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Thread: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

  1. #1
    babyjune7
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    Default How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Hi, I just found out my husband of 7 years has cheated on me. We have a toddler and I am 6 months pregnant. He cheated on me 2 years ago allowing oral sex by my cousin on him, and in the past 6 months he has gone to strip clubs. The last time he went he had intercourse at the club. He confessed this to me willingly according to him so I can forgive his torment, and so God can forgive him. He vowes he loves me, he cried with me and seems repented. Both of us used to be strong leaders in the youth ministry, but its been 3 years we stopped to focus on our son and work. As much as it hurts how can I trust him? How do i get these thoughts out of my mind? I dont feel beautiful no more.. why my cousin? how do I deal with that, help, I feel like dying....

  2. #2


    BLC
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    babyjune7,

    If your husband is truely broken and is open to seeing someone about this, go to someone that is a mature Christian that you can trust and confide in ASAP. As you deal with your thoughts about those involved, remember that God has a plan to work all things together for the good. That may seem hard right now but He will not forsake you in this, because He loves you and your husband. When your emotions begin to swell up on the inside, look at Christ by faith and tell Him that you trust Him and not what you see by sight. He will come through because His love never fails. I will be praying for you and your family with others during this difficult time. I believe God with you.

  3. #3
    babyjune7
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Thank you for replying, I am so alone. cant stop crying... I keep on thinking what did I do wrong?? why me? I served the Lord for such a long time... I feel like im loosing my faith, and confused. I used to counsel women and be the strong one, now I dont have anyone to lean on. I know God is there but he feels so far away......

  4. #4
    Senior Member thefightinglamb's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Know that you are still just as beautiful, holy, and pure as God has made you...

    "The Lord will NEVER leave you or forsake you."

    I have been through trials similiar...a girl I was in love with started making out with my brother while I was sitting on the other side of her...

    All I could think was--"What the mess God? How could this be happening in my life? You know how vulnerable I am already--and this is like Jeremiah said--you have made me a target for your arrows..."

    I know that doesn't help but I have been there is what I am trying to say, maybe not as extreme...but truly rely on him as you have never before...perhaps move whatever faith you have had in your husband to the Lord until the Lord shows you 'if' or 'when' you can trust him again.

    IT sometimes feels like the Lord shows you who someone is, and then you get spiked in the face, and it hurts more than you or I can bear...Just look to the Lord.

    It has nothing to do with you...but pray about it with all your heart and trust in Him and whatever he shows you (to do).

    To forgive him you have to look to the Lord's sacrifice, contemplate that and not what he did.

    I am incredible sorry...and I pray that the Lord replenishes and restores hope to your soul....

    I too am praying for you.

    May the Lord preserve you in his peace so that surrounded and enmeshed in His love, you see nothing else

    tony

  5. #5
    babyjune7
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    thank you tony.

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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    babyjune...your husband came to you and confessed from what i read, and it seems he wants to try and set things right, if this is the case, and you wish to save this marriage and you love him, i say you give it your very best. With god all things are possible. You will be in my prayers. I wish you the very best.

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    Member opulentwoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Hey I only just noticed you posted in this forum, I responded to your posting you put in Prayer Requests!! As I said in that posting, I beleive it would be good for you to confide in someone to deal with your personal pain from this situation (trust broken, feeling that you have done something wrong etc) and then as others have said, seek some councelling for you both when ready.

    And as I said in that posting - You are beautiful and beautifully made by God and no-one can take that away from you. No-one can dicate your beauty, it's given by God...so please don't let this situation make you feel otherwise. No-one is more beautiful than the next person - we are all unique and uniquely made and have a beauty on the inside that reflects on the outside...you are special and don't you forget it!!!!!
    "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come..." Proverbs 31:25

  8. #8
    KristenNicole777
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Hi BabyJune, I was not so totally in the position you are in but my fiancee basically during our whole relationship was cheating on me off and on with women online, doing the whole cyber sex ordeal.. I actually found out about it by a mistake he made, he didnt confess it until after he was found out. He has now been repentant and gone to counseling and is doing much better, he isnt allowed to have a computer, mainly because he is in rehabiliataion and is working at the church and living on property owned by the church so for accountabilty reasons he no longer owns a computer. His thoght life was just as bad, watching women on tv or at the store.. anything to get that visual high.. well he is doing better and is trying very hard. when i 1st found out i felt the same way... how can u tell me you love me and i am beautful if you are doing these things.. what i had to realize is it is not about ME it was about this hold, this addiction he had to deal with, he loved me and respected me but could not contol whatever was goiing on... not that it had anything to do with it but we have not slept together and do not plan to until we are married so he wasnt getting real fufillment from me sexually, so i guess he had to release it elsewhere. But I have forgiven him and we have moved on with our lives..
    A good boook a reccommend for you to read is called EVERY HEART RESTORED.... Ask for Husband to find the book called EVERY MANS BATTLE
    These books helped us alotGod Bless

  9. #9
    Rosinsky
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Babyjune7,

    I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through and how hard it must be for you in this situation. It seems that in the midst of your hardship, you want to forgive him but it is just hard for you to do.

    Unfortunately, when people do us wrong, we are more involved in their wrong doing toward us than we would like to be. We must forgive them so that we, too, can be forgiven of our sins.

    The way you can forgive your husband is by first understanding that forgiveness is not about feelings but obedience. You do not have or need to feel forgiving to forgive him. You cannot wait to feel forgiving to forgive him of his sin against you. You will forgive him, not because you feel like it, but because you want to be obedient to God. After you forgive him, then feelings will follow over time and your relationship with him will also be restored.

    Always remember that forgiveness gives birth to reconciliation.

    May God bless you sister!

  10. #10
    babyjune7
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Rosinsky, thank you so much for your words, it really helps.

  11. #11
    tatey15
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    The Love Dare as seen in Fireproof the movie.. it works wonders.. i would go through that with your husband.. i've seen in work in at least 3 marriages now.. be commited to it though.. dont just take it lightly

  12. #12
    Rosinsky
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Quote Originally Posted by babyjune7 View Post
    Rosinsky, thank you so much for your words, it really helps.
    You are welcome sister! I wanted to give you this verse to encourage you.

    Psalms 119:14 - I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    firstly, you indicated that you felt you did something to cause your husbands infidelity. I want you to rebuke these thoughts as his infidelity is more about his issues than yours. You should be encouraged that he truly had conviction and repentance in coming to you. You need to ask the Lord to wipe your mind of thoughts of him with this woman (or women) if you are truly going to forgive him then you need it to never come up again. Do not throw his mistakes at him, forgive him as Christ would. this is an alternative or divorce is the other alternative. these are your only two choices as living with him with unforgiveness and anger will only create a very toxic environment for your babies. If you choose to forgive him you both need to be open books, absolutely accountable and he must commit to never going to a strip club (or even a pub without your prior knowledge) I need you to reflect on this... in 19 years being with my husband I have NEVER ONCE wondered where he is and he has NEVER once wondered where I am. this is possible without being controlling, it is called respect and putting the other person first. Communication is key. he can not read your mind. so you guys need to have a meeting (write down all the things that you may have issues with in his dealing with you) do it without anger and do it without bitterness, try to do it separating yourself from the situation and just stating the facts. Have him do the same. Both of you need to pray before writing and think of the love you felt on your wedding day as you write about the things that worry you about him. Then I want you to write the things that you love about him and would never change and the reasons you want your marriage to work. each of you should read what the other has said and not be defensive, dont talk to anyone else except The Lord about it and then write your response to what you can do to make it better for him and vice versa. either trade notes or Hash it out if you are able to do that without anger, definitely state how you both will be accountable. And another thing... always keep in mind that intimacy in the bedroom for men is like hugs & i love you's is for women. So if you are unable to go back to intimacy you should reflect on if you want to fix the marriage or be done with it. One of my favorite not biblical quotes is "are you saying that because you truly feel that way or is it because thats the way others have told you you should feel" brock tully. God bless you and i've prayed that satan will not be sucessful in the breakdown of your family unit and the breakdown of your spirit. You are his beautiful daughter and never forget it!

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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    oh another thing, I was wrong to say discuss it with him & the Lord only as you can definitely discuss these things with a councellor too. Keep in mind that some councellors are "out there" in their thinking and always pray for discernment when allowing yourself to heed anyones advice, for you and the Lord alone are aware of your specific situation.

  15. #15
    Chris09
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Hey there Babyjune7,

    I too give my condolences for the scenario your in at the moment!

    In response to your topic title “How can I forgive my cheating husband?” Simply my answer to that is that because Jesus forgave and forgives you, you should forgive your Husband.

    Taking a step back from, Jesus’ traitor was who? Judas. Caesars traitor was who? Brutus. Everyone at one point in their life, will be betrayed.

    The definition of traitor is “One who betrays one's country, a cause, or a trust, especially one who commits treason.” Trust in a relationship is crucial and its times like this, we need to forgive so we can move on. The devil loves breaking relationships, bringing people down, and making them do the unthinkable. Stand strong for the Lord Jesus and he WILL deliver you!

    13 Steps to Forgiving the Unforgivable

    By Dr. Charles Stanley
    from the book "The Gift of Forgiveness"



    1. Understand that forgiveness is not: Justifying, understanding, or explaining why the person acted toward you as he or she did. Just forgetting about the offense and trusting time to take care of it. Asking God to forgive the person who hurt you. Asking God to forgive you for being angry or resentful against the person who offended you. Denying that you were really hurt; after all there are others who have suffered more.
    2. Understand that it is often unwise to forgive face to face. This tends to make the other person feel "put down" and make you look holier-than-thou.
    3. Select a time and place when you can be alone for a season of time.
    4. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your mind all the people you need to forgive and the events you need to forgive them for.
    5. Make a list of everything the Holy Spirit brings to your mind, even if it seems trivial to you. (Do not rush through this step: allow the Holy Spirit all the time He needs to speak to you.)
    6. Take two chairs and arrange them facing each other. Seat yourself in one of the chairs.
    7. Imagine that the first person on your list is sitting in the other chair. Disclose everything you can remember that the person has done to hurt you. Do not hold back the tears or the emotions that accompany the confessions.
    8. Choose by an act of your will to forgive that person once and for all time. You may not feel like being forgiving. That's all right. Just do it and the feelings will follow. God will take care of that. Do not doubt what you have done is real and valid.
    9. Release the person from the debt you feel is owed you for the offense. Say, "You are free and forgiven."
    10. If the person is still a part of your life, now is a good time to accept the individual without wanting to change aspects of their personality or behaviour.
    11. Thank the Lord for using each person as a tool in your life to deepen your insight into His grace and conforming you to the image of His Son.
    12. Pray. This is a suggested prayer to pray as you "talk" to each person: Because I am forgiven and accepted by Christ, I can now forgive and accept you, _____________, unconditionally in Christ. I choose now to forgive you, _____________, no matter what you did to me. I release you from the hurts (take time to name the hurts), and you are no longer accountable to me for them. You are free.
    13. When you have finished praying through the hurts you have suffered, pray this prayer of faith: "Lord Jesus, by faith, I receive Your unconditional love and acceptance in the place of this hurt, and I trust You to meet all my needs, I take authority over the Enemy, and in the name of Jesus, I take back the ground I have allowed Satan to gain in my life because of my attitude toward _____________. Right now I give this ground back to the Lord Jesus Christ to whom it rightfully belongs."

    When we don’t forgive we create bitterness, and create a ticking time bomb that burdens us every day in our hearts and soul. God doesn’t want you in pain!, God doesn’t want you having this burden! Rejoice and be glad, for this is the day which the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! You have so much to be grateful for, grasp it, hold it, and thank the Lord it isn’t worse. Keep it on girl! Don’t let the devil strangle the life out your household, your marriage, your life – The Lord will protect you, stay strong in him, hold the Lord’s flag up high! Give the Lord a shout of praise!
    Forgive your Husband! Forgive yourself! Your Husband could have continued, but he told you; this is a testing time for you and a trial. What would Jesus do? Forgive, forgive, and forgive – then you and your Husband need to work out what’s up, and what’s down – why did he start it? He himself must have resentments or pain! Work together, put on your holy armour of the Lord Jesus, use your sword and strike the devil! Only by YOUR choice, shall you either be conquered by the devil, or receive the blessings and joy of the Lord Jesus Christ!
    “Obey God, and leave all the consequences to him.”

    Following sites may be helpful!

    http://ww2.intouch.org/site/c.dhKHIXPKIuE/b.3389883/k.B487/Forgiving_and_Free.htm

    http://ww2.intouch.org/site/c.dhKHIXPKIuE/b.4759345/k.E6DE/Forgiveness_and_Consequences.htm

    God Bless sister!

  16. #16
    xspinningisfun
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Quote Originally Posted by babyjune7 View Post
    Thank you for replying, I am so alone. cant stop crying... I keep on thinking what did I do wrong?? why me? I served the Lord for such a long time... I feel like im loosing my faith, and confused. I used to counsel women and be the strong one, now I dont have anyone to lean on. I know God is there but he feels so far away......
    It wasn't God's fault what your husband did. God gave us a free will...and some people take advantage of that free will and twist it and use it for evil. Your husband seems like he's sorry of what he did.

    God loves you. You aren't alone, even though you MAY feel like that. I know how hard it is. "I love this man. Why did he do this to me?" God can take broken things and turn them into something SO beautiful. God will NEVER EVER forsake you. He made that promise to you. "Sorry, but you're stuck with Me. I'm not going to leave you." Even when we abandon God, he hasn't abandoned us. You must feel so betrayed, violated, rejected. Jesus was also...especially on that cross.

    You should go to a mature Christian and talk about this. Maybe a pastor, or someone you know. Or you can always come to us and we can pray for you! I will put you on my prayer list, definitely.

    You are not alone.
    It seems that your husband feels sorry. Maybe you and him can go to marriage counseling? I don't really know.

    I'm sorry that this happened to you.
    It's gonna take time obviously, but keep praying and keep trying to forgive. God will help you. he loves you!

  17. #17
    flychristie
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    I would like to lend some Christian advise that has helped me when I was betrayed. You may feel like the world is falling apart, but know that that "The Lord your God will be with you where ever you shall go."- 1 John 1:9 Yes, it is so easy to feel alone, and that know one understands how you feel, but as scripture says 'God has gone before you', and is with you every step of the way 'You are not alone.' That is why it is so important to rely, and call out to the Lord in this hearbreaking time- he will sustain you. "Cast your burdens on him and he will uphold the righteous" I'd like to say as plainly as I can- give the pain, and misery to God, because you can not fix the problem without him. Call on his name, reach out to him, let him know how much you both despretly need him. The way in which your husband and you deal with this circumstance will ultimatly effect your entire life. One might see the difficulty as a challenge of faith from God, that he allowed this to happen so that you both would have the chance to grow together in Christ as one. As we all know, one of the most difficult things to do in life is forgive, I am still working on that myself, but think of it this way- God wants us to forgive to set us free from the guilt, shame, and torment of the problem between you two. He doesn't want a situation to negatively pull you away from Him, but to represent Him by forgiveness which is a command. I also like to think of forgiveness as a way of not saying the sin put against you was Please know that your husbands own sins do not reflect you as a person. He will need Christian counseling to overcome this pain, and you may also need to consider marital counseling yourself. I realize that you are pregant and those emotions of bringing a child into the world at this time must be starteling- but know there is hope is Jesus and he is the ultimate redeemer. As a women myself I sometimes feel that the way in which a man treats me is who I deserve to be, but it is not- the only truth come from God, and in his eyes- because we are born again we are his precious beautiful children whom he loves dearly. I pray for your family. God Bless

  18. #18
    Faithful2
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    Smile Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think I can give you some good advice. I've been there myself. My spouse cheated on me 7 monthes ago. It was my definition of hell, all the bad feelings I had. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, was absolutly mortified, as I am sure you are. And I too, felt very alone. We went from being one to me thinking about being by myself and raising our son. God worked a miracle in my marriage, and things are better now than they ever were. My husband was headed to being an alcoholic. It caused several problems in our marriage, thus also lead up to what he did. (note: we have been married for 6 years).

    What fixed our marriage was that he was truely sorry and made a life change. Didn't make up excuses and truely changed. I told him I wanted nothing to do with my "old" husband, I needed a new one in him. So he quit drinking and started going to church every Sunday with my son and I. (I had went by myself for 5 years). In January, he came forward was baptized. I had made the decision I was going to forgive because I had to, whether we stayed together or not. If I didn't, I knew I would literlaly go insane and God would not forgive me for my sins. And you have to know it had nothing to do with you or what you do or what you say. It would've happened anyway. It's problems within himself.

    My advice to you is that you have to forgive him regardless of what happens between the two of you. I gave my husband a second chance because he was TRUELY sorry (and it haunts him everyday, he still cries about it) and he made a huge life change...... And I don't regret it one minute. I have truely let it go and moved on. It was a terrible time in my life I never wish to relive. In the moments when I think about it or in the very few occassions we have a tiff, I ABSOLUTELY do not bring it up. I've let it go.

    I'm praying for you. Please know you are not alone. God is there for you. When I give my testimony, I tell people God carried me for a long time. And I turned to him during my turmoil, and he saved my life, literally.

    God Bless you.... you seem like such a sweet person. Don't let this ruin you.
    Faithful2

  19. #19
    Faithful2
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    I'm sorry, I didn't mean ruin you. Obviously it won't. I just meant don't let it overcome you. If you want to give him a second chance, then you should. You obviously love him very much. The way I saw it when I was in your shoes is that I was between a rock and a hard spot. If I stayed there was a lot of work ahead of both of us to get our marriage on track, but if I left him I wouldn't have him anymore. Neither road would be easy. I prayed so hard about it and God is the ONLY reason we made it. He performed a miracle in my marriage and I pray for the same to happen in yours. God loves you and your husband very much!!

  20. #20
    Faithful2
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    Smile Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    This poem helped me a lot. I keep it in my email.

    How To Forgive

    One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right.

    He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.

    His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him.

    He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the Illness he had that no one could cure.

    His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.

    Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find,
    knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:

    "Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have
    told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed.

    Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot.
    I don't know how. It is not fair

    Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I
    shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one
    thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive.

    My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that
    You teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - "Teach me To Forgive."

    As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt
    something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the
    corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.

    He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.

    He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus
    hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a
    torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head. Finally he
    Saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the
    man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

    Have you ever told a lie?" He asked?
    The man answered - "yes, Lord."

    Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?"
    The man answered," yes, Lord." And the man sobbed more and more.

    Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus asked?
    And the man answered, "yes, Lord."

    "Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?"
    The man, crying now, answered, "yes, Lord."

    As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever"?
    The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer,
    "yes, Lord."

    Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man
    Felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and here was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.

    Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."

    It may be hard to see how you're going to forgive someone for the pain they have caused you, but when you look back in life, you realize how important it is to make the decision to forgive, even if you do not feel like forgiving. Ask God for his help, he has forgiven much more.

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