Is it annoying to discuss issues with others?

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C

Camelot

Member
#1
Jun 15, 2016
71
10
8
#1
Might be a silly question but here's the thing I'm not one to discuss my personal battles or matters with people at all. Close friends, relatives hardly even my wife.
I've been really trying to open up more even my boss told me the other day that he likes that I'm opening up a little more concerning work related matters.
Last night I tried doing something I never do and that's actually have heart felt conversation with my father and his wife. My dad left us when we were kids now I've always stayed in contact and have always loved him but I feel some level anger towards him and I noticed it yesterday after talking with them. Trying to share personal things with anyone is sooooo hard for me Idk why but when you seem disinterested its that much harder and my dad is always so disinterested it seems or Idk.
And it reminded me why I'm not an open book. But when I'm not open people think I'm being secretive, or stuck up or too prideful when I just rather deal with it on my own and not worry anyone. Thing is I love being there for my family and friends but I know everyone's not like me lol.
Then there are some individuals who are always so ready and willing to listen and give their input if needed but I'm so afraid I don't know who to trust.
So I don't want to worry people even my friends but I also don't like holding stuff in.
I'm always judging myself when discussing things even like I'm very self conscious. Even as I type this. Lol.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
Annoying, no. Necessary, yes. How do you ever get stuff settled if you clam up and keep it all inside?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#3
The person that I trust the most with my thoughts is my wife. I believe part of your problem is that you are worried too much about what other people might think of you if you were to confide in them. You seem to be off to a good start by the writing of this post. Relax and be yourself.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
I went through the same thing for a long time. And still have bouts of it. But what I learned is all you're doing is making yourself miserable. Dragging out your problems. And creating a mentally and emotionally unhealthy situation for yourself. As well as, to some degree, isolating yourself from people who care.
There is no 100% safe way to share. That's what can be so difficult. People don't like being Vulnerable. But you can continue being unhealthy, isolated, closed off and do it all yourself, while learning very little... And call that 'protection' or you can take a risk and find some people break your trust while others show you why you trust them. And in the process get help and learn more.
The world is not your dad, quit lowering your expectations of everyone down to his level. Be smart, get to know people a bit before trying to open, but don't close off completely.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#5
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#5
You can succeed with some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time.... and those are pretty good odds.
 
B

BurlyCarl

Guest
#6
#6
Thats like saying. Is going to a counselor helpful.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#7
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#7
I know someone who opens up all the time, she's a habitual complainer who goes on and on about her problems. She overwhelms me and its depressing to even see this Rainy Jane coming. I finally told her that she's a whiner and shouldn't talk unless she could say something positive... Haven't heard from her in 2 months now.

Discussing issues or problems is necessary, everyone needs to unload on occasion. But constant commiserating can wear a person down, so know when to put a lid on it... jmo
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#8
#8
I didn't discuss issues with others until I learnt to pray and discuss them with God.

He showed me that talking with others is a matter of trust...not only of the other person but of God.

That God would help give me the words and show me the people who could be trusted.

Sometimes I am wrong and have my heart broken and stomped into the ground, but God helps pick me up and heal me.

You seem pretty open online about your issues.

We have to learn to communicate and sometimes we have these false ideas about ourselves and others.

For example, I have been told I am shy, quiet, too nice to be a good leader. Some part of me still believes it.

People who know me know I am not shy or quiet. I just don't talk about subjects that don't interest me and don't like making up small talk. However I babble alot when put on the spot...and babbling annoys me, so I start annoying myself. I admit to myself, I like seeing things done right and efficiently so will step up and be a leader of needed. Plus I am not as nice as some folks think I am. As one person observed....I am nice when people do what I want.

So any way, annoying myself with babbling.

Point is. Practice talking with God and us. Then you can gone your thoughts and words and talk with your loved ones to resolve issues.

People grow together when they help one another through tough times more than when everything is smooth and happy.

I get upset when my hubby doesn't share what is bothering him. It makes me feel like he doesn't trust me. Especially if he talks to other people about the problem but doesn't mention it to me.

He doesn't like to bring home stress from work or worry me, but knowing someone you love is struggling and not knowing why is hard.

So we don't share all our problems, but if it last more than a day we do mention it and pray about them.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#9
#9
Dan58 said:
I know someone who opens up all the time, she's a habitual complainer who goes on and on about her problems. She overwhelms me and its depressing to even see this Rainy Jane coming. I finally told her that she's a whiner and shouldn't talk unless she could say something positive... Haven't heard from her in 2 months now.

Discussing issues or problems is necessary, everyone needs to unload on occasion. But constant commiserating can wear a person down, so know when to put a lid on it... jmo
Click to expand...
Or you could stop her after the first complaint and pray with her.

Something like.

Dear God, our sister has many burdens. Help her learn to trust you and place them down at your feet. Give her faith that You love her and have it under control. We do not list the many complaints about what is wrong in our lives. Let us instead dwell on the many blessings you have given us. Thank you Lord for this wonderful day. The beauty and fellowship that surrounds us. Thank you for providing the air, the sun, the friends and family. Thank you for feeding and clothing us. Lord thank you for listening to our prayers. Fill out hearts with Your love, joy and peace. Let us be a light in this dark and lost world. Help us speak words of life giving water that refresh and encourage others to see your blessings and love in their life. Jesus let us be more like you and less like the world around us. Let us be joyful. In Jesus Holy name we pray,amen.

That is what I would try with constant complainers.


Lol, prayer is my go to activity.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#10
#10
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12New International Version (NIV)

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#11
#11
Camelot said:
Might be a silly question but here's the thing I'm not one to discuss my personal battles or matters with people at all. Close friends, relatives hardly even my wife.
I've been really trying to open up more even my boss told me the other day that he likes that I'm opening up a little more concerning work related matters.
Last night I tried doing something I never do and that's actually have heart felt conversation with my father and his wife. My dad left us when we were kids now I've always stayed in contact and have always loved him but I feel some level anger towards him and I noticed it yesterday after talking with them. Trying to share personal things with anyone is sooooo hard for me Idk why but when you seem disinterested its that much harder and my dad is always so disinterested it seems or Idk.
And it reminded me why I'm not an open book. But when I'm not open people think I'm being secretive, or stuck up or too prideful when I just rather deal with it on my own and not worry anyone. Thing is I love being there for my family and friends but I know everyone's not like me lol.
Then there are some individuals who are always so ready and willing to listen and give their input if needed but I'm so afraid I don't know who to trust.
So I don't want to worry people even my friends but I also don't like holding stuff in.
I'm always judging myself when discussing things even like I'm very self conscious. Even as I type this. Lol.
Click to expand...
Man, are you describing yourself? Are you sure we didn't somehow get mixed up? Because that is exactly how I feel! It is really scary to open up. My advice? find someone you can trust and talk to them. It's ok not to be an open book with everyone. If you're like me, you probably know how to have a friendly conversation without giving any info about yourself, but that's not healthy to do all the time. Sometimes, just one really good friend is enough.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#12
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#12
Ariel82 said:
Or you could stop her after the first complaint and pray with her.
Click to expand...
She doesn't believe in God, she's a devout Atheist. The mere suggestion of God or prayer just amplifies her complaints. Tough to cheer someone like that up, she's just a Debbie Downer who drowns herself in self-pity 24/7.
 
R

red_love

Guest
#13
#13
No it's not.
As a Christian it's our duty to help our fellow brother/sister, not only by talking but by...
listening!

You're not a good listener if you don't listen...

My opinion on the matter lol.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#14
#14
Dan58 said:
She doesn't believe in God, she's a devout Atheist. The mere suggestion of God or prayer just amplifies her complaints. Tough to cheer someone like that up, she's just a Debbie Downer who drowns herself in self-pity 24/7.
Click to expand...
Well she can choose to leave or hang around but I would still pray for her.

I have a friend the same way. I tell her to take a deep breath and then point out the positive aspects of her life, tell her we can make happy memories or if she wants to wallow in self pity and complaints then she can do that while I pray over her.

Typically she chooses to go shopping.
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#15
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#15
Dan58 said:
I know someone who opens up all the time, she's a habitual complainer who goes on and on about her problems. She overwhelms me and its depressing to even see this Rainy Jane coming. I finally told her that she's a whiner and shouldn't talk unless she could say something positive... Haven't heard from her in 2 months now.

Discussing issues or problems is necessary, everyone needs to unload on occasion. But constant commiserating can wear a person down, so know when to put a lid on it... jmo
Click to expand...
=============================

Dan, for opening up and being so honest with her is showing her that you are probably
the very best friend that she will ever have, 'aside of Christ' - you have shown her who
she is and given her a brand new chance to become a much better person,,,
we pray that she comes back to you in thankfulness and that you can give her more wisdom and understanding.

you have given her an opportunity to not only be a better person, but hopefully a new path that will
enable her to look inside of herself and get a glimpse of who she really is and what she needs to work on...

you are a 'true-friend'...
:)
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#16
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#16
Camelot said:
Might be a silly question but here's the thing I'm not one to discuss my personal battles or matters with people at all. Close friends, relatives hardly even my wife.
I've been really trying to open up more even my boss told me the other day that he likes that I'm opening up a little more concerning work related matters.
Last night I tried doing something I never do and that's actually have heart felt conversation with my father and his wife. My dad left us when we were kids now I've always stayed in contact and have always loved him but I feel some level anger towards him and I noticed it yesterday after talking with them. Trying to share personal things with anyone is sooooo hard for me Idk why but when you seem disinterested its that much harder and my dad is always so disinterested it seems or Idk.
And it reminded me why I'm not an open book. But when I'm not open people think I'm being secretive, or stuck up or too prideful when I just rather deal with it on my own and not worry anyone. Thing is I love being there for my family and friends but I know everyone's not like me lol.
Then there are some individuals who are always so ready and willing to listen and give their input if needed but I'm so afraid I don't know who to trust.
So I don't want to worry people even my friends but I also don't like holding stuff in.
I'm always judging myself when discussing things even like I'm very self conscious. Even as I type this. Lol.
Click to expand...
I'm not sure what you're Dad is doing that make's him seem disinterested , but he might not really be. Some Men mostly older or middle aged have a hard time listening to others talk about their feelings. Many were raised by the boy's don't cry type of Dad's . My Father in law was like that. He was a nice guy just not an emotional person. My Husband is like that too, but he married me and I do share my feelings, so he's actually a little better about opening up. Or maybe he just does so I'll stop talking. :D
 
B

Becky124

Guest
#17
#17
Sometimes its best not to share everything. Today I was not being the Daughter of Jesus, wife, mother, and daughter-in-law. I am also dealing with some health issues. I know my family doesn't need to be dumped on.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#18
#18
Becky if your family loves you as much as you love them,then want you to dump....how would you feel,if your family had a health issue and didn't tell you?
 
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