Feeling broken

[GivemeLight]

We just moved to a new house to be in a better school district for our daughter. Two months in, we haven't even finished unpacking when I ask him about the sudden changes I am seeing in him. He tells me that he's been unhappy for a long time and doesn't think we should be married anymore and wants a divorce.
He moved out two months after this announcement. Three days ago he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for another woman. He met her online only two weeks ago...he showed me proof of this. Now I have her face imprinted in my mind and that he's already calling her baby and confiding in her, sharing his time and heart. I am having such a hard time of letting go. I am feeling so broken knowing he has moved on so quickly and easily.
He tells me people fall out of love and get divorced. He's done with talking with me. He thinks I should have moved on by now.
I really don't want to be stuck in this pain anymore. I don't know how to not let him moving on eat me up inside.
I don't want to feel so broken anymore.
Any advice out there?

 

[Dino246]

Hello GivemeLight, and welcome to CC!
Sadly, this is not uncommon. Divorce is a nasty business... no wonder God hates it! However, it is real, and we have to deal with it when it is thrust upon us. This is a good place to hang out, so stick around and connect. A few thoughts which may help:

- sign up for the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. It's a full year of generally good advice specifically for folks going through separation and divorce.
- get local help, from your church if possible, as well as family and friends. This is your time to ask for help; don't be afraid to do so.
- get legal advice, and look seriously at separating your financial assets as soon as possible.
- above all, seek Jesus relentlessly. He is with you; lean on Him for everything and He will guide you through this storm.

 

[Sirk]

We just moved to a new house to be in a better school district for our daughter. Two months in, we haven't even finished unpacking when I ask him about the sudden changes I am seeing in him. He tells me that he's been unhappy for a long time and doesn't think we should be married anymore and wants a divorce.
He moved out two months after this announcement. Three days ago he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for another woman. He met her online only two weeks ago...he showed me proof of this. Now I have her face imprinted in my mind and that he's already calling her baby and confiding in her, sharing his time and heart. I am having such a hard time of letting go. I am feeling so broken knowing he has moved on so quickly and easily.
He tells me people fall out of love and get divorced. He's done with talking with me. He thinks I should have moved on by now.
I really don't want to be stuck in this pain anymore. I don't know how to not let him moving on eat me up inside.
I don't want to feel so broken anymore.
Any advice out there?

Broken is hard. I'm sort of back at square one today so I know what you are saying. I think what it comes down too is that we are being sinned against but we still have a part in that. By that I mean that our choices are involved in getting us where we are. I don't mean to put your husbands philandering ways onto you. That is not what I mean. What I mean is that there are things that we have done and choices that we have made and we have had a role in putting us where we are. I don't mean to discount what is happening to you and I am very sorry. I can only imagine how painful that is. Mine is a different kind of pain, it is one that feels like I have been used and taken advantage of.

Jesus was used and taken advantage of, He was cheated on, he was cast out and rejected. I think we just have to hold onto Him. What other choice is there? To give up.....nah...let's put our heads down and forge on. God is bigger than our problems.....what do you say....you with me?

 

[GivemeLight]

Thank you Dino246. I will look into the daily devotional. The other items on your list I am in the process of doing. I struggle with why people get married, if they think divorce is an option. What is the point of making vows if only to be broken? I understand if there is abuse or cheating. I just don't get why people don't try working on their marriages more.

 

[GivemeLight]

Thank you Sirk. I'm sorry for your pain as well. Indeed we make choices that get us to where we are. I have a world of regrets for my choices. But that would be another thread. Lol. But I also believe that staying married and working on your marriage is a choice. Yes, we both didn't put into the marriage what we should have. But that doesn't mean a choice of divorce is the only answer. I would have at least wanted to see some counseling first to see if it was fixable. But he made a decision that was out of my control.
i do get that God is greater than our problems. I'm with you on that.

 

[Sirk]

Thank you Sirk. I'm sorry for your pain as well. Indeed we make choices that get us to where we are. I have a world of regrets for my choices. But that would be another thread. Lol. But I also believe that staying married and working on your marriage is a choice. Yes, we both didn't put into the marriage what we should have. But that doesn't mean a choice of divorce is the only answer. I would have at least wanted to see some counseling first to see if it was fixable. But he made a decision that was out of my control.
i do get that God is greater than our problems. I'm with you on that.

Every man is right in his own eyes and I think that is true for both of our circumstances. The thing about your situation is that you are going thru the worst kind of rejection I think a woman can face.

I know this is just words but your husband is walking himself into a world of hurt later and you are right about not having any control over that. I wish it was easy to let things go, but it is so hard in the midst of it.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but if you are so inclined google the stages of grief. You are in one of those right now and I think we both would do well by ourselves to let ourselves go thru them all, and recognize them for what they are and where we are in them.

 

[PennEd]

We just moved to a new house to be in a better school district for our daughter. Two months in, we haven't even finished unpacking when I ask him about the sudden changes I am seeing in him. He tells me that he's been unhappy for a long time and doesn't think we should be married anymore and wants a divorce.
He moved out two months after this announcement. Three days ago he accidentally sent me a text that was meant for another woman. He met her online only two weeks ago...he showed me proof of this. Now I have her face imprinted in my mind and that he's already calling her baby and confiding in her, sharing his time and heart. I am having such a hard time of letting go. I am feeling so broken knowing he has moved on so quickly and easily.
He tells me people fall out of love and get divorced. He's done with talking with me. He thinks I should have moved on by now.
I really don't want to be stuck in this pain anymore. I don't know how to not let him moving on eat me up inside.
I don't want to feel so broken anymore.
Any advice out there?

I am so terribly sorry for the pain you are in. My heart breaks to hear when a sister in Christ is hurting.

Since you asked for advice, I'd agree with others who say to hide yourself in the Lord, and seek His peace,love, and Grace. You are greatly loved by your Father in heaven, and your brothers and sisters in Jesus.

 

[Txroads]

Hi light, there ain't any words to say how sorry I am. I don't know of what's happened or why, but folks have forgotten what marriage is. People don't fall out of love, there's no such thing... OK, I'll stop. You have your daughter though and she's gonna need you as much as you need her. If there's one person, and only one that can ease the stuff we go through its Jesus. He'd that love that we've always needed, what's always been missing. I know it's true, but I'm working on that myself, but I know of its true. Sometimes we gotta turn that love that we still have to a place we know we won't ever have to worry about gettin hurt, Jesus. If you ever need ta talk feel free ta holler at me. Lots of good folks on here that can give ya a good shoulder. God bless darlin...

 

[Sirk]

I think you have a choice. Your brain wants to tell you that there is something wrong with you. I think that you have to fight back against those thoughts that creep in and try to kill steal and destroy. Fight back against them with the truth about who you are.

 

[beachin]

I think you have a choice. Your brain wants to tell you that there is something wrong with you. I think that you have to fight back against those thoughts that creep in and try to kill steal and destroy. Fight back against them with the truth about who you are.

That is great advice Sirk!

Givemelight - I am sorry for the way you are feeling. I did the daily devotionals from divorcecare.org that was mentioned and a lot of them were very helpful. Allow yourself to grieve, but also focus on your daughter and God to get you through each day. He will get you through and you never know how things will end up. I am a totally different person than I was when I was in a similar place to you and its much different for the better. Allow God to use this in your life and to help you grow close to Him which will change your life for the better (and it might not be because your circumstances change, but just because your relationship to Him has changed and grown).

 

[Dino246]

Thank you Dino246. I will look into the daily devotional. The other items on your list I am in the process of doing. I struggle with why people get married, if they think divorce is an option. What is the point of making vows if only to be broken? I understand if there is abuse or cheating. I just don't get why people don't try working on their marriages more.

I agree with you there! I went through that... I wanted to work things out with my ex; she didn't. It's no fun, but God is present with us even through the darkest times. We can pray for our spouse, but we can't fix them. God can fix them, but they have to submit to Him for that to happen. So really the only thing we can change is ourselves; and with God's help, we can survive separation and divorce, and come out stronger in Christ.

 

[proverbs35]

Your husband was able to move on so easily because he didn't take your marriage vows seriously in the first place. Marriage is work (labor). A lot of people aren't willing to put in the work because they are lazy and self-centered. They just want to enjoy the enchantment phase of marriage. When The enchantment / romantic phase of marriage fades and the real work of marriage begins, they want to bail and start a new romantic relationship, so they can experience the enchantment phase again.

The sad truth is that your husband probably started this new relationship or others while you were still together, and you either didn't know it or were in denial about it.

I would definitely suggest joining a local or online Divorce Care Ministry.

 

[santuzza]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. I would just like to add that you should take time to heal. Don't be suckered into "moving on" to a new relationship yet -- take as much time as you want to heal from this serious wound.

The good news is that God does heal our wounds. Take this time to lean on Him, learn from Him, and be healed.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Cheating is a conscious decision. Its not an accident. Don't ever blame yourself for his bad choice. He is the only one to blame. The romantic part of marriage can be rekindled, but he chose to find romance somewhere else where he should'nt. He is foolish to think he will be happy with that other woman. The endless pursuit of happiness and pleasure is pointless like chasing the wind. He is blinded by his selfish desires. He does'nt know what he lost. Just pray for him because he does not know what he is doing and he became weak in handling temptation. Find rest in Jesus during this hard time in your life. God bless.

 

[Lady_Red]

So sorry to read you are going through this. My husband left us 4 weeks ago and it has been hard but every time I get sad and down, I pray and sing worship songs. It just lifts me up. Hard to feel awful when praising God. I also keep reminding myself God's love is enough to fill this huge void in my life. I love my husband dearly, despite what he has put me through but this is the 6th time in our marriage and I don't deserve to be treated like this. He has never been willing and still isn't willing to work on our marriage with me or get help.

So, be in prayer lots lots lots. Sing worship songs to help heal the pain you feel.

 

[HisHolly]

I pray for your strength... You wanting to see if it could have been worked out but he already concluded it couldn't. Counseling would be a waste. Nothing changes a made up mind but the one who made it up.. Chapter over. New you. Learn who you're to be now.. Exciting I'm sure although scary to you now.. May God just wrap you in Him at this time..