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My 29-year old son is a great Christian young man, and loves the Lord. But when it comes to women, he has some blind spots in his judgment, his mother and I believe. Last year he was dating a fine Christian girl who was headed to graduate school and worked two jobs. There were engaged and set to be married but my son gave this girl a list of demands that he expected his wife to do, such as rising early, always fixing his breakfast, always submitting to his desires. The girl said she couldn't live up to that standard, so she ended the engagement. Only two months later, he started dating another girl who says she is a Christian, and after only 10 weeks of dating, he is going to ask her to marry him. This new girl has never had a job, at 27 years old, she lives at home with her mother and sleeps in nearly to noon every day, and spends her days doing crafts, watching movies, and hosting parties for her friends at church. She tells me of what she does (or doesn't) and our mouths just fall open. I have asked my son not to marry this girl. Now he tell me that she wants him to sell his house he owns a few blocks away from our house so they can move farther away.
I am concerned that this girl is going to tear our son far away from us, isolate us from him, and take steps to cut us off from him. She knows we don't approve of her, but my son says he is his own man is going to marry her regardless of what we think. I know he is his own man, and I know he doesn't expect my approval, but we just want him to wait much longer about rushing into this marriage until he and I have a much higher comfort level with this girl.
Our family has always worked hard and valued achievements. I have just never met a girl with so few aspirations and I really can't relate to her lack of industry. Her mother works hard to support two other adult siblings at home, with one having a spouse, and a teenage son, and the mother is the only one with a job. It is really a clash of cultures and I have a hard time understanding how to reconcile the huge differences in values between the girl's family and ours.
We have four other children, three of whom are married to excellent God-loving and hard-working spouses. None of our other children want to talk with our son now, much less spend time with this girl. It has truly split our family by him introducing this girl with such divergent values. Not only do we differ in terms of working, but we don't see eye-to-eye with her on doctrine, politics and many other issues, such as finances.
I asked the girl if she thought she could be described as lazy, since she also does little work around her own house, and she said she would have to wait to see if God would tell her whether she was. My sons says that if he wants her to sleep all day and do nothing then that is how he will run his house. I'm at a loss at what my son sees in her, especially since he had just high expectations for his previous fiancee and no expectations for this one.
Can anybody who has dealt with this issue give me advice on how to respond to this situation, to try to make the best of it? It is absolutely breaking our hearts, since we're worked so hard for all these years to love and support all our children in our home-school and as they start their adult lives.
I am concerned that this girl is going to tear our son far away from us, isolate us from him, and take steps to cut us off from him. She knows we don't approve of her, but my son says he is his own man is going to marry her regardless of what we think. I know he is his own man, and I know he doesn't expect my approval, but we just want him to wait much longer about rushing into this marriage until he and I have a much higher comfort level with this girl.
Our family has always worked hard and valued achievements. I have just never met a girl with so few aspirations and I really can't relate to her lack of industry. Her mother works hard to support two other adult siblings at home, with one having a spouse, and a teenage son, and the mother is the only one with a job. It is really a clash of cultures and I have a hard time understanding how to reconcile the huge differences in values between the girl's family and ours.
We have four other children, three of whom are married to excellent God-loving and hard-working spouses. None of our other children want to talk with our son now, much less spend time with this girl. It has truly split our family by him introducing this girl with such divergent values. Not only do we differ in terms of working, but we don't see eye-to-eye with her on doctrine, politics and many other issues, such as finances.
I asked the girl if she thought she could be described as lazy, since she also does little work around her own house, and she said she would have to wait to see if God would tell her whether she was. My sons says that if he wants her to sleep all day and do nothing then that is how he will run his house. I'm at a loss at what my son sees in her, especially since he had just high expectations for his previous fiancee and no expectations for this one.
Can anybody who has dealt with this issue give me advice on how to respond to this situation, to try to make the best of it? It is absolutely breaking our hearts, since we're worked so hard for all these years to love and support all our children in our home-school and as they start their adult lives.
