Helping or enabling?

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Kylady270

Guest
#1
#1
In the Bible we are taught to honor our parents, my question is, if you have a parent that continues to make poor choices and then asks you repeatedly to bail them out, when does that help become enabling? Also are you hindering the Holy Spirit in their life if you continue to help? Are you dishonoring them if you don't help?
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#2
May 17, 2013
15,050
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#2
No matter what they do they will always be your parents. When they are gone you will miss them. Sometimes a parent will behave like a wayward child. It is stressful and there are no easy answers.

If the situation were reversed how would you want them to react? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Doo good to those who despitefully use you for in so doing you will heap coals of fire upon their heads.

Mt 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Lu 6:28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#3
Feb 7, 2015
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#3
What is the alternative, Kylady?
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#4
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
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#4
Kylady270 said:
In the Bible we are taught to honor our parents, my question is, if you have a parent that continues to make poor choices and then asks you repeatedly to bail them out, when does that help become enabling? Also are you hindering the Holy Spirit in their life if you continue to help? Are you dishonoring them if you don't help?
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You can honor your parents without enabling bad behavior or endorsing bad choices. In fact, re-enforcing their poor choices could be construed as dishonoring them, its tantamount to fixing an alcoholic a drink. Honor is respecting the fact that they're your parents, its not repeatedly bailing them out of every predicament caused by foolish choices. Sometimes you can help the most by not helping at all.. I'd personally help my parents out of any mistake they made, but make sure they understand that you can't be repeatedly exploited to handle the same issue over and over again. There comes a point when your response should be; "Now what are you going to do?". Parents usually try to teach their kids to become responsible adults, but sometimes the roles get reversed.
 
R

ramx2016

Guest
#5
#5
Kylady270 said:
In the Bible we are taught to honor our parents, my question is, if you have a parent that continues to make poor choices and then asks you repeatedly to bail them out, when does that help become enabling? Also are you hindering the Holy Spirit in their life if you continue to help? Are you dishonoring them if you don't help?
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I have had to deal with this to some degree with drinking... my advice is ... flip the roles in cases like this... honoring your parents does't mean you openly endorse all they do... it's honoring them in God... if their behavior isn't approved by God then you don't have to approve of it either...

If it were your child how would you deal with it?

Again, it could be far more complex than... idk... you may have to divulge more

A
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#6
#6
Kylady270 said:
In the Bible we are taught to honor our parents, my question is, if you have a parent that continues to make poor choices and then asks you repeatedly to bail them out, when does that help become enabling? Also are you hindering the Holy Spirit in their life if you continue to help? Are you dishonoring them if you don't help?
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There is no set answer. I can't tell you "on the sixth time they do that, then..." this happens. It depends on you, the parent, and, most important, God. God can tell you when it is time, and will if you seek him.

You can no more hinder the Holy Spirt than Jonah did. We have to get out of the mentality that God needs anything from us. He's God. He doesn't. He chose some, but he needs nothing.

I can tell you we did get to the point that we could no longer let Dad go down his destructive path, but honestly? Fairly easy to figure out when. My oldest brother told us if we enabled Dad anymore, he'd get a protection order to protect Dad from us. Considering that was happening when something bigger was hitting, (and bigger was my husband, who is my mantle now that I'm married), that was a relief to me.

God let me know what to do when in huge ways. I trust he'll do the same for you.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#7
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
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#7
Kylady270 said:
In the Bible we are taught to honor our parents, my question is, if you have a parent that continues to make poor choices and then asks you repeatedly to bail them out, when does that help become enabling? Also are you hindering the Holy Spirit in their life if you continue to help? Are you dishonoring them if you don't help?
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I've never figured out exactly what it means to honor my parents, but I don't think it means you have to constantly clean up after their bad behavior.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#8
Mar 2, 2016
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#8
Loving someone how they need to be vs how they want to be is sometimes two different things.
 
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LiJo

Guest
#9
#9
resurrection33 said:
I've never figured out exactly what it means to honor my parents, but I don't think it means you have to constantly clean up after their bad behavior.
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I agree, this is where boundaries should be set.
 
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NewWine

Guest
#10
#10
When I was a child my parents "enabled" me by continuing to support me through all my stupid choices and mistakes.....as an adult I choose to continue to support them through all of their stupid choices and mistakes. That's just how it goes, and without knowing details (no I don't WANT details either) I say deal with life as you feel led to do.
 
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