I met this friend abt 3 1/2 years ago.. I knew that there was something special abt her by her demeanor. And spiritual intake Not knowing her completely I found myself drawn to her spiritually. She had a motherly spirit abt herself and God her focal point. As I got to know her, I found out that she had been through some challenging situations. Throughout the years I found myself pouring into her spiritually, because of the extent of her challenges, but I was being torn down by her energy so often. I begin to say maybe it's all that she had been through and I seem to had been her pouching bag( not literally). Yet I still being that friend if she needed me. I have give so much, but I seem to be the one always disappointed by her actions. She calls me her best friend! HUH? I am always giving. I can only remember one time she actually gave back. Am I selfish to think that? I just thought as friends we are there for one another. Now at this point we hardly talk. I always put the effort .I am so at the point of never opening up my heart because it hurts too much especially when you say your friends! What should I do? Why would God place such a person in my life ? I don't get it
Friendship... Your take or am I asking too much
- Thread starter Lesa
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S
I met this friend abt 3 1/2 years ago.. I knew that there was something special abt her by her demeanor. And spiritual intake Not knowing her completely I found myself drawn to her spiritually. She had a motherly spirit abt herself and God her focal point. As I got to know her, I found out that she had been through some challenging situations. Throughout the years I found myself pouring into her spiritually, because of the extent of her challenges, but I was being torn down by her energy so often. I begin to say maybe it's all that she had been through and I seem to had been her pouching bag( not literally). Yet I still being that friend if she needed me. I have give so much, but I seem to be the one always disappointed by her actions. She calls me her best friend! HUH? I am always giving. I can only remember one time she actually gave back. Am I selfish to think that? I just thought as friends we are there for one another. Now at this point we hardly talk. I always put the effort .I am so at the point of never opening up my heart because it hurts too much especially when you say your friends! What should I do? Why would God place such a person in my life ? I don't get it
Well Im sure you realize that never is a really final word. I dont think you mean that. Your just feel deflated right now. Sometimes life has a way of teaching us things.Well, that was an understatement! Life is a series of lessons actually isnt it?
If we arent growing through our experiences then we arent alive! Maybe this experience should teach you that although we want to be available to help others and encourage them, we also must set boundaries! There has to be a healthy balance .
I have always said: we teach people how to treat us. It sounds like it may be time to have a grown up heart to heart chat with your friend and tell her how you feel. Try to focus on your feelings and not all the things she did in an accusatory tone. Friendship is give and take. Its always a balance between two hearts learning to walk together and respecting each other. Pray about it first and ask God to guide your thoughts.
When we pour into others without considering ourselves we get drained. As a child of the most high, you must refill your tank with the word of God and communing with Jesus . You have to allow the Lord to lead you in all things. Christ said that you can do all things through HIM that strengthens you. Phil4:13
I think you can have a fun,healthy relationship with this woman if you go about it the right way.
God put each of you into each others paths because he is bringing you along to a better understanding of love. You each have your own lesson to learn and its not always easy .
The bright side of this is I see your friendship restored but on different terms. Proper communication seeped with love and gentleness and understanding is the key. You can do this! Le God lead you!
Blessings
If we arent growing through our experiences then we arent alive! Maybe this experience should teach you that although we want to be available to help others and encourage them, we also must set boundaries! There has to be a healthy balance .
I have always said: we teach people how to treat us. It sounds like it may be time to have a grown up heart to heart chat with your friend and tell her how you feel. Try to focus on your feelings and not all the things she did in an accusatory tone. Friendship is give and take. Its always a balance between two hearts learning to walk together and respecting each other. Pray about it first and ask God to guide your thoughts.
When we pour into others without considering ourselves we get drained. As a child of the most high, you must refill your tank with the word of God and communing with Jesus . You have to allow the Lord to lead you in all things. Christ said that you can do all things through HIM that strengthens you. Phil4:13
I think you can have a fun,healthy relationship with this woman if you go about it the right way.
God put each of you into each others paths because he is bringing you along to a better understanding of love. You each have your own lesson to learn and its not always easy .
The bright side of this is I see your friendship restored but on different terms. Proper communication seeped with love and gentleness and understanding is the key. You can do this! Le God lead you!
Blessings
U
Here's the thing. You say 'why would God put such a person in my life', but it was your choices that put you in the Situation. You can't question God over this when it was you that started it, allowed it to continue even as you saw the negatives, and still continue to push for it.
The best thing here may be to recognize that it's your choices that put you here, not God, not this other woman or anyone else. You made a mistake. I suggest learning from it and moving on and leaving her behind. I know it's not easy, i've been in similar situations, but if it's what's right then if you stay with things how they are the only person getting hurt is you.
The best thing here may be to recognize that it's your choices that put you here, not God, not this other woman or anyone else. You made a mistake. I suggest learning from it and moving on and leaving her behind. I know it's not easy, i've been in similar situations, but if it's what's right then if you stay with things how they are the only person getting hurt is you.
Here's the thing. You say 'why would God put such a person in my life', but it was your choices that put you in the Situation. You can't question God over this when it was you that started it, allowed it to continue even as you saw the negatives, and still continue to push for it.
The best thing here may be to recognize that it's your choices that put you here, not God, not this other woman or anyone else. You made a mistake. I suggest learning from it and moving on and leaving her behind. I know it's not easy, i've been in similar situations, but if it's what's right then if you stay with things how they are the only person getting hurt is you.
The best thing here may be to recognize that it's your choices that put you here, not God, not this other woman or anyone else. You made a mistake. I suggest learning from it and moving on and leaving her behind. I know it's not easy, i've been in similar situations, but if it's what's right then if you stay with things how they are the only person getting hurt is you.
God is bigger than this gals situation and if she wants to still be friends with her, God will help her.
Im sorry Ugly but I dont think you are in any "heart condition" to give anyone advice right now! I feel your life situation has tainted your judgement. You are hurting right now you are kinda bitter to be honest. Ive seen some of the advice youve given as of late and it isnt good. You need to give it a break because you are coming across sharper than ever bro.
God is bigger than this gals situation and if she wants to still be friends with her, God will help her.
God is bigger than this gals situation and if she wants to still be friends with her, God will help her.
U
Im sorry Ugly but I dont think you are in any "heart condition" to give anyone advice right now! I feel your life situation has tainted your judgement. You are hurting right now you are kinda bitter to be honest. Ive seen some of the advice youve given as of late and it isnt good. You need to give it a break because you are coming across sharper than ever bro.
God is bigger than this gals situation and if she wants to still be friends with her, God will help her.
God is bigger than this gals situation and if she wants to still be friends with her, God will help her.
And who's to say God will help her be friends with someone if it's not what God wills? Rather than saying God supports our choices wouldn't it make more sense to encourage her to seek God's will? Or is that bad advice too?
This is the same advice i would give at any time. The woman is using her. And the OP is allowing it to continue. If you think suggesting that she shouldn't allow herself to continue making the choice to be used is bad advice, then i dread seeing what you think is right.
And who's to say God will help her be friends with someone if it's not what God wills? Rather than saying God supports our choices wouldn't it make more sense to encourage her to seek God's will? Or is that bad advice too/QUOTE]
You dread ? lol..
I never said she should allow it to continue as it is!! If you read what I wrote,I suggested change through discussing it out and behavioral modifications.
I did tell her to pray about this and let God lead her. I dont encourage people to sever relationships (unless it involves abuse)but to first try to make it work. You told her to just dump the lady. That is pretty final. Noone is perfect and no one relationship is perfect. Giving her the advice to first relay her feelings and try to restore some balance in the relationship was imo good advice. Who is to say that it isnt Gods will that these two be friends? God wills us to be loving and kind while at the same time we are loving to ourselves. Perhaps the dynamics just need tweeking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving it another try on healthy terms rather than just blowing it all off. That is what people with little value for others and themselves do.
I find it ironic that you advise her to do what was done to you by your gf! Just dump the person and move on!! Maybe you will see it clearly one day.I hope that you do. Friendships are valuable. Quite frankly,they arent easily come by either! If she thinks its worth it she will give it another chance telling the other woman how she feels when she felt taken advantage of and used as a punching bag. Sometimes people are not aware of how they treat others and all it takes is a well executed conversation to mend the fences. I pray that she succeeds. They have been friends for 3 1/2 yrs. Thats a considerable amount of time. Its not a wash yet ugly.
And who's to say God will help her be friends with someone if it's not what God wills? Rather than saying God supports our choices wouldn't it make more sense to encourage her to seek God's will? Or is that bad advice too/QUOTE]
You dread ? lol..
I never said she should allow it to continue as it is!! If you read what I wrote,I suggested change through discussing it out and behavioral modifications.
I did tell her to pray about this and let God lead her. I dont encourage people to sever relationships (unless it involves abuse)but to first try to make it work. You told her to just dump the lady. That is pretty final. Noone is perfect and no one relationship is perfect. Giving her the advice to first relay her feelings and try to restore some balance in the relationship was imo good advice. Who is to say that it isnt Gods will that these two be friends? God wills us to be loving and kind while at the same time we are loving to ourselves. Perhaps the dynamics just need tweeking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving it another try on healthy terms rather than just blowing it all off. That is what people with little value for others and themselves do.
I find it ironic that you advise her to do what was done to you by your gf! Just dump the person and move on!! Maybe you will see it clearly one day.I hope that you do. Friendships are valuable. Quite frankly,they arent easily come by either! If she thinks its worth it she will give it another chance telling the other woman how she feels when she felt taken advantage of and used as a punching bag. Sometimes people are not aware of how they treat others and all it takes is a well executed conversation to mend the fences. I pray that she succeeds. They have been friends for 3 1/2 yrs. Thats a considerable amount of time. Its not a wash yet ugly.
K
I think we need to give and receive to have a healthy relationship. Maybe God knew she needed you and you were there and now God is revealing to you it's time to step back. You can't let people drain you. Have you tried discussing this with her? Maybe just say that you hope she feels youve been there for her and that you love and care. Then say that you, you, have needs and hope you can count on her to be there for you. Idk easier said than done but sometimes you have to step out of the frame if you're to see the picture clearly. Sometimes friendships change too, I've lost some great friends and it hurt but years later I realized it was really for the best.
I think we need to give and receive to have a healthy relationship. Maybe God knew she needed you and you were there and now God is revealing to you it's time to step back. You can't let people drain you. Have you tried discussing this with her? Maybe just say that you hope she feels youve been there for her and that you love and care. Then say that you, you, have needs and hope you can count on her to be there for you. Idk easier said than done but sometimes you have to step out of the frame if you're to see the picture clearly. Sometimes friendships change too, I've lost some great friends and it hurt but years later I realized it was really for the best.
I truly Thank You so much Kimber and others for your words and concern. It's always good to know that there are other Christians that can give Godly advice on situations of the heart.