M
Hi 
I'm new to this forum. I've moved to Scotland to take care of my Mum, (she only moved here last year). I don't know anyone, I'm in the middle of nowhere - I can't drive, and there's not a church nearby. So. I've lost the community I had back home. I apologise if this thread is inappropriate for this forum, but I wasn't really sure where to ask for advice.
To be honest, things have been going from bad to worse, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
My Mum has had tumours for as long as I've been alive. Sometimes they're cancerous, and sometimes they're not. (This one isn't, but it's growing out of her spine and giving her mobility issues). I got my first job at fourteen, to support us financially, and have been working since then. While I was doing the international baccalaureate, (the last two years of high school), I also had four jobs and looked after my Mum. I did this until I made myself ill - glandular fever. I was diagnosed afterwards with post-viral fatigue, and then when that didn't go away, it was diagnosed as M.E, aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
But I didn't have time to be sick, just after high school finished, my father had a stroke, so I moved to London to look after my half-brother, while my step-mother looked after him. I waitressed to support us all, and I chose to go to Uni in London so I could stay close. I have basically raised him for the last three years.
My Dad's not a fun character. I've protected my brother from his anger for his entire life. I've always made sure that I've been between them. On New Year's Eve he thought I was being disrespectful, and his response was to try to kill me. He beat me, he put his hands round my throat and told me he would kill me. I sent my brother to his room, but I know he heard it. I managed to escape, left everything behind, and got back to my Mum's house. I haven't seen any of them since. My brother was 7 exactly four weeks ago today. (Social services investigated for my brother's safety, but didn't believe him to be in danger).
I made it through the rest of uni. But for the first time, my diagnosis has really caught up with me. Despite seven years of work experience, I can't get a job that involves physical activity, and because of the unreliable nature of my condition, I haven't been able to hold down a desk job.
My Dad bought me a course of orthodontics for my birthday, but since the attack he hasn't paid the debt, and as it's my teeth, it's in my name. I had to empty my bank account and max out my credit card to cover it.
My Mum has been making really good progress, and I'm feeling confident that I could leave her in the New Year. I want to go back to University next year, but I'm doing a languages degree, and you have to go abroad for an 'immersion course' before they let you do final year. (So I have to go to Spain and Portugal for 4 months each, costing a total of £5000). In order to get student finance, you have to be enrolled, and I had to interrupt to come and look after my Mum. I've applied for every scholarship, every grant, every charity. I've desperately tried to get a loan, but the banks won't help me, private lenders won't help me, and I can't go to a pay-day loan company, I could never pay it back.
Of course. I know people go through worse than this. You only have to look at the news.
But I've run out of hope. Where's God?
At every bump it's fine. You know? You can roll with the punches. But. Everything I ever worked for in my entire life has come to nothing. Everything has been pointless. What's His plan? Is this it?
I have no hope of going back to finish university. No hope of getting a job. I have no hope of going back home. I've lost my brother. I send him a postcard every week, I don't know if he gets them. His parents have told everyone that I attacked my father, that I hit him. They've told everyone that I sent social services to try and 'steal' my brother. I don't know what he believes, he's so young. My friends and church are miles away in London, and there is no hope to get back to them.
What do I do?
I'm new to this forum. I've moved to Scotland to take care of my Mum, (she only moved here last year). I don't know anyone, I'm in the middle of nowhere - I can't drive, and there's not a church nearby. So. I've lost the community I had back home. I apologise if this thread is inappropriate for this forum, but I wasn't really sure where to ask for advice.To be honest, things have been going from bad to worse, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
My Mum has had tumours for as long as I've been alive. Sometimes they're cancerous, and sometimes they're not. (This one isn't, but it's growing out of her spine and giving her mobility issues). I got my first job at fourteen, to support us financially, and have been working since then. While I was doing the international baccalaureate, (the last two years of high school), I also had four jobs and looked after my Mum. I did this until I made myself ill - glandular fever. I was diagnosed afterwards with post-viral fatigue, and then when that didn't go away, it was diagnosed as M.E, aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
But I didn't have time to be sick, just after high school finished, my father had a stroke, so I moved to London to look after my half-brother, while my step-mother looked after him. I waitressed to support us all, and I chose to go to Uni in London so I could stay close. I have basically raised him for the last three years.
My Dad's not a fun character. I've protected my brother from his anger for his entire life. I've always made sure that I've been between them. On New Year's Eve he thought I was being disrespectful, and his response was to try to kill me. He beat me, he put his hands round my throat and told me he would kill me. I sent my brother to his room, but I know he heard it. I managed to escape, left everything behind, and got back to my Mum's house. I haven't seen any of them since. My brother was 7 exactly four weeks ago today. (Social services investigated for my brother's safety, but didn't believe him to be in danger).
I made it through the rest of uni. But for the first time, my diagnosis has really caught up with me. Despite seven years of work experience, I can't get a job that involves physical activity, and because of the unreliable nature of my condition, I haven't been able to hold down a desk job.
My Dad bought me a course of orthodontics for my birthday, but since the attack he hasn't paid the debt, and as it's my teeth, it's in my name. I had to empty my bank account and max out my credit card to cover it.
My Mum has been making really good progress, and I'm feeling confident that I could leave her in the New Year. I want to go back to University next year, but I'm doing a languages degree, and you have to go abroad for an 'immersion course' before they let you do final year. (So I have to go to Spain and Portugal for 4 months each, costing a total of £5000). In order to get student finance, you have to be enrolled, and I had to interrupt to come and look after my Mum. I've applied for every scholarship, every grant, every charity. I've desperately tried to get a loan, but the banks won't help me, private lenders won't help me, and I can't go to a pay-day loan company, I could never pay it back.
Of course. I know people go through worse than this. You only have to look at the news.
But I've run out of hope. Where's God?
At every bump it's fine. You know? You can roll with the punches. But. Everything I ever worked for in my entire life has come to nothing. Everything has been pointless. What's His plan? Is this it?
I have no hope of going back to finish university. No hope of getting a job. I have no hope of going back home. I've lost my brother. I send him a postcard every week, I don't know if he gets them. His parents have told everyone that I attacked my father, that I hit him. They've told everyone that I sent social services to try and 'steal' my brother. I don't know what he believes, he's so young. My friends and church are miles away in London, and there is no hope to get back to them.
What do I do?
