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New to this forum and wanted a Christian perspective on this. Just got married about 6 months ago, both of us are Christian and regularly attend church. In addition, both of us are divorced, so this is a second marriage. We both feel truly blessed that God gave us the opportunity to find each other as we have similar backgrounds and faith walk. In our teens we experienced sexual abuse, which caused us to act out in inappropriate ways until our respective first marriages. Before we got married we were open about our past, just gave general information and did not get into the specifics or details of our sexual sins. After our divorces, both of us were single for a number of years. Some years we acted like Christians, walked the walk and attended church. Other years we both backslid and engaged in unhealthy relationships. But again, both of us had similar stories, she forgave me and I forgave her for our past history.
When she gave me her general story about what she did between her first marriage and our marriage, it was close to my story. We both had a six month time period after a major break up of a relationship that we thought would lead to marriage where we engaged in numerous short term sexual relationships that were unhealthy. Pulled ourselves out of that behavior, went back to church and got back on the right track with the Lord. She told me the general number of partners she had, but never went into details. Just said that she would meet men on regular online dating sites that quickly turned sexual. I couldn't really say anything, because I had engaged in the same behavior.
Last week while moving into our new house she found an old MacBook computer that had been stored away. She told me to give it a quick once over to transfer any music or pictures that I would think that she would want on her new MacBook. On MacBooks there is a feature called Spotlight that allows you to search for specific files in the computer. I know this now, but apparently 4-5 years ago there was a glitch in the app and files that had been deleted still show up in the search results. When I typed in the first three letters of her favorite song, the search app also displayed a number of old CraigsList personal ads which my wife had deleted 5 years ago. So I discovered that during the six month acting out period she had, the number of partners was twice as many as she told me about plus she was actively looking to act out. These were not men she dated a few times and then slept with. Instead she was looking for men to sleep with right from the get go, plus gave intimate details of what she wanted. I know her history and it was a very stressful time for her. She did a number of other things that were not in character for her.
We both went through Christian counseling before our marriage and learned to forgive the past and strive for a future together with Christ in the center of our marriage. How do I process this? Her behavior before this 6 month time period was honorable and after this period was honorable leading up to us getting married. Do I bring it up or honor our vow to forgive the past and move on.
When she gave me her general story about what she did between her first marriage and our marriage, it was close to my story. We both had a six month time period after a major break up of a relationship that we thought would lead to marriage where we engaged in numerous short term sexual relationships that were unhealthy. Pulled ourselves out of that behavior, went back to church and got back on the right track with the Lord. She told me the general number of partners she had, but never went into details. Just said that she would meet men on regular online dating sites that quickly turned sexual. I couldn't really say anything, because I had engaged in the same behavior.
Last week while moving into our new house she found an old MacBook computer that had been stored away. She told me to give it a quick once over to transfer any music or pictures that I would think that she would want on her new MacBook. On MacBooks there is a feature called Spotlight that allows you to search for specific files in the computer. I know this now, but apparently 4-5 years ago there was a glitch in the app and files that had been deleted still show up in the search results. When I typed in the first three letters of her favorite song, the search app also displayed a number of old CraigsList personal ads which my wife had deleted 5 years ago. So I discovered that during the six month acting out period she had, the number of partners was twice as many as she told me about plus she was actively looking to act out. These were not men she dated a few times and then slept with. Instead she was looking for men to sleep with right from the get go, plus gave intimate details of what she wanted. I know her history and it was a very stressful time for her. She did a number of other things that were not in character for her.
We both went through Christian counseling before our marriage and learned to forgive the past and strive for a future together with Christ in the center of our marriage. How do I process this? Her behavior before this 6 month time period was honorable and after this period was honorable leading up to us getting married. Do I bring it up or honor our vow to forgive the past and move on.
