I need accountability.

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SMcDaniel001

Guest
#1
#1
I'm blessed beyond anything I deserve. I have a great family, great job, great home..........and great home life. But I just feel so disgusted with myself.

I accepted Christ at a very young age. And was raised in church, had a very good upbringing. I have no excuses to tie me to the personal failures that continually haunt me.

I drink too much. And I know better because alcohol abuse runs in my family. I lost a grandfather because he drank too much.

I also have several sexual issues I wish I could put behind me. Pornography addiction is the only thing I'll admit to right here and now, but it goes much deeper. Nothing illegal, mind you. But it's stuff I'm not proud of. It's stuff that I fear will cripple me.

My whole lifestyle for the most part disgusts me. And I don't want to go through the motions of some fake and phony "re-dedication" commitment. I've done that before. I really don't know what to do. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't have any strong Christian men in my life that I'd be comfortable going to for accountability. That's not to say I don't have Christian men in my life, it's just that some are too close for me to ever open up to and be 100% honest with.

I've completely checked out on going to church. Not that I believe attendance correlates in any way to living a more Christlike walk. The last few preachers I've gotten close to have ended up being in far worse shape than even I'm in. It's hard to go for council with a person who's own life is a complete sham.

I want to be a better person. And I don't think any of the stupid stuff I've done has compromised my salvation. But I want to be a better person. I don't want to always feel like I'm so filthy dirty with sin and shame that I need some sort of supernatural bath to wash it all away.

What at do I do? How do I handle this? I'm not happy right now, where I'm at. I'm ashamed of what I'll do when no one is watching and I'm left to my own devises. And no amount of wanting to do right up to this point has ever made me refrain from doing wrong. Granted, I do okay for a while. In the past when I've came to these crossroads I'll be a good person for a while. But I always end up back where I've once again found myself.

Who ho wants to strike up an accountability relationship with a 49 year old man? I prefer you also be a male, I don't trust myself with women in what will eventually become an intimate setting. I need someone to turn to when I'm on the way home and driving by the liquor store and not stopping don't seem like an option. I need someone to turn to when I'm alone and bored with time on my hands, times when I may sit and look at porn for hours on end.

Maybe you've been there yourself. Maybe you're going through the same sea of disgust and shame I'm mired in right now. I'm hoping to use the Internet for the first time to make my life better. Up until now, I've never actually done that.........
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#2
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#2
Unprocessed pain leads to anger anxiety and depression and those things lead to self harming addictive behaviors and coping skills. Get a counselor and chase the pain man. It'll change your life.
 
S

SMcDaniel001

Guest
#3
#3
Sirk said:
Unprocessed pain leads to anger anxiety and depression and those things lead to self harming addictive behaviors and coping skills. Get a counselor and chase the pain man. It'll change your life.
Click to expand...
To get a counselor and go that route, my family is going to start asking questions. And then there's things I could never be happy with myself if they knew. I like the anonymity of the Internet.

Unprocessed pain............. Interesting. My 40s have been rough on me. I've lost both parents who were both in good health. And being an only child, we were close. It did hurt terribly to lose both of them. And this last decade has been the scene of some of the lowest of my lows.........
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#4
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#4
SMcDaniel001 said:
To get a counselor and go that route, my family is going to start asking questions. And then there's things I could never be happy with myself if they knew. I like the anonymity of the Internet.

Unprocessed pain............. Interesting. My 40s have been rough on me. I've lost both parents who were both in good health. And being an only child, we were close. It did hurt terribly to lose both of them. And this last decade has been the scene of some of the lowest of my lows.........
Click to expand...
A good start would be to learn the language that describes your feelings. Most of us stay on the surface where the anger resides. Anger is a tool for us to recognize that a boundary has been crossed or a core value has been violated. When we stay in the anger and don't develop good coping skills to deal and recognize the pain that precedes the anger we go to the easy things like drinking and porn. If you just focus on what you shouldn't do instead of what you should do, you'll stay stuck in the bad coping skills. Learning healthy coping skills is the way to make the bad ones whither and die.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#5
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#5
Few people understand this, but "accountability" only works for a while. Before long, you will begin to come up with ways to get around your accountability partner, and from that resentments can often grow.

There IS an answer, but that isn't it. PM me if you would like to hear about something that actually does work.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#6
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#6
SMcDaniel001 said:
To get a counselor and go that route, my family is going to start asking questions. And then there's things I could never be happy with myself if they knew. I like the anonymity of the Internet.

Unprocessed pain............. Interesting. My 40s have been rough on me. I've lost both parents who were both in good health. And being an only child, we were close. It did hurt terribly to lose both of them. And this last decade has been the scene of some of the lowest of my lows.........
Click to expand...
Not at first, I agree, but eventually your family HAS to become involved to an extent. Otherwise you actually just continue a lie to them......... and much of the time, they already know anyway. Maybe not all of it, but enough to know you are already not being open and honest with them
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#7
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#7
I have no idea of what you received as a child in the matter of accepting Christ but the only solution for you is to go back to that time in your heart and take up the cross that is yours to follow Christ.

The only One you are accountable to is Christ. The matter you must discuss with Him in prayer and make your heart the same as your lips.

Christ is faithful and just to forgive us our sins if we come to Him and confess our sins. Don't confess them to me confess them to Him.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#8
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#8
No doubt there is a spiritual component. But there is also the issue of deeply rutted highways in your brain that are automatic reactions to your stress. Your body craves the dopamine and other chemicals that are released when you look at porn or drink. You need to develop new neural highways in your brain. It takes practice and effort and counseling.
 
slave

slave

Senior Member
#9
Mar 20, 2015
6,307
1,097
113
#9
Accountability Vs. Surrender/ Yieldedness/ Christ-centered Pliability/ Death to the right to myself:

* "Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh." (Romans 13:14). Only by:

* "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6).

* "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me......" (Gal. 2:20)

 
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Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#10
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#10
Sirk said:
No doubt there is a spiritual component. But there is also the issue of deeply rutted highways in your brain that are automatic reactions to your stress. Your body craves the dopamine and other chemicals that are released when you look at porn or drink. You need to develop new neural highways in your brain. It takes practice and effort and counseling.
Click to expand...
Yep, even actual HOLES in your brain. If anyone has never seen photos of this, they would be well advised to find some. It's frightening!
 
S

SMcDaniel001

Guest
#11
#11
Thanks folks. There have been a lot of great replies here
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#12
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#12
SMcDaniel001 said:
Thanks folks. There have been a lot of great replies here
Click to expand...
Learn to interrupt that trip to the bar or fridge or webpage by asking yourself how you are feeling. What am I insecure about right now is good question to ask yourself to start retraining your brain. Then do something productive instead like go for a walk or any number of things.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#13
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#13
Brother I think you need the babptism of the Holy Ghost. It changes your whole life. Read the book of acts.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#14
#14
SMcDaniel001 said:
I'm blessed beyond anything I deserve. I have a great family, great job, great home..........and great home life. But I just feel so disgusted with myself.

I accepted Christ at a very young age. And was raised in church, had a very good upbringing. I have no excuses to tie me to the personal failures that continually haunt me.

I drink too much. And I know better because alcohol abuse runs in my family. I lost a grandfather because he drank too much.

I also have several sexual issues I wish I could put behind me. Pornography addiction is the only thing I'll admit to right here and now, but it goes much deeper. Nothing illegal, mind you. But it's stuff I'm not proud of. It's stuff that I fear will cripple me.

My whole lifestyle for the most part disgusts me. And I don't want to go through the motions of some fake and phony "re-dedication" commitment. I've done that before. I really don't know what to do. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't have any strong Christian men in my life that I'd be comfortable going to for accountability. That's not to say I don't have Christian men in my life, it's just that some are too close for me to ever open up to and be 100% honest with.

I've completely checked out on going to church. Not that I believe attendance correlates in any way to living a more Christlike walk. The last few preachers I've gotten close to have ended up being in far worse shape than even I'm in. It's hard to go for council with a person who's own life is a complete sham.

I want to be a better person. And I don't think any of the stupid stuff I've done has compromised my salvation. But I want to be a better person. I don't want to always feel like I'm so filthy dirty with sin and shame that I need some sort of supernatural bath to wash it all away.

What at do I do? How do I handle this? I'm not happy right now, where I'm at. I'm ashamed of what I'll do when no one is watching and I'm left to my own devises. And no amount of wanting to do right up to this point has ever made me refrain from doing wrong. Granted, I do okay for a while. In the past when I've came to these crossroads I'll be a good person for a while. But I always end up back where I've once again found myself.

Who ho wants to strike up an accountability relationship with a 49 year old man? I prefer you also be a male, I don't trust myself with women in what will eventually become an intimate setting. I need someone to turn to when I'm on the way home and driving by the liquor store and not stopping don't seem like an option. I need someone to turn to when I'm alone and bored with time on my hands, times when I may sit and look at porn for hours on end.

Maybe you've been there yourself. Maybe you're going through the same sea of disgust and shame I'm mired in right now. I'm hoping to use the Internet for the first time to make my life better. Up until now, I've never actually done that.........
Click to expand...
Accountability partner online simply means someone you don't have to show the reality to.

(My grandmother lost 1/2 of her stomach and constantly boasted every pound she ever gained. We laughed at her, because we knew she simply didn't tell us every pound she lost too. She never gained. It was noticeable. That's what accountability gives you.)

You're real problem is you want to change but don't know how. Find a Christian counselor who can teach you. (And that's not a counselor who happens to be a Christian. He's a counselor who counsels from his belief in Christ.) You can't fix something if you don't know how to fix it, so find the man who can teach you.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#15
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#15
You know what to do. Trust me, it works. I'm actually going back through it again right now in case you may need some convo about it in the coming months.
 
S

SMcDaniel001

Guest
#16
#16
Willie-T said:
You know what to do. Trust me, it works. I'm actually going back through it again right now in case you may need some convo about it in the coming months.
Click to expand...

Thanks Willie-T. Mine is coming in from Amazon.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#17
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#17
Geez....you guys gonna keep your secret? :)
 
S

SMcDaniel001

Guest
#18
#18
Um, I'm new here. Willie-T turned me on to a publication. Maybe if you ask him........?:confused:
 
S

SMcDaniel001

Guest
#20
#20
Depleted said:
Accountability partner online simply means someone you don't have to show the reality to.

(My grandmother lost 1/2 of her stomach and constantly boasted every pound she ever gained. We laughed at her, because we knew she simply didn't tell us every pound she lost too. She never gained. It was noticeable. That's what accountability gives you.)

You're real problem is you want to change but don't know how. Find a Christian counselor who can teach you. (And that's not a counselor who happens to be a Christian. He's a counselor who counsels from his belief in Christ.) You can't fix something if you don't know how to fix it, so find the man who can teach you.
Click to expand...
It's day two of sobriety. Yeah, I know. BIG DEAL!!!!! But at least with this forum I have somewhere to go to and at least say the words.......

Yesterday I turned on the Bible on my iPhone and just let it play in my earbuds. I feel like thats a good way to fill the void of useless chatter that I usually hear in the workplace.
 
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