Discouraged over Christmas

[jazzmynn]

I am feeling so bad this Christmas.
i have two sisters and a brother, and a few other relatives, but I spent Christmas feeling very sad.

my older sister who lives out of town refuses to have anything to do with me since our dad died.
ive tried to talk to her to no avail.
my younger sister lives down the street, but she is married to someone who is controlling and starts trouble if we try to get together.
i did see my brother but he has health issues and doesn't live close.

a few of my other relatives are busy with their own families and don't want to get together.

i have a friend who always says we are like family.
in fact, her sister from out of town calls me sis.
The sister came here to visit my friend for the holidays, but never even called me to say she was here.
my friend and her family had a big Christmas get together and posted pictures on the Internet.
when I told her how lonely I was, she said her family were doing the same things as me.

i am always helping others and having parties, etc at my house all year.
At Christmas, people are too busy for me and my husband.

i keep seeing family pictures on Facebook of friends who had a great Christmas.
Does anyone else have this happen?


im so sad and have cried every day.

 

[Cindy12]

I am so sorry for your pain. Christmas time can be upsetting and depressing for people. Many feel the same way you do - lonely and hurt. We had some family issues this year as well, and my husband and I have almost come to the conclusion that we are going to start our own tradition next year to avoid these issues and feelings. Maybe you and your husband can do the same -- we are thinking of going out of town for Christmas next year ... to the beach, or just somewhere we can enjoy some peace and quiet and have our own fun!

 

[tourist]

Spend some time in the forums. There are a lot of quality people here to fellowship with. It sounds like you are lonely and that the ones that know you take you for granted and marginalize you. I have said a prayer for God to lift the cloud of depression that is hovering over you. Welcome to CC.

 

[RickyZ]

Both my wife and I have 'tenuous' at best relationships with our families. What 'friends' we have are also very sketchy. At thanksgiving we didn't see either of our families, and the friends we invited over showed up 4 hours late - decided they wanted to see a movie and couldn't bother to let us know. People are pigs these days. Frankly, we do better without all of them.

As far as I'm concerned, being alone is better than being abused.

 

[santuzza]

My hubby and I are in a similar situation -- no family close by, and no close friends either.

Making your own traditions with your spouse is really the best way to go. Also, I feel it helps to get out and serve others on Christmas -- visit a nursing home (there are tons of people who don't have relatives who visit them!) or help with a meal for the homeless. Do anything to avoid thinking about your own personal situation -- get outside yourself.

 

[dalconn]

Keep the faith sister and fight the good fight...joy will come in the morning


ISAIAH 61
The Spirit of the Lord Jehovah is upon me; because Jehovah hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
[SUP]2 [/SUP]to proclaim the year of Jehovah's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
[SUP]3 [/SUP]to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them a garland for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of Jehovah, that he may be glorified.

 

[Dan58]

It doesn't pay to get upset that you didn't get the attention you think you deserve. You should by happy when seeing pictures of friends who had a great Christmas with their families. I don't get why that would sadden you or make you cry everyday? Christmas is a very hectic time of year and it wears people out, so don't be upset that they all didn't make you a top priority, its just impossible to please everyone in a single day, and if you try, it becomes a job instead of a holiday. You wrote that your always having parties at your house all year, so perhaps friends and family just wanted to spend one day with folks that they don't get to see all year? Cheer-up, there are worst things than being alone for a day. jmo

 

[jazzmynn]

Dan
i appreciate your comments, but I feel like you think I want attention.
my husband and I are always having things at our house for others.
We don't want anyone to feel neglected on birthdays, etc.
I feel bad because I have siblings, but they are not in my life like they used to be.
i don't begrudge anyone having family holiday time.
it just would have been nice to be invited somewhere or even just acknowledged on Christmas.
I believe it is a time to join with others to celebrate the birth of Christ, especially family and close friends.
it's not just "one day", it's Christmas.

 

[MaranathaSoonQuick]

I can say for certain that my Christmas was in many ways like yours, I sat at home, awoke at 5:30 AM, typed on fb Merry Christmas!!, got a few likes and comments, no phone activity the entire day, the only gifts involved were God's gifts to me haha, I recall petitioning to him how I walk in the Spirit, He gave me the simplistic memory of 9 fruits that ought govern my life; Love, Joy, Peace, Long-Suffering, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self-Control.

All you can really do is reach out to them in the love that Christ commanded and if they reject you don't take it so heavily; Who are our brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousin's brother in law's friend's mother in laws father, but those who do our Father's will in Heaven? I really would rather not be around anyone in my blood relative family because they all reject the Lord my God. Christmas is about Christ anyways and the Spirit teaches us Christ. We may never know what a day secluded to God alone might bring if never practice it.

 

[Kaycie]

This is why you should have a church family who gets together somehow for Christmas. Worldly people, even if you are related to them, are going to act.... worldly. They think of themselves and their own agendas first. But Christians think of others first.

 

[Miri]

Hi J nice to meet you.

You'r fortunate that at least you have your husband, there are plenty of
people who have no one at all.

Over the years I have come to realise that Christmas isn't about family it
is about Christ. I am a carer for my elderly aunt and single with no children.
We have other family but for the last several years it has mostly been just
my aunt and me at Christmas with others popping by for half an hour or so to
say hello.

This year my Aunt was in hospital so I woke up on Christmas Day with no one else
in the house, no one to compare presents with, no one to make breakfast for,
no one to wish merry Christmas.

Then I went to the hospital and spent some time there with my aunt.
Christmas dinner for me was a tin of soup that the staff let me warm up in their
microwave.

Did I feel sorry for myself? A little if I'm honest but I'm more than glad my aunt is still
alive God saved her life as medically speaking she shouldn't have made it.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is there is more to Christmas than big family get
togethers and food. Just before Christmas I had a day of fasting and coming before
Jesus and what a blessed day that was.

I honestly feel Christmas and the expectations about it are over dramatised. It isn't real
life. People may have their big family get togethers but it doesn't mean everything is
hunkey dory and all difficulties suddenly disappear. I think over the years Christmas has
become this all singing all dancing absolute perfect day of the year in the minds of so many,
that people get sad if their Christmas does not meet those expectations.

Why not set up your own Christmas traditions each year, think about what you want to do,
maybe you could volunteer for some charity work next Christmas or attend a Christmas
morning church service. How about you and the hubby start christmas day off with a
shared Christmas devotional and prayer time then have fun making the dinner together.
Or even go out somewhere for the day and have Christmas dinner out at a restaurant etc.

 

[kaylagrl]

Dan
i appreciate your comments, but I feel like you think I want attention.
my husband and I are always having things at our house for others.
We don't want anyone to feel neglected on birthdays, etc.
I feel bad because I have siblings, but they are not in my life like they used to be.
i don't begrudge anyone having family holiday time.
it just would have been nice to be invited somewhere or even just acknowledged on Christmas.
I believe it is a time to join with others to celebrate the birth of Christ, especially family and close friends.
it's not just "one day", it's Christmas.

I understand where you are coming from. To the other posters,sometimes people just need to be heard,not reprimanded for what they are feeling.Jazzmynn I grew up with family around the table at Christmas then I moved away.I have my parents nearby and a sister about an hour away.My father could care less about Christmas and actually ruins Christmas for the rest of us. Yep,he's a Grinch.lol My sister pretty much has to be begged by my mother to bring the grandkids up for Christmas. Always drama when you include them. So that pretty much leaves me and my husband to celebrate Christmas.This year he's working for one of the major courier companies so he was working 14hr days,6 days a week.So we had no time to enjoy Christmas together.It can be a lonely time of year for people. We always try to include people that are alone for Christmas too. Unfortunately kindness isn't always appreciated or reciprocated. Its a pity that not everyone has sensitivity to those around them,some people are oblivious.


My husband and I have traditions of our own that we try to keep,little things that cheer us up. There is a tree lighting in the city that we go to.They have a little strip mall nearby where they decorate trees for charity so we go and see those and have kettle corn. We drive around looking at Christmas lights and playing Christmas music. We attend church services.One year we saw a sign saying there was a live nativity.We drove way into the country and found this church that had a stable behind it.They were playing Christmas music and had a few goats and lambs and a few people acting out the nativity.That is one of the best Christmas memories I can remember. Sometimes you have to ignore others and make your own Christmas.

 

[Angela53510]

We haven't spent a Christmas with our siblings in at least 33 years. But we do have 4 children and 4 grandchildren and we try and spend Christmas with some of them. Last year we all got together for the first time in 14 years for Christmas. It was an awesome an rowdy time. But this year there were spousal obligations and some bad roads, so we stayed home

I am physically disabled and have been through some excrucitating pain the last year. I couldn't fathom putting on a big dinner for our son and his wife and the two grandchildren who live only 7 blocks away. Then I found out my DIL's parents were flying here, and I cried for a few days, because my DIL can't get it together to make a big dinner, and I knew we wouldn't be invited. Plus, she never said a word to us, or we could have booked a flight to see our other son and grandchildren.

Then I decided to suck it up and make a full Christmas dinner for my husband and myself. Hubby helped a lot, I wish I had known he could peel potatoes a long, long time ago. I made a few goodies every day, and I was happy we could have a nice Christmas together. We decided to look for some people who were alone, or didn't have money, but there was a church in town doing a free dinner, and pretty much everyone was going to it.

Next thing you know, my local son is phoning me asking me what time dinner is at. I had invited her parents, and so we ended up in the dining room, and having the big meal with the nicest guests and our loved ones.

God really showed me that we should not base our lives on other people, especially people who have their own lives. We need to base our lives on God, and he will work out the details like who comes for Christmas. Sometimes it seems lonely, but we should never be lonely when we have Christ in our hearts. As for the siblings, well, I don't regret moving on from my family. My husband has siblings that are close, but they have big families, so we just talked on the phone with them.

Next year, maybe you could be the one to phone your siblings? Or maybe you could find someone who doesn't have anyone and bring them home. God bless!

PS. Stay off of FB if it bothers you. Last year we posted lots of pics because we were all together. This year none got posted from any of us. But it was all good!

 

[kaylagrl]

We haven't spent a Christmas with our siblings in at least 33 years. But we do have 4 children and 4 grandchildren and we try and spend Christmas with some of them. Last year we all got together for the first time in 14 years for Christmas. It was an awesome an rowdy time. But this year there were spousal obligations and some bad roads, so we stayed home

I am physically disabled and have been through some excrucitating pain the last year. I couldn't fathom putting on a big dinner for our son and his wife and the two grandchildren who live only 7 blocks away. Then I found out my DIL's parents were flying here, and I cried for a few days, because my DIL can't get it together to make a big dinner, and I knew we wouldn't be invited. Plus, she never said a word to us, or we could have booked a flight to see our other son and grandchildren.

Then I decided to suck it up and make a full Christmas dinner for my husband and myself. Hubby helped a lot, I wish I had known he could peel potatoes a long, long time ago. I made a few goodies every day, and I was happy we could have a nice Christmas together. We decided to look for some people who were alone, or didn't have money, but there was a church in town doing a free dinner, and pretty much everyone was going to it.

Next thing you know, my local son is phoning me asking me what time dinner is at. I had invited her parents, and so we ended up in the dining room, and having the big meal with the nicest guests and our loved ones.

God really showed me that we should not base our lives on other people, especially people who have their own lives. We need to base our lives on God, and he will work out the details like who comes for Christmas. Sometimes it seems lonely, but we should never be lonely when we have Christ in our hearts. As for the siblings, well, I don't regret moving on from my family. My husband has siblings that are close, but they have big families, so we just talked on the phone with them.

Next year, maybe you could be the one to phone your siblings? Or maybe you could find someone who doesn't have anyone and bring them home. God bless!

PS. Stay off of FB if it bothers you. Last year we posted lots of pics because we were all together. This year none got posted from any of us. But it was all good!

Quote " Hubby helped a lot, I wish I had known he could peel potatoes a long, long time ago. "

Sorry,that made me giggle. Great advice though.

 

[Mcsmitty]

My heart goes out to you. I know what it feels like to be so lonely and I hate to admit that I see others doing what I long to do or be involved in and I feel envious and hurt. I try to just focus on what I do have because I know that someone else is suffering much more then I. I noticed that you said you saw your brother that has health issues, what a blessing that is. I try to not have any expectations of other people and then I can't be let down. It's very difficult to deal with hopes and desires that weren't met and I wish I could take it all away for you but there is 1 that can God! His grace and love is sufficient. Cry to Jesus and he will give you your hearts desires. Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart" In tough and sad times where I just am consumed with grief I say over and over to myself "Be still and know that I am God." I hope this helps, if you'd like to PM please don't hesitate. Praise Jesus

 

[popeye]

I got myself a wolverine heavy canvas jacket for christmas. bought it online and instantly loved it. Had a chance to wear it sunday as a cold front blew in.
I went to a local fast food place to sort out my thoughts and read a little over a burger and a glass of water.
I could hear someone coughing on the other side of the restaurant behind me. My thoughts went judgemental and negative,and it "ruined " my train of thought. The guy coughing strategically moved to a table on my right. Then a very old man came in,greeted me and sat down close to the homeless guy. he said "where is your jacket?" I could not hear the answer.
Then the homeless guy said "hey can I ask you a favor" The old man said ok. "what time do you have"

Well,I was surprised. I would have thought money or food was on his mind.

After a few minutes the old man ,who BTW,was nicely dressed got up and left. He never ordered anything.

A minute later the homeless guy gets up ,walks across in front of me,nods and smiles then heads out the door.

Well,earlier,when that homeless guy moved to the table to my right,God started talking to me. "you are going to help that guy. I want you to help him" I pulled out some money from my wallet and put it in the wolverine jacket.

I gathered up my book,and schedule I had been posting entries in and hurried out to intercept the homeless guy. (it was in the forties and wind was blowing at 40 mph. Bone chilling for a guy in a shirt.)

He was standing outside the door. I also asked "where is your jacket" He answered but all i saw was his lips moving for God spoke at the same time "GIVE HIM YOURS"

I said do you want mine?

His eyes got big as saucers. "WOW,REALLY?"

I told him to hold my books while I got it off. (Now,mind you I am twice this guys size)
I handed it to him and he got it on in record breaking time. (the guy was freezing)

Now get this, IT FIT THE GUY PERFECT.

He said "hey man,could you also spare some change?" He had both hands in the side pockets of my brand new wolverine jacket.

I said there is $5 in the side pocket. You feel it? He smiled "yes"
We talked for a while about his sad,sad,sad story and christmas. It was heartbreaking. He walked off from me,all happy,but I was tremendously saddened.

He told me his name but I forgot it while I was trying to wrap my mind around his plight.

WE HAVE NO REASON TO BE SAD FOR OURSELVES WHEN A FEW YARDS DOWN HOPELESS AVENUE FOLKS ARE HACKING OUT SURVIVAL MOMENT BY MOMENT.

Hey guys could you pray for this nameless hobo in the cold,sleeping under a bridge someplace.

 

[Mcsmitty]

God Bless you, what a blessing.

 

[sydlit]

(From post #16) popeye: Hey guys could you pray for this nameless hobo in the cold,
sleeping under a bridge someplace.

Father in heaven, thank you, Lord, that you place
people in our lives to share things with,
whether it's physical, emotional, or spiritual,
Or stranger or friend, family, or brother or sister in Christ,
We thank you, Lord, for these different opportunites
in life, and we thank you when you put it on our hearts
to be of some help to someone, and when you give us
the means to do so. We hope these different acts,
however insignifigant they may seem, would be pleasing
to you, and bring joy or comfort to all those involved,
giver and receiver alike, because it's not so much about
that WE loved God, but that YOU, our God, first loved us,
and gave us Your Son Jesus, the greatest gift of all.
What could we ever do in return, Father, but to receive
Your gift of love and forgiveness and eternal life by faith,
to give you our lives and offer you an open heart and hand,
and to allow you to put in and take out as you will,
To give Jesus our praise and all glory,
and to try to love others as you so love us.
Forgive us, Lord, when we fall short of the mark,
But thank you, Lord, when some gesture of kindness
brings the love of God to reality in someones life.
And so we thank you for popeye here, Lord, for this
wonderful thing he did, and for sharing it with us,
and inviting us to take part in it through prayer.....
So we lift up this one, this hobo whose name you know, Lord,
and we ask that as he appreciates the kindness from popeye,
he will come to know the kindness and salvation that comes
from You our Lord above, our Father in heaven.
We pray you hold this one close, Father, and we ask
a special blessing upon popeye, too, Lord.
Thank you for Christmas, thank you for the cross,
thank you for the empty tomb, thank you for the love
You give to us and the love we have one for another
in Jesus' wonderful name. Amen.

 

[popeye]

wow.
I could feel that prayer.
A million thanks.