Dealing with jealousy as a Christian...

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themusicmiss

Senior Member
Apr 1, 2010
166
1
18
#1
Me and my ex(who I live with) tried to reconcile our relationship for the third and final time and after weeks of pure insecurity, anxiety, stress and just general BAD efforts, we failed and are now trying to be civil until we leave(June 3).

Around the time we "tried again" (this went on for almost three weeks) we both met a girl in the year below. She's sweet, young, innocent and actually started talking to the two of us about some work she needed help with. She kind of came from nowhere and I noticed my ex spent a whole two hours with her on that same day. It didnt bother me as I knew he obviously felt strongly for me...and I was happy she made a friend(she's apparently lonely) but......the more the days went on, she began asking him for help..she supposedly quizzed him on what our relationship was(out of mere curiousity) and the next thing I know, I see her name pop up on his phone every ten minutes. I don't know why, but this made me angry. I gave him a third chance and whilst he was taking me to dinner I'd see
"Hey! Ohmygosh I have so much to tell you, I have so much to do and I got so stressed and it was so bad, honestly I'm feeling so crazy right now. Oh by the way how did that thing you told me about go? Xxxx" (kisses mean ALOT in England by the way haha)

Basically, they are eachother confidantes. And I can't handle this. He told me once a few years back(before we dated) "I always need someone there." I know what's going on here, and I can't stand it. He got me to believe he was serious about giving this another go and I took him back and became codependent ... He also swore that he is NOT into her but last night I saw her name on his phone again, and he even has a cute nickname for her which I can't get out of my head.

Before I fall to pieces, what can I do?
I've prayed about it but when I pray he seems to waltz back into my head and I see all of his good sides. I sometimes think if God is trying to teach me a lesson as this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through...
 
L

LozzLana

Guest
#2
I am married 12 years and recently in the last weeks learnt of my husbands infidelity
 
L

LozzLana

Guest
#3
Don't view it as jealousy. You are protecting your marriage. I shouldn't put a firmer foot down when I witnessed inappropriate text conversations between my husband and a female colleague who was saying she wasn't happy in her marriage and being very overtly with sexual banter with my husband. I did speak up and tell my husband it was inappropriate and nothing good will come from this because this is a 'needy woman' and 12 months later I found out she had a sexual relation whilst at work with my husband.
 
L

LozzLana

Guest
#4
I *should've put a firmer foot down (sorry for the typo!)
 
F

Flickers

Guest
#5
I agree with the person above. I think you two need to sort out what is going on and you need to go to the woman directly and politely tell her that you two are involved. I definitely believe that God sometimes will place these feelings on your heart as a "warning sign" that something isn't right.
 
L

LozzLana

Guest
#6
Very true Flickers. I regret not putting my foot down and taking a stance on protecting what I felt was a threat. I think you can direct that girl who needs help to a more appropriate source of help. You feel uncomfortable and your husband should respect that openly.
 
M

Mitspa

Guest
#7
Me and my ex(who I live with) tried to reconcile our relationship for the third and final time and after weeks of pure insecurity, anxiety, stress and just general BAD efforts, we failed and are now trying to be civil until we leave(June 3).

Around the time we "tried again" (this went on for almost three weeks) we both met a girl in the year below. She's sweet, young, innocent and actually started talking to the two of us about some work she needed help with. She kind of came from nowhere and I noticed my ex spent a whole two hours with her on that same day. It didnt bother me as I knew he obviously felt strongly for me...and I was happy she made a friend(she's apparently lonely) but......the more the days went on, she began asking him for help..she supposedly quizzed him on what our relationship was(out of mere curiousity) and the next thing I know, I see her name pop up on his phone every ten minutes. I don't know why, but this made me angry. I gave him a third chance and whilst he was taking me to dinner I'd see
"Hey! Ohmygosh I have so much to tell you, I have so much to do and I got so stressed and it was so bad, honestly I'm feeling so crazy right now. Oh by the way how did that thing you told me about go? Xxxx" (kisses mean ALOT in England by the way haha)

Basically, they are eachother confidantes. And I can't handle this. He told me once a few years back(before we dated) "I always need someone there." I know what's going on here, and I can't stand it. He got me to believe he was serious about giving this another go and I took him back and became codependent ... He also swore that he is NOT into her but last night I saw her name on his phone again, and he even has a cute nickname for her which I can't get out of my head.

Before I fall to pieces, what can I do?
I've prayed about it but when I pray he seems to waltz back into my head and I see all of his good sides. I sometimes think if God is trying to teach me a lesson as this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through...
Don't mean to be unkind but when a English girl does the xxx thing ..for kisses that means something?
 
L

LozzLana

Guest
#8
Not at all. XXX doesn't mean it's 'R Rated'. I see this in work emails now. Times are changing!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#9
Me and my ex(who I live with) tried to reconcile our relationship for the third and final time and after weeks of pure insecurity, anxiety, stress and just general BAD efforts, we failed and are now trying to be civil until we leave(June 3).

Around the time we "tried again" (this went on for almost three weeks) we both met a girl in the year below. She's sweet, young, innocent and actually started talking to the two of us about some work she needed help with. She kind of came from nowhere and I noticed my ex spent a whole two hours with her on that same day. It didnt bother me as I knew he obviously felt strongly for me...and I was happy she made a friend(she's apparently lonely) but......the more the days went on, she began asking him for help..she supposedly quizzed him on what our relationship was(out of mere curiousity) and the next thing I know, I see her name pop up on his phone every ten minutes. I don't know why, but this made me angry. I gave him a third chance and whilst he was taking me to dinner I'd see
"Hey! Ohmygosh I have so much to tell you, I have so much to do and I got so stressed and it was so bad, honestly I'm feeling so crazy right now. Oh by the way how did that thing you told me about go? Xxxx" (kisses mean ALOT in England by the way haha)

Basically, they are eachother confidantes. And I can't handle this. He told me once a few years back(before we dated) "I always need someone there." I know what's going on here, and I can't stand it. He got me to believe he was serious about giving this another go and I took him back and became codependent ... He also swore that he is NOT into her but last night I saw her name on his phone again, and he even has a cute nickname for her which I can't get out of my head.

Before I fall to pieces, what can I do?
I've prayed about it but when I pray he seems to waltz back into my head and I see all of his good sides. I sometimes think if God is trying to teach me a lesson as this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through...
Congratulation. I remember when you didn't know what to do a few weeks ago because it was over, you were stuck living with him, he scared you, and you had finals coming up. I recommended you move in with a friend under the assumption you were telling the truth it was over. Instead you "reconciled," giving you a place to live a little longer, and now you're upset he's flirting with some new girl?

What were you expecting the consequences of living in sin were?

At least you got what you wanted -- a place to live a little longer.

How are finals going in all this?
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#10
Congratulation. I remember when you didn't know what to do a few weeks ago because it was over, you were stuck living with him, he scared you, and you had finals coming up. I recommended you move in with a friend under the assumption you were telling the truth it was over. Instead you "reconciled," giving you a place to live a little longer, and now you're upset he's flirting with some new girl?

What were you expecting the consequences of living in sin were?

At least you got what you wanted -- a place to live a little longer.

How are finals going in all this?
You're very good at this! You should be a detective.