Abuse and injustice

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RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#1
My wife's sister "T" (one of 7) died not quite a year ago, leaving her son "A" with his father "D". D is an absolute ahole and abuser. While she was alive, her sisters begged her to leave D, but she wouldn't because of her vow of 'till death do us part'. But everyone knew this man was mean and abusive and not one to be around.

Immediately after T died, all these sisters literally tripped over themselves to get on their knees and kiss D's butt. Suddenly this known and hated abuser became their best pal and hero.

A told his teacher last August that his dad was being abusive to him. CA Dept. of Child Services (DCS) took him from his father and placed him with my wife and I (we were the only ones A said he trusted). DCS interviewed D, who gave them a list of people he wanted them to talk to support his side (the list included several of T's sisters). These people of course insisted that D is a saint, and the sisters threw my wife and I under the bus, saying we were the instigators and trouble makers. We gave DCS a list of people to talk to who would have given them an honest and true assessment of D, but DCS couldn't be bothered to talk to any of them.

DCS dismissed the case and returned A to his father. D will not allow A to talk to us or anyone who's willing to tell the truth about him.

My wife was recently able to talk to A in secret. He said his father is the same as he always was, verbally and physically abusive. He also said his dad now forces him to shower with D every day, and makes him lay in bed at night with him while he watches porn. A is terrified to tell anyone about it, knowing that the sisters and DCS will only support D, and that reporting the abuse will only make things worse for him at home.

We are lost as to what to do. DCS will not return phone calls from us. And even if we did report D to them, we don't see the outcome being any different. And we can see that reporting him will only make things worse for A at home and with his aunts.

Please pray for this kid. And any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
R

ramx2016

Guest
#2
My wife's sister "T" (one of 7) died not quite a year ago, leaving her son "A" with his father "D". D is an absolute ahole and abuser. While she was alive, her sisters begged her to leave D, but she wouldn't because of her vow of 'till death do us part'. But everyone knew this man was mean and abusive and not one to be around.

Immediately after T died, all these sisters literally tripped over themselves to get on their knees and kiss D's butt. Suddenly this known and hated abuser became their best pal and hero.

A told his teacher last August that his dad was being abusive to him. CA Dept. of Child Services (DCS) took him from his father and placed him with my wife and I (we were the only ones A said he trusted). DCS interviewed D, who gave them a list of people he wanted them to talk to support his side (the list included several of T's sisters). These people of course insisted that D is a saint, and the sisters threw my wife and I under the bus, saying we were the instigators and trouble makers. We gave DCS a list of people to talk to who would have given them an honest and true assessment of D, but DCS couldn't be bothered to talk to any of them.

DCS dismissed the case and returned A to his father. D will not allow A to talk to us or anyone who's willing to tell the truth about him.

My wife was recently able to talk to A in secret. He said his father is the same as he always was, verbally and physically abusive. He also said his dad now forces him to shower with D every day, and makes him lay in bed at night with him while he watches porn. A is terrified to tell anyone about it, knowing that the sisters and DCS will only support D, and that reporting the abuse will only make things worse for him at home.

We are lost as to what to do. DCS will not return phone calls from us. And even if we did report D to them, we don't see the outcome being any different. And we can see that reporting him will only make things worse for A at home and with his aunts.

Please pray for this kid. And any advice would be greatly appreciated.

What????????!!!

You def have my prayers sir !! One thing I never play around with are the innocent...! - This "man" is vile - God will have something special for him I assure you of that.

This will undoubtedly cause this poor child to stumble in his faith (if he even has ANY at this point) and Jesus does NOT play that game...

You must someway obtain proof of this and present it as many times as it takes to be heard...

I have a ton more to say but the Holy Spirit is telling me to calm down...justice Will be done..:)

A
 
M

Miri

Guest
#3
Sounds awful Rick, I don't know the age of A, but if he is old enough to speak to
child services himself, maybe you could let him know you will support him in this.


Maybe you could speak to his teachers and/or do you have a charity in the US something
like the Samaritans or childline etc, who could give you advice.

Could you kick up a bit iof a stink with child services and say that unless they act you will
take the matter to a higher authority, report it direct to the government minister concerned etc.

There must be some way of taking this much higher and going over the heads of
child services or of the staff who dealt with the original matter.

Maybe even speak to a solicitor who deals with cases for young people etc.

Praying for all concerned.
 
J

JeniBean

Guest
#4
Sadly this is not uncommon. I am unsure of "A's" age or finances, however he can ask to be emancipated and then come live with you and your wife. My prayers are with you, your wife and A during this time. Be Blessed!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#5
My wife's sister "T" (one of 7) died not quite a year ago, leaving her son "A" with his father "D". D is an absolute ahole and abuser. While she was alive, her sisters begged her to leave D, but she wouldn't because of her vow of 'till death do us part'. But everyone knew this man was mean and abusive and not one to be around.

Immediately after T died, all these sisters literally tripped over themselves to get on their knees and kiss D's butt. Suddenly this known and hated abuser became their best pal and hero.

A told his teacher last August that his dad was being abusive to him. CA Dept. of Child Services (DCS) took him from his father and placed him with my wife and I (we were the only ones A said he trusted). DCS interviewed D, who gave them a list of people he wanted them to talk to support his side (the list included several of T's sisters). These people of course insisted that D is a saint, and the sisters threw my wife and I under the bus, saying we were the instigators and trouble makers. We gave DCS a list of people to talk to who would have given them an honest and true assessment of D, but DCS couldn't be bothered to talk to any of them.

DCS dismissed the case and returned A to his father. D will not allow A to talk to us or anyone who's willing to tell the truth about him.

My wife was recently able to talk to A in secret. He said his father is the same as he always was, verbally and physically abusive. He also said his dad now forces him to shower with D every day, and makes him lay in bed at night with him while he watches porn. A is terrified to tell anyone about it, knowing that the sisters and DCS will only support D, and that reporting the abuse will only make things worse for him at home.

We are lost as to what to do. DCS will not return phone calls from us. And even if we did report D to them, we don't see the outcome being any different. And we can see that reporting him will only make things worse for A at home and with his aunts.

Please pray for this kid. And any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Talk to a lawyer.What motivates Family Services is following the law. What scares them is when the law figures out they aren't worried about the kids. (Law as in lawyers, not cops.) So, get a lawyer.
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#6
Why would women neglect a child's safety and defend a sex predator? There must be some hanky-panky going on. Honestly, I'd get a good lawyer and defend that child. I couldn't rest a minute knowing he was being victimized.
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#7
Talk to a lawyer.What motivates Family Services is following the law. What scares them is when the law figures out they aren't worried about the kids. (Law as in lawyers, not cops.) So, get a lawyer.
arrow.jpg AMEN!
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#8
The local prosecutor may be a good start.
 
Jan 31, 2016
161
7
0
#9
The abuser needs to be caught redhanded doing the bad stuff. Do what I did.I bought a very small recording device,half the size of a cell phone. Give it to the kid . If he is old enough to understand the importance of not getting caught with it. Files can be uploaded onto a computer. Then,hire an attorney. Blessings
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#10
A is 11 years old. He's very tech savvy (as most kids are) and previously recorded (audio) his dad verbally abusing him. DCS didn't care. We looked at an attorney but we can't afford him. A government prosecutor is going to turn to DCS and we all know where that will lead - no where.

What gets me is how all her sisters could be so adamantly opposed to this guy, yet the second their sister died they literally tripped all over each other to kiss his butt. Still do. My wife and I are blackballed from the family (no loss to me but my wife is taking it hard) because we won't do the same.
 

Jasper37

Junior Member
Mar 3, 2016
18
2
3
#11
That is absolutely heartbreaking for you, your wife and your nephew.
To feel like your hands are tied must be so frustrating and upsetting. You've had this little one in your home, protected him to only have him returned to the situation. That is so tough, I can imagine the emotional roller coaster you all must be going through. It is instinctual for us to protect the children, that really is the most important role of all adults and this young guy has been tremendously let down, by his dad, his other Aunties and by the department that is in place to protect him. But thank God he has an Aunty and Uncle that care and love him they way you guys do.
I know how frustrating it must feel but you and your wife are a blessing to him. You believe him. Your fighting for him when no one else is even at the expense of being alienated from the family. He has two terrific people in his camp and that young man knows that.
So you are already doing so much.
Dont give up, even if it seems like your fighting a losing battle. Keep up the fight.
The school has already contacted social services once so they did believe him, go to the school again. Speak with the principle, ask for a school counsellor to speak with your nephew. They are mandatory reporters, so they have to report it.
As hard as it is and as scared as the little guy must be he has to report it to the school again himself. If he can document the abuse that would be good. He can see a school counsellor without his dad knowing. If you can talk with him, let him know how loved he is, and how brave he is being and that he needs to let his teachers know. He needs to approach that one teacher he trusts the most and get them to fight for him also. Teachers are also mandatory reporters.
I'm so sorry that your nephew is going through this.
I foster my twin niece and nephew since they were 18 months, they are now 5. My husband and I have long term parental responsibility till they are 18, if they were ever taken from me and placed with their mum it would tear me apart. Those kids safety is my number one priority. So to some extent I know what you must be going through.

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
Lean on Jesus, pray and stay strong for the little guy.
God bless you for being the shining light in a whole lotta darkness for him. Sometimes all you need is a glimmer of light and hope to keep you afloat.
 
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M

Miri

Guest
#12
At 11 years old, he is old enough to make known his fears.
Could you encourage him to speak to a trusted teacher and ask for
help. That way it would not just be you verses child service.
 

Jasper37

Junior Member
Mar 3, 2016
18
2
3
#13
Great advice in regards to making this not about the Aunt and Uncle against social services but more reflective of the child's needs, which I'm quite certain RickyZ already knows.
But he is a child.
At 11 years of age he is not solely capable of making known his fears. He is a kid that has recently lost his mum in death. That alone makes my heart just melt for him.
Not only is he trying to deal with the death of his mother but the abuse of his father. How on earth does an 11 year old deal with that responsibly, he doesn't.
He is scared and ohh I can't even imagine what he must be going through but that is where adults step in.
To further protect and shelter him.
I agree which I stated he needs to reach out to teachers not because he's old enough but because he has no choice, in the meantime thank the Lord he has his Aunty and Uncle!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#14
The abuser needs to be caught redhanded doing the bad stuff. Do what I did.I bought a very small recording device,half the size of a cell phone. Give it to the kid . If he is old enough to understand the importance of not getting caught with it. Files can be uploaded onto a computer. Then,hire an attorney. Blessings
WHAT?

Because the kid would never be in any kind of danger if he WAS caught?

I do NOT believe in child soldiers, but that's what you're asking him to do -- join the front line.

Not just bad advice -- HORRIBLE advice. Abusers kill, even kids.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#15
A is 11 years old. He's very tech savvy (as most kids are) and previously recorded (audio) his dad verbally abusing him. DCS didn't care. We looked at an attorney but we can't afford him. A government prosecutor is going to turn to DCS and we all know where that will lead - no where.

What gets me is how all her sisters could be so adamantly opposed to this guy, yet the second their sister died they literally tripped all over each other to kiss his butt. Still do. My wife and I are blackballed from the family (no loss to me but my wife is taking it hard) because we won't do the same.
Right. A prosecutor will back Family Services. Get a defender. Where? Your church is a good starting point. Talk to people. Even if they aren't lawyer, they might know one. Pastors are a wealth of knowledge for resources. What you need is a child advocate lawyer. Sure lawyers want money, but when they become advocate lawyers, money isn't always the priority.

And get over the sisters. You've got two fights going -- one for the life of the child and one for the honor among the family. The first is important. The second will sap your strength for fighting the first. Besides, who wants honor among the honorless?

In the famous words of Ron Weasley, "You have got to get your priorities straight." (lol Little joke, since Hermione was more worried about being expelled than about being killed.)
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
12,821
8,596
113
#16
The dark doesn't like the light. I would compose an email, with all the pertinent information and testimony of the boy, and send it to several different managers at DCS, Sheiriff's office, City attorney, Congressional rep., and anyone else I could think of, and state that they have the chance NOW to save a young boy, AND if something happens, you will contact every form of media to expose their incompetence and neglect.

May God's peace, Love, and Grace show itself mighty in this situation.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#17
If he is physically abusive, the child should tell the school nurse when he has bruises and also tell him that if DCS contacts dad it will get worse. Since he has told a teacher once, he probably scared to do it again. However if the nurse takes pictures of the bruises and records the kids story, DCS would have more evidence against him.

A child advocate lawyer would be better able to advise you.

Will pray.
 

chanchuinchoy

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2015
336
65
28
Sungei Buloh, Selangor, Malaysia
#18
Iam not sure how it works in the US but I would either ask the DCS to take the child for phychiatric evaluation or you do it then inform the DCS. I believed that the phychiatrist report would be good enough evidence to seperate the child and father. God bless.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#19
We're no longer allowed around the kid; but I know most of his aunts desperately need psychotherapy.
 
C

coby

Guest
#20
I will pray.
 
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