor at a church. My wife has an anger issue and extremely jealous. She literally has started fights with people at church and cussed people out at church while our kids were there watching. These are just a few things that happened, there’s many more instances of this behavior. She talks about me to people at church and basically tries to destroy what God is building in the ministry. The day she cussed out people at church and tried to fight, I told the pastor Im getting a divorce. When I talked to my wife about it she got upset and moved out the house and took our kids and moved in the house with one of the new members of our church. She said because I said I wanted to divorce her she will just will leave. I truly believe she was being used by the enemy to cause chaos in the church. It was so bad I had to leave that church and still feel the calling for ministry but I know my wife's behavior will repeat itself. So now I post messages online and can't really connect to a body of believers due to her irrational behavior. Me and my wife are still together and I believe she is saved but it seems the enemy works through her to tear things down. What should I do and yes I've prayed and still pray about it.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

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Why are you posting this a second time?
Should we expect a third and fourth, etc.?
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

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I did not see the other posts, so I will comment here.

Your wife is obviously mentally ill. Don't attribute everything to Satan, even though he is using her condition to destroy your ministry.

Get her to a doctor to get help. Anger can be a symptom of several mental illnesses. It can be treated partially by medications, but it will also need a lot of counseling, repentance and prayer on the part of both of you. (For her!)

Praying your wife gets the help she needs. And sorry things are so bad.
 
V

VioletReigns

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#4
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I don't know if you read my response to your first posting, but here it is again:

For the sake of the children, please please please seek professional Christian counseling. You will get so many contradicting opinions on this thread, none of which you can rely on. You need to hear God's Voice on the matter. Seek a good Christian counselor who has a history of success with clients.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

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I guess I am going to be the lone cynic here, but why would a preacher immediately turn to wanting a divorce? (And tell someone about it before you even mentioned it to your wife?) I have to say that, to me, there is something very wrong with that reaction... and it seems to be a continuing desire.
 
A

atwhatcost

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firstofall said:
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Default Angry jealous wife fighting in church.
I was an assistant pastor at a church. My wife has an anger issue and extremely jealous. She literally has started fights with people at church and cussed people out at church while our kids were there watching. These are just a few things that happened, there’s many more instances of this behavior. She talks about me to people at church and basically tries to destroy what God is building in the ministry. The day she cussed out people at church and tried to fight, I told the pastor Im getting a divorce. When I talked to my wife about it she got upset and moved out the house and took our kids and moved in the house with one of the new members of our church. She said because I said I wanted to divorce her she will just will leave. I truly believe she was being used by the enemy to cause chaos in the church. It was so bad I had to leave that church and still feel the calling for ministry but I know my wife's behavior will repeat itself. So now I post messages online and can't really connect to a body of believers due to her irrational behavior. Me and my wife are still together and I believe she is saved but it seems the enemy works through her to tear things down. What should I do and yes I've prayed and still pray about it.
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Boy, you really screwed that up. Now it's time to seek God and learn how to patch it up.

Seriously? You're an assistant pastor who thinks your wife bad mouthing you and the church is grounds for divorce? Aren't pastors supposed to know what the ground for divorce is? And aren't they supposed to know what the duty is for the husband in a marriage?

You've got a lot of ground to cover.
 
A

atwhatcost

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Angela53510 said:
I did not see the other posts, so I will comment here.

Your wife is obviously mentally ill. Don't attribute everything to Satan, even though he is using her condition to destroy your ministry.

Get her to a doctor to get help. Anger can be a symptom of several mental illnesses. It can be treated partially by medications, but it will also need a lot of counseling, repentance and prayer on the part of both of you. (For her!)

Praying your wife gets the help she needs. And sorry things are so bad.
Click to expand...
How do you know she's not just really angry about him? We're only hearing one side of the story, and that side isn't admitting anything he's done but favored his church over his wife.
 
S

Sirk

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You can't make this stuff up! Or can you?
 
B

BarlyGurl

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You say she is saved... my bible says what you describe is absolutely NOT the fruit of the spirit. It is possible she has tried to articulate the problem and has been unsuccessful in communicating with you.

Who are you married to ... your wife or your ministry? I figure if you think your wife is jealous... and acts badly to ruin your ministry... perhaps she is out of her mind from habitually NOT being a priority to you.... how about you ASK HER? Say... "Have I caused you to feel unimportant or not a priority because I have invested so much of myself into church ministry?"... ask her nicely, say it kindly and don't be too shocked if she breaks down and sobs like a child.
 
Dan58

Dan58

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Nov 13, 2013
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If your wife is fighting, gossiping, cussing, and destroying your church, I wouldn't conclude she's saved. The simple answer would be to prohibit her from going to church until she can keep her mouth shut and behave herself. I'm sure your Pastor would appreciate you keeping her disruptive presence out of his congregation. I'd tell her flat out that she's a total embarrassment to you and if she can't bridle her tongue, she's not welcome in any church. Meanwhile, I'd try to get her some professional help, she's obviously got some emotional issues like her obsessive jealousy, and that goes way beyond church. If she refuses to comply, I'd go ahead with the divorce, you can't live with a crazy lady like that...JMO
 
Crustyone

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Mar 15, 2015
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Take it easy Willie, firstofall was encouraged to post on this thread instead of the new member thread. Dan, it sounds like your avatar should be snarling. Allow the love to come first as in post #9. We have only one side from a distraught individual, although I do share your concern about her being saved.

firstofall, I would recommend following the advice in post #9 first and failing that, then posts #3 and #4. I am not a counselor, but it seems the Christian approach to me.
 
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bovine_mind

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Dan58 said:
If your wife is fighting, gossiping, cussing, and destroying your church, I wouldn't conclude she's saved. The simple answer would be to prohibit her from going to church until she can keep her mouth shut and behave herself.
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In 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, Paul wrote: “As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

Proverbs 21:9 (CSB) Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.
 
PoetMary

PoetMary

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firstofall said:
Default Angry jealous wife fighting in church.
I was an assistant pastor at a church. My wife has an anger issue and extremely jealous. She literally has started fights with people at church and cussed people out at church while our kids were there watching. These are just a few things that happened, there’s many more instances of this behavior. She talks about me to people at church and basically tries to destroy what God is building in the ministry. The day she cussed out people at church and tried to fight, I told the pastor Im getting a divorce. When I talked to my wife about it she got upset and moved out the house and took our kids and moved in the house with one of the new members of our church. She said because I said I wanted to divorce her she will just will leave. I truly believe she was being used by the enemy to cause chaos in the church. It was so bad I had to leave that church and still feel the calling for ministry but I know my wife's behavior will repeat itself. So now I post messages online and can't really connect to a body of believers due to her irrational behavior. Me and my wife are still together and I believe she is saved but it seems the enemy works through her to tear things down. What should I do and yes I've prayed and still pray about it.
Click to expand...
Here's what I've observed in your post: It's all about you.

She's doing XYZ and it's all about how it's affecting you, your reputation, and your position. You claim she the one being used by the enemy because you're experiencing some kind of discomfort. There seems to be no real concern for any deep problems your wife may be experiencing. There is zero evidence of concern for your children. It's all about you.

Here's my suggestion: 1. Forget about church leadership for a bit. Your family is in disarray and you need to address these issues. 2. Seek PROFESSIONAL HELP. Take your wife to the doctor and see if there's anything going on with her health (there are all kinds of issues that can lead to erratic and unsuitable behavior from mental health issues to a brain tumor). 3. Transfer your concern for yourself to your wife and your children. God has given you the responsibility of these people. STEP UP.
 
Billyd

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firstofall said:
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Default Angry jealous wife fighting in church.
I was an assistant pastor at a church. My wife has an anger issue and extremely jealous. She literally has started fights with people at church and cussed people out at church while our kids were there watching. These are just a few things that happened, there’s many more instances of this behavior. She talks about me to people at church and basically tries to destroy what God is building in the ministry. The day she cussed out people at church and tried to fight, I told the pastor Im getting a divorce. When I talked to my wife about it she got upset and moved out the house and took our kids and moved in the house with one of the new members of our church. She said because I said I wanted to divorce her she will just will leave. I truly believe she was being used by the enemy to cause chaos in the church. It was so bad I had to leave that church and still feel the calling for ministry but I know my wife's behavior will repeat itself. So now I post messages online and can't really connect to a body of believers due to her irrational behavior. Me and my wife are still together and I believe she is saved but it seems the enemy works through her to tear things down. What should I do and yes I've prayed and still pray about it.
Click to expand...
Please, step out of your pastoral duties for a few months and take time to heal your family. You current problems can destroy your witness, and is not healthy for your church. Both of you need to sit down with your senior pastor and ask him to help you find the counseling that you need. Also please see a doctor together and make sure that there is no underlying physical conditions.
 
M

Miri

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#15
Hi first to fall, sorry to hear about your problems.

Im not married so maybe I should not be replying, but it sounds to me as if
you need to put your "calling" on hold for a while and deal with the issues which
you both have.

Note I said both as it is almost unheard of for one partner in a marriage to be blameless and have
no issues at all, and for all the difficulties to be only with one person.

I think violet reigns has given the best advice, to seek counselling.

Can I also mention that anything posted on the net, stays on the net. You say you have a
call on you to be a pastor. If this is true then just stop and think how posting about your wife
and marital problems on the Internet, will spoil that calling in the future and come back to
bite you. I for one would not want to attend a church where the assistant pastor is posting
his personal problems on line.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but as a pastor I believe you have a wider responsibility and
a far greater accountability to God. So I say these things to hopefully help you, not to
cause offence.

I don't know if you have a legitimate calling to be a pastor or not but maybe you are trying
to operate outside of season. It's a huge responsibility to be a leader in a church, you have no
way of succeeding if you are unable to first be a godly spiritual leader in your own home.

Can you not speak to your own senior pastor about these things?

By the way I found this on the Internet - it's food for thought for anyone
considering becoming a pastor.



Two lists of qualifications for pastors are
presented in 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9.

First Timothy 3:1-7:
*One must seek the office
*Must be without reproach
*A husband of one wife
*Self-controlled
*Sober-minded
*Orderly
*Hospitable
*Able to teach
*Not a drunkard
*Not violent but gentle
*Not quarrelsome
*Not a lover of money
*Must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive
*Must not be a recent convert
*Moreover, must be well thought of by outsiders

Titus 1:5-9:
*Above reproach
*A husband of one wife
*His children are believers not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.
*Not arrogant
*Not quick-tempered
*Not a drunkard
*Not violent
*Not greedy for gain
*Hospitable
*A lover of good
*Self-controlled
*Upright
*Holy
*Disciplined
*Must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught

 
N

NewWine

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#16
#16
I can't speak about how to correct things with your wife. I don't know you or her (or her side of things) to have any real advice, so I will pray for y'all there.
The Bible does mention leaders of the Church to have their house in order (or something along those lines). Before continuing in ministry, I would get my house in order, whether that be to get couples and single counseling (and perhaps some family counseling to help the kids deal), getting both of you professional help or just putting your foot down (again I don't know your full situation to know what's necessary here). You are the head of the house. You should be loving your wife as Christ loves you. If you can't do that right now, then focus on building YOUR relationship with Christ through prayer and praise. The closer you get to God, the better man you will become; a better father to your kids, a better husband, a better employee, better friend.....just a better man.
Work on your relationship with God, and let God, who knows better the desires of your heart, as well as the needs of your family and church, handle everything else. You can't possibly say your wife is or isn't a believer, since that is between her and God, but regardless, worry about your heart and let Him worry about hers.
Keeping y'all in prayer.....Peace!!
 
B

bikerchaz

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#17
Ok, so here is my five penneth worth. Forget divorce for now at least, the only time Jesus mentions it is because of infidelity and if this is not the case leave well alone.
Now for some guidance: God through Moses through the old testament gives us the ten commandments. Jesus fulfilled the old Law (which before his resurrection was the only way to God), now these same commandments are promises. They turn from 'you must or must not' which are commands, hard like an anvil, to you 'won't and you can't' . The first is from the outside to the inner man and is a set of instructions, the second is from within by the Holy Spirit which becomes a want or a need within your being, where you find yourself incapable of the actions the ten commandment cover. Take some time for yourself, by yourself (sorry about this but I fish and its a good way to for me to spend some quality time on my own to contemplate stuff through prayer) and look at the way your wife reacts compared to these promises.
The next thing to contemplate are the words of Jesus when he spoke concerning the relationship we have with Him and those around us "Those who love mother father husband wife or children more than me" I don't have to into it because I know you know it.
As a leaving thought I myself have trouble with my wife as she has turned her back (or so she says) on Jesus. She has been hurt greatly by what the church has become and can now only see the bigotry and the lies perpetrated by those within it and the discord between the factions that say "we are right and you are wrong". As a result there are times I find peace in the words, "It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house with a contentious woman". Don't get me wrong I love my wife dearly and would lay down my life for her. I pray continually she will be given a vision of who Jesus truly is "For without a vision the people perish". I trust that Jesus through his holy spirit will touch her and I pray I will see it, If Jesus takes me before hand that is His prerogative but I trust Him implicitly.
Lastly, why do you want to be someone within the Church? This isn't a flippant question please don't be offended. Jesus said "If you would be greatest, become the least and servant of all". When the kingdom finally comes and 'the earth is filled with the glory of the Lord' where do you want to be in the scheme of things? King David said, "Oh that I should be a door keeper in the House of God . . . ." Are you ready to wash some feet? there are some smelly ones out there you know. Come to Him with your bowl of water and a towel in all humility and let Him lift you up.
God bless you, I pray his face will shine upon you and give you peace.
 
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