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Hello all,
I thought of no better place to come to get Christian insight than here. This past week my boyfriend proposed to me at church it was the sweetest scene. Great, right?! Welllllllll it is but here is my conundrum. We have both been married before and we both have children. I get along with his children fine but he and my daughter are butting heads and I feel so helpless. Here are the factors involved:
My daughter:
-10 yrs old
-Already has an anger issue somewhat as it relates to my ex-husband for not being around hardly at all so she has begun taking that out on my bf
-She speaks out of turn and disrespectfully to him with her tone but it is outside of her normal character
-She wanted mommy to be with someone for us to have a great family but as the time has come she doesn’t want to share mommy.
-It has been just she and I for the last 5 years
-She clings to me as if she will lose me although I’ve never gone anywhere but again when her dad and I separated and divorced he was off with the lady he cheated with and her family and acted as if he didn’t even have a child. So I know that is a deep seeded fear.
-Tries to play me against him.
My fiancée:
-42 years old
-Divorced has three children (2 different mothers)
-Was saved in 2008 and is God loving and God fearing to the fullest admits past mistakes and doesn’t mind sharing his testimony
-Has a Psychology degree and background with troubled youth
-Hardcore biblical disciplinarian
-Antagonizes my daughter when she reacts looks at me saying that should be corrected. She doesn’t have all the chores his children do therefore, he speaks as if I am too soft.
In the cross roads of dealing with this I am stressed out. My fiancee is one that know scripture by heart frontwards and backwards where as I know principles my memorization skills aren't as sharp as his. He makes it a point to say something then slap me with a scripture when I give my thoughts he interrupts saying "You're being defensive or your making excuses or You see what he bible says."
The point I try to make with him is that even Jesus had compassion and didn't speak and interact with everyone the same. I need him to understand my child is not the same as his. Doesn't mean she should get away with murder but recognize she is a different spirit to be handled differently. A lot more emotional, caring and sensitive. He comes from the view of a child is a child and basically the vibe is they don't get that respect, however, adults should!
I know there are some areas that I need to be more intense with her on and I agree with him on those BUT its the approach and method I think that turns me off and his know it all attitude. Anyone have any advice. I have even thought about counseling with a Christian counselor before we even setting a date to try and tackle this issue before it causes harm or serious divide. I often feel like I can't win and my fiance has no sensitivity with me on this issues. ON all others he does but this has been our one divide so far. I am at my wits end and don't want to feel like I have to pick sides.
Sorry for the length but I just had to get it all out. I can't even been super ecstatic about my engagement because of this.
I thought of no better place to come to get Christian insight than here. This past week my boyfriend proposed to me at church it was the sweetest scene. Great, right?! Welllllllll it is but here is my conundrum. We have both been married before and we both have children. I get along with his children fine but he and my daughter are butting heads and I feel so helpless. Here are the factors involved:
My daughter:
-10 yrs old
-Already has an anger issue somewhat as it relates to my ex-husband for not being around hardly at all so she has begun taking that out on my bf
-She speaks out of turn and disrespectfully to him with her tone but it is outside of her normal character
-She wanted mommy to be with someone for us to have a great family but as the time has come she doesn’t want to share mommy.
-It has been just she and I for the last 5 years
-She clings to me as if she will lose me although I’ve never gone anywhere but again when her dad and I separated and divorced he was off with the lady he cheated with and her family and acted as if he didn’t even have a child. So I know that is a deep seeded fear.
-Tries to play me against him.
My fiancée:
-42 years old
-Divorced has three children (2 different mothers)
-Was saved in 2008 and is God loving and God fearing to the fullest admits past mistakes and doesn’t mind sharing his testimony
-Has a Psychology degree and background with troubled youth
-Hardcore biblical disciplinarian
-Antagonizes my daughter when she reacts looks at me saying that should be corrected. She doesn’t have all the chores his children do therefore, he speaks as if I am too soft.
In the cross roads of dealing with this I am stressed out. My fiancee is one that know scripture by heart frontwards and backwards where as I know principles my memorization skills aren't as sharp as his. He makes it a point to say something then slap me with a scripture when I give my thoughts he interrupts saying "You're being defensive or your making excuses or You see what he bible says."
The point I try to make with him is that even Jesus had compassion and didn't speak and interact with everyone the same. I need him to understand my child is not the same as his. Doesn't mean she should get away with murder but recognize she is a different spirit to be handled differently. A lot more emotional, caring and sensitive. He comes from the view of a child is a child and basically the vibe is they don't get that respect, however, adults should!
I know there are some areas that I need to be more intense with her on and I agree with him on those BUT its the approach and method I think that turns me off and his know it all attitude. Anyone have any advice. I have even thought about counseling with a Christian counselor before we even setting a date to try and tackle this issue before it causes harm or serious divide. I often feel like I can't win and my fiance has no sensitivity with me on this issues. ON all others he does but this has been our one divide so far. I am at my wits end and don't want to feel like I have to pick sides.
Sorry for the length but I just had to get it all out. I can't even been super ecstatic about my engagement because of this.
