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They always think it's better to stay for the children's sake. Staying only hurts the kids more, and makes them angry and resentful of their parents later on in life. These kids are gonna ask her someday, why she didn't just take them and leave instead of subjecting them to more hurt and neglect by their father.
Oh my sis! Thats a heck alot of sinnin going on
I am so sorry that your heart had to go through this. I really am! \hugs/
Praise God that you came through it and are able to help others avoid what you went through. Through Christ we can do all things
I am so sorry that your heart had to go through this. I really am! \hugs/
Praise God that you came through it and are able to help others avoid what you went through. Through Christ we can do all things
Thank you.
The sad part is, no one wants to hear that they're being made a fool of, and that they're better off without the guy. I didn't want to hear it either, but I wised up after I realized I didn't wanna live like a door mat anymore. That verse is my favorite- Philippians 4:13. Read the threads in my siggy sometime, if you haven't already..
D
I never thought of this until I had no choice but to think of it, but here is something you need to act on immediately. (Tomorrow, not wait until Monday.) Contact both Social Security and then Welfare. Social Security first, and to try for Disability, because you only have so much stuff to sell off. They do phone interviews if you can't go to their office. AND they aren't giving you anything to help you right away. You might not need their help in the future, since their guidelines make it so you have to be disabled for five months before you can apply, they usually turn down about 70% of applicants the first time, and only appeals could win you Disability, but you might just be disabled for now, so won't need them by then.
But do contact them and get that ball rolling, (if, in the future, you don't need their help, then simply call them and tell them you' got a job and your not disabled anymore), because you don't yet know if your disabilities are short-term or long-term, and without that step, Welfare will turn you down immediately, because they don't accept people unless the people have some idea how they can get their own income later on.
Then go to Welfare and apply for that. (Hubby was very sick on chemo, but they still made him go to their office. Sorry.) No, they can't give you money to use as you want, but they do pay for health insurance, will give you food stamps, and might give you help with your utilities and housing. It's better than nothing, and, since you are disabled, their healthcare plan rivals what Congress gets (minus the free travel to any expensive hospital they want to go to.)
That will slow down how much your hemorrhaging money.
When you do those two things, feel free to PM me. I've been in that spot where there is no incoming money, but there is sure lots of it that has to go out, so I can give you other ways to save on your spending, and one way to make some money (although your son will have to help, because you can't do it physically yourself.) Not a lot. What I really have in mind is how to replenish your supply of stuff to sell once you run out of stuff to sell, so don't think I'm trying to hook you on a get-rich-quick sceme. This is just something I picked up that people do to have some money.
Your husband is still deciding his end game. You have to survive this part no matter what you decide to do about him. I do get that.
But do contact them and get that ball rolling, (if, in the future, you don't need their help, then simply call them and tell them you' got a job and your not disabled anymore), because you don't yet know if your disabilities are short-term or long-term, and without that step, Welfare will turn you down immediately, because they don't accept people unless the people have some idea how they can get their own income later on.
Then go to Welfare and apply for that. (Hubby was very sick on chemo, but they still made him go to their office. Sorry.) No, they can't give you money to use as you want, but they do pay for health insurance, will give you food stamps, and might give you help with your utilities and housing. It's better than nothing, and, since you are disabled, their healthcare plan rivals what Congress gets (minus the free travel to any expensive hospital they want to go to.)
That will slow down how much your hemorrhaging money.
When you do those two things, feel free to PM me. I've been in that spot where there is no incoming money, but there is sure lots of it that has to go out, so I can give you other ways to save on your spending, and one way to make some money (although your son will have to help, because you can't do it physically yourself.) Not a lot. What I really have in mind is how to replenish your supply of stuff to sell once you run out of stuff to sell, so don't think I'm trying to hook you on a get-rich-quick sceme. This is just something I picked up that people do to have some money.
Your husband is still deciding his end game. You have to survive this part no matter what you decide to do about him. I do get that.
C
We had a couple like that in church. They were elders. Turned out after all these years he had been having sex with men and women on the street. She didn't want him anymore. It was a horrible marriage and they stayed together for 18 years only for the kids. It was bad for the kids. Finally he admitted it. He was a real nice guy, had been abused as a kid. They went for a healing week in Toronto. He really repented and got set free. Then they divorced. He married someone else and now it's okay but their son lives in sin and has a kid with another. He just opened the door for the whole family.
If he wants to go for a healing week and really repents you can get a good marriage if you can forgive him, but if he doesn't do that just quit it. Grace is nice, but you don't help him by letting him do this. Warn him for hell and let him get help now and otherwise divorce. I saw such marriages healed when the cheater got set free from those unclean demons and repented, but they did go for help and deliverance. If he doesn't, leave him. He can come back. Paul kicked that guy out of church to get him to repent and get saved. Tough love.
If he wants to go for a healing week and really repents you can get a good marriage if you can forgive him, but if he doesn't do that just quit it. Grace is nice, but you don't help him by letting him do this. Warn him for hell and let him get help now and otherwise divorce. I saw such marriages healed when the cheater got set free from those unclean demons and repented, but they did go for help and deliverance. If he doesn't, leave him. He can come back. Paul kicked that guy out of church to get him to repent and get saved. Tough love.
My dear sister, I feel for you in this sad sad time.. Know that the Lord is closest to those who are broken hearted. I pray that you will be led by his spirit a step at a time... Allow each day itself and no more, God is a God of the moment, talk with him and allow him to pour out his love upon you.. I think your a very very brave lady and I can see the Love of the Lord in your heart through what u have written.. Allowing ourselves to let go and let God is the most painful but the most powerful thing we can do... I will be praying for your husband also, xxxxx
O
Dear LadyRed, I shall pray for you because you have shamed me. Absolutely shamed me with the power of love. So, what shall I pray? Corinthians 13 sang out to me with your very words when you, yourself wrote: "I never really knew how deep it [porn addiction] was" - love is patience, love is kind..."this last one, a guy" - love is not easily angered...."when I confronted him.." - love keeps no record of wrongs..."he has been gone for a couple of weeks now" - love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "Some friends say I should take him back....others feel I'm ok to divorce" - Where there are prophecies, they shall cease. Where there are tongues, they will be stilled. Where there is knowledge, it will pass away, and then you most importantly said ..."this is his addiction.." - 'Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
"Why am I here", you ask, when you already know that this, in part, is the very prayer you seek. That is, the prayer from others. You understand the power in that. Don't believe your husband is not in turmoil. His weaknesses and shame makes him only want to discuss only those things he has some control of. Not those things he doesn't. "Right now I'm seriously grieving...As though someone has died" -and that too has its life as shock and despair grows ever so slowly to acceptance.
So what shall I pray? I will pray your husband looks fully into the mirror, past his reflection and sees face to face. I will pray he find these three at home; faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love.
"Why am I here", you ask, when you already know that this, in part, is the very prayer you seek. That is, the prayer from others. You understand the power in that. Don't believe your husband is not in turmoil. His weaknesses and shame makes him only want to discuss only those things he has some control of. Not those things he doesn't. "Right now I'm seriously grieving...As though someone has died" -and that too has its life as shock and despair grows ever so slowly to acceptance.
So what shall I pray? I will pray your husband looks fully into the mirror, past his reflection and sees face to face. I will pray he find these three at home; faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love.
D
A lot of people, including the OP are mixing up love and forgiveness with codependency and neediness!
This man is someone you have repeatedly trusted, when he should NOT have been trusted! He was a liar and a cheat from
adultery number one. Forgiveness is always wonderful, but it doesn't mean forgetting or putting yourself in a position of being abused over and over. Because what he has done, and the way he had done it, is abuse.
Please see a qualified counsellor, and do not accept anyone who tells you as a Christian you are obligated to reconcile with a man who had crossed every Biblical line and should not be allowed to keep on doing this to you and your children.
As for the pain, it is going to hurt for a long time. You are also in shock, that he has cheated on you and mistreated you again in this way. That is why you need a qualified counsellor to work through your pain, anger, shock and to plan a new and different future.
I am very sorry he did this to you. But don't give up, one day you will look back and wonder why you ever put up with his lies and adultery! Praying that day comes soon!
This man is someone you have repeatedly trusted, when he should NOT have been trusted! He was a liar and a cheat from
adultery number one. Forgiveness is always wonderful, but it doesn't mean forgetting or putting yourself in a position of being abused over and over. Because what he has done, and the way he had done it, is abuse.
Please see a qualified counsellor, and do not accept anyone who tells you as a Christian you are obligated to reconcile with a man who had crossed every Biblical line and should not be allowed to keep on doing this to you and your children.
As for the pain, it is going to hurt for a long time. You are also in shock, that he has cheated on you and mistreated you again in this way. That is why you need a qualified counsellor to work through your pain, anger, shock and to plan a new and different future.
I am very sorry he did this to you. But don't give up, one day you will look back and wonder why you ever put up with his lies and adultery! Praying that day comes soon!