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Hello everyone.
I have been married for eleven years and together for twelve. During this time things have not been perfect like most relationships. We have gone though the seven year itch and it was rough. We have gone though marriage counseling as a couple. I have seen a counselor for after fighting cancer and the rough in our marriage which was developed though the bout with cancer during that time. My wife has developed a distrust for me over the past few years that no amount of counseling or Christian family intervention counseling that has resolved the matter.
To sum it up because of the distance and lack of trust over the past couple of years. Lately words from her like "looser" and disrespectful gestures are coming from her. She is being disrespectful. The mounting complaining and expectations after I put in a 70 hour work week in for the past two years. I work my butt off to provide. Some how this is not good enough for her. I still put the effort into dating her as we first met and do those things attention to her needs. I even do the majority house duties after. So I am the provider and the house maid. I also fit in two hours of physical exercise and maintain. While she has let her health go to the point where she is diabetic. When we first met she did not have all of the health problems and she was in shape and good health. The diabetes is a product of her not taking care of herself and just letter herself go to the point of her health has been compromised. .......So how does this make me a "looser"? When someone that would actually love to have a guy like me is waiting, I'm 100% sure of it.
Me, friends, and family have spoken with her about her health. Even medical professionals. None of us are successful. I have come to the conclusion that it is out of my hands and she has to need to take care of herself. I am exhausted needless to say. If it involved physical exertion. She automatically rules out the possibility of participation. She works, yes but that's all she believes she needs to do. Then she gets to come home and do nothing. Its like living with a roommate.
I have sought almost every possible avenue to get her help outside of leaving. The old saying goes "you can lead a horse to water. But you can not make it drink the water".
Sex is non existent. I have lost my attraction for her because of the health issue her letting herself go and not self improving her health or her taking into consideration my concern as her husband. Much less how I feel after all of the talks and counseling. I am just expected to at this point. Its disgusting. I am patience and tolerant. However that patience and tolerant can so long. Its been wearing years now. I am not attracted anymore and not in the mood. I know its very selfish of me. I take into consideration my health and how I take care of my physical for the person I am with.
The straw. We just got back from a long road trip to visit more less "her friends". I am cool with them. I don't have a deep relationship with them. However I was thinking we needed to get away. So we go on the trip for a week. During the trip I got called a "looser", I over heard a conversation that ended with "well no one likes him anyway". I enjoyed the trip because it was a mental escape for me working long hours and seeing something new other than miles of corn here in the Midwest. She is Hunky dory with her friends and I am enjoying the views and activities. On the way back home after putting up with the disrespect. She was napping in the passenger seat. I really looked at her. I realized how much my wife had changed, how much cancer can effect your life, how straying can make you loose trust in someone. I felt in that moment and could not find love inside me for her. The woman my wife presented to me years ago has long gone evaporated in to thin air. I was actually thinking "I wish you would actually try". Most of the time its the woman saying this to a guy to "just try"!
She honestly believes that everything is ok and it is not. No matter how much we talk about it or have had professional help. It is not ok to disrespect someone who is giving 150%. And expect that "I am just expected to do".
I know for some of you this may be hard to read. I may be selfish. However Superman needs something to change and a break now and then and something has to give or quit which ever comes first.
Money is not the issue. I took over the finances to pay off bills and we have more money saved than we did when she was in control of the savings. We are able to do more as well. So money is not the issue.
My tolerance is bible paper thin.
Any advice, prayers, experiences would help thank you.
I have been married for eleven years and together for twelve. During this time things have not been perfect like most relationships. We have gone though the seven year itch and it was rough. We have gone though marriage counseling as a couple. I have seen a counselor for after fighting cancer and the rough in our marriage which was developed though the bout with cancer during that time. My wife has developed a distrust for me over the past few years that no amount of counseling or Christian family intervention counseling that has resolved the matter.
To sum it up because of the distance and lack of trust over the past couple of years. Lately words from her like "looser" and disrespectful gestures are coming from her. She is being disrespectful. The mounting complaining and expectations after I put in a 70 hour work week in for the past two years. I work my butt off to provide. Some how this is not good enough for her. I still put the effort into dating her as we first met and do those things attention to her needs. I even do the majority house duties after. So I am the provider and the house maid. I also fit in two hours of physical exercise and maintain. While she has let her health go to the point where she is diabetic. When we first met she did not have all of the health problems and she was in shape and good health. The diabetes is a product of her not taking care of herself and just letter herself go to the point of her health has been compromised. .......So how does this make me a "looser"? When someone that would actually love to have a guy like me is waiting, I'm 100% sure of it.
Me, friends, and family have spoken with her about her health. Even medical professionals. None of us are successful. I have come to the conclusion that it is out of my hands and she has to need to take care of herself. I am exhausted needless to say. If it involved physical exertion. She automatically rules out the possibility of participation. She works, yes but that's all she believes she needs to do. Then she gets to come home and do nothing. Its like living with a roommate.
I have sought almost every possible avenue to get her help outside of leaving. The old saying goes "you can lead a horse to water. But you can not make it drink the water".
Sex is non existent. I have lost my attraction for her because of the health issue her letting herself go and not self improving her health or her taking into consideration my concern as her husband. Much less how I feel after all of the talks and counseling. I am just expected to at this point. Its disgusting. I am patience and tolerant. However that patience and tolerant can so long. Its been wearing years now. I am not attracted anymore and not in the mood. I know its very selfish of me. I take into consideration my health and how I take care of my physical for the person I am with.
The straw. We just got back from a long road trip to visit more less "her friends". I am cool with them. I don't have a deep relationship with them. However I was thinking we needed to get away. So we go on the trip for a week. During the trip I got called a "looser", I over heard a conversation that ended with "well no one likes him anyway". I enjoyed the trip because it was a mental escape for me working long hours and seeing something new other than miles of corn here in the Midwest. She is Hunky dory with her friends and I am enjoying the views and activities. On the way back home after putting up with the disrespect. She was napping in the passenger seat. I really looked at her. I realized how much my wife had changed, how much cancer can effect your life, how straying can make you loose trust in someone. I felt in that moment and could not find love inside me for her. The woman my wife presented to me years ago has long gone evaporated in to thin air. I was actually thinking "I wish you would actually try". Most of the time its the woman saying this to a guy to "just try"!
She honestly believes that everything is ok and it is not. No matter how much we talk about it or have had professional help. It is not ok to disrespect someone who is giving 150%. And expect that "I am just expected to do".
I know for some of you this may be hard to read. I may be selfish. However Superman needs something to change and a break now and then and something has to give or quit which ever comes first.
Money is not the issue. I took over the finances to pay off bills and we have more money saved than we did when she was in control of the savings. We are able to do more as well. So money is not the issue.
My tolerance is bible paper thin.
Any advice, prayers, experiences would help thank you.
So basically, you give her whatever she wants, when she wants it. So if all you have to offer her is spoiling her rotten, than maybe she doesn't want to be spoiled so much anymore. I read alot of pride and arrogance in your comments. And you know what they say about pride.. You say you treat her as if you're trying to interest her. Maybe that's the problem. She's not interested in you or the marriage anymore, could be a possibility.. Like I said before, maybe what you're offering her isn't what she wants or needs anymore..