I NEED YOUR OPINION

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Byhisgrace32

Guest
#1
#1
Im having a problem..... A part of the problem stems from the fact that i have always been the person to council and be there in whatever way i can for everyone i can... However i dnt allow "anyone" to be there for me.... I think people normally think im fine.... When im really not... I've needed someone to reach out to me on numerous occasions but most times i dnt ask maybe because ive had bad experiences in the past requesting someone to lean on in trying times.....yes God helps me through.... But as we all know no man is an island..... My big problem though is i think i really need a close friend...... I do have associates but i see a friend as much more than than.... Is it that i need to let down my guard a bit???...... Do i expect a friend to be too much???
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
41,304
16,297
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Tennessee
#2
There are no shortage of opinions on this site. I believe that you do have to let your guard down a bit and become somewhat vulnerable. That shows a willingness to establish trust. Without trust there is no basis on which to form a relationship. I don't think that is asking too much in a prospective relationship. Welcome to CC.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#3
#3
Byhisgrace32 said:
Im having a problem..... A part of the problem stems from the fact that i have always been the person to council and be there in whatever way i can for everyone i can... However i dnt allow "anyone" to be there for me.... I think people normally think im fine.... When im really not... I've needed someone to reach out to me on numerous occasions but most times i dnt ask maybe because ive had bad experiences in the past requesting someone to lean on in trying times.....yes God helps me through.... But as we all know no man is an island..... My big problem though is i think i really need a close friend...... I do have associates but i see a friend as much more than than.... Is it that i need to let down my guard a bit???...... Do i expect a friend to be too much???
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Be what you want others to be for you. And then when others "be for you" let them in to be that.

You have two choices in life -- seek out people to trust or be all alone. Your choice!
 
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Byhisgrace32

Guest
#4
#4
I understand quite well what you guys are saying an i am in agreement.... Obviously thats y im having a problem... I want to allow people "to be what they are" to me... But the issue,for me, is that is easier said than done.... Its like everytime i try to "be a bit vulnerable" i am disappointed..... That leads me to the point of thinking "is it me".......imim starting to wonder if i am the problem....i wonder do i expect too much of a friend.... Are my expectations of a friend too high... I dnt know..... But thanks for your opinions
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#5
Well, I don't think you're expecting too much, but keep in mind that people don't know that you need help, unless you say something. People are not mind readers. :) If you want people to reach out to you in your time of need, then you need to open your mouth and speak up!! :) The squeaky wheel gets the grease, you know..
 
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MadParrotWoman

Guest
#6
#6
Byhisgrace32 said:
Im having a problem..... A part of the problem stems from the fact that i have always been the person to council and be there in whatever way i can for everyone i can... However i dnt allow "anyone" to be there for me.... I think people normally think im fine.... When im really not... I've needed someone to reach out to me on numerous occasions but most times i dnt ask maybe because ive had bad experiences in the past requesting someone to lean on in trying times.....yes God helps me through.... But as we all know no man is an island..... My big problem though is i think i really need a close friend...... I do have associates but i see a friend as much more than than.... Is it that i need to let down my guard a bit???...... Do i expect a friend to be too much???
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Yes I feel the same way at times too. Sometimes the Counselor is in need of counsel. I agree with the others for it to be forthcoming you need to reach out. There are plenty of folks here willing and able. God bless.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#7
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#7
Byhisgrace32 said:
Im having a problem..... A part of the problem stems from the fact that i have always been the person to council and be there in whatever way i can for everyone i can... However i dnt allow "anyone" to be there for me.... I think people normally think im fine.... When im really not... I've needed someone to reach out to me on numerous occasions but most times i dnt ask maybe because ive had bad experiences in the past requesting someone to lean on in trying times.....yes God helps me through.... But as we all know no man is an island..... My big problem though is i think i really need a close friend...... I do have associates but i see a friend as much more than than.... Is it that i need to let down my guard a bit???...... Do i expect a friend to be too much???
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I can only take a wild guess, based on what you have said. I am not one who relies too much on others, but I do rely heavily on the Lord. Perhaps you need to rely on him more. Do you pray enough?
 
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Byhisgrace32

Guest
#8
#8
Thanks for responding..... Thats the reason i am on this site..... I have reached out to people but like i said im normally disappointed..... Its not that i pretend im ok... Or refused advice..... Maybe ive just been unfortunate to reach out to people who meant me no good.... Like i said thats the reason im here but i just wanted to get some opinion as it relates to my response to people
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#9
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#9
Some times the givers need to learn how to receive also.... When you give and give you get worn out... It's o.k. to let go and trust someone enough to share your needs.... If we don't learn to receive then how will we be able to receive the gift of salvation without trying to work for it.... It's o.k. to reach out as we are all human and can't do it all - all of the time...
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#10
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#10
Good friends are hard to come by.. We live in a world where fewer people want to get involved, especially with someone who's needy or wants to unload burdens; "In the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves" (2 Timothy 3:1-2).

I'd suggest not looking for people (friends) in the immediate sense to be there for you. Friendships develop over time and generally begin with casual interactions. When you spend time in social settings with people you have things in common with, then a closer camaraderie develops. Friendships are just relationships, you can't reveal too much until a close trust is established.

You may also have a strong personality that gives others the impression that your very secure and solid in character. If they don't see any vulnerabilities, they may not think you ever need anyone to lean on? jmo
 
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snazzyangel

Guest
#11
#11
Firstly, I'd like to say I appreciate the difficult situation you are in.
I've been the person scorned by a husband having internet affairs and if what you are saying is accurate then my gut feeling is she is not being honest or faithful. I can understand the need for her own space but there needs to be a healthy balance and if she needs to lie about her facebook messages and friends then there ia nothing healthy about this facebook. She has deleted it but is angry at you and making you feel guilty, in my opinion this is a form of manipulation so you feel guilty for not trusting her. Keep your marriage and your wife up in prayer. I pray for Jesus heals your marriage.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
Byhisgrace32 said:
Im having a problem..... A part of the problem stems from the fact that i have always been the person to council and be there in whatever way i can for everyone i can... However i dnt allow "anyone" to be there for me.... I think people normally think im fine.... When im really not... I've needed someone to reach out to me on numerous occasions but most times i dnt ask maybe because ive had bad experiences in the past requesting someone to lean on in trying times.....yes God helps me through.... But as we all know no man is an island..... My big problem though is i think i really need a close friend...... I do have associates but i see a friend as much more than than.... Is it that i need to let down my guard a bit???...... Do i expect a friend to be too much???
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You train people how to view and treat you. If you portray yourself as Ms Has It All Together, the one with all the answers and a bottomless supply of ability help, while never reaching out to anyone for yourself, then that is what you tell others to think of you.
Perhaps simply showing the side of yourself that has needs and going to others the same way others come to you, this will straighten the imbalance. If the people you're helping aren't that close, then it should be ok to go to them.

It it can be good to have a friend that's close to confide in, but you set yourself up as a counselor people turn to when in need. Someone who has it all together. This can be a turnoff to others when trying to create real connection.
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#13
#13
I can relate. Strong women who counsel and give themselves to others rarely feel like they can be vulnerable. Maybe feeling weak when doing so.
I don't think small circles are bad. Mine is extremely small. When you have those true friends you can depend on hold on to them dearly. And no. Your expectations aren't too high.
 
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Byhisgrace32

Guest
#14
#14
Roses rock.... You make me feel normal.... Lol.... Thats the way i feel.... I understand wat everyone is saying but somehow i feel most of u dnt understand completely my situation... I have a very small circle now... Think i rather it that way
 
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Depleted

Guest
#15
#15
Byhisgrace32 said:
I understand quite well what you guys are saying an i am in agreement.... Obviously thats y im having a problem... I want to allow people "to be what they are" to me... But the issue,for me, is that is easier said than done.... Its like everytime i try to "be a bit vulnerable" i am disappointed..... That leads me to the point of thinking "is it me".......imim starting to wonder if i am the problem....i wonder do i expect too much of a friend.... Are my expectations of a friend too high... I dnt know..... But thanks for your opinions
Click to expand...
If you're more vulnerable and the friend stomps on you, that turns that person into "not a friend." That's not expecting too much. That's simply unacceptable behavior from a friend.
 
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