Living in a lie

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omadaze

Guest
#1
#1
My non Christian husband told me he had to go away on a business trip. I've found out he's gone on a luxury spa trip, who knows who with! On top of that he has secret Instagram and Facebook accounts. He knows I know and is refusing to explain himself. I've read on this forum all weekend about grounds for divorce, before I even found out these lies. I knew in my heart he was lying to me. All I've tried to do is be a good wife and mum and live right in the eyes of God. What do I do now?
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#2
Jun 30, 2015
24,680
13,366
113
#2
Hi omadaze, and welcome to CC!
This is an unpleasant situation, one which needs the guidance of God. While getting input from strangers may not be the best approach, we might be able to offer you a helpful thought or two. My first thought on reading this is Jesus' instructions on how to deal with a brother who has wronged you...

Matthew 18:15 "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother."

Show your husband that you know about his secrets. Ask for an explanation, and for full disclosure. It sounds like you may have already taken these steps, so the next thing to do is set some clear boundaries with clear consequences. Don't demand or fuss, just be clear, and follow through. And soak the whole thing in prayer... if you have some trustworthy lady friends, ask them to pray for you (without disclosing details... that may just lead to gossip).
 
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ramx2016

Guest
#3
#3
omadaze said:
My non Christian husband told me he had to go away on a business trip. I've found out he's gone on a luxury spa trip, who knows who with! On top of that he has secret Instagram and Facebook accounts. He knows I know and is refusing to explain himself. I've read on this forum all weekend about grounds for divorce, before I even found out these lies. I knew in my heart he was lying to me. All I've tried to do is be a good wife and mum and live right in the eyes of God. What do I do now?
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First...this happens almost daily... even on this site... so don't feel completely isolated in this problem! We are here to help I assure you.

How long have you been married?

Kids?

How long have you been born again?

Is your husband a sinful "Christian" - as in he knows the Word but does not try his hardest at keeping it? Or have he never believed?

Alex
 
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Depleted

Guest
#4
#4
omadaze said:
My non Christian husband told me he had to go away on a business trip. I've found out he's gone on a luxury spa trip, who knows who with! On top of that he has secret Instagram and Facebook accounts. He knows I know and is refusing to explain himself. I've read on this forum all weekend about grounds for divorce, before I even found out these lies. I knew in my heart he was lying to me. All I've tried to do is be a good wife and mum and live right in the eyes of God. What do I do now?
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Stop seeking grounds for divorce on this forum and start seeking God's will in is word.

(Have you not noticed? When all is said and done on any given post about getting a divorce, you can choose the answer you want among them and then simply ignore the others. Might as well get a Magic 8 Ball. The results are faster and just as trustworthy.)
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#5
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#5
omadaze said:
My non Christian husband told me he had to go away on a business trip. I've found out he's gone on a luxury spa trip, who knows who with! On top of that he has secret Instagram and Facebook accounts. He knows I know and is refusing to explain himself. I've read on this forum all weekend about grounds for divorce, before I even found out these lies. I knew in my heart he was lying to me. All I've tried to do is be a good wife and mum and live right in the eyes of God. What do I do now?
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Try not to jump to conclusions and convict him without evidence of being unfaithful. Luxury spa's are often a part of business trips, many companies spring for nice resorts as a bonus, and of course they write-off the expense. Millions of people have Facebook accounts, and Instagram's could also be work related.

He could be two-timing you, but I wouldn't over-react without definitive facts. Because he doesn't tell you everything doesn't necessarily mean he's lying. He probably doesn't know you have an account (are a member) here on Christian Chat, but that doesn't mean your lying to him.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#6
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#6
omadaze said:
My non Christian husband told me he had to go away on a business trip. I've found out he's gone on a luxury spa trip, who knows who with! On top of that he has secret Instagram and Facebook accounts. He knows I know and is refusing to explain himself. I've read on this forum all weekend about grounds for divorce, before I even found out these lies. I knew in my heart he was lying to me. All I've tried to do is be a good wife and mum and live right in the eyes of God. What do I do now?
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Unchastity is biblical grounds for divorce. I would suggest you not divorce him unless you know for a fact that he has been unchaste.

[8] He said to them, "For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
[9] And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery." Matt 19:8 RSV
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#7
#7
If you are looking for a reason to get divorced you will find one.

However it's harder to find reasons and ways to heal a marriage.

I would examine why did you get married in the first place?

Do you pray together? Do you want to heal your marriage? Have you hurt him and need to apologize? Do you both make time to communicate? Do you know what it means to have a Christian marriage?

Note these questions doesn't need to be answered or told to anyone but yourself.

Often people focus on what the other spouse has done wrong or what they wish they would do or say.

Instead focus on the facts and what you will do and say that will be showing God's love to yourself, your spouse and the world,

It is not loving to allow abuse and lies, you would not allow a child to beat on another child, so make sure he gives you the same respect you expect for others...take a step back..if your best friend were going through the same situation or your daughter, what would you lovingly tell her to do?
 
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ramx2016

Guest
#8
#8
Ariel82 said:
If you are looking for a reason to get divorced you will find one.

However it's harder to find reasons and ways to heal a marriage.

I would examine why did you get married in the first place?

Do you pray together? Do you want to heal your marriage? Have you hurt him and need to apologize? Do you both make time to communicate? Do you know what it means to have a Christian marriage?

Note these questions doesn't need to be answered or told to anyone but yourself.

Often people focus on what the other spouse has done wrong or what they wish they would do or say.

Instead focus on the facts and what you will do and say that will be showing God's love to yourself, your spouse and the world,

It is not loving to allow abuse and lies, you would not allow a child to beat on another child, so make sure he gives you the same respect you expect for others...take a step back..if your best friend were going through the same situation or your daughter, what would you lovingly tell her to do?
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Exactly! ...:)

Great points.

However, it seems the OP is long gone...
 
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omadaze

Guest
#9
#9
Hi we've been together 11 years but married two. We have two children. We split for a few months just before marriage and it was then that I found God. My husband doesn't believe in God and lives completely in the world, though respectful of my beliefs and children's.
 
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omadaze

Guest
#10
#10
I'm not seeking grounds for divorce, I'm seeking spiritual advice. I do not want to speak to anyone within my church as people tend to gossip.
 
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omadaze

Guest
#11
#11
My apologies also, my last two posts I was trying to reply to specific responses. I'm very new to this. I appreciate all the thoughts on this. Can I just point out that I am not trying to find a reason for divorce, my relationship with God is very important to me and I wpuld find it very hard to believe a divorce could be forgiven.
Hey husband is due back today so once the children are in bed I will listen to what he has to say. I haven't heard from him since the day I found out which was three days ago, which has been hard. I guess I still live by the old expression of treating people how you want to be treated, and I would never treat anyone like this, particularly not my husband or children.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#12
#12
If you don't want a divorce, then pray often and expectantly that God will answer...I am not one for,advice, so I will instead pray with you and offer an ear to listen should you need It. But I recommend a private message or a friend close who does not gossip.

Dear Lord we lift this situation up to you. We know you can change stone harden hearts to become broken and contrite. Break in us and our lives anything that does not glorify You Lord. Help us to heal and heal those around us. Help,us to forgive those who have hurt us and move past the pain to,be in a place where we can be Your light in this world and shine your love and grace into,the lives of those around us.

We pray for our sister omadaze, her husband and her children. Surround them,with people worthy of being called your children, mature and wise from walking with Your Holy Spirit. Increase in them faith, knowledge and wisdom from above. May Your love abound forever. Praise Your Holy,name. In the name of Jesus we pray, amen.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#13
Mar 13, 2014
41,304
16,297
113
69
Tennessee
#13
You pray to God about the situation, pick yourself up, and move forward in your life, perhaps alone. Your husband sounds like a leach. Welcome to CC.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#14
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#14
omadaze said:
Hey husband is due back today so once the children are in bed I will listen to what he has to say. I haven't heard from him since the day I found out which was three days ago, which has been hard.
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That's cool, communication is key.. Let us know how it goes, I hope it isn't what you suspect. I once worked for a company that often sent us on business trips, they set us up in extravagant resorts, where hot tubs, massages, and open bars were pretty much the norm. But despite the party atmosphere, business was being conducted in the lap of luxury.
 
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GraceRevelation

Guest
#15
#15
He's not even a christian as you are, the both of you aren't equally yolked which means you shouldn't be married in the first place. Unfortunitly now you have children and you have to make the best decisions for them as well. If your husband keeps on with the same behavior (if it's what your thinking it is) I would get a divorce. You both will probably need more serious help as in counseling and things like that. First you have to hope that he's even willing to or wanting to change. If not that would be your answer.
 
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