Hi Tippi, in an abusive relationship the victim is brainwashed into feeling like a loser, but the reality is that the abuser is the real loser. He needed to push you down to feel good about himself. Losing confidence and self esteem and being confused about yourself are natural feelings from having been abused. Don't be hard on yourself. Many strong and confident women have been broken in abusive relationships.
You need a time to heal. It may be difficult, but until you are healed emotionally, you should not get into another deep relationship. Jesus is our healer. The Holy Spirit is our comforter. Only God can help to heal a broken soul.
We are created in God's image, and I believe this means as a triune being: body, soul and spirit. He hurt your soul and the healing for your soul comes through your spirit.
The loss of your brother and the issues with your father are also hurting your soul. Again it is through your spirit in union with the Holy Spirit the comforting will come.
Get closer to God and remember that life is like a tapestry. In this life we see the back side with all the knots and confusion of colors, but when we are with the Lord we will see out life's tapestry's front side in all its beauty.
The whole purpose with this life is to prepare us to be with our Lord for eternity. Your ex is unlikely to be there.
One concept that has helped me overcome my own angers and hurts is what Jesus said on the cross: "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do".
Superficially your ex knew what he was doing: lying, cheating, manipulating, and justifying it all to himself, but spiritually he has no clue that he is destroying his own soul.
Take your time to heal with God and you will come out of this dark time in your life much stronger, wiser and confident.
Praying for you
