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Good morning saints, my marriage began in a very unorthodox way with many red flags being visible now, 12 years down the line. I was 14, he was older when we began a friendship but one day someone told my step dad they saw is kissing and he kicked me out. My now husband felt bad and decided to get an apartment so I wouldn't be on the streets. My mom wanted to avoid legal problems and wanted me to consider marrying him. But I knew it wasn't right.
Once we began a life together he would pressure me for sex, always angry with me and to some extent they're was physical violence. Our puppy love died quickly. I went through a series of problems, suicidal episodes, I was alone, I had been molested by a family member a couple years before this and never had dealt with the pain of not being believed and now, living with an older guy and in a stressful relationship.
A year later I was passed out drunk at my then boyfriends parents house. A few months later I found out I was pregnant and he pressured an abortion against my will. God saved my son, it was too far along to do it. Never did it dwell on me that he took advantage of me. Until now.
When we married he wanted me to do it just to show that I would never cheat on him. We got married in a drive thru in las Vegas. God was not present in our lives. With time I've dealt with disrespect, constant belittling, control, lack of moral, parenting, individual, religious support.
I gave my life to Christ last year with out his support. In fact, he disconnected a car part so I could miss my baptism classes. I decided to do as GOD asked of me, be obedient, respect him, all in all he called me to be the change.
I went through a 21 day fast and had my husband in prayer but now I'm the one losing encouragement. Although he's undeserving I chose to love him, respect him, give him his place but at this point I'm wondering if the enemy has been messing with me. I've always adviced others, if your doing something in God's name yet it's not bringing you peace, there's a problem.
That's my problem! I've felt that this relationship has been a spiritual attack all along. I've had no peace these last 12 years. I've had to walk on egg shells, work around his controlling narcissistic personality, be prepared to disappoint him, knowing what I do/don't do he'll make me feel some type of way about. He does not want to take parenting serious, only to discipline. He wants everyone to be in constant cleaning yet he never does anything. He makes me feel unworthy for everything except sex. Our values are so different, and he's constantly keeping me away from serving God, my family even my growing. He stunts my growth as a woman, mom and servant. Im battling between being obedient and realizing when too much is too much.He reminds me of an enemy, constantly persecuting me, making me question and doubt myself, disrespecting God.
Now I'm wondering what can it be God wants from this? I'm trying really hard but I'm becoming over welmed. Any word of encouragement is a blessing. Thank you in advance.
Once we began a life together he would pressure me for sex, always angry with me and to some extent they're was physical violence. Our puppy love died quickly. I went through a series of problems, suicidal episodes, I was alone, I had been molested by a family member a couple years before this and never had dealt with the pain of not being believed and now, living with an older guy and in a stressful relationship.
A year later I was passed out drunk at my then boyfriends parents house. A few months later I found out I was pregnant and he pressured an abortion against my will. God saved my son, it was too far along to do it. Never did it dwell on me that he took advantage of me. Until now.
When we married he wanted me to do it just to show that I would never cheat on him. We got married in a drive thru in las Vegas. God was not present in our lives. With time I've dealt with disrespect, constant belittling, control, lack of moral, parenting, individual, religious support.
I gave my life to Christ last year with out his support. In fact, he disconnected a car part so I could miss my baptism classes. I decided to do as GOD asked of me, be obedient, respect him, all in all he called me to be the change.
I went through a 21 day fast and had my husband in prayer but now I'm the one losing encouragement. Although he's undeserving I chose to love him, respect him, give him his place but at this point I'm wondering if the enemy has been messing with me. I've always adviced others, if your doing something in God's name yet it's not bringing you peace, there's a problem.
That's my problem! I've felt that this relationship has been a spiritual attack all along. I've had no peace these last 12 years. I've had to walk on egg shells, work around his controlling narcissistic personality, be prepared to disappoint him, knowing what I do/don't do he'll make me feel some type of way about. He does not want to take parenting serious, only to discipline. He wants everyone to be in constant cleaning yet he never does anything. He makes me feel unworthy for everything except sex. Our values are so different, and he's constantly keeping me away from serving God, my family even my growing. He stunts my growth as a woman, mom and servant. Im battling between being obedient and realizing when too much is too much.He reminds me of an enemy, constantly persecuting me, making me question and doubt myself, disrespecting God.
Now I'm wondering what can it be God wants from this? I'm trying really hard but I'm becoming over welmed. Any word of encouragement is a blessing. Thank you in advance.
