Is looking at porn cheating?

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Jan 13, 2016
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#21
Question: Is watching porn (which most of us believe is cheating) grounds for a biblical divorce?
 
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coby

Guest
#22
Question: Is watching porn (which most of us believe is cheating) grounds for a biblical divorce?
Don't think so if he does effort to stop. If he just wants to do it willingly it's like with an unbeliever.
 
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coby

Guest
#23
If that was a reason you could also divorce if he looked lustful once at another woman. Better divorce the devil instead of the man.
 
Jan 13, 2016
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#24
Don't think so if he does effort to stop. If he just wants to do it willingly it's like with an unbeliever.
What if a spouse committed [physical] adultery but is remorseful and has a willingness to change/never do it again? Would you think that too, isn't grounds for a biblical divorce?
 
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coby

Guest
#25
What if a spouse committed [physical] adultery but is remorseful and has a willingness to change/never do it again? Would you think that too, isn't grounds for a biblical divorce?
That is grounds for Biblical divorce I think. I just give my opinion btw because I read dozens of teachings about it and have no clue anymore.
 
Jan 13, 2016
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#26
That is grounds for Biblical divorce I think. I just give my opinion btw because I read dozens of teachings about it and have no clue anymore.
The reason I ask is because when it comes to pornography, you say it's not grounds for a biblical divorce provided he has a desire to change, but it doesn't apply if it's physical cheating. It's a bit of a double-standard.
 
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coby

Guest
#27
The reason I ask is because when it comes to pornography, you say it's not grounds for a biblical divorce provided he has a desire to change, but it doesn't apply if it's physical cheating. It's a bit of a double-standard.
That's because I always heard that the Bible text means real adultery, but some say it's something indecent, porneia, or that she wasn't a virgin. I don't know anymore.
 
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Rudimental

Guest
#28
I have a dear friend who caught her husband looking at porn recently. She's lovely and so is he. They are really a great couple who have been married about 5 years. She called me because at one time we went to church together and she was in my small group. I don't feel qualified to answer her questions and I referred her to a Christian marriage counselor. However… I asked her this.

Is he addicted or is he just being stupid? If he's addicted, he really needs help. If he's just sinning to sin and being a selfish jerk, maybe that would be easier to deal with. ?? (I'm in no way belittling her hurt or the horrible effects of porn on marriages and minds).

She felt like he was cheating and wanted to leave. I told her that I didn't think it is the same thing. Adultery is the act. I know… Christ says not to even look at a woman with lust. I really don't think that I would respond the same if I saw my husband checking out a pretty girl as I would if he had an affair. I believe that Christ is speaking to the nature of sin, how what we think we eventually act on.

It was concerning that she is so quick to want to leave. There is so much to a marriage that I don't claim to know theirs but I encouraged her to stay, to forgive and to seek out the root of what is happening and why. I also encouraged her not to use sex as a tool. It's a part of marriage and shouldn't be used to reward or punish a spouse.

What do you think? I'm not asking about this situation specifically, but what qualifies as adultery?
Simply send her this so she can send it to her hubby.
Actually, get her to print it out and stick it above his computer or near to it. Frame it if you have to.


Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
 
Jan 13, 2016
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#29
That's because I always heard that the Bible text means real adultery, but some say it's something indecent, porneia, or that she wasn't a virgin. I don't know anymore.
Oh okay. I assume you mean "physical adultery" when you say "real adultery"?
 
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coby

Guest
#30
Oh okay. I assume you mean "physical adultery" when you say "real adultery"?
Yes. Suppose a guy watches porn one time and repents or sleeps with someone and repents. I can understand that a woman wants to leave in the second case, but the first case: that's just looking for an excuse to get rid of him.
 
Dec 1, 2014
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#31
PeterJens......Your response is totally on target!! You took the stance that did not put blame and shame on people, but you undertook it with dignity and kept it free from judgment. I loved your approach and that it offered hope and was very well written.
 
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MsKy

Guest
#32
I feel like I’m the only woman on this forum who feels this way, but I don’t see looking at porn as the same thing as a physical act of adultery.

That being said, even if I did, I can’t say that scripture supports adultery as right to divorce. I mean… if you carry out the logic of some of the statements on this discussion no one would stay married.

Lust = adultery= adultery is a right for a divorce? I don’t buy it. I would be devastated if my husband had a relationship with another woman. After I shot him and beat the crap out of her I would be crying in my jail cell.

This is what I don't understand. Why the wife feels that this is about her. A woman’s husband looks at porn…. Why is this about her? If she is a gossip or is morbidly obese is that on him? The sin doesn’t comment on her beauty or even sexuality, it’s about his struggle. Why do we as women make everything about us? No one should take that on .

Very early in our marriage I caught my husband looking at porn online. We had been married a little under two years I think. I was more insulted by him asking me if I was going to leave him than I was over the porn. My commitment to my marriage isn’t really about him or what he does; it’s about who I am and what I believe.
 
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coby

Guest
#33
I feel like I’m the only woman on this forum who feels this way, but I don’t see looking at porn as the same thing as a physical act of adultery.

That being said, even if I did, I can’t say that scripture supports adultery as right to divorce. I mean… if you carry out the logic of some of the statements on this discussion no one would stay married.

Lust = adultery= adultery is a right for a divorce? I don’t buy it. I would be devastated if my husband had a relationship with another woman. After I shot him and beat the crap out of her I would be crying in my jail cell.

This is what I don't understand. Why the wife feels that this is about her. A woman’s husband looks at porn…. Why is this about her? If she is a gossip or is morbidly obese is that on him? The sin doesn’t comment on her beauty or even sexuality, it’s about his struggle. Why do we as women make everything about us? No one should take that on .

Very early in our marriage I caught my husband looking at porn online. We had been married a little under two years I think. I was more insulted by him asking me if I was going to leave him than I was over the porn. My commitment to my marriage isn’t really about him or what he does; it’s about who I am and what I believe.
If he just has a problem with it and is otherwise nice I don't take it personal either, but if he keeps chatting with someone and keeps watching porn because he hates you and lets you stand dry and dumps you that's not only about him.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
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#34
I feel like I’m the only woman on this forum who feels this way, but I don’t see looking at porn as the same thing as a physical act of adultery.

That being said, even if I did, I can’t say that scripture supports adultery as right to divorce. I mean… if you carry out the logic of some of the statements on this discussion no one would stay married.

Lust = adultery= adultery is a right for a divorce? I don’t buy it. I would be devastated if my husband had a relationship with another woman. After I shot him and beat the crap out of her I would be crying in my jail cell.

This is what I don't understand. Why the wife feels that this is about her. A woman’s husband looks at porn…. Why is this about her? If she is a gossip or is morbidly obese is that on him? The sin doesn’t comment on her beauty or even sexuality, it’s about his struggle. Why do we as women make everything about us? No one should take that on .

Very early in our marriage I caught my husband looking at porn online. We had been married a little under two years I think. I was more insulted by him asking me if I was going to leave him than I was over the porn. My commitment to my marriage isn’t really about him or what he does; it’s about who I am and what I believe.


The bible clearly says what it thinks about adultery. That if a man looks upon a woman lustfully, he HAS already committed adultery with her in his heart. And what purpose would shooting hubby and beating the crap out of the girl serve, except getting you life for murder and assault? :confused: I wouldn't be happy if my man looked at porn, but I'd make it very clear: it is me OR the porn, you ain't having both and if you choose the porn, your butt is history..
 
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TruthofHIM

Guest
#35
It would benefit all callenged with porn addiction to get some accountability Brothers, get counseling, and turn from that sin,I did in 1990.Whatever we give up of this world GOD WILL supply so much more!
 
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Depleted

Guest
#36
...but what qualifies as adultery?
Desertion. Anything that makes you leave your spouse for another.

That can be physically or mentally leave. It can be anything that becomes more important:
-- football.
-- the kids.
-- fishing.
-- gabbing with your friends.
-- a hobby.
-- work.
-- fixing up the house.
-- going to bible studies and prayer meetings five nights a week, instead of spending time with spouse.
-- a TV show, a game, music.

Desertion. Anything that becomes more important to you than your spouse.

Now that that is cleared up, I think it would be good to realize we all do it, and we should all stop. The one thing God hates the most is when we give up time with him for something more important (Ha! How about that? It's a two-way street. Not only are we supposed to give ourselves totally to our spouse, we also are supposed to give ourselves to God fully!)
 
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Depleted

Guest
#37
I feel like I’m the only woman on this forum who feels this way, but I don’t see looking at porn as the same thing as a physical act of adultery.
You're not, but we are seen as wrong and freaks for daring to say it.
 
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MsKy

Guest
#38
I would be hurt if my husband was looking at porn, especially at this point in our marriage and journey together. However, if he had an affair, I would leave.

I was slightly kidding about shooting him. ;)
 
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Depleted

Guest
#39
What if a spouse committed [physical] adultery but is remorseful and has a willingness to change/never do it again? Would you think that too, isn't grounds for a biblical divorce?
This isn't a legal question. It's a God question. "What does God want you to do?"

Big difference between that and the legal question or what we want to do sometimes.
 
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MsKy

Guest
#40
The bible clearly says what it thinks about adultery. That if a man looks upon a woman lustfully, he HAS already committed adultery with her in his heart. And what purpose would shooting hubby and beating the crap out of the girl serve, except getting you life for murder and assault? :confused: I wouldn't be happy if my man looked at porn, but I'd make it very clear: it is me OR the porn, you ain't having both and if you choose the porn, your butt is history..
So….. I've been married for twenty years to a great man. If you were in a good marriage and your husband looked at porn you would leave? Or, is it that you would leave if he wouldn't stop looking at porn?

I can understand that, if he was addicted and unwilling to get help or just liked his sin more than his wife. That would be a tough spot to be in.