I am in need of serious advice. I am married to a man who is controlling. I have done a lot to try to curb this and tell him it hurts me. I have posted here a long time ago, but unfortunately I couldn't find my email/username. So, I have a new one.
So, my husband has recently agreed to go to a therapist. But, it’s constant attack from him. He says that he can't WAIT for this therapist to intervene and tell me how wrong I am and how ungrateful I am.....We are married and he wants to control all the finances. I have been reluctant to give him every dime I make, and we are extremely tight on money as we prepare to have more lawyer bills in my custody fight for my son....and it INFURiATES him that I won’t give up all my money.
It is possible that I’m unfair, but I am very nervous because he will use every dime and then some. I have a 10 year old son I share custody on — with an ex who is out for every dime he can get. I just recently agreed to split 600 dollar monthly tuition for our son. (300 for me) He says that since we are so tight on money (HE is losing his job) that he will not be allowing any of our money to go things like sports or uniforms for him... when he’s in a position where he may have to borrow money from his father.
the back story here -- I'm in a custody fight because my husband is now facing felony charges for aggravated assault. He and I were fighting at our house and I wanted to leave the house. I had a purse in my hands and he started yanking it - and pulling it. I told him to stop - that it hurt -- and he didn't. the bag broke and my hand was broken and required surgery. The doctor called police out of doubt over how it happened. After a few months of waiting, they arrested him for a felony. He has now lost his job because of it and my ex took it and ran with it. He asked that he get full custody of our son because of unsafe conditions. So, because of my husband's situation - I am possibly losing my child... My husband says it's all because of my ex and this was all an accident. He did't INTEND to hurt me -- the bag broke and it was an accident. He believes the charges will be dismissed, but the district attorney has told me otherwise - at least for the time being.
In addition, this past week, I was at work in a meeting. He was upset because I wasn’t responding to texts. I was on my laptop and I emailed him and told him I was in a meeting with my direct boss. I asked him if everything was okay. He said “no” “call me now”. I said I was in a meeting and I could not. He said “CALL ME NOW” I made an excuse to my bosses and said I had to use the restroom. I called him to hear the “emergency”. He was calling to tell me that his boss called him in and said he was still going to get paid for 3 more months, but he was not to come back to work. He was done with them.. I told him I was very sorry to hear that, but I had to go back into my meeting. There was nothing NEW here other than he gets more of a PAID vacation than having to work through the end of his term with his employer.
He was very upset with me and said that I “annoy him” and that I “infuriate him” and that I “have a major problem”.
I am extremely volatile and upset. Is there a better way for me to handle him? He says that he sees a lot clearer these days and when I react to anything he says …. like “I see” or “I understand”….that I am a "passive aggressive victim” who likes to cause trouble for him.
Tonight, he told me that he has lost his job and the love and attention of his children (he has 3 (ages 15 to 21) because of me. He says that he has spent so much time with me and my child.... that he let his career and his kids down. I have told him a MILLION times that he shouldn't call in sick to work or avoid his kids to come with me and my son...but he does. And now, he's fired for it and his kids ignore his requests to see him. His daughter won't even respond to MY calls, texts or invitations to see her. He says that's because we don't spend any time with them. I said HOW can I spent time with her when she won't even respond to my invites??
He then lashed out and said so NOW you want to spend the weekends you have your son -- with him and me with my kids? He said "our relationship is so broken and damaged -- how do you expect this to work ever if we do it this way?"
is any of this typical? My parents don’t have any idea about how upset I am…and I really want to get a clear head. I truly agree that I am not perfect. But, I don’t believe I am this horrible person he paints me to be...
So, my husband has recently agreed to go to a therapist. But, it’s constant attack from him. He says that he can't WAIT for this therapist to intervene and tell me how wrong I am and how ungrateful I am.....We are married and he wants to control all the finances. I have been reluctant to give him every dime I make, and we are extremely tight on money as we prepare to have more lawyer bills in my custody fight for my son....and it INFURiATES him that I won’t give up all my money.
It is possible that I’m unfair, but I am very nervous because he will use every dime and then some. I have a 10 year old son I share custody on — with an ex who is out for every dime he can get. I just recently agreed to split 600 dollar monthly tuition for our son. (300 for me) He says that since we are so tight on money (HE is losing his job) that he will not be allowing any of our money to go things like sports or uniforms for him... when he’s in a position where he may have to borrow money from his father.
the back story here -- I'm in a custody fight because my husband is now facing felony charges for aggravated assault. He and I were fighting at our house and I wanted to leave the house. I had a purse in my hands and he started yanking it - and pulling it. I told him to stop - that it hurt -- and he didn't. the bag broke and my hand was broken and required surgery. The doctor called police out of doubt over how it happened. After a few months of waiting, they arrested him for a felony. He has now lost his job because of it and my ex took it and ran with it. He asked that he get full custody of our son because of unsafe conditions. So, because of my husband's situation - I am possibly losing my child... My husband says it's all because of my ex and this was all an accident. He did't INTEND to hurt me -- the bag broke and it was an accident. He believes the charges will be dismissed, but the district attorney has told me otherwise - at least for the time being.
In addition, this past week, I was at work in a meeting. He was upset because I wasn’t responding to texts. I was on my laptop and I emailed him and told him I was in a meeting with my direct boss. I asked him if everything was okay. He said “no” “call me now”. I said I was in a meeting and I could not. He said “CALL ME NOW” I made an excuse to my bosses and said I had to use the restroom. I called him to hear the “emergency”. He was calling to tell me that his boss called him in and said he was still going to get paid for 3 more months, but he was not to come back to work. He was done with them.. I told him I was very sorry to hear that, but I had to go back into my meeting. There was nothing NEW here other than he gets more of a PAID vacation than having to work through the end of his term with his employer.
He was very upset with me and said that I “annoy him” and that I “infuriate him” and that I “have a major problem”.
I am extremely volatile and upset. Is there a better way for me to handle him? He says that he sees a lot clearer these days and when I react to anything he says …. like “I see” or “I understand”….that I am a "passive aggressive victim” who likes to cause trouble for him.
Tonight, he told me that he has lost his job and the love and attention of his children (he has 3 (ages 15 to 21) because of me. He says that he has spent so much time with me and my child.... that he let his career and his kids down. I have told him a MILLION times that he shouldn't call in sick to work or avoid his kids to come with me and my son...but he does. And now, he's fired for it and his kids ignore his requests to see him. His daughter won't even respond to MY calls, texts or invitations to see her. He says that's because we don't spend any time with them. I said HOW can I spent time with her when she won't even respond to my invites??
He then lashed out and said so NOW you want to spend the weekends you have your son -- with him and me with my kids? He said "our relationship is so broken and damaged -- how do you expect this to work ever if we do it this way?"
is any of this typical? My parents don’t have any idea about how upset I am…and I really want to get a clear head. I truly agree that I am not perfect. But, I don’t believe I am this horrible person he paints me to be...
Last edited:
