My relationship with my future wife

[coby]

You don't understand it.

Man: I don't want a woman that eats out of her nose. That is filthy. I will cook for you though every time you're hungry.
Woman: You are controlling. It's my right to eat out of my own nose if I want to.
Man: But that is disgusting. Here let me pray for you to get rid of that filthy habit and when you're tempted I cook you a delicious meal.
Woman: No you are controlling. I'll go find a man who also eats out of his nose and we can sit on the couch together eating out of our nose.
Now add the belief that it is a salvation issue to him and you understand it better, maybe or maybe not.

 

[Depleted]

Well she randomly texts him and lets him read it. I could be wrong but it sounds like an indication it's serious. She makes me think of my mom who would leave Bibles open for my dad to read it because she wanted him to get saved.

Yeah, she makes you think of your mom. But she's not your mom. She sounds a bit like my sister too. But she's not my sister.

 

[coby]

Yeah, she makes you think of your mom. But she's not your mom. She sounds a bit like my sister too. But she's not my sister.

Best ask her herself then.

 

[coby]

Suppose he smoked and thought: yeah well I smoke to relax. It's not in the Bible that I may not smoke,
but she sends him extreme texts, which I suppose she does, since there are no other texts in this case,
I suppose she thinks it's a very big deal and one of the two has to change their belief or it won't work.
Some people believe you may not work on saturday or not eat pork and if they bombard you with those texts while you believe it's nonsense, I don't think marriage is a good idea.

 

[Depleted]

I've seen to notice the controlling behavior but she assures me its not like that.

And then the next question was, "Then what is it? Why are you sending me texts?"

The closer we are getting to marriage the more and more she comes out as a controlling person.

Oh? So then you don't believe her? That's not a good sign. You want to marry a controlling liar? That's not a good sign.

I have told her to tone it down a bit last night since i was not happy with her personality change the past couple months.

Oh, so then you are trying to control her? Also, not a good sign. Those aren't personality changes anymore than what you're doing is a personality change. It's who you both are. The walls are going down now, because no one can maintain politeness standards set on the first date forever. Have either of you made bodily noises without trying to hide them from the other yet? Have you openly scratched an itch in front of the other that you would never scratch in public? That's about when you start noticing who the other one is minus the first-date standards still looming over you.

I have told her its only natural to do so, relieves stress for me ( i know not an excuse to do so but i do it for that reason and to relax). Im not viewing porn of anything short, ive learned over the years to keep a blank state of mind. Yes i believe its a sin to have fantasies about sexual encounters.

Ah, so the "it means nothing to me/it's perfectly natural" defense? And you know it's not an excuse, yet used it anyway?

IDK i will keep you guys posted on this problem if it gets out of hand then i guess its not meant to be.

LOL Good pun!

If this keeps going like this, you don't need to keep us posted. I already know where this is headed. I don't know if it will hit that point before or after you get married, but I know it has no place else to go when two people are so committed to getting their own way.

Again ty everyone for the small advice, god bless all.

Ah, "small advice." So you got nothing from this. Yup, I know where this is headed.

 

[Depleted]

...is not the answer here. She is already communicating loudly and clearly that she does not respect him enough to allow him to make decisions without her.

No, she hasn't. He didn't help her do that either. He just accepted the first off-hand defensive thing she said, just like he expects us to accept his first defensive action.

You merely think you know her because we're only hearing his side.

 

[Depleted]

Suppose he smoked and thought: yeah well I smoke to relax. It's not in the Bible that I may not smoke,
but she sends him extreme texts, which I suppose she does, since there are no other texts in this case,
I suppose she thinks it's a very big deal and one of the two has to change their belief or it won't work.
Some people believe you may not work on saturday or not eat pork and if they bombard you with those texts while you believe it's nonsense, I don't think marriage is a good idea.

That's the entire problem with this post, everyone -- including Braintilt -- is supposing without taking it any further than a suppose.

This has become a moot point.

He's not listening, so what does it matter?

 

[popeye]

My fiance has been lately just overwhelming me with bible verses all the time about immorality. When she asked about if i was pure, i didn't lie to her about it. Still a virgin but i still masturbate. ( hopefully people take me serious )

I told her i understood her point of view. Then she randomly text me or makes read them, my patience is growing thin. How can i make her understand, i get the point, i don't need to be treated like a child.

Not that I condone your habit,but I would seek greener pastures.

That "holiness police" tendency in her is a spirit of control.

Guaranteed to stalk you all your married life.

Run boy! Run!

LOL

 

[coby]

Not that I condone your habit,but I would seek greener pastures.

That "holiness police" tendency in her is a spirit of control.

Guaranteed to stalk you all your married life.

Run boy! Run!

LOL

How do you know? Could be true, could not be true. I was a controlling I dunno what for telling a guy I didn't want to live together and I didn't judge him but no I won't marry if you don't get prayer to gey rid of your porn and drug addiction. How is that a spirit of control? A spirit of stupidity got kicked out of me afterwards hahahahahahaha. Didn't work but I did get smarter.

 

[JosephsDreams]

And then the next question was, "Then what is it? Why are you sending me texts?"


Oh? So then you don't believe her? That's not a good sign. You want to marry a controlling liar? That's not a good sign.


Oh, so then you are trying to control her? Also, not a good sign. Those aren't personality changes anymore than what you're doing is a personality change. It's who you both are. The walls are going down now, because no one can maintain politeness standards set on the first date forever. Have either of you made bodily noises without trying to hide them from the other yet? Have you openly scratched an itch in front of the other that you would never scratch in public? That's about when you start noticing who the other one is minus the first-date standards still looming over you.


Ah, so the "it means nothing to me/it's perfectly natural" defense? And you know it's not an excuse, yet used it anyway?


LOL Good pun!

If this keeps going like this, you don't need to keep us posted. I already know where this is headed. I don't know if it will hit that point before or after you get married, but I know it has no place else to go when two people are so committed to getting their own way.


Ah, "small advice." So you got nothing from this. Yup, I know where this is headed.

Lynn, your a firecracker. I know you don't have a prejudiced bone in your body. Your equally blunt to everyone, young, old, man, woman.

 

[Sirk]

No offense but I'd run if it was me. Sounds like this future wife has a mountain of expectations. Unmet expectations are the death of a relationship. Find someone who asks little of you. People are so weird and they try to mold you in some image they have in their head.

 

[pwrnJC]

As a Christian male, I see private masterbation as an outlet...a way to PREVENT worst events. Medically speaking, you will NOT go blind..and, in several cases, I had to do it at the hospital so many times, it got embarrassing, and frankly, mundane. I was tested for fertility, for high sperm count when planning to conceive a child, for low sperm count...for completion of a vasectomy, for testicular cancer, for swollen gonads, and much more. It took 17 1/2 weeks, taking in twice a week, a 'sample" just to make sure my sperm count was at ground ZERO. Which is better? Trying to hold back and have something to look forward to on your wedding night? or take a moment to relieve yourself to keep both future spouses on the right track? A male can be aroused innocently enough..without any condemnation from someone who thinks that it's non-Christian acting. Sheesh!!!

 

[Stephen63]

My fiance has been lately just overwhelming me with bible verses all the time about immorality. When she asked about if i was pure, i didn't lie to her about it. Still a virgin but i still masturbate. ( hopefully people take me serious )

I told her i understood her point of view. Then she randomly text me or makes read them, my patience is growing thin. How can i make her understand, i get the point, i don't need to be treated like a child.

I CANNOT believe what I'm reading from all these "answers" you've been getting.

Did anyone consider this young woman has been a devout christian & may be very embarrassed about the problem? What would you expect her to say?
"Let's go to McDonalds & get some lunch, & while we're there we can talk about masturbation"?

Find a woman you can watch porn with? Really?

She's too controlling, so dump her..... Really?

I'm 53 & I wouldn't be comfortable talking about it, either.

I'm gonna say "let her go" too..... for you see her scriptures as a problem, but your masturbation isn't. She's obviously too good for you. You'd be doing her a favor.

 

[JeniBean]

I feel the problem is this...based on many woman I have spoken with over the years. I appreciate the fact that you were honest with her, love the fact you have stayed a virgin and I am willing to bet the moment you stated you masturbated that she flipped out. I am willing to bet she was raised in a home being told that masturbation is evil and a tool for men to meet sexual needs and separating them from their spouse and bring them closer to the evils of the world. She automatically assumes that you masturbate by means of watching porn...I do not know that you do or do not. I know people who simply can masturbate to release the endorphin and do not need visual objects to succeed. The problem here is that you two need a clear path of communication of the forms in which you masturbate, why you have masturbated (to remain a virgin) and if it is something you will continue to do when you marry. She may fear that is she doesn't satisfy you that you will turn to this. She may fear what it all means, because I will tell you as a Sex Ed teacher the things many of these girls tell me that their parents have told them they feel they are going to hell just from thoughts. Again, please have a good communication and clearly see what her point is with the verses and explain you have been faithful and will always be. To some woman masturbation is a sign of cheating. Have you told her that you do so because she is so desirable to you, but you wish to remain pure? Bottom line...talk!!! I will tell you this right now...there are three things that are most important in a marriage to succeed. 1.) God is the center, 2.) Communication 3.) Acceptance / Forgiveness as NO ONE IS PERFECT!!!!!

 

[coby]

I CANNOT believe what I'm reading from all these "answers" you've been getting.

Did anyone consider this young woman has been a devout christian & may be very embarrassed about the problem? What would you expect her to say?
"Let's go to McDonalds & get some lunch, & while we're there we can talk about masturbation"?

Find a woman you can watch porn with? Really?

She's too controlling, so dump her..... Really?

I'm 53 & I wouldn't be comfortable talking about it, either.

I'm gonna say "let her go" too..... for you see her scriptures as a problem, but your masturbation isn't. She's obviously too good for you. You'd be doing her a favor.

the 'find a woman to watch porn with' was sarcasm

 

[Born_Again]

Ummmm, wow. Yea, so there it is.

 

[coby]

As a Christian male, I see private masterbation as an outlet...a way to PREVENT worst events. Medically speaking, you will NOT go blind..and, in several cases, I had to do it at the hospital so many times, it got embarrassing, and frankly, mundane. I was tested for fertility, for high sperm count when planning to conceive a child, for low sperm count...for completion of a vasectomy, for testicular cancer, for swollen gonads, and much more. It took 17 1/2 weeks, taking in twice a week, a 'sample" just to make sure my sperm count was at ground ZERO. Which is better? Trying to hold back and have something to look forward to on your wedding night? or take a moment to relieve yourself to keep both future spouses on the right track? A male can be aroused innocently enough..without any condemnation from someone who thinks that it's non-Christian acting. Sheesh!!!

She should understand him but he sounds like he's just gonna do that when he's married too. Oh it's normal, no problem. I just prayed for my ex when he was tempted by porn and ehm I heard one guy say it's like peeing. When you gotta go you gotta go. So his wife took care of him. When they don't want that they can't make demands, unless it's an unclean demon which needs to be kicked out before you marry, otherwise the wife has no life.

 

[Braintilt]

Well that escalated quickly, I had to break down my point of views to her. Justify my reasoning to her, she thinks that it is a harmful sin, my eyes are going to be taken out. I told her ok, that's what I do, I told her, I will continue to do so till marriage, that's even if it reaches that point. Maybe she is trying to better me, but still being a virgin for this long and filling God tells people something. I don't need help changing, I don't need saving, my connection with the lord is there, might now be her level of spiritual connection but hey, everyone is different. No one can change that. Communication is key, but seeing what I've gotten so far, the question is do I continue this honesty and get treated like a child, or stop it and tell her where I stand on the problem. If she doesn't like it then time to kick rocks, but if tries to understand and does the total opposite of helping. Then that's the end of this chapter in my life. Again thank you all who took time to read and bare with this situation of mine. Good bless.

 

[Church2u2]

Look if you love her and still want to marry her then be straight with her and tell her how you feel about the things you've mentioned. Be decisive and direct and let her know without being nasty or abusive about it because you have every right to stand up for yourself. And see how it goes. If she stays maybe y'all can work through these issues but if she goes then ciao Bella. If more women would realize that The Perfect Man might be a myth then expectations won't be so high and maybe then we could all calm down and appreciate a man even if we feel that he's flawed. And if more men would stop either treating women like princesses, their mother, a punching bag or harlots then they could calm down and appreciate a chick who can at least competently fry a decent steak or not. Sometimes we should stop thinking that our future mate is going to look, act ,think e.t.c the way we'd like.Didn't Hosea who was a righteous prophet of the Almighty marry a prostitute at the Almighty's direction? I hope and pray (if you'll accept my prayers) that it works out for the both of you one way or the other. Of course she might be going through some issues herself and her controlling attitude may not specifically be about you. Try talking it out. Ultimately it's still your decision.

 

[Depleted]

Well that escalated quickly, I had to break down my point of views to her. Justify my reasoning to her, she thinks that it is a harmful sin, my eyes are going to be taken out. I told her ok, that's what I do, I told her, I will continue to do so till marriage, that's even if it reaches that point. Maybe she is trying to better me, but still being a virgin for this long and filling God tells people something. I don't need help changing, I don't need saving, my connection with the lord is there, might now be her level of spiritual connection but hey, everyone is different. No one can change that. Communication is key, but seeing what I've gotten so far, the question is do I continue this honesty and get treated like a child, or stop it and tell her where I stand on the problem. If she doesn't like it then time to kick rocks, but if tries to understand and does the total opposite of helping. Then that's the end of this chapter in my life. Again thank you all who took time to read and bare with this situation of mine. Good bless.

So you telling her everything you think, know, and feel is communicating? You need to look up the definition of the word since you're STILL guessing what she thinks, knows, and feels.

If that's the end of this chapter in your life, I strongly recommend you not start another chapter with another woman until you realize you DO need to change.