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If he's watching porn, then he has cheated on you. God says that if any person looks on another with lust in their hearts, they have already committed adultery. And on top of that, he's lying to you and being hurtful. If he's committed adultery by watching porn, then you can believe he's probably committing it with the women he meets on the street. :/ I suggest you get yourself tested for any STD's, and stop having sex with him altogether. The LAST thing you need is to bring another kid into this sham of a marriage.
Have you tried counseling? Is HE willing to try counseling? Or is he content to keep living like this, ruining his wife and kid's lives along with his own? If he doesn't want to change, he won't. And you can't change him, and a counselor can't change him, even GOD can't change him UNLESS he WANTS to change and stop this horrid behavior. If you have tried everything and nothing is working, then do what's best for you and the kids and divorce this guy. You and those kids deserve alot better than what you're getting now. I guarantee God will bring something better into your lives.
As far as hubby goes, if he prefers to stay and do what he's doing, then his life will be miserable, so don't let him drag you and the kids down with him.
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Well, Blue tends to jump the gun. While it's 'possible' that your husband has been with other women, to automatically assume he has, and to proceed forward as if he is already guilty, is nothing but judgment. This is down to each individual. For some it may be that they have not progressed that far, for others it may be something they never do. As always making blanket statements about people leads to nothing good.
Your husband is likely addicted, and therefore needs to be treated as an addict. One of the most common misconceptions wives of porn addicts have (and it makes total sense to feel this way) is that they aren't 'enough' for their husbands. Your husband married you because you Are enough. But he's been mislead by an industry whose entire focus is creating illusions that are more appealing than real life. It's not actually a reflection on you so much as it is that he fell for the illusion and became addicted to it.
Now is this to say you just accept it? I'm not saying that at all. Your husband needs consequences and at this point only you and God have the capacity to enact them. If you have already confronted your husband and it's had no effect, then the next step is to discuss your separating and you, or him, moving out. For some men, the mere mention of this is enough to slap them out of their illusion. For others one of you may have to actually move out and live separately. Sometimes this works quickly, sometimes it takes a while before it sinks in. And, of course, in some cases, nothing works.
Even still, if he is phased by the threat or act of moving out, that's not the end. This IS an addiction after all. He needs to proceed to get counseling for his addiction and take active steps to prove to you that he is working towards Genuine change.
Before you even consider letting him back (or going back) you have to see steps being taken. And if/when you do move back in together he needs to have the understanding that if he falls back into his old ways then the next separation will be permanent.
Now take notice that a slip up is not the same as going back to old ways.
This seems to be the most common and effective approach. Or the approach that reveals the persons heart. It's either this or learning to just accept the situation for what it is. There is no easy, magic answer with someone who is refusing to admit or confront the issue. So you are looking at 6 months, Minimum, separated from your husband, and quite possibly longer. Rushing things will backfire.
As far as the lying and being 'hurtful' those are pretty vague concepts. Is he lying about the porn? Or is he lying about other things as well? If it's just the porn, then it makes sense he's lying. But if it's other areas as well, then that is a different matter entirely.
Same as being 'hurtful'. It's a vague concept that can mean many things. Such as is frequency, severity, reason (not that there is ever a good reason, but knowing why can make a huge difference in understanding what's going on), etc...
Your husband is likely addicted, and therefore needs to be treated as an addict. One of the most common misconceptions wives of porn addicts have (and it makes total sense to feel this way) is that they aren't 'enough' for their husbands. Your husband married you because you Are enough. But he's been mislead by an industry whose entire focus is creating illusions that are more appealing than real life. It's not actually a reflection on you so much as it is that he fell for the illusion and became addicted to it.
Now is this to say you just accept it? I'm not saying that at all. Your husband needs consequences and at this point only you and God have the capacity to enact them. If you have already confronted your husband and it's had no effect, then the next step is to discuss your separating and you, or him, moving out. For some men, the mere mention of this is enough to slap them out of their illusion. For others one of you may have to actually move out and live separately. Sometimes this works quickly, sometimes it takes a while before it sinks in. And, of course, in some cases, nothing works.
Even still, if he is phased by the threat or act of moving out, that's not the end. This IS an addiction after all. He needs to proceed to get counseling for his addiction and take active steps to prove to you that he is working towards Genuine change.
Before you even consider letting him back (or going back) you have to see steps being taken. And if/when you do move back in together he needs to have the understanding that if he falls back into his old ways then the next separation will be permanent.
Now take notice that a slip up is not the same as going back to old ways.
This seems to be the most common and effective approach. Or the approach that reveals the persons heart. It's either this or learning to just accept the situation for what it is. There is no easy, magic answer with someone who is refusing to admit or confront the issue. So you are looking at 6 months, Minimum, separated from your husband, and quite possibly longer. Rushing things will backfire.
As far as the lying and being 'hurtful' those are pretty vague concepts. Is he lying about the porn? Or is he lying about other things as well? If it's just the porn, then it makes sense he's lying. But if it's other areas as well, then that is a different matter entirely.
Same as being 'hurtful'. It's a vague concept that can mean many things. Such as is frequency, severity, reason (not that there is ever a good reason, but knowing why can make a huge difference in understanding what's going on), etc...
Don't give up. The aim of the devil is to separated you people. Rebuke him. Save your husband from this evil spirit that is in him. Pray for him and be steadfast in the LORD. The LORD has said, "I will never fail you nor forsake you."
Don’t Give Up.
GOD wants you to be steadfast in your walk of Faith, because in due season, that is, at the right time, you’ll reap a harvest, if you don’t give up. As a Child of GOD, there’re unique abilities that GOD has placed within you. You might be at a stage in your life where you’re not sure whether you should continue doing the things the LORD has committed to you, due to challenges, persecution, tests and trials. But let me tell you this: maintain your focus. Don’t give up.
The Bible says if you faint in the day of adversity, if you give up, because of the troubles and challenges you’re facing, then your strength is small. But your strength isn’t small, because the LORD HIMSELF is your strength. To give up in the day of trouble means you trusted in yourself. 2Corinthians 3:5 says, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of GOD.”
Trust HIM to see you through; HE is your ability.
Spend time studying and meditating on the Word of GOD my dear Sister, and obey HIS Word.
Remember, GOD is with you.
Emmanuel! Emmanuel! Emmanuel!
Don’t Give Up.
GOD wants you to be steadfast in your walk of Faith, because in due season, that is, at the right time, you’ll reap a harvest, if you don’t give up. As a Child of GOD, there’re unique abilities that GOD has placed within you. You might be at a stage in your life where you’re not sure whether you should continue doing the things the LORD has committed to you, due to challenges, persecution, tests and trials. But let me tell you this: maintain your focus. Don’t give up.
The Bible says if you faint in the day of adversity, if you give up, because of the troubles and challenges you’re facing, then your strength is small. But your strength isn’t small, because the LORD HIMSELF is your strength. To give up in the day of trouble means you trusted in yourself. 2Corinthians 3:5 says, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of GOD.”
Trust HIM to see you through; HE is your ability.
Spend time studying and meditating on the Word of GOD my dear Sister, and obey HIS Word.
Remember, GOD is with you.
Emmanuel! Emmanuel! Emmanuel!
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A
Pray and ask God what you should do. Remember marriage isn't always about YOU but building a relationship with another person and raising your children to be godly individuals.
Often marriage problems come from lack of relationship of one or both spouses with God as well as each other.
I have found the more each person focuses on God and becoming who He wants us to be, the more peaceful marriage is and the more loving both people are.
"Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun set upon your anger. Do not give place to Satan."
Is a good Bible verse to remember and reminds us of the importance of forgiveness and giving things to God at the end of the day.
Often marriage problems come from lack of relationship of one or both spouses with God as well as each other.
I have found the more each person focuses on God and becoming who He wants us to be, the more peaceful marriage is and the more loving both people are.
"Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun set upon your anger. Do not give place to Satan."
Is a good Bible verse to remember and reminds us of the importance of forgiveness and giving things to God at the end of the day.
My heart hurts for you jezka217. I'm going through a divorce right now for similar reasons. My husband is a sex and porn addict, and has been acting out sexually with porn and having cybersex with other women online off and on throughout our whole relationship. The final straw was finding another email account that he had left logged in on my computer where he was soliciting prostitutes. He tells me it was all fantasy but I don't believe him. Before this he pretty much didn't care about having sex with me. We have two small children together.
I'm not saying absolutely divorce him because I know there is more to your story. In my situation, I gave my husband more than one chance to turn his act around and get help and he never took me seriously, and each time he started acting out again it would get worse and worse. We were able to finally talk about our issues, and to make a long story short, I would never be enough for him. He has no interest in reconciling, and three days after I told him I wanted a divorce I found him on dating sites already. Clearly he was already done with me.
Has he had a chance to clean up his act? Has he looked into therapy or 12-step groups like SAA?
I'm not saying absolutely divorce him because I know there is more to your story. In my situation, I gave my husband more than one chance to turn his act around and get help and he never took me seriously, and each time he started acting out again it would get worse and worse. We were able to finally talk about our issues, and to make a long story short, I would never be enough for him. He has no interest in reconciling, and three days after I told him I wanted a divorce I found him on dating sites already. Clearly he was already done with me.
Has he had a chance to clean up his act? Has he looked into therapy or 12-step groups like SAA?
I'm so sorry for you ladies. The destruction of porn is beyond an epidemic in our society. The very FIRST course of action is to pray that your husbands/boyfriends accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. This is obviously the most important thing for ANYONE to do.
Once that happens, and they have the Holy Spirit living in them, HE will reveal and work in them to be free from this horrible, addictive sin. This may be a painful, and long process. But I can assure you they won't be able to permanently give up this sin without the Holy Spirit working in them.
PORN IS NEVER OK!!! There must be no rationalization about it.
Not an excuse, but an explanation in saying that it IS an addiction, and a boy/man can have their brains changed with a SINGLE viewing.
Even though it affects you, please understand that men don't watch it because there is a deficiency with you. You could be THE most beautiful woman God EVER created, and the addiction would still be taking hold.
I'm not going to advise you to stay or leave. Whatever the Lord speaks to you, but I WILL say that I thank God that my wife stayed and supported me during a horrible time that I caused by doing this awful behavior.
Dear Holy Father, please let Your mighty Hand be at work in these women's lives and families. Let the men who are engaging in this sin have NO rest, til they rest in You, and trust You to defeat this and give them peace and freedom in Your Son. In Jesus Name I pray.
Once that happens, and they have the Holy Spirit living in them, HE will reveal and work in them to be free from this horrible, addictive sin. This may be a painful, and long process. But I can assure you they won't be able to permanently give up this sin without the Holy Spirit working in them.
PORN IS NEVER OK!!! There must be no rationalization about it.
Not an excuse, but an explanation in saying that it IS an addiction, and a boy/man can have their brains changed with a SINGLE viewing.
Even though it affects you, please understand that men don't watch it because there is a deficiency with you. You could be THE most beautiful woman God EVER created, and the addiction would still be taking hold.
I'm not going to advise you to stay or leave. Whatever the Lord speaks to you, but I WILL say that I thank God that my wife stayed and supported me during a horrible time that I caused by doing this awful behavior.
Dear Holy Father, please let Your mighty Hand be at work in these women's lives and families. Let the men who are engaging in this sin have NO rest, til they rest in You, and trust You to defeat this and give them peace and freedom in Your Son. In Jesus Name I pray.
Friend please be merciful to him. Remember how much Jesus forgives you. The power of porn is horrible. Christ can break the chains and I am praying that He will. Your husband needs you now more than ever. Stay strong in Christ. Satan is breaking many marriages apart using this. Yet Christ is more powerful. I am personally praying for your family.
Maybe you can open a Bible and show him directly Matthew 5:28? There is nothing like seeing it for yourself that it is actually what God says, and not some human chop suey paraphrase.
Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
I know this may sound a bit harsh, and please understand I am in no way condoning his behavior; I think it is disgraceful and low. I also want to add that i believe that marriage can be a beautiful undertaking, but one of the realities of marriage is that it exposes our weaknesses and almost forces us to become more mature and Christ like.
God, being beyond us and our understanding, may have instituted marriage for multi purposes, one of them being something that is painful and we humans try to avoid like the plague.
People here are praying for you.
Hang in there.
Pray, pray, and then pray some more. You said you wanted to carry cross, right? Most Christians do say that...
God honors your efforts, and will judge accordingly, He sees what is going on.
Love to the best of your ability as the bible defines love.
God bless.
God, being beyond us and our understanding, may have instituted marriage for multi purposes, one of them being something that is painful and we humans try to avoid like the plague.
People here are praying for you.
Hang in there.
Pray, pray, and then pray some more. You said you wanted to carry cross, right? Most Christians do say that...
God honors your efforts, and will judge accordingly, He sees what is going on.
Love to the best of your ability as the bible defines love.
God bless.
By the way, many men who habitually watch poern have deep emotional scars and issues with intimacy.
If he can somehow have his eyes opened to this, and get to the root of the issue, because it is not you, he may come out of this changed in ways you could not imagine.
You'll need a lot of patience, and to be a cheerleader, but at the same time having a healthy dose of cynicism keeping your eyes alert, it can be done though.
If he is worth his salt, he will realize what how you assisted him, loved him, and it should eventually make him appreciate you and honor you and love you the way you deserve to be loved by your husband.
The ball is in his court. You can s make him aware, but if he is serious about it, and does his work is up to him.
His decisions will probably determine more then yours how it all shakes out.
If he can somehow have his eyes opened to this, and get to the root of the issue, because it is not you, he may come out of this changed in ways you could not imagine.
You'll need a lot of patience, and to be a cheerleader, but at the same time having a healthy dose of cynicism keeping your eyes alert, it can be done though.
If he is worth his salt, he will realize what how you assisted him, loved him, and it should eventually make him appreciate you and honor you and love you the way you deserve to be loved by your husband.
The ball is in his court. You can s make him aware, but if he is serious about it, and does his work is up to him.
His decisions will probably determine more then yours how it all shakes out.
If he's watching porn, then he has cheated on you. God says that if any person looks on another with lust in their hearts, they have already committed adultery. And on top of that, he's lying to you and being hurtful. If he's committed adultery by watching porn, then you can believe he's probably committing it with the women he meets on the street. :/ I suggest you get yourself tested for any STD's, and stop having sex with him altogether. The LAST thing you need is to bring another kid into this sham of a marriage.
Have you tried counseling? Is HE willing to try counseling? Or is he content to keep living like this, ruining his wife and kid's lives along with his own? If he doesn't want to change, he won't. And you can't change him, and a counselor can't change him, even GOD can't change him UNLESS he WANTS to change and stop this horrid behavior. If you have tried everything and nothing is working, then do what's best for you and the kids and divorce this guy. You and those kids deserve alot better than what you're getting now. I guarantee God will bring something better into your lives. As far as hubby goes, if he prefers to stay and do what he's doing, then his life will be miserable, so don't let him drag you and the kids down with him.
Have you tried counseling? Is HE willing to try counseling? Or is he content to keep living like this, ruining his wife and kid's lives along with his own? If he doesn't want to change, he won't. And you can't change him, and a counselor can't change him, even GOD can't change him UNLESS he WANTS to change and stop this horrid behavior. If you have tried everything and nothing is working, then do what's best for you and the kids and divorce this guy. You and those kids deserve alot better than what you're getting now. I guarantee God will bring something better into your lives.
As far as hubby goes, if he prefers to stay and do what he's doing, then his life will be miserable, so don't let him drag you and the kids down with him.
Don't you think she already realizes where this may end up?
All the doom and gloom.
I have a suspicion you were never on the team cheerleader squad,
I am serious with these next questions, do you at least sometimes pray before you advise people about these sort of things?
Are you mad at any men, or the institution of marriage itself??
We don't even know how long she has been married, how long her husband has been acting like this, or really almost nothing at all about the complexities of their marriage. A wise man once said every marriage is its own country.
And some of you are suggesting she leave him.
I am sorry, this seems counter to the Christian creed.
And some of you are suggesting she leave him.
I am sorry, this seems counter to the Christian creed.