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B
Well that would be a clue they weren't interested, surely if separation leads to a person running off with someone else it wasn't meant to be. Because no marriage or separation will stop a person from doing that if they are going to do that they will. Sadly it does happen more and more for people are pushing the value of a relationship to the back burner.
I know someone going through this, but they aren't married and have Children and he's a different religion. So that's a big mess, but it sounds to me like you've done what you can. You need to see a counselor on your own to decide what you want to do. You'll feel somewhat better once you make that choice. You don't have to live like this, you deserve better. Will pray for you.
B
I see where your coming from but on the other side of the coin should she go through that being hurt and not being properly loved just for the sake of the kids. It is true sacrifice is apart of a relationship both people need to reach out and try one can't do it all and does sacrifice mean their love, happiness and feeling lonely all the time. as another mentioned the kids will see what's going on between the parents.
Yes I mean if you want to save the marriage I wouldn't advice seperating. I don't know if he is just hurt or feels rejected or if he's serious and it's just because it's too expensive and he wants to go on like that for years. If he wants to go to marriage counselling I'd try that. Otherwise get help and advice yourself.
D
Honestly?
Bupkis!
That's kind of like saying, "I'm only eating lima beans and liver because of the kids." T'ain't a person alive who is going to go through nothing but hassle for someone else's benefit alone past a few months. We are a self-centered lazy lot who take the easiest path as often as possible. And we only take the harder path for a reward. There is no reward in simply being there for the kids. Not like the kids will then buy him the sports car of his dreams at high school graduation!
The truth is he uses those words to inflict the most damage when he's angry with you. It has nothing to do with the kids. It has to do with taking out his anger on the easiest target -- you! And you are an easy target because you bought those words. He found your button -- the thing that hurts you the most and he keeps pushing it exactly because you give the proper emotion he wants when it is pushed. Your reaction is his reward, and it's like Pavlov's dogs salavating when the bell is rung.
If it was just the kids, he could always dump you to the side of the road. If it was just the house, he could dump you and the kids on the side of the road. He can dump you at any moment, IF he wasn't getting something good out of you. And no, that reaction you give isn't what good he gets out of the relationship. That's merely a substitute when he has absolutely no idea what he wants.
He wanted you, or you wouldn't be the wife. He wanted to have kids with you, or he'd have had them with someone else. Call him on his game! Stop letting him push that button and get the same reaction each and every time. Accept that statement for what it is -- an angry man taking it out on you. Not your fault he's angry. He skipped going after what makes him happy. Ask the obvious question -- "So what can you do to be happy then?"
And then don't expect the next words that come out of his mouth to be true. He will go defensive and try finding a new button to push. But it's up to you not to take his button pushing personally. It's up to you to do what you need to do in the marriage. (And are you? Because this was all about blaming too.) And it's up to him to do what he needs to do in the marriage.
This sounds like two people avoiding that responsibility all together. You've already had all the advice you can possibly get. Exactly when are you planning on using it? Because letter-writing is not doing what you need to do in this marriage. It's you, yet again, pushing this off as his problem.
Here's your homework: Love God with your whole heart, mind, and body, and then love others as yourself. That includes him. When you get that down, then maybe you have the right to push it off on him.
(You cannot change another person. Through God working through you, you can change to good.)
Bupkis!
That's kind of like saying, "I'm only eating lima beans and liver because of the kids." T'ain't a person alive who is going to go through nothing but hassle for someone else's benefit alone past a few months. We are a self-centered lazy lot who take the easiest path as often as possible. And we only take the harder path for a reward. There is no reward in simply being there for the kids. Not like the kids will then buy him the sports car of his dreams at high school graduation!
The truth is he uses those words to inflict the most damage when he's angry with you. It has nothing to do with the kids. It has to do with taking out his anger on the easiest target -- you! And you are an easy target because you bought those words. He found your button -- the thing that hurts you the most and he keeps pushing it exactly because you give the proper emotion he wants when it is pushed. Your reaction is his reward, and it's like Pavlov's dogs salavating when the bell is rung.
If it was just the kids, he could always dump you to the side of the road. If it was just the house, he could dump you and the kids on the side of the road. He can dump you at any moment, IF he wasn't getting something good out of you. And no, that reaction you give isn't what good he gets out of the relationship. That's merely a substitute when he has absolutely no idea what he wants.
He wanted you, or you wouldn't be the wife. He wanted to have kids with you, or he'd have had them with someone else. Call him on his game! Stop letting him push that button and get the same reaction each and every time. Accept that statement for what it is -- an angry man taking it out on you. Not your fault he's angry. He skipped going after what makes him happy. Ask the obvious question -- "So what can you do to be happy then?"
And then don't expect the next words that come out of his mouth to be true. He will go defensive and try finding a new button to push. But it's up to you not to take his button pushing personally. It's up to you to do what you need to do in the marriage. (And are you? Because this was all about blaming too.) And it's up to him to do what he needs to do in the marriage.
This sounds like two people avoiding that responsibility all together. You've already had all the advice you can possibly get. Exactly when are you planning on using it? Because letter-writing is not doing what you need to do in this marriage. It's you, yet again, pushing this off as his problem.
Here's your homework: Love God with your whole heart, mind, and body, and then love others as yourself. That includes him. When you get that down, then maybe you have the right to push it off on him.
(You cannot change another person. Through God working through you, you can change to good.)