How to respectfully handle a parent

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Corbinscam

Corbinscam

Senior Member
#1
Jul 17, 2016
560
35
28
#1
I was going to stick this in teens but I'd like opinion from people who either are parents or have more wisdom than I do about how to handle a situation with my mom.

I'm 15 (yeah my profile says 17, I can't change that).
I know exactly how my mom feels about a particular issue. I don't disagree with her feelings but I havent always conducted myself properly either. She has picked up on the fact that I've been dishonest with her about it and now won't let it go.
I know that supposedly confession is good for the soul...but I don't feel like confession would serve any purpose at all other than to upset us both. Is there a respectful way to just ask for personal space and not seem like I'm just being indifferent or rebellious? Or is asking for space just a confession of guilt? I feel like regardless of what I do or say I hurt my case.

Also, if this isn't a good place for this let me know. And thanks for any input you might have.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
I'll contact a mod to change your age to the proper one.. :)
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#3
#3
Ask if she would be willing to give you one time a day (an hour or two) for yourself.
My parents (or guardians nor parents) don't give me much privacy or space but they allowed me one hour a day to have to myself where I can go outside or to my room and I am aloud to just walk or take a nap or read or whatever.
I hope this helps >. <
 
H

HisHolly

Guest
#5
#5
I would say if she doesn't want to yet then learn how to escape in your mind by remembering or meditation on God's words and goodness.. it has helpd to relieve my anxiety about being in a situation I felt I had no control to change..
The best advice is work on being honest. It will be most beneficial.
 
U

Ultimatum77

Guest
#6
#6
Corbinscam said:
I was going to stick this in teens but I'd like opinion from people who either are parents or have more wisdom than I do about how to handle a situation with my mom.

I'm 15 (yeah my profile says 17, I can't change that).
I know exactly how my mom feels about a particular issue. I don't disagree with her feelings but I havent always conducted myself properly either. She has picked up on the fact that I've been dishonest with her about it and now won't let it go.
I know that supposedly confession is good for the soul...but I don't feel like confession would serve any purpose at all other than to upset us both. Is there a respectful way to just ask for personal space and not seem like I'm just being indifferent or rebellious? Or is asking for space just a confession of guilt? I feel like regardless of what I do or say I hurt my case.

Also, if this isn't a good place for this let me know. And thanks for any input you might have.
Click to expand...
It may take a while to "blow over" like a storm....depending on what you did? Sometimes parents are just on auto-repeat if you mess up even small things.....they need to understand that their children are humans too....sometimes you just have to do the right thing confess and if your parents still go on about it for days and months after you confessed you just got to tune it out....Learn your lesson and apply the wisdom but people (including parents) will always remind you of your mistakes rather than your victories (its due to being in a fallen world) and sometimes you just have to tune them out once you've dealt with it and they just like to harp about it still.... :)

Zoning out via music, focusing on your to-do list for that day, or just flat out ignoring it is the best once you've dealt with it and they still want to go on about it... :)

P.S. By ignoring I don't mean being mean to parents or arguing/instigating them....sometimes you just have to let the words fly from their direction and just stay silent.....otherwise you will get a lecture and rekindle the dying flames of your disagreement....remember time is your buddy...the less you enable it the more your disagreement will die down and eventually fade away to the past.
 
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resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#7
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#7
Corbinscam said:
I was going to stick this in teens but I'd like opinion from people who either are parents or have more wisdom than I do about how to handle a situation with my mom.

I'm 15 (yeah my profile says 17, I can't change that).
I know exactly how my mom feels about a particular issue. I don't disagree with her feelings but I havent always conducted myself properly either. She has picked up on the fact that I've been dishonest with her about it and now won't let it go.
I know that supposedly confession is good for the soul...but I don't feel like confession would serve any purpose at all other than to upset us both. Is there a respectful way to just ask for personal space and not seem like I'm just being indifferent or rebellious? Or is asking for space just a confession of guilt? I feel like regardless of what I do or say I hurt my case.

Also, if this isn't a good place for this let me know. And thanks for any input you might have.
Click to expand...
I would tell her what you told us. Talk it out with her. If you are both reasonable, you should be able to find a solution.
 
Corbinscam

Corbinscam

Senior Member
#8
Jul 17, 2016
560
35
28
#8
resurrection33 said:
I would tell her what you told us. Talk it out with her. If you are both reasonable, you should be able to find a solution.
Click to expand...
Its pathetic to admit but we both over react really easy and I end up being a total smart Alec when I shouldn't be :/ I'm actually debating just texting her and letting her know I'm sorry and begging her to let it go...
Your post made me think about it lol. So thanks. Also, go cards
 
M

Miri

Guest
#9
#9
If you want to be taken seriously and want to show you can be trusted to
make adult decisions, then you will have to behave and think responsibly.

Start today, take on your fair share of responsibilities around the house,
maybe if your mum will agree, see if there is a Saturday job you can take on to
earn a bit of money.

Show her you can be responsible and trusted in the type of friendships you form.
If you go to church are there any jobs you can volunteer for.

Show her you are willing to study and do homework etc.

It all may seem boring stuff but one day you will have to grow up and start doing all this
anyway. You might even find you enjoy the responsibility and have satisfaction in making
your own money and helping out others.

I think that most parents would respect children for showing they can be grown up.
The key is actions speak louder than words.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#10
#10
If you can get a part- time job, like Miri suggested, that would also be a way of getting some time away from home :)
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#11
#11
Corbinscam said:
I was going to stick this in teens but I'd like opinion from people who either are parents or have more wisdom than I do about how to handle a situation with my mom.

I'm 15 (yeah my profile says 17, I can't change that).
I know exactly how my mom feels about a particular issue. I don't disagree with her feelings but I havent always conducted myself properly either. She has picked up on the fact that I've been dishonest with her about it and now won't let it go.
I know that supposedly confession is good for the soul...but I don't feel like confession would serve any purpose at all other than to upset us both. Is there a respectful way to just ask for personal space and not seem like I'm just being indifferent or rebellious? Or is asking for space just a confession of guilt? I feel like regardless of what I do or say I hurt my case.

Also, if this isn't a good place for this let me know. And thanks for any input you might have.
Click to expand...
Is another word for dishonest lying? (Just checking on how honest you started this one.)
 
Corbinscam

Corbinscam

Senior Member
#12
Jul 17, 2016
560
35
28
#12
Depleted said:
Is another word for dishonest lying? (Just checking on how honest you started this one.)
Click to expand...
Yeah,...sort of. It was more half truths and just not giving her information than straight out lying. And I know that justifying dishonesty just makes me look guilty but she's made it really difficult to just be honest with her.
 
M

mar09

Senior Member
#13
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
1,259
113
#13
Corbinscam said:
Its pathetic to admit but we both over react really easy and I end up being a total smart Alec when I shouldn't be :/ I'm actually debating just texting her and letting her know I'm sorry and begging her to let it go...
Your post made me think about it lol. So thanks. Also, go cards
Click to expand...
Welcome corbin... imo, sending a short txt msg is alright. Sometimes my son does that, although talking face to face is most needed. Before u talk, if u havent talked, she's be thinking u really are and want to fix whatever was the matter. I hope the talk turns out peaceful and productive however, as sometimes i think son also overreacts when something seems so little to me, or vice versa-- and he's surprised why i react the way i did!
 
W

WarriorForChrist

Guest
#17
#17
Corbinscam said:
I was going to stick this in teens but I'd like opinion from people who either are parents or have more wisdom than I do about how to handle a situation with my mom.

I'm 15 (yeah my profile says 17, I can't change that).
I know exactly how my mom feels about a particular issue. I don't disagree with her feelings but I havent always conducted myself properly either. She has picked up on the fact that I've been dishonest with her about it and now won't let it go.
I know that supposedly confession is good for the soul...but I don't feel like confession would serve any purpose at all other than to upset us both. Is there a respectful way to just ask for personal space and not seem like I'm just being indifferent or rebellious? Or is asking for space just a confession of guilt? I feel like regardless of what I do or say I hurt my case.

Also, if this isn't a good place for this let me know. And thanks for any input you might have.
Click to expand...
Say yes sir and yes ma'am and respect your parents. You have been dishonest with your mother which is one of God's commandments to honor your parents. And if you don't like the law then Jesus says to love and being dishonest with your parents isn't showing them love.
 
Corbinscam

Corbinscam

Senior Member
#18
Jul 17, 2016
560
35
28
#18
WarriorForChrist said:
Say yes sir and yes ma'am and respect your parents. You have been dishonest with your mother which is one of God's commandments to honor your parents. And if you don't like the law then Jesus says to love and being dishonest with your parents isn't showing them love.
Click to expand...
I understand that. And I mean no disrespect at all by this...its a legitimate question and I'm not just arguing. But...I just don't think its fair to demand absolute full disclosure of all matters in your kids life. In some cases I think demanding that is provoking. And I guess this is one of them. I love my mom but I'd rather not discuss absolutely everything with her. I was dishonest and I'll own that. I've done wrong. But I also feel like its unfair for her to ask some things. Am I way off?
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#19
#19
Corbinscam said:
Yeah,...sort of. It was more half truths and just not giving her information than straight out lying. And I know that justifying dishonesty just makes me look guilty but she's made it really difficult to just be honest with her.
Click to expand...
Okay, more of omission than out-and-out lying. Been there.

Here's the thing -- there are "the rules," the reasons, and the emotions/fears.

The rules -- stuff parents set for their kids. Typical ones are curfews, don't talk back, do homework, etc. And then there are the specific rules. Mine was come home after school and watch my little brother until Dad came home, get permission to go to a friend's house for get-together/parties as soon as I knew it was happening, (usually during the week, not five minutes before hand), if I miss the bus, start walking to school, (school was 15 miles away, so I never missed the bus. lol)

The reason. Typically rules have reasons. Curfew was usually about sleeping right to be awake for school, or to be awake with family on weekends. The little brother rule is pretty obvious. Mom was gone, so it was only Dad, me and little brother. I'm 11 years older than little brother, (who became big brother along the way lol), so it's simply reasonable that I watch him. (Good brother, so more of a joy than oppressive, but he had a bag with crayons and paper so he would behave when I had after-school clubs, once we moved to a place where school was only two blocks away.) And walk, if I miss the block, because the only person who could drive me to school was either already at work, (Dad), or being treated for cancer, so too sick to drive. (Mom.)

The emotion/fear. As you have probably noticed, parents are just as emotional as you are, but their biggest worry is you. Even if everything in life goes wrong, their biggest worry is you. That's just what parents do.

My Dad lightened up on curfew, once we talked over what I was doing out later. Once he was sure I wasn't with "some strange guy" getting pregnant, and I proved that's what I wasn't doing, curfew went later. He got to understand I'm not in danger, because I told him the truth -- I feared falling asleep in class because I snore, and so would get caught. Okay, so not the best answer a parent wants from their kid, but isn't there a sense it's the truth? I gave him phone numbers for my friend's house, if I went to her house, so he can always reach me. Sure beats the whole, "I'm going to the library" lie. (If I was going to the library it would be in the daytime, because that was work, not pleasure. Or for those times I lived far away from the school, Dad had to take me to the town's library on Saturdays, so I had to be there when he picked me up.

It's transparency. If I'm honest with Dad daily, he gave me room to do what I didn't want to tell him. (He met my boyfriend quickly and didn't like him, so I spared him when I spent time with the guy. I'd tell him where I was going, but didn't go into the details he didn't want to hear.)

If you understand the emotions and fear, you can negotiate terms, as long as you're being honest every day. And it is negotiating. There's a give and take to setting new terms. Plus, it's not to be done emotionally. You're able to control your emotions or Mommy would be going to school with you. Treat her like you want to be treated.

These are skills and ethics that will work for you throughout life. Also know if you can't get your way, it's not the end of life. Worse comes to worse, do what you want once you live on your own.

A rule for every kid, no matter our age, "This is my house, so I make the rules." Time to start working out what kind of man you will be. I hate to bum you out, but you're already a man.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#20
#20
Lynn's advice is great. If you want your parents to trust you, then be someone they can trust. I can't trust someone who lies to me, and neither can you, so why would you magically expect your mama to be able to trust someone who admits to lying to her? It might take a long while to show her you're trustworthy, but it will happen. Until then, remember you're 15, so she is ultimately responsible for what you do. When you have a job, and a place of your own, you will have all the freedom you can handle. Her house should always be a home to you, but it will always be HER HOUSE, and this means that to live inside it under her roof, you need to live by her rules, no matter if you're 15 or 51. That's just how it goes around here anyways?

Talk to her, and keep trying to talk to her until y'all figure things out. And remember actions speak louder than words....so take action to show her you're an upstanding man worthy of her trust.
Peace!!
 
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